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Why is “Seamed” stockings considered tznius? In the 40’s and 50’s it was considered very attractive. It actually attracts more attention especially if the seam is not straight.
I called Kleinfeld about the “Kosher” gowns. Those don’t go on sale.
bpt, trying to fit in wherever you are.
Goq, that’s terrible. There is no excuse for that. Even if a father has mixed emotions or does not have a strong bond towards a child they should never show it and they should work on it every single day. It is a parent who chooses to bring children into this world and not the other way around. The parent has the obligation to make a child feel loved and wanted. That must be the worst aveirah ever.
Where do the leave house in white shirt and change in the car fit in?
MiddlePath,
A) He lost the last one and got his last warning
B) Forgot he put it there
C) Was told he will be kicked out if he doesn’t
D) Lost the last one he owned.
I can’t be president. Obviously I am old enough but I don’t have a tendency to lie or fool the public. I also don’t play golf or take so many vacations expecting others to pay for them.
That is not a stupid question at all, it is a very smart question. People need a wake up call and inevitably feel better doing things for others than just doing things or doing things for themselves.
Minyan gal, I know you didn’t realize this, but that is actually not permitted. If you know that you are NOT going to buy from a particular store it is “assur” to waste the time of the sales people, basically using them, when their time could be better spent with a paying customer. In Kleinfeld’s in particular, the consultant’s are paid commission. So if you make an appointment and use that consultant’s time you are taking away from her parnasah.
Halevai!!! But we do not display the ahavas yisroel necessary. We do not have the Yiras Shamayim necessary and we do not do the Teshuva necessary. Moshiach may be ready, willing and able, but WE are not ready to accept him.
Funny story from the mouths of babes…..about a week after shiva I was bubbysitting for my daughter. When I walked in my four year old runs over to me and says “Bobby, my mommy is so sad because her bobby died, we all miss Bobby Munci so much!” then my then 5 year old granddaughter says “Hush silly, thats Bobby’s mommy” so the 4 year old says “Don’t worry Bobby, when Moshiach comes she will be undead!” Where do they get this from?????
I don’t know much about Bachman and therefore don’t know if she is experienced enough for me. But if it came to a vote between Bachman and Obama, I vote against Obama.
Dr. Pepper, excuse me for asking but according to what you are saying you seem to be very sought after and a very hot commodity, why are you having a problem finding a shidduch?
Kallah, you don’t take a chance on your wedding gown. The first thing I would do, depending on your budget, is go to Kleinfeld’s since they do have a Frum department and say which designers they have already worked with to make kosher gowns. You won’t find anything in the $1,000 range, but it will cost you way more to start building up a $1,000 dress anyway. The other suggestion is to go to Jewish bridal stores like Pessy Blum or Bridal Secrets or others who will rent you a magnificent gown and it will be perfection on you. You only get married once (I”YH) make it the most memorable day of your life and don’t do anything you will regret. Try to pick a reasonable budget. And I mean reasonable. $1,000 is not reasonable for a rental gown. And dressmakers charge money as well and it will never look like a gown that was supposed to have a neckline and sleeves.
Rudy. If he ran, I would back him.
Role modeling is the best teaching mechanism. If YOU show a love of yiddishkeit, your children will learn it. If you find it difficult what do you expect.
Furthermore, if you take a look at the school system, only in pre-school do you see that ahavah and fun being displayed. As soon as you hit the regular classes it is all serious again. There is less and less arts and crafts, music, singing, etc. and more, work, work, work. There is less of a mitzvos aseh and more chumras and lo tasseh. In pre-school it is all about what we do. In first grade and up they teach about what we don’t do.
How can you form this whole entire discussion around Leiby and ignore what happened to R’ Abuchazeira? If you are going to talk about emunah and whether it was up to Hashem or a human being then you have to speak about both occurrences when stating your POV and facts.
As far as the AMI article, just as you would look up the facts in the Torah, Gemorah, etc., you need to look up the facts before you speak about it. Hearing an overheated argument is not a good enough source to “bad mouth” the magazine. It was your responsibility to first read the article yourself to see if indeed the author came to the same conclusion that these bochurim were discussing or whether they misjudged or came to their own conclusion.
The second step would have been to call or write both the author and the magazine and see if they could correct the issue at hand. In the event that they refuse or ignore you, then it would be permissible to bring it to the attention of the public. Being motzei shem ra on the author and the magazine does not make you a tzadik even though you think you are right in your opinion of trying to protect the masses.
I did both and I do both. I left my kids with my parents and I not only took my kids on vacation with me but I included my parents as well. Now that I have grandkids, my kids go on vacation with and without the kids, and with and without us.
ILC, Why did you email him and not go into his office to talk to him? Are you afraid of him? Are you an adult or are you a child? You either have to stand up for yourself or take what you get. Either walk in to his office and speak up, or stay home it is your choice. If you choose to go to work when this is NOT settled then YOU are choosing to accept how they are treating you. If YOU want to get paid as an adult then you either walk into his office or call him on the phone and let him know how you feel and tell him where he can find you. You can let him know that you are highly insulted if he called you back to work just to take advantage of you and pay you what he paid you as a kid. If he called you back because he trusted you with the youngest bunk and needed you for the job, then you expect to get paid like any other trusted counselor or teacher.
It is your choice whether to continue working there no matter what or to stand up for yourself and ONLY work there if they treat you equally as someone else with your experience. Only you can decided how you wish to be respected and treated. Allowing someone to treat you poorly only to complain about it is wrong and YOU are the one responsible for allowing that a to happen.
It is the yetzer horah and people giving in to it. It is the feeling of “i’m better than them” rather than we are all yiddin. It has a lot to do with your heritage and how you were raised. I am second generation holocaust survivor and my mother always reminded us “when they came to round up the Jews they didn’t care if you were FFB, BT, Chasidish, Frei, bearded, not bearded, to them a Jew is a Jew is a Jew” unfortunately that is a lesson we have to learn from them. A Jew is a Jew is a Jew and we should never take that for granted. We are one big family and each one counts and each one is precious.
ILC, if you feel that you are being treated unfairly, you should go over to the person and charge and tell them. In addition as an adult you don’t rely on what they should do, or “figure” on what they will do. YOU ask. When they called you to come back it was your responsibility to ask “what are you offering me to come back?” and then you would have the opportunity to say “that is not acceptable and not worth my while. I am not 12 years old any more, and I deserve to get paid like an adult with the experience that I have.”
Did they call you back because of your experience and your ability or did they call you back because they felt they can take advantage of you?
YoYo, what is your point? You took a job you didn’t like and now you are complaining. Didn’t you ask at the interview how much you would get paid? Didn’t you discuss it with your parents and/or friends or figure it out on a calculator? People have the right to make whatever arrangements and agreements they want to, and you have the right to accept or not. What if you loved it and the people were so nice to you and it was the best summer you ever had. Would you feel guilty for getting paid for it? In general people (bosses) look out for their own best interest and that is something you need to know and understand from the get go. When you apply for a job it is your responsibility to ask questions. Ask about pay, ask about days off, ask about your responsibilities. Then decide if you would like it and if it is worth it to you. Once you make your decision, don’t complain about it.
Happiest, Rabbonim and Hatzalo members do not text on Shabbos, They will however answer an emergency call. Kids who are texting are texting to their friends. Kids who are on the computer are on the computer as they are any other day of the week. It is very nice to try to be dan l’kaf z’chus. But on the other hand we have to understand that these kids are hurting inside for some reason and they are turning away from yiddishkeit. They are looking for loopholes to break the rules and ONE aveirah makes it easier to do the next. So when you look for an excuse, loophole, heter to allow them this or explain it away you only make it easier for them to do the next aveirah.
When a girl buys her first “iffy” skirt that exactly cover the knee completely but it is not above the knee. It is really questionable and she allows herself to let it go. If she feels ok in it and wears it then the next time she will buy that type again and maybe even go shorter. She got used to it and the second time will be easier, and the third time she won’t even give it a second thought.
The first time the kids chew treif gum, they are not sure. The second time they still feel a little queasy, the third time they are already sharing it with someone else telling them that gum doesn’t count.
If you catch these kids early enough as they are floundering and testing the waters you can save them from going down that dark journey. If you look at them as lost souls or “bad kids” and give up on them right away, or judge them, or masser on them and cause them all kinds of consequences and predicaments throwing them to the wolves, you are throwing them away like yesterday’s garbage.
The point is that it is wrong to be looking for technicalities and making excuses for why it can be OK. It really is NOT ok. It is NOT Shabbosdik behavior and to try and figure out why it might NOT be assur on Shabbos and therefor might be permitted and they might not be oiver a halacha is just pushing them into more dangerous territories. Well if texting is permitted then the cell phone is general is permitted so I can call my friends on shabbos. And as long as I leave it plugged in it won’t run out of battery so that’s not a problem. And if the computer is not a problem then I can listen to my music through the computer all shabbos, and email, and buy things because I am not exchanging money, my credit card is already on my account, etc., etc, etc. And I get menucha from shopping, etc. Where does it stop?
Cell phones are “private”. Home phones when listed in the white pages are public. If they are NOT listed then they are also “private”. If someone asks you for someone else’s number and it is not a published number say “I am not sure that she wants her number given out, let me have your number and I will pass it on to her”. That is the proper etiquette.
No one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce. Yes, they might think that if this doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce, but they don’t plan on divorcing the person they marry. So the intent is to marry and live happily ever after. No one knows how the marriage will turn out. There are couples going into marriage without a clue as to what marriage is all about. There are couples going into marriage without a clue who their partner is and how they will behave in a marriage. And their are couples going into marriage without a clue who they are and what their responsibilities and obligations are to their partner.
Then again there are couples going into marriage fully armed and prepared for marriage and yet somehow it doesn’t work out. No one can predict the future. Oh and did I mention there are couples from all the above categories who go into marriage and build beautiful lives and families because no matter how they start off they are determined to make their marriage work?
Happiest, anyone dealing with life and death situation or crisis situations such as doctors, hatzola and maybe even Rabbonim who deal with suicide patients carry radios, beepers, cellphones etc. That is why you got the answer you received. Other than that people who look for their own loopholes and give themselves excuses are doing just that. They do NOT have a heter to do what they wish. You asked and you received a proper heter.
I believe that everyone knows what they need to improve on, and now is an excellent time to take a din v’chesbon of one’s own middos and make a conscious effort to make improvements. It is an excellent idea to do something l’iluy nishmos a young innocent neshoma such as Leiby a”h and l’zhecher nishmas a gadol such as R’ Abuchazerah z”tl, who were both taken in such a tragic manner.
It is great to offer ideas and clue people in to how things can be done. But at the end of the day, everyone really, really knows what they personally need improvement in, and that is the first place they should be looking and working on instead of adding something else, IMHO. That would be a greater mitzvah. Both are really great ways to honor these two neshomos.
My daughter’s Kallah teacher told her that it is very important to pay the shadchan before walking down to the Chupah.
Excuse me for asking, but isn’t the battery the electrical source or the “fire”. I am not picking I am seriously asking. And doesn’t that turn on the light in the phone?
GAW, i don’t think you can compare a wrist watch battery which is a perpetual battery to a toy battery or a phone battery which needs to be recharged or turns the item on and off. It is not the same thing.
In addition the battery also controls the light of the phone. The light of the phone is off or dim, only when you press the key does it turn on. The watch always works and it has nothing to do with whether you touch it or not.
Unfortunately WE do know. It is time to address the issue with the fathers.
Well! In my circles it has always been a gift, that is what has been customary. And believe me we give beautiful gifts and no one complained. For our first two shadchanim we bought beautiful silver vases. For the last shadchan I found a beautiful silver tea service that we split with the mechutanim. Again, the shadchan (only one) was very surprised and happy.
All three shadchanim would have felt awkward to receive a cash gift from us. When spouting your facts please be aware that not every situation is exactly as YOU KNOW IT TO BE. Not everything is according to YOUR perspective or your point of view. Other people also know what they are doing and how to handle their own situations. And others are NOT wrong for doing it their way.
The camp is counting on you getting tips. Every counselor knows what they are getting paid for the summer and you take the job so you have what to do. Complaining does not come into the equation. There are many kids who would be happy to have the job you got. You had the choice to take it or NOT. That goes for sleep away or day camp. This is nothing new. This has been going on since camp began. When you take the job you are part of the camp experience. You are too old to be a camper and too young to NOT be doing anything at home the whole summer. So you are still part of the camp experience with a responsibility. You get paid something and your parents don’t have to worry about where you are and what you are doing. You are occupied and hopefully you are having fun. If you aren’t give it up and let someone else on the waiting list take it next year.
If it is about the money, maybe you would be better off being a mother’s helper next summer.
We can all learn from each other and there is no reason to make separations.
Lets start by saying that the phone in and of itself is “mukzta” on Shabbos and should not be touched or moved. It has a battery like any child’s toy that you would not allow a child to use on Shabbos and therefor it is NOT permitted on shabbos. Therefor texting on that phone is not permitted on Shabbos any which way you look at it.
Having said that, lets look at the texting problem. If you HAVE to check your phone and text on Shabbos, you have to look at the bigger picture. YOU are addicted to your phone and to texting!!! Even a chain smoker who is Frum takes his last puff at the last second before Shabbos, does not smoke all of Shabbos and then lights up the first opportunity after Shabbos. Somehow he manages NOT to smoke the entire Shabbos. How does he do that? Any other day of the week he can’t get by more than an hour without a smoke but on Shabbos he can do it.
Think about that. How does he manage NOT to smoke on Shabbos and more so NOT to ruin his Shabbos menucha by thinking about smoking? Is it a matter of priorities? Is it a matter of Kibud Shabbos? Is it a matter of loyalty to Hashem, Torah and mitzvos? Maybe all of the above.
So now the question remains who are you loyal to your phone, your friends or Hashem and his mitzvos? Is this a test? Will you pass or fail? Will you give into your yetzer harah or will you understand that your yetzer horah is trying to make you turn away from Hashem and the Torah. Yes, you can look for excuses and make up loopholes to break the rules. You can do that with texting because you heard from others, or with “gum” or with anything else that you want to jump on the bandwagon with. OR you can stay true to the beliefs you grew up with and even strengthen them when the Yetzer Horah comes knocking at your door. That is your choice and it is choices that you will have to make every day of your life.
BTW if you feel lonely on Shabbos, get into reading books and slip away into the stories. Start communicating more with your family. Invite a friend over for Shabbos. No one has to feel lonely on Shabbos.
I believe that NOT speaking during Davening is a huge big deal. Tefilos to Hashem should be made with the utmost respect and kavonah. Walking into a makom kadosh like a shul should make someone have a shift in thinking and in behavior. There IS a difference between one’s living room and one’s shul and it is very important that we recognize that and show it.
Minyangal, thank you, and I must say that YOU inspire me as well. It is much easier for me to be who I am because I know no other way. It is quite more difficult to make a conscious choice to change and make spiritual improvements in your life. So YOU inspire me to reach greater heights. Thank you.
It is NOT ok. If people do it, they give themselves an excuse to do so. That does NOT mean it is ok.
Firstly Mazal Tov I also saw it on Only Simchas and was waiting for the announcement on the CR.
Secondly, people come and go and rarely do all the people we expect to come, come. For whatever reasons people wind up not coming even though they want to or plan to. A vort is not a wedding and no one plans to stay for very long. If you chosson’s family and friends live 2 hours away don’t expect to many to show up and even if they do, they might come, leave for a while and come back. Since it is not a sit down dinner, and it is spread out over many hours the place will be big enough. You have no clue as to when people will show up, so don’t worry so much about it. It is what it is and it will be fine. It falls on your parents shoulders if it is crowded or if their is a problem no yours. YOUR job is to just relax, enjoy and have a great time.
I never used a professional shadchan so nothing monetary was expected, and we gave a silver gift each time.
I’m not so much the “Ayen Horah” type as the “Al tiftach peh l’sotan” believer. I have seen this over and over again.
adorable, seriously? Actually for most of us it is hard to be bad. That is probably because we know that we are always standing before Hashem. Why do you find it so difficult? Why do you “love” sinning? That is quite an odd statement yet quite telling at the same time.
B”DE, what a shock? The murderer was once his gabai!
Yatzmich, I understand your point but you are missing the point of the OP. Yes, most adults can handle it but it is very important that when you feel yourself slipping or depressing or find that you just CAN’T handle it that you reach out for help. NO one should feel the burdens no matter what they are to the point of giving up or cracking under the pressure.
I am glad to hear that YOU are handling the pressure b”h, not everyone can and not everyone’s pressure is the same even though the situations are similar. Similar yes the same not necessarily. Please keep that in mind before answering negatively,
jmj613, good point. We all have to learn that at the right time and sometimes with certain individuals. But in many cases the more you give to others, Hashem makes sure that you CAN give more to others.
It might be “too much of a good thing” literally. You have been bombarded with him and not have had a chance to get to know him and become enamored with him. Seriously, 6 dates in one week does not allow the psyche to absorb it all nor get used to this other being and become attracted to him. How can one know in one week whether you are attracted to him. Its like discovering a new ice cream flavoring and gorging yourself on it till you are full of it. You know its good and you like it, but your not sure why you were crazy over it when it first came out.
I agree that you should keep going and you will find things to be attracted to. It might not be the whole package, it might turn out to be his amazing smile, or his charm and charisma, or the way he looks at you that really grabs you and throws chills up and down your spine. It may be the way he shows cheesed others that makes him the most beautiful person you know and that’s what attracts you. It is something different for everyone. Look around you and try to figure out how other shidduchim come to be. Sometimes people look so mismatched and one would be hard pressed to figure what one would have seen in the other.
Give yourself a chance to get to know him and you might surprise yourself and see how attracted you might really be to him. If it doesn’t click for you however, then don’t let anyone push you into a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Hatzlocha.
middlepath, you made a very important point. It is very rewarding to “give” and you gain much pleasure to be on the “giving” end. It is also great to receive but, c”v if you were always on the receiving end and not c’v be able to give. So as long as it brings you pleasure to give I know that you will definitely start you marriage off on the right foot. And by the way, this girl is “lucky” to have you. So what did SHE do to deserve you?
MIddlepath, marriage is NOT about taking it is about giving. Both parties need to be aware that if they both give 100% then they both get 100% and never have to worry about it. If you are always concentrating on your partner’s need and not your own then you are both going to to be fulfilled because each of your needs will always be met.
When partners concern themselves with their own needs, and “What about MY needs?” “What about what I want”, that is what they concentrate on the most and forget that their job is to take care of their partner. Everyone is busy waiting for the other person to “GIVE” and are in a holding pattern because all they are concerned about is themselves. This causes a tremendous amount of hurt and frustration. Which leads to huge Shalom Bayis issues. However when you concentrate on giving and how can I satisfy my partners’ needs and how can I fulfill my partner? Then both are always taken care of, respected, and fulfilled.
As far as saying “I’m sorry”, there is nothing wrong with apologizing to keep the peace. However a true apology is one that is sincere and not just a “bandaid”. In other words, if you one has to offer a sincere apology for a real issue or a real hurt one caused another person it would have to be something along the lines of “I am sorry that i …………….and I hurt you. I will be careful not to do it again”. That is a sincere apology.
Adam, you say you are a closed person, so it must have been difficult for you to even open up here, so kudos for that. I am wondering if you ever went to the Yeshiva and told them outright “I paid full tuition when my salary and position allowed it. Now I have I have to admit that I have fallen on hard times and the expense of full tuition is breaking my back and putting a huge strain on my relationship with Hashem. The financial burdens is way too much for me to bear right now”. Please understand that for all the years that YOU and others pay full tuition you are carrying those who can’t. You are paying for your children plus extra for those who can’t afford it. When the tables turn for you, YOU have a right to say “I have paid my fare share plus up till now, at this point I am the one that needs the cushion”. So maybe that is the first place you need to go to ease the pressure. I am sure that when Hashem blesses you with an upswing you will once again do the right thing with “schar limud”.
As far as yiddishkeit and being Frum. Frumkeit has nothing to do with the cost of living. Yes “kosher” costs more but when you have less money you just adjust and learn to live with less. When you have to make adjustments in your life you realize that you didn’t really need as much as you had to begin with and you learn the values of “need” rather than “want”. It is a huge lesson in humility and Hashem has his reasons for teaching that to us.
Mazal and Bracha come from Hashem as does Parnasah. Why Hashem chooses who he gives what to, only he knows. Maybe it is the test of faith, how we accept what he gives us with a panim yafot? Do we accept the hardships with the same “thank you” as we accept the good times knowing that it all comes from Hashem with a reason? It is very difficult to do that I know, but then again WE are NOT in charge. Hashem is, and we get tested in many ways.
Adam, B”H you are only going through a monetary test and not a health issue. There are many wealthy individuals that Hashem tests with terrible health problems that their money can’t fix. If you, your wife and children are healthy b”h, and as you say are good kids that didn’t give you tzoris, hang in there, you will get through this rough monetary patch. Have faith and bitachon. Now is the time to strengthen your bitachon and NOT lose it. Turn more to Hashem and NOT away from him. Look to Hashem and let him know that you realize that it is a nisayon, a test and that you intend on passing it with flying colors.
Chein, that is a low blow. He never said anything about a wife and extravagant spending. Why would you say such a terrible thing? Why would you want to cook up a shalom bayis issue? Shame on you.
I was also going to suggest that you read “The Garden of Peace” and you will gain an attitude adjustment. Usually women turn into “nags” because they are NOT respected and listened to the first 10 times. If they are respected and listened to they don’t turn into “nags”. The more a “wife” is respected and acknowledged the more she respects and acknowledges.
Women burn out because of fatigue and hormonal changes and if there is not positive input via love and attention then we sizzle and burn more easily. The more positive energy put into the relationship from a loving, caring husband, the less likely the wife will burn out, nag, get moody, depress, etc. Men and women are different and it is up to YOU OP to realize that and learn to appreciate the differences. Isn’t it interesting that your friends are complaining about the same things? That’s because YOU are all the same. YOU are all males, and your wives are all female.
Cucumber, the point is the op could have just said “a worker”.
Goq, not judging just thought is saw a post from you then saw it with another name, and was just checking to see if it was me with a senior moment or you were playing tricks on me.