aries2756

Just writing the letter is more than enough in most cases to relieve the anger and frustration. Once the letter is written and you reread it, you realize that you already feel better and there is no reason to mail it.

shlishi, obviously you can choose to hear what you want, believe what you want to and understand what you want to. The police commissioner and DA combined chose not to say that Aron chopped up the boy’s whole body. They only made reference to the boy’s feet. They know how to say the things they want people to hear and know at that time and they know how to hide certain things so the public should not know. More information was just released to the press from Aron’s written statement at the arraignment. No one knew that he didn’t eat kosher until that time either. There are still a lot more things that was not released yet.

I choose to wait till the whole truth comes out in court which I hope and pray the family will not attend or have any knowledge of. I am sure that you didn’t know about his best friend until we found out about him today when the interview was released today. I am sure there will be more information that is released after the cops interview him more and as more people come forward that knew him whether that is in person or on the internet.

But since you are so sure that the commissioner and the DA disclosed absolutely everything that you need to know and the case is closed in your mind, I have no problem with that. YOU are entitled to believe whatever you choose to believe. I don’t gain or lose anything by you believing what you want. I don’t gain or lose anything finding out the truth about this case other than opening the eyes of the Olam who choose to still be blind to this topic and keep shoving their heads, deeper and deeper into the sand like you are doing. Even the possibility of this happening to this poor child is out of the question with you. How does that help the situation? If you understand that this was a possibility then you would understand how to protect your children, the simple ABC’s. A – always tell mommy everything. Never keep secrets from mommy. B- Be aware. Even people that you recognize and don’t seem like strangers can be dangerous. Don’t go anywhere with anyone unless Mommy or Tatty told you beforehand that an arrangement was made for you to go with them. C- call out. If someone approaches you, grabs you, touches you inappropriate, speaks to you inappropriately, or shows parts of themselves to you CALL OUT and draw attention to yourself. Scream if someone tries to grab you “this is NOT my MOMMMY, Tatty, brother or whomever they are pretending to be. Scream, yell and run away even if it is a Rebbe who is trying to take you in a room alone with him it is against the rules.

Furthermore every classroom should have windows in the doors that you can look into. Never allow a teacher to cover those windows up.

msseeker, BTW, whether you want to recognize it or not MO are also “frummies”. Furthermore YW is NOT YOUR turf, it is public turf for ALL jews. YOU don’t own it or run it. If the MODS do not want certain people here or want to exclude someone it is up to them and not you.

jmj613, we have had this discussion on other threads so I was trying to stay out of it. You probably have already guessed what my opinion is, but here it is.

It is hypocritical of anyone who calls themselves Chareidi to come on the internet and then spout anything about right and wrong. Just the fact that they are here is against everything their Rabbonim speak about. They are blogging and having discussions with mixed company besides being on the internet. No matter what heterim they give themselves, no matter what filters they put on their computers, bottom line is their leaders say it is “Assur” to be here so that is the first thing I have to say.

Next. If you see something you don’t like there are nice ways and “not nice” ways of saying things. Msseeker did NOT discuss “her?” displeasure in a nice manner. When I go to a wedding and see that the Olam is a bit out of control it makes me sad not angry. I don’t judge others I feel bad for them that they don’t understand the beauty of tznius and behaving in a true tzniusdik manner especially in public. They are missing out and don’t understand what I do understand. That is a chaval. If I am at a Frum wedding and I see some of the young kids (the kallah and chosson’s friends) start dancing together in front of the Kallah or on the girls side I go over quietly and tell them “I am sorry to break this up but this is NOT appropriate here. If they say “it is OK with the Kallah” I say “it is the parents who are making and paying for this event and it is NOT OK with them. Let us not cause embarrassment for them in front of their friends and family or make things uncomfortable for them as the hosts of this Simcha, can’t we all just have a good time without breaking the rules, please?” And they just smile and agree and go back to their own places. All they really want to do is have a good time and not ruin anyone else’s good time.

So you see there are ways to handle any situation in a nice and polite manner. As far as this website is concerned. It has a standard that it keeps to and WE are NOT the ones that judge what that standard should be. This is NOT a chareidi website. Obviously that would be ridiculous since chareidim are NOT supposed to be on the internet to begin with. Yeshivish people, according to their Rebbeim are also NOT supposed to be here, so to pronounce this a chareidi/yeshivish site and MO people don’t belong here with their ideas and opinions is totally ludicrous. This is a Jewish website for Orthodox Jews controlled and moderated by Frum Jews who work carefully and closely to keep it clean and kosher. They don’t allow Rabbi bashing and they try to keep us from bashing each other as well.

So my opinion is we should keep offering each other positive support in the ways that we need and are looking for. We should stop judging others and try to be more welcoming and show more ahavas yisroel. We should stop thinking that we are each smarter than the next as we share our knowledge and experience. We should acknowledge others for their knowledge and experience and understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings. However, we should be careful how we present them as to NOT hurt others.

You are so naive. They also stated that they found the feet in the freezer. They did not state that they found any other body parts in the home, nor did they state that Aron told them how he dismember the body piece by piece. They can say whatever they want to the public, they are NOT under oath in their interviews as they will be when they testify in court. In addition they did NOT say that they were “unequivocally certain “they said “at this time there is no evidence to prove” that is two very different ways of giving over a message. However, at any time in the future evidence, such as a confession, or dna evidence on the boy’s clothing can prove otherwise.

In order to change a negative you replace it with a positive. So in order to stop a bad habit you replace it with a good habit. If you are trying to change the music you listen to, find another type of music to listen to. You might have to wean yourself off slowly. So instead of going from secular rock n roll music to Jewish hartzik music right away, you might find some hip-hop music that you like and then find some hip-hop jewish music and then ease into regular popular jewish artists that have a good beat or a good message like Soul Farm or that type. That would probably work better than replacing secular music immediately with Avrohom Fried.

I am sure that you didn’t switch from Jewish Music to secular music over night and you probably won’t be able to switch back over night. It will probably be a work in progress. So start working and give yourself credit for every cd you listen to and every cd you give up. There are a lot of Jewish music you can listen to and buy on Itunes. You would be surprised how many groups there are and how entertaining they are.

For future reference is it normal, as we saw on the “too fast” forum, that boys have a tendency to wear their heart on their sleeve when they “feel it” and girls are much slower to react and to trust their feelings. It just takes girls longer to be sure and to feel safe, even about their own feelings. So sometimes, maybe most times, it is better to hold back and try to keep pace with your date and not run too far ahead of them. Yes the boy should state his feelings first because girls need to hear it first and need to feel safe before they will allow their feelings to be known, but you need to bee somewhere in the same vicinity so you don’t scare off your potential mate.

That might be because the boys actually have more dates and more girls to compare to so that when they do find the “right” one they zoom in on it and feel it faster. Or when a guy is dating for tachlis he doesn’t want to waste time or waste the opportunity when he finds what he is looking for. Or maybe because they feel more safe and secure in the dating process to begin with. Whatever the reason, it is important to stay tuned in, and that is why it is helpful to keep the shadchan in the middle so that you get feedback from the other party whether they are not comfortable telling you directly because they don’t want to rock the boat.

Don’t be concerned. It is time to move on. If she thinks about you in the future that will be a sign that it was a mistake for her to let you go and it will be up to her to try and make contact with you and see if there is a chance for the two of you again. So that is her issue and not yours. Your issue is to move ahead and remember that you deserve as good as you thought this young woman was and better.

Yaela, that is very, very sad and must have ripped your family to shreds. Every child needs two parents to count on. Every child needs a Mommy and a Daddy. It is extremely sad to not have that in your childhood and your adolescent years when you need them the most. Children need strong role models in their lives. Mothers need their husbands to partner with. It is very difficult to be a single mother whether you are in a marriage or divorced raising children on your own. I am glad that you had a support system to at least understand what was happening and how to handle it. Most kids and families don’t get that. You can’t help an addict. They have a choice to get help or feed their addiction and no one can make that choice for them. The only thing a family member can do is encourage them to get help while at the same time tell them “I love you and that is why I will not stand by and watch you kill yourself. That is not fair to me”. You have to respect yourself too.

The best anyone can do is say “I will support your sobriety but I will NOT support your addiction”.

As far as your food addiction is concerned you might also want to see a therapist and a doctor who can help you with that. It probably has something to do with the need to be loved and turning to food for comfort. A good endocrinologist can help you out by first doing a complete work up to see how your body is functioning and then recommend the proper foods and diet plan, and then a therapist can help you through your issues.

Yaela, maybe I can help you understand it from a purely aesthetic perspective. Maybe the reason that sheitels look so natural and beautiful is to encourage women to cover their hair and not hesitate to do the mitzvah. Even when I first got married 36 years ago, my sheital macher was doing her best to make my sheitel look as natural and as much as my own hair as possible. This was to make me feel comfortable wearing a sheitel and not feel awkward at work. Every year the sheitels look and feel more and more natural and every year more and more young women are choosing to cover their hair. Just as you said, your mother didn’t, her mother didn’t but your sister does, and you do partially and are thinking more about it. With such beautiful and comfortable options available it makes the choice more palatable.

Yaela, when I was a young bride, going to the mikvah was so awkward and uncomfortable. Well we have come a long way baby. Today mikvahs are like spas, clean and gorgeous catering to the needs of the women. They try to make the mitzvah as welcoming and comfortable as possible. The point is understanding that the mitzvos women have to do are not so easy for all women and women should feel proud and happy to do them.

If you put a shmate on your head that makes you feel uncomfortable why would you choose to cover your hair? Yes it is the rule and yes it makes your husband happy. But if you are not happy doing it, how will that play out in your shalom bayis? But if you can do the mitzvah happily and proudly with a beautiful sheitel and feel good about yourself, feel comfortable in it then eventually you will be doing it for yourself and not just to make your husband happy. How much more will your husband be happy, proud, respect, appreciate and admire you for you performing the mitzvah for yourself?

Peacemaker, if you know that someone is bullying your child in that house what is the reasoning behind letting your child go there? Please explain why you would let your child go play next door knowing that a child in that house will try and probably succeed to hit your child? If you know that your child will most likely or even might possibly get hurt next door how is that not negligence allowing your child to play there?

Whether YOU believe it is negligence or not, the attorney representing the insurance company WILL without a doubt claim negligence on the part of BSD.

Writing is good, because you are venting your feelings, or it might be better NOT to think about what is triggering your anxiety and just try to relax and concentrate on your breathing. In that case put on some relaxing music (yes even in the 9 days, it will only be for a little while), sit in a comfortable chair near a fan or a/c vent so there is air in your face and just listen to the music and concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in deeply through your nose, count to 5 and then breathe out slowly again through you nose. Don’t talk, don’t try reading, just listen to the music and to your breathing until you are totally relaxed and in control.

Mom22, excuse me for saying so but what you got to get is a support system and a sense that YOU deserve better. In addition, you should understand that you deserve to be respected by your spouse but firstly by YOU. If YOU don’t respect yourself HE never will and will never take you seriously. AND more importantly if YOU don’t respect yourself how will your kids learn how to respect themselves. What kind of role models are either one of your for them?

What do you owe yourself at this point? What do you owe your kids and what do you owe an abusive husband? Think about that for a while and then understand that only you have the power to make the right choices for yourself and your kids. It won’t be easy, but there are people out there who can help you. They are just a phone call away. SHOLOM TASK FORCE deals with this all the time. YOU are NOT alone. YOU are NOT the only one that has found herself in such a situation and thankfully there is a rum Jewish organization that is here to help.

mikehall, unfortunately I can back you up 100% and some were already outed to the public

Middlepath, maybe this is a test. Maybe Hashem wants to see you stand up for yourself and has done his part and is waiting for you to do yours. Maybe it is time you were nice to yourself for a change. Why NOT say how you feel? Why not say “I understand that you need time and space to think this through but while you are taking that time and space, please hear me out and give some thought to what I am saying and what I am feeling”. Then tell her “when I met you I couldn’t understand why someone like you would want to date someone like me. We are from such different backgrounds. I didn’t even know if I deserved someone like you. But then my friends made me realize that Hashem is in charge of shidduchim and if he put us together he must have a very high opinion of me and obviously feels that i deserve better than what life has handed me till now. I began to realize that I am deserving and I am entitled to have a wonderful wife and a wonderful life. I am entitled to have an amazing and successful future and I believe I can have that with you. It hurts me and saddens me that we are not on the same page. I can’t make you feel about me like I feel about you, but I hope you can give me a chance.”

MP, that is the best you can do. If you don’t speak up for yourself then you will allow every good opportunity to pass you by. You can’t force things to happen but you can give it your best shot.

Nothing he does right now is as important as what he did. Nothing he says is believable. He had said earlier that he did not take Leiby into the wedding but left him in the parking lot. All of a sudden his story changed? He was seen on the wedding video without Leiby, so did he just let him walk around the hall by himself? Would he have taken that chance? But no one at the wedding saw him there. At this point in time someone would have come forward and said they saw him at the wedding.

He said he was surprised that Leiby was still in his apartment when he got home from work so he made him a sandwich, etc. But now we know that he drugged him and tied him up. Let him keep talking so he digs his own grave.

We already had this discussion. NO COMMENT

Do young kids carry on Shabbos? Do they open and shut lights? Do they play ball on Shabbos? Do you stop a 2 or 3 year old from riding his bike in the backyard on Shabbos? They learn as they grow and as their brains are able to understand more and more. It is up to you as the parent to realize what they are capable of learning and retaining at their level. You can only account for how you raise your children and you can’t account for how someone else does it.

Do you force your 2 year old daughter to wear tights in 90 degrees? At what age do you think that is appropriate? At what age would you stop taking your son in the pool with you? At 4, at 5, at 6? Well there are different opinions among different people. Some would say that they would NOT trust their husband to watch their 4 year old in the pool. Others would say he is in cheider with a Rebbe and does not belong in the pool with women. To me a 4 year old is a baby and belongs with his mommy.

If they are very young and it is so hot that you can’t cool them off any other way, don’t make a fuss over it. Don’t tell them to do it and don’t make a big deal about it. If they get wet they get wet and don’t say anything. Just do an “oops your all wet, you need to dry off, or we have to go home straight away and take off your wet clothes”. Don’t reprimand them, and don’t ask if they had fun. Just leave it alone. If however you have a nice cool place you can take them where they can cool off and be comfortable, then that is a better option. If they are school age then it is not a good idea to confuse them. They will remember that they went into the sprinkler on Shabbos and you didn’t stop them and that is not good chinuch. Again, you have to make sure your kids know the rules. “I know that you would love to go into the sprinklers today, but it is Shabbos and we are not allowed to. Would you like to stay in the park anyway and not use the sprinklers or should we go someplace else? Maybe we can come back here tomorrow, but we can’t use it today” You can also remind them “If we do stay and you use the sprinklers, we will have to go straight home and I will be forced to give you a consequence for not listening to Mommy”.

A23, Obama is so good to and for Israel that he never even went there all these years that he has been in office. Which US president behaved that way. And yes he is responsible for the unrest in the region. He pandered to the Arabs and did NOT support a strong and stable Israel as the center of the Middle East. He allowed a free for all.

And now all the men know the secrets of make-up. Can we move on to maybe………

What are the truisms of Flat tires, running out of gas, or changing the oil?

When my father had is first heart attack Erev Rosh Hashanah in 1985, my mom called me from BP. I lived in Flatbush. She told me he was coughing and couldn’t stop. I told her he was having a heart attack and she should hang up and call Hatzolah. She dialed and afterwards told me that it took them as much time as it took her to get from the bedroom to the front door to let them in. They immediately stabilized him and took him to Maimonides. By the time I got to the house from Flatbush he was already in the hospital.

There is no other response team like Hatzolah. There are no other volunteers like Hatzolah members. Yasher Koach to all of you. I can’t even thank you enough for the services you have provided my family over the years. We thank Hashem for you over and over again.

Obviously if you are taking them to the park on Shabbos, you are taking them in play clothes, so if they get wet, they get wet. If it is so hot that they need to get wet what’s the problem, they will dry off. If you need to dry them off don’t take them to that park or let them know that if they go into the sprinklers you will take them home immediately and not go back next Shabbos.

The problem is not the park or the sprinklers the problem is your relationship with the kids and them not listening to you. You have to say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say NO then it has to mean NO and the kids have to believe that. If it means that YOU are stuck in the house with them as a consequence then you will all have to be stuck in the house until they get it.

You are right. I don’t think it is so much that we can’t disagree, it is the way we disagree, almost with venom. Of course we can choose to disagree and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But the way some of us go about it and rake each other over the coals for disagreeing is truly very harsh and wrong.

No, in this day and age it is too risky and a recipe for disaster. It also promotes a lack of derech eretz because no one teaches the child how to approach adults in a tzniusdik or respectful manner. In addition it promotes children to approach strangers and not be afraid of them. So that should be a situation that should be stopped.

I voted for McCain and am very sorry he lost. Firstly the mideast issue is a no brainer. The entire mideast is in turmoil and that is because Obama gave the Arabs carte blanche and turned his back on Israel. As far as the presidency and the country is concerned, I voted for McCain because of his experience and did not trust Obama because of his lack of experience which he has proven hand over fist. He would rather go on vacation or play golf as if he is in the White house just to play house than take his responsibilities seriously. The only thing he takes seriously is raising funds for his campaign and he really believes he can charm the pants off of anyone. He really believes he can fool the public twice.

As far as Obama versus Bush is concerned every single thing that Obama denounced Bush for in his campaign and every single thing he promised to change was a lie. Once in office he negated every single thing he said and backed Bush’s decisions up. He lied, lied, lied. So what does that mean? He wound up supporting all of Bush’s policies. He was a fake and a phony from day one and the only reason he won the election was because he read his speeches that others wrote for him with panache and charisma.