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PBA, I don’t disagree with you, but people see the truth from different perspectives.
PBA, whether you want to admit it or accept it the NY Times is very careful and they do publish retractions because their legal department is very busy to make sure they don’t get sued. That is a very well known fact. They do NOT have to put any retraction in any place of prominence. That a is NOT the law. And that picture and story came from the Associated Press. It was NOT made up by the Times.
Goq, I agree with you, you are right on the mark.
In answer to the question, how many men have gone off to work leaving their wife to take the car to the mechanic?
Here is a better answer. That is a very foolish question. Of course women do yard work, and of course they take care of the cars. And of course your chauvinism is showing and is quite offensive. What is the purpose of your question? Its Elul remember? Are you trying to kick up some dust?
HK, the decision to donate an organ, or have surgery in general is a very personal decision and certainly not one to be made according to the opinions of strangers. One would need to discuss such a major decisions first and foremost with your family and posek.
To be able to save a life is truly an amazing gift and mitzvah but that is NOT the ikkur in this decision. The ikkur in this decision is to have the support of your Rav and your family. Without complete and total support, it is not something to consider. On the other hand if you have the courage to do it, and you have the support necessary, you do you homework on the subject, and you work with a reputable organization, all I can say is I tip my hat to you.
Oomis once again I have to say we think alike.
Syag, i am pretty sure that there is a difference between liver and kidney because the liver is a regenerating organ so if you remove part of the liver it will regenerate and grow back. It is NOT an easy procedure but it is not a procedure that leaves you without an organ.
On another note, I am truly sorry for your loss, you certainly did everything humanly possible on her behalf. I would also like to wish your husband an Refuah Sheleima. May you have only simcha and nachas in the future.
Peacemaker, peanut butter is protein, so yes it is actually good for you as long as you eat it in moderation. So a spoon or two is a good thing, the whole jar….not so much.
YehudahTzvi, no one likes to be sick. It is a challenge for sure. While the medications work on one part of the body to heal, they usually effect another part and sometimes for a very good reason. Sleep is a very necessary part of healing. When you sleep or even rest your body regenerates itself and allows the healing to take place. But usually we only appreciate sleep when we are well, and get “restless” from rest and “tired” from sleep when we are ill. It is “boring” to be in the same room, in the same bed, with the same scenery, and the same complaints, with the same problems, and not having much change from day to day.
YT, I don’t know anyone who likes being on the receiving end, of course everyone wants to be on the giving end; being the ones who DO the Bikur Cholim, making the m’sheberachs, running the errands, etc. But accepting this challenge may just be your tafkid for Chodesh Elul. It might just be your job to allow others to get an extra mitzvah or two. So whether it is us here on the CR saying an extra kapital or two, or keeping you company, or your friends stopping by or calling you on the phone; or your wife coming in to check on you, or your mom, or kids or whomever are doing a little extra this month they are getting extra mitzvos through you. OK? So don’t say that Chodesh Elul is a waste. Every mitzvah counts whether it is yours or initiated through you.
In addition, you have a job to do and that is healing. You are no good to anyone else if you can’t help yourself. (that is what my Rav told me after one of my surgeries) So that is also your tafkid this month and that is to work on getting yourself healthy. If you fight the recovery process then you will never be up to par and ready to take over your tafkidim whether that is being an oveid Hashem in general, husband, father, son, earner, learner, friend, neighbor or whatever hats your head supports. So just as you reach for chizuk right here on the CR, accept the comfort your pillow offers, accept the relief the medication offers, accept the chizuk your tehillim offers even though it is NOT sitting on the top of your head or wound around your arm. There are things you can do, and there are things you just cant do for a little while. Just please, please keep in mind this is a temporary situation and for that you have to be grateful and show hakoros hatov. Unfortunately there are many, many people who are on the downturn and have to accept this as their judgment. But B”H for you this is a temporary condition that with time and tefillah will disappear.
If you could just try your best to clear your space from negativity and surround yourself with positive energy and simchas hachayim. Listen to the sounds of the Shofar. You can call your local Chabad and they will arrange for someone to come to the house to Blow Shofar. You can also call your local Yeshiva and they might be able to arrange that as well. You might even be able to arrange to have a minyan daven in the house for maariv at night so at least you can hear others daven. That might bring you some menuchas hanefesh. You would be surprised what you can do if you just think positively.
I apologize if I offended you in any way. I am truly trying to think of ways to lift your spirits and put you in the appropriate matzav for healing. Refuah Sheleimah.
I am very surprised that you would say that here. If I am coming to this particular “trusted” website then I am also trusting the editor to check out the information before he posts a story. As far as the NY Times is concerned. Although I don’t approve of the anti-Semitic positions they take, I do believe they are not a “rag” paper and they do check out their stories and sources.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions as we have seen here in the CR, and as we all have learned people will choose to believe what they choose to believe whether it is true or not. People will also choose to ignore the truth no matter how much proof is given and how many people confirm the story. That is human nature, there is nothing we can do about it. We can only work on ourselves, our own middos, and our own way of thinking and improving.
Let’s just take the President for example. No matter how much or how many of us said “he just doesn’t have the experience necessary to run this country”. Jews refused to listen and believe the truth; he had so much Jewish support even though the other ticket were firm and documented supporters of Israel. When he first became president it was obvious to those who did NOT support him that he favored the Palestinians and he was bad news for Americans when he apologized to the Arabs for “former administrations’ treatment” of the Palestinian people. When he made his first trip to the Middle East by visiting Egypt. Israel is the US best Ally, but he went to Egypt. But that didn’t change people’s minds. It took his announcement to go back to the 1967 borders and the Palestinians asking the UN to be recognized for people to change their opinions of the President.
conjunctivitis is very common and most children and adults wind up moving it from one eye to the other by rubbing their infected eye and then rubbing the other one. It is also called Pink Eye.
My mom had cataracts surgically removed from both eyes.
Husbands do what they and their wives decide is fair and appropriate according to what works for them as a couple. There are no set rules. The more a husband helps the more he is appreciated and respected. This of course fills the wife with more love that she continues to shower on her husband. It keeps the cycle running. Especially if the wife is working and the husband’s hours allow him to be home at more convenient times.
If anyone thinks that any job is beneath them, they should remember who their partner is and how much they are supposed to love and respect them. So each are required to do for the other and there are no jobs that are beneath one or the other. What ever works best for the couple is what should be done, and no one should comment or butt into their arrangement.
photogenic, the yetzer horah will rear his ugly head any opportunity he has. That said, understand that the dating process is supposed to a private issue. The less you discuss with others and the more you keep it “private” the more successful it is. Friend don’t mean to mix you up and steer you in the wrong direction, they just can’t help themselves. They mean well, but somehow they don’t realize that what they say even as a joke has way too much intention and meaning to the person who is dating. For instance, when my daughter was dating her married friends kept telling her how head over heels in-love they were with their husbands and my daughter just didn’t feel that way. She was so confused she was almost ready to give up on her date/boyfriend/shidduch. She claimed he was way ahead of her. When she finally spoke to me, her stupid mother, I finally had the opportunity to tell her that speaking to her friends was throwing her off. Of course they were so in love with their “husbands” that they hear bells and whistles go off and see fireworks. Thats because they are already married and they have established a relationship where they each do for the other. But when they got engaged they were just very much in “like” with their chosson. That was a big difference that they forgot to mention to you. Love comes after the engagement when you spend more time together and you start doing things for each other; and you get to see each other’s generosity, compassion, warmth, kindness, etc. All the amazing qualities that you use for each other’s benefit. That’s how love grows.
On the other hand, her single friends didn’t realize that subconsciously they were also ruining her relationships with the “nerd” factor and other comments they were making because they were subconsciously sabotaging her because they wanted to get married first.
Once she realized that she should have chosen one person to speak to like her mother, or a teacher who was married and could listen without being in “la la land” but truly listen to what she was thinking and feeling, she allowed herself to relax and get in touch with her own thoughts and emotions. Those that had nothing to do with what her friends told her to feel and expect. It didn’t take her long to realize that she was actually on the same page as what turned out to be her husband.
May you have a complete and speedy refuel b’karov. If you do not experience any relief very soon, please consider calling one of the referral agencies and getting another opinion on your case. You should not have to suffer like this.
So obviously the answer is everyone should do what works for them.
sam, still in all good conscience, not every site is appropriate for kids. This is not a KIDS site it is an adult site even though it is a Kosher site. It is a site for adult conversation. You don’t stick an 8th grader into a 12th grade shiur for a very good reason. That is because the content and level of discussion is not appropriate and not geared for the understanding of an 8th grader.
That applies to this as well. As I said earlier. For a 13 year old to walk into a discussion here, it is as if she walked into a discussion her parents were having with their friends. If you consider that appropriate then it would be understandable that you would consider her being here appropriate as well.
There are discussions here that are just not appropriate for elementary school, or even high school age kids. There are discussions here about relationships, divorce, mothers-in-law, abuse, etc. There was very sensitive discussions here about Leiby. I would NOT allow any 13 year old child I knew to be here. That is all I am saying. No matter what you think the Yeshiva World was not created for kids. The intention was NOT that kids join. It was intended for adults and I doubt that the Editor even imagined that kids would want to join.
I had no problem trusting my two older boys and did not need to meet their dates until they believed there was some substance and some reason for us to meet her. They did NOT get engaged immediately after we met them and we did not push them to. We allowed them to handle things themselves with our support.
My youngest who is currently dating and in a whole different category as the others, is currently dating someone that I knew before he did. This young very adorable young lady is always out our home. They don’t spend as much time at her home as they do here so we got to know her better than the other side.
I think it is up to the kids the way they want to handle it and no one should put pressure on them because they feel enough pressure to begin with. What is the point of parents going to meet the girl and tagging along? Especially on the first date when there may not be a second date? It makes the boy look immature and too dependent on his mommy and daddy. If the kids are old enough and mature enough to get married, give them some space and be patient.
Sam, what age do you consider a “young adult”? In my book a 13 year old is still a kid.
It is never a good idea to try to master this on our own when you are going through a serious crises. Take your child to see a nutritionist who can lay out a diet plan for you and offer you a variety of meal plans as well as snacks and supplements that are age appropriate for your son. She can get him involved in his own meal planning and give him ideas on how to properly choose snacks, fruits and veggies. She will show the both of you proper portion sizes so he will recognize the minimums of what is appropriate to eat. She will also give you websites and resources to manage on your own.
I know where you can get these tee’s made for a nice Jewish price.
lovinghalacha, if this issue does not concern you but is in fact about someone else I would tell you to stay out of it. That is number one. It is most complicated and by getting involved you can make it worse.
If it is about you, then I would speak to your parents and maybe consider seeing a therapist that can help you sort out your emotions. It wouldd be a good idea that you stop speaking to your relative for a while, that you take a break. If when the two of you are of marriageable age and you still feel the way you do, then at that time you should weigh the pros and cons of pursuing the relationship.
“Right or wrong, it is an unfortunate situation. Something needs to be done to correct it in the way it will cause least possible damage. Would you advise talking to that particular family member before or after discussing it with parents?”
You are not making yourself very clear here. Is it NOT about you then?
bpt, no absolutely, you are a menthe and that is something that is NOT taught. So I think that would be very appreciated by many. I nominate you for the job.
Right now there is a discussion about divorce. Is that appropriate for an 8 year old? Lets be real for a change.
ronrsr, when I graduated high school I typed 95 words a minute on a manual typewriter. According to most that was pretty fast at that time. My speed picked up when I started working because the office had electric typewriters. I don’t look at the keyboard when I type. i used to look at the hardcopy, notes or paper and now I look at the screen. Of course it is much easier to type on a computer since there is spell check and no one cares about making mistakes because of it.
As far as I know before you stain, you are supposed to sand down the entire area.
She had a hetter not to toivel therefor she is NOT a moredes.
If you have ever learned to type, trying to use another keyboard would be foolish. Anyone who knows how to type can type without even looking at the keyboard. To try a different layout would be totally inefficient. The qwerty keyboard is laid out according to the dexterity of the hand and fingers and according to which keys are used most often. Vowels are the easiest to reach and the consonants that are used the most are also within the easiest and most comfortable reach.
Who should decide what is “relevant” and what isn’t? Many times things that may seem irrelevant are accessed as an example to how to apply halacha to different complicated situations. How would anyone even know that there is a reference made somewhere in the past if everything in the past would be considered irrelevant and was NOT studied? Everything in the Torah is relevant but we may not know why or when it will have to be used.
Every wedding I have been to, EVERY, men are always at the smorg. ALL KINDS OF MEN. When I am at a kiddush and there are fancy cakes that my hubby likes and I know they aren’t on his side, I am make him a plate and send it to him.
I don’t believe that you can take Halacha just pshat. You have to go to a RAV and look at the details of each case. Nothing is as simple as pshat. I am currently involved in a case where the man’s Rav said the woman did not have to toivel because HE was abusive. Then the same Rav referred to her as a moredes. Obviously her RAV did NOT agree, nor did the other Rabbonim asked.
I am purposely using these terms because of those who should not be exposed this discussion and I am reminding all to be careful what you disclose on this thread.
Unless her son is “Big Gedaliah Goombah” she should also worry about her son as every parent has a right to worry about their son hurting their backs and every parent should be shocked at such a chutzpadik comment.
bpt, but YOU can wear designer ties and you are such a good role model.
OK, here is my two cents. We can’t control what others do. Do I think it is ok for a 13 year old to be on the internet unsupervised or to be on YWN? NO, not unless her parents are also members and they have been on at least for a month and know exactly what type of discussions go on here. Once they have the full picture of all the discussions and they still allow her to do so, then WE should no longer be concerned that there are children of all ages on this website.
If Gumball is here on her own without her parents’ knowledge, and without her parents’ consent then NO absolutely I don’t believe she should be here. Also if her parents are just assuming that there is nothing here that is inappropriate for a 13 year old, then I again, I don’t believe such a young person should be here. But as I said, we can’t control what others do and it is out of our control.
No matter how mature someone believes they are it is all relative to that person and NOT to the reality of one’s real development according to the physical and mental development of that age process. For instance a current 21 year old who thought s/he was so very mature at the age of 13, 15, 17 or even 19 realizes at the age of 21 that they were so very NOT as mature or brilliant as they thought they were at those stages of their lives even though they might have been more mature than their peers. And of course at 21 they realize that the choices that they made at those stages were NOT the best choices they could or should have made. So it is all relative to the perspective you are observing from.
So again Gumball, I would say to you, if you choose to be on YWN, I would suggest to you, strongly suggest to you that you use this very special website wisely. We are all here to support you when you need us for advice or to listen to understand when you have an issue. Open the posts you need to and we will be here for you. But as far as reading other threads and joining adult discussions I would suggest that you think of that in terms of walking into a conversation your parents are having with their friends. Would you or your parents feel that would be appropriate? Would you just walk over to a group of adults and join their conversation or listen in? That in essence is what you are doing here.
Cindy, every tzedakah comes with its own story. What are you most sincere about? Everyone chooses what is most important to them, and who they think needs the help the most. There are many organizations that beg for support and when you do your research, you find that they have tons of money from grants and government and wealthy supporters. And then there are others that really need every penny and give every penny to those in need.
So what is going on around you? Are there people out of work? Can you help with someone’s tuition? Can you help put food on someone’s table by donating to Tomchei Shabbos in your neighborhood? What about a Hachnosos Kallah fund? Is there a sick child in your area, or a particular tzedaka drive specific to your community? Charity begins at home, so take a good look what is happening right in front of you and that might help you decide
Shprintze, great vort!
Does red snapper have high necks or was that bronzini?
But what are you really looking to catch fish or bees?
Let her know that you care about her and set up a time once a week for her phone call.
People will do as they were taught to do, unless they were taught what to do was NOT palatable and they couldn’t wait to get away from it and make their own decisions. Yiddishkeit has to be taught in a way that one learns to appreciate it and love it. If we view ourselves as royalty we present ourselves as royalty. If we view ourselves as prisoners we will present ourselves as prisoners. It depends not only of what was taught but how it was taught. The best thing on can learn in general is to try to lead by example in a honorable and pleasant way.
lovinghalacha, you didn’t mention if the two of you are of marriageable age. If you are then you should come clean with your parents and see if the feelings are real enough and strong enough to make it to the Chupah.
If you are NOT marriageable age, you should come clean to your parents and allow them to guide you away from each other before you do things you will regret. You are both going to get hurt and you want to minimize the hurt to the degree that you wont be hurting each other. Look for comfort from those that can offer it to you without causing any harm to either of you. Don’t confide in friends who can wind up being yentas and spread your story and also add salt and pepper to your story and fuel to the fire. Be as quiet and discreet as possible. Keep “damage control” in mind. I am sorry that is my advise I know it hurts to think about breaking up, but unless you come from a very modern society where dating at a young age is not frowned upon I don’t see any way around it.
There is one other way I can think of. If you come from a very Frum background and you come clean with both sets of parents and they agree to this shidduch, then you will have to abide by the rules they set up for you. Basically that would have to be something on the guidelines of not being alone with one and other and always having a chaperone along with you so you abide by the rules of negiah and Yichud.
cindy, I get it.
rikki, why risk it if you have other options? If you find yourself in the situation then work it out to the best outcome possible. But the general consensus is don’t start platonic relationships because if you are not old enough or mature enough to get married you are not old enough or mature enough to handle it.
BH, your hysterical and I can actually see that happening.
Golden Mom, you have the right attitude. That “friend” could have told you that they have another engagement and still remain friends. They did not have to snub you, or throw that in your face. If she didn’t know the hechsher she should have called up her own RAV to verify if it was good or not, or just plain trusted you. That was very rude of her.
You do realize of course that anyone OOT, meaning out of NY, refers to the rest of us as OOTers. NY is not necessarily THE town. Chicago is a big town and so is California, not to mention parts of Canada and of course Israel. So OOT depends on what perspective you are looking at.
Maybe the question should be NY’ers vs NON-NY’ers.
GM, hatzlocha rabba! May this year bring you happiness and joy and bring your zivig to you b’simcha and brachia.
There are many, many goyim who would never take a TV into their homes either. Do you know what they call it? An “idiot box”. When my kids finished pre-school I eased them off the tv which they weren’t watching much anyway. I bought them books, tapes, skates and bikes. I did NOT want them sitting in front of a TV or ever watching unsupervised. I told them the TV was my toy, and Mommy bought all these toys for you. They were very busy with their jewish tapes and books and the learned to read very early. They were also very active and athletic.
So you can start when they are young and say, TV is a waste of time and energy. It is much healthier to be outdoors and be active. It is much smarter to choose a book to read than stick your nose into an “dummy box”. You should learn to think for yourself and not let what a “dummy box” tells you influence you, because all they want to do is convince you to buy whatever they are trying to sell.
Try not to get into the religious issues so they don’t have THAT discussion. If they are taught that “WE choose NOT to do that”, which is absolutely true, then that is a choice. They choose to do that, and that is their choice. Who knows, maybe your kids will influence them by shlepping them outside and talking about the books they read and so on. Maybe they will see the foolishness in all the programs they think are so important.
My friend’s quote:
Grandchildren is the reward for not “taking your kids out” in the first place. I changed the original word to “take out” because it was NOT appropriate. You are all smart enough to get the meaning.
Gumball, in all seriousness I hope you realize that not ALL these threads are appropriate for you to be reading and following. I am wondering if you understand how to “filter” and skip those and just be here to start you own threads so we can answer your own questions. I highly doubt that other parents would allow kids your age to be here. I am a bit concerned about it as are others who have mentioned it many times.
Feif Un, excellent advice to Kapusta, I would just add, ask for references, if thats OK with Tums. Oh well even if its not.
If you are the young lady in question needing some support, there is no reason why you can’t call her but please do ask if she minds that you call her. When is the best time for her to take such phone calls, and if at any time you are getting annoying she should let you know. You should also realize that just because she was involved in the camp and might be smart, if you have real issues she might have to refer you to other people and you should NOT be insulted if she makes that suggestion. There is only so much one person can do if they don’t have the knowledge and experience to guide you in certain situation.s
On the other hand, if you are that married woman, lets flip that and let the young girl know that you appreciate her feeling your support and set a time frame when she can call you. Put that in your appointment book or schedule so you can give her a bit of your time. Let her know before hand that you will try to give her whatever support you are capable of, but you might have to refer her to others and she shouldn’t be insulted in any way if that happens, because you would be trying to help her build a support system that will help her with her issues rather than just vent about them.