aries2756

A child is megayer when they are adopted, and as they are raised Jewish and learn and practice Torah and Mitzvos and grow up as Jews they just have to reaffirm that they wish to be Yiddin at their Bas Mitzva / Bar Mitzva respectively. That is when the child gets the choice. If they choose to be Jewish they remain Jewish, if at the time when they take on the mitzvos and chovos on their own shoulders and their parents are basically “patur”, they choose NOT to be Jewish and be responsible for Torah and mitzvos, then that is their choice and they do not continue to be Yiddin.

TC, it doesn’t take much to “father” a family. The reason men can go out to work and do it well is because they don’t have to worry about the children knowing that their “mommies” are taking care of them.

As for education and working until you are married and until you have children or when your kids are back in school, that is NOT what we are talking about. Go for it. This discussion is about those women who say it is not “intellectually stimulating” to stay home and raise a family. To me that is garbage.

The truth always comes out!

yungerman1, the women who are so much more educated than we were when we were young, should KNOW BETTER than to give their children less than what they deserve!!! They should KNOW that their obligation is to the welfare of their children before their own. If they need more stimulation, they can do something from home while raising their children or supervising the appropriate help from home.

As I said, there is a difference when someone HAS to go to work and someone who just WANTS to go to work. Society has made it “cool” for mothers to do so, but as a Frum woman, mother and grandmother who had to go to work after my last child was born. There is a huge difference in the kids that you raise on your own and it is NOT fair to them.

My father a”h was a baker. He always told us that he made the round challahs for the Yomim Noraim because it symbolizes the cycle of life and it is a Zchus that it should continue and not come to an end. It has nothing to do with mass production. Why do we NOT make round challah’s for shavuot?

Maybe when Obama is removed from “office” and the presidency is cleansed and healed with new leadership, then after the Teshuva process Hashem will help us install a “chaver” of E”Y and no longer head our fine country with Soneh Yisroel and we can also come together as Yidden and support each other in the coming year.

When you think about what is best, one really needs to consider the children first and then what is best for the parents. Parents make the decision to bring the children into the world and not the other way around. If you choose to do so, you are OBLIGATED to those precious beings first and foremost. If that is NOT stimulation enough then let Hashem give those precious neshomas to someone who can appreciate them better. They are not born to be taken for granted. I know, I co-parented many teens who felt utterly neglected for various selfish reasons. It was a very tough job helping them build relationships with their parents.

It just shows how brainwashed our girls are and how far removed they are from the true torah values once taught in Frum Jewish High Schools. Many, many moons ago our High Schools taught young women how to Kasher a Chicken. That is unheard of in today’s schools, utterly ridiculous. But girls in our schools also went on to be doctors and lawyers. But the basis for the Frum Jewish home was emphasized which it no longer is. Today’s emphasis is on careers.

The other huge issue is that young woman in today’s schools are NOT taught that having babies are a gift and one that should NOT be taken lightly. There is nothing as stimulating and intellectual as documenting the nuances of a child. That is not intelligent enough for you, read books, take on-line courses while your baby sleeps. That is so much better than handing her over to a babysitter. If you need to work, then do so, but to foolishly say that you need more stimulation than a baby? Shame on you, go volunteer your time to fertility clinic where hundreds and thousands of couple come in for treatment because they would be more than happy to stay home and raise a baby and be stimulated by every coo, smile and turn. Ask any special ed teacher who does early intervention how little stimulation their students have gotten in their very vulnerable years. Why are they working on colors, shapes, and groups with these 4 and 5 year olds. Isn’t that something mothers normally do with their babies? There is a huge differene in children who’s mothers were home with them verses those children whose mothers were not and care was left to spanish housekeepers or play groups. Mothers who feel their intellectual stimulation is more important than that of their baby’s should take a good hard look in the mirror and remember what motherhood is all about.

Sorry if I offended anyone, I have a very strong opinion on this.

2qwerty, bingo!

no one knows what goes on behind cosec doors.

Kiruv is NOT for everyone and people should know what they are doing before getting started. Unfortunately some people push too hard and make things too difficult to keep up with. The best thing you can do for your friend is hook her up with great kiruv programs that can “turn her on” to Yiddishkeit since she already has the interest.

Something you might tell her in the meantime is how people often try to connect with nature so they shut their electronics and go into the woods just to connect with Hashem and his natural habitat and they aren’t even Jewish. They go out camping in the woods for a week at a time. How do you think they do that? They actually talk to each other, relax, sleep, eat fresh food, take long walks, read books. Hey, we do that on Shabbos too!

What about people who can’t afford cell phones, tv’s or even to pay for electricity? What do they do? Isn’t it nice to take a break from all these technologies and go back to human connections? What do other people your age do? Bikur Cholim? Visit friends? Go to shul? Read books? Take walks? Talk to family?

It is important to keep young people who are making these changes engaged in interesting and enjoyable Shabbos projects. Hatzlocha.

KInd is a relative term. There might be something that we feel is no big deal but to the recipient of the gesture it might seem or feel like the kindest thing ever.

I’m right here smartcookie!

DenimGirl, it is quite unfortunate and I have heard this from so many, and I have actually been involved in such cases. In one case I was trying to get a student admitted to a different high school and unfortunately they “heard” things from both what was then the current HS and the former elementary school. I was in middle of sheva brooches for my son at the time, but I sat down and wrote one of the heads a 3 page email about Loshon hora and how it was a killer, and what nerve it was for any administration to listen to l”H while at the same time “teaching” their students neither to speak it or listen to it. I explained to them that they should judge the student on their own impressions of her, and of their own judgments and not l”h that is making the child sick and want to leave the other school. The very next morning that Rabbi was on her doorstep ringing her bell and welcoming her to the school. He said that with them she has a clean slate and will create her own history starting with that day. Today she is b”h married to a very nice Frum young man.

DG, please don’t despair, people in power let their power get to their heads. They will each have to give their din v’chesbon when they meet their maker after 120. Please don’t keep score or harbor a grudge, Hashem will take car of them and give them what they deserve. She has done enough damage please don’t let her control the rest of your life. Hashem is i charge of shidduchim and not her. Not everyone believes these people and will believe your references more. They also realize that kids change as they mature, so even if they believe a tenth of what she said, they will just ignore it.

If your friends believed her then they are not worthy of being your friends. If your family believed her then shame on them. Please don’t allow her to make you lose faith in Hashem or turn away from who you really are inside or retaliate against yiddishkeit. It will only cause her to say “you see I was right all along”. Too many kids have gone OTD because of yentas like her and ill mannered and uninformed know-it-alls. I know all too well from my clients and the kids I worked with. Great kids with huge problems. I have never, ever met a bad kid, just kids with bad problems.

So if you can just choose to forget her, if you can’t choose at this time to forgive her and just give it over to Hashem’s hands maybe you can move past her. If you try to understand we can’t control other people nor change them, we can only control ourselves and work on changing ourselves for the better and by doing so, other people might change their opinions or reactions to us, then that might help you put her in your past. In other words, if friends or family mention what she said you can choose to say “I don’t know how or where she got that impression of me, but I have no control over what she thinks or what she says to others. Hashem will deal with that in his own way. L”H ruins people’s lives and her comments about me are hitting me hard, I am not going to play her game and retaliate with harsh words against her. I will leave it in Hashem’s hands”. What kind of impression would you make then?

If you are in a circle of people and they start talking about her, you can choose to say “can we please change the subject I really don’t want to say anything mean because I have been hurt by her. I am holding myself to a higher standard, please support me in that”. If you can turn the negative into a positive no one will understand what the fuss was about.

Let me take you back to my client’s story. Hashem has a very funny sense of humor. The principal that was making her miserable in her former HS wound up getting a job as a teacher in the new HS the second year she was there, her junior year. The original HS closed down. The Rabbi told her explicitly to stay away from my client, she was not her concern and that everyone loved her. But my client who was so sweet, felt sorry for her and wanted her to feel welcome in the new environment so she made it a point of saying Hello to her each day and wishing her a good day just as she did to all the other teachers in the hallway. By the end of the year they were best friends. That woman only stayed that one year, but my client not only invited her to graduation the following year but also invited her to her wedding. How is that for forgiveness?

ILC, it is up to you to choose for yourself but since Yom Tov is upon us why would you want to take the chance of having to deal with a raging infection in your ears and eyes. Would it not make more sense to see a doctor and deal with it immediately instead of trying to treat it yourself and hope for the best? It still might get worse and you still might have to see a doctor. We are coming up on 3 day Yom Tov, hours of davening. Do you really want to walk into that with itchy and infected eyes and fluid oozing out of your earlobes? You are not dealing with an infection that started a week ago, you said it is going on for about a month. That is not something that should be handled on your own.

Goq, that is NOT mean. That was protection through a difficult part of your life, so that is a whole different story.

Asking someone to share the meanest things they did and egging them on, while not even speaking about their own failings and how mean they themselves were (I checked, he did NOT contribute, only egg others on) is not a normal productive type of post.

Goq you yourself explained that you started a thread to show others how to appreciate their spouse and not take them for granted. Such a post makes sense. Does it make sense for a fairly new poster (did you see him post before) to start such a thread and not discuss his own story?

smartcookie, as always you are entitled to your opinion but then again so am I. After reading MP’s post on the other thread, this really DID get me thinking of what kind of foolish threads get started and why people would even consider posting to them and how they could really be a turn off to posters who seriously look at this website as someplace to go to for chizuk. So I don’t have to take it as people doing Teshuva by saying their mistakes. That is what l’havdiel the goyim do when they go to confession. As I said we are NOT like the goyim which is constantly pointed out here and that is NOT how we do Teshuva.

Mommamia, as far as laughing at escapades of our youth, in my humble opinion that would be posted on a thread titled “Would you like to share a funny story from your youth” instead of on a thread instigating a rambling of “meanness”. Even though the posters here are anonymous, their characters are pretty well known by their screen names and by their posts and positions. Now when they post something they will also be known as the poster who humiliated her friend in public, who hit her sister with a violin bow (sorry, just as an example) and other things that I didn’t force myself to read.

Many posters got caught up in the story telling and maybe did think like you did about getting it off their chest because they are anonymous, but then again once you post something it is out there on the internet and you forget that you still make an impression on those that you are talking to. We might not know you face to face, but we know you. You are the one that asked for help with one issue, the other poster is the one with another issue, a third gave great advice about something else and now they will be known by the meanness they displayed or some other thing that some OP thought it would be hilarious if they could get people to discuss or admit about themselves.

There is such a thing as having fun, telling jokes, and relaxing but being pulled into something that is really not that appropriate, even if it is NOT against halacha, is something that one should give a little more thought to. Just because a thread is opened that doesn’t mean that everyone has to jump and respond. Honestly, even if no one knows who you are, does anyone have the right to ask you this question? What about a thread that someone starts “How much do you weigh?” “How much money do you make?” “What was the last fight you had with your spouse?” People are curious about many things and they can start a thread about many things. Is it appropriate to ask these questions? Should people answer them? Why would someone even think about asking a question about “what was the meanest thing you ever did”? Doesn’t anyone else think there is something wrong with that? How about “What do you regret most this year” or “In which area are you concentrating most in doing Teshuva” wouldn’t that be more appropriate as a call to Teshuva than asking people about their “meanness”?

Maybe it bothers me more because of what I do, and because I know about “meanness” from victims first hand. And because I know how easily people can be manipulated into doing and saying things they normally wouldn’t. I don’t appreciate how people or posters have their fun by manipulating others into revealing things about themselves or instigating others to argue so they can sit back and enjoy the fight.

So we see things differently and that’s fine. From my perspective I believe that even though we are all anonymous on line, and even though some have figured out who others are, I believe that we still have to be careful not to discuss online what we wouldn’t normally be discussing around any other group of strangers. Just because we don’t know each other or can’t see each other we are still entitled to our privacy and we each have to respect that and not try to manipulate others. To me this was a “troll” poster and it was totally inappropriate. BTW, did the OP mention what the meanest thing s/he did?

It is not taking more than one signature per IP address. I tried to sign in again for my husband and it didn’t allow it.

I spoke to SMR’s daughter this evening, they were hoping to reach the 5,000 signatures in one day which B”H happened. Mi K’amcha Yisroel. If we can keep going at this pace and keep spreading the word, there is no way that this petition can be ignored. The Huffington post already reported on this and is going to watch the outcome. They will report if there is no follow through as promised.

I was told that he is very “shtark” and was not counting in anyway on the circuit appellate court especially since Linda Reade sat with them that week and even that day on other cases. Something she had not done in years. It was well calculated and it is something that the Supreme Court will NOT ignore.

In addition, I was told that he likened the need for this case to go all the way to the Supreme Court because of the bias and the injustice, to the Miranda case. If that case hadn’t gone all the way to the Supreme court, the Miranda law would not be in place to protect ALL against bias and individual rights. We have all learned recently of the other bias case in Postville against another Frum Jew and how the city negotiated a settlement with him instead of going to court. He agreed because he knew he would be facing the same biased Linda Reade. He therefore settled on the $400,000 offered. The City officials involved however were not fired, they were sent for “sensitivity” training. We all know what that means and boils down to. Nothing.

So that information I am quite sure will also be presented to the Supreme Court along with Judge Linda Reade’s corroboration with the prosecution, her decision to sit with the other circuit court judges the week of the appeal and the negligence of the prosecutors to give the information necessary to the defense to allow them the opportunity to ask the Judge to recuse herself. This of course in addition to the excessive sentence and the Department of Justice’s total inconsideration to even acknowledge the 45 congressmen and women and all the judicial advocates who wrote letters requesting that Eric Holder Investigate this injustice.

Please let us all keep davening and keep all our efforts going full throttle to help SMR and to make sure that this can never happen again.

If you have an infection for almost a month why haven’t you gone to a doctor? You probably need an antibiotic to clear it up. Whether ointment or oral at this point. It is probably NOT advisable to be wearing any earrings at all if the infection has not cleared up after a week or two, you are only exacerbating the problem and if you are not sanitizing the earrings you can possibly infect the other ear as well.

As far as your eye is concerned, if you touch any infection and then rub your eyes, it could be possible that you are introducing the virus or bacteria of the infection to your eyes.

I can’t believe how many people actually posted stories here. One would think this was a competition for an “Al Cheit” campaign.

We open threads and speak seriously about how we are different from the goyim and what is appropriate on such a Yeshivish website, then open threads like “what is your most embarrassing moment?”, “what is the meanest thing you ever did” and so many of you actually respond to these posters. And this is happening in chodesh Elul when this is like the lowest type of discussion one should be having. Come on folks grow up!

OK, so just so YT, builds up his portfolio of jokes, lets all give him at least 5 laughs a day. OK, me first.

There was this pet store with a parrot in the window. One day this older woman passed on the opposite side of the street and the parrot called out “Hey lady, Hey lady” she was so surprised she crossed over and stood near the window closer to the Parrot who then said “you’re ugly”. The woman shook her head and walked away.

The woman took her daily walk and came upon the pet shop the next day and once again the parrot called out “hey lady, hey lady” and once again the curious lady crossed the street to get closer to the Parrot who said “your ugly”. The woman looked at the Parrot and shook her finger at it and walked away. But the same thing happened the next day. This time the woman told the Parrot if he did it one more time she would tell the owner of the shop and he would put a cover over the cage.

The woman was quite proud of herself. She walked quite happily down the street and stopped in front of the pet shop. She waited for the parrot to say something but he was quiet. She was quite smug and pointed her finger at the parrot and said “Do you have anything to say today?” The parrot didn’t miss a beat he said “You know!”.

I hope that put a smile on your face.

Refuah Sheleimah!

We also have no idea what each individual’s tafkid on this earth is. So therefore we each have to do our best as if the world were created just for us.

Even if there is sugar in the peanut butter, the main ingredient is peanuts. It is still protein and it is still good for you and better than other snacks. So even if you are NOT getting the natural peanut butter, which btw is very difficult to use because the oil separates from it and it is difficult to stir back in, most nutritionists and doctors will tell you to use it anyway. It is NOT junk.

It is probably not a great idea to get compression stockings without checking yourself out with your doctor first. Self-diagnosis is not the best idea and using compression when it is not warranted will cause different problems. So you are probably correct that you need some support which might be appropriate in the support hose but the amount of the compression is what would be questionable.

My turn. I try to stay on top of my bad choices and ask forgiveness as I go along, but I would also like to take this opportunity to ask mechila from anyone that I might have hurt or offended and of course I am moichel anyone who might have thrown a punch or two.