Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
The question really is. Is holding hands “derech chiba”? Is it so obviously derech chba that the KSA used a different example? Is it so obviously NOT derech chiba that he didnt mention it? I dont think anyone is saying to follow or not follow the RMA or the KSA.
“Thats differnt because weve always done it that way. Checking out the other side in a shidduch is part of our mesorah see rashi on achos nachshon.”
This indicates checing out the girls brother, nothing else. Where did checking out the rest of the family, or the boys side, or the finances or all the other nonesense come from?
Back to pictures for a moment. In many biographies of gedolim, dont we find photos of the gedolim from their younger years including family photos or photos of just their parents or grandparents? I have it in my head that in Artscrolls biography of R” Moshe there is a portrait photo of R’ Moshe and his Rebbetzin Z’L. My memory IS faulty and I have not read the book in at least a year, but in the back of my head that photo is there. The same thought also tells me that in the biographies of other gedolim the same is found.
When I have some spare time, I will bli neder look for the photo and post the page on which it appears (if I find it).
Hiding something from your parents is likely a clear violation of kibbud av too (aside from the fact that it isnt healthy for a relationship). You must speak with your parents and let them know how you feel. Respectfully, of course.
“Yeshivish” is a label. In todays cookie cutter generation we all want to be the perfect cookie, therefore, do what is expected to fit the mold and be branded wit this label.
The correct answer to the one who wears jeans when his parents wont find out is not “fear your parents” it is to SPEAK to your parents, respectfully of course. If you are uncomfortable doing so, speak to someone you ARE comfortable speaking with and have that person discuss speak with your parents.
The absolutely worst thing you can do is let it fester and when it comes to shidduchim, all will assume you fit the mold and you will date girls looking for the cookie. If you cant speak to your parents will you be able to open up to a girl who you dont know well and open up to her and explain who you really are? Will you get engaged to and then marry a girl who thinks you belong to one mold when in fact you are a square peg that was jammed into a round hole?
Your parents (I hope) want what is best for you, not their image in the community.
I remember hearing that a chosson should hold the hand of his kallah after the chuppah. unfortunately, I dont remember the source (sorry Wolf), and I have seen this MANY times at the chassunos of some of the “best boys” in their respective yeshivos whose roshei yeshiva were in attendance and clearly witnessed it. they didnt stop this (as mosherose states) terrible averia. clearly there is more to this “terrible aveira” as mosherose puts it. It probably falls into the “better not to do” category.
Clarification: when i say leave it up to “you”, i really mean a competent posek should make that determination. Of course, halacha is not up to me, or you.
I’m still eating leftover chulent on Tuesday nights.
Source: Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, siman kuf nun beis, sif yud alef. I will leave it up to you to interpret “devarim shel chiba” and if holding hands falls into this category.
“Lo raeenu, aino raaya”. I suppose that goes for “I never heard of that”, too. Then again, I never heard od such a thing.
Young Israel of Bedford Bay (ave U and Haring St – just off nostrand).