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Carmine…..
….Emptied
I’ll pick up from mr brisker….
Evident
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Send your kids away for shabbos. It costs nothing except the small gift to whichever parents/siblings takes the kids.
wheres the moderator?
i dont either wear a hat.
Its a forgone conclusion that Cuomo will win. Is it smart not to vote for him? In the past, Gedolim have come out against these “toeva” politicians when there was a rea” chance that another candidate could win. Did those gedolim say the same for this election?
The bill won’t make it to the governors desk if it doesn’t get through the State legislature. Make sure to vote anti toeva politicians the state senate and assembly races in the upcoming election. There are some tight races that if the right candidate wins, this never gets to the governor.
My wife and I love to play Boggle while discussing the children and the color of paint for the living room.
What about the flames?
I can now learn the daf on my kindle reader???
the direction this conversation is heading is a discussion I dont want my teenagers to read.
no, that was my tree
of course, someone mature enough to be out on a shidduch date is mature enough to know if he/she wants to see this person again (for whatever hashkafic reason you subscribe to) and should be trusted to be allowed to say “I am interested in continuing further, you?”. If neither party is mature enough to face reality thjat either the other party is not interested in pursuing anything further or is not mature enough to answer truthfully, they should not be allowed to be out for shidduchim.
What changed from the time of the Rambam to the R”ma?
I’m not sure which yeshivish world espouses the hashkafa that is being foisted upon it.
Lots of pushata yidden i see.
And I thought nobody learned the Novardhok derech anymore.
“3. Someone who tolerates these romantic feelings, quasi or actual believes that marriage should be more than ensuring the spiritual and physical continuation of the Jewish people. This is incompatible with the yeshivishe hashkafah. It therefore renders someone of this type suspect of not accepting what the yeshivishers regard as the true torah viewpoint.”
This is an interesting statement to make in light of the fact that every “yeshivish shidduch information sheet” (aka resumes) discusses everything BUT the child bearing possibilities of the potential mate.
Personality? Why bother, as long as long as each mate can produce an acceptable number of offspring.
Education? who cares what seminary, yeshiva or shul anyone davens in. Can they produce offspring?
Siblings? who cares what they do, as long as one can demonstrate that they come from a long line of forebearers who have all produced many offspring.
Yichus? not important, as long as one can demonstrate an ability to reproduce.
Functional arrangement? May I suggest you speak to your Rebbe for some hadracha, BEFORE you get married, or even start dating.
When I was dating there was a rule of thumb, at least in my yeshiva among my chevra, that after 3 dates you should be sufficiently comfortable with a person to tell them that you are or are not interested in seeing them further.
Then they will have to sweep.
The games will all be played bein hasdarim. 🙂
I was out with my kids on chol hamoed and we bumped into one of their teachers, on a date, with a neighbor of ours.
I agree, its reached crisis proportions.
“Just because hes bored, let him read a book or get him some games even computer games or a nintendo DS or whatever these hand held time wasters are called if necessary?”
“I feel like its bad chinuch to let your kid on the net for no reason.”
Trying to understand why internet usage properly supervised in any worse a “time waster” than any of the “approved” time wasters mentioned. I cant wait until my favorite “time waster”, Plants VS Zombies is available for the Blackberry.
I suppose “wasting time” isnt considered a “reason”?
There is usually a minyan during the 7th inning stretch at the kosher concession stand.
The yankees should waste burnett against lee in game 3 and any other game lee pitches.
The Knicks begin a new (and probably hopelessly futile run for a playoff spot) season tonight. We have to be careful about saying lashon hara about Amare Stoudmire when the Knicks are outrebounded by 47 every night and we wish we still had David Lee (a perpetual double double machine).
If the Yankees dont beat Texas, expect Cliff Lee to pitch opening day for the Yankees in 2011. Thats the Steinbrenner way.
Hopefully the yankees are up 3-0 when its burnetts turn in the rotation, otherwise I think we will see a quick turn back to a 3 man rotation. I think the yankees are seceretly working in their lab on a way to grow a 3rd on on both sabathia and pettite. so both can go on 2 days rest.
The shul I davened in on Hoshana Rabbah (not my regular minyan) announced in the name of the Rav that under no circumstances should Aravos be placed on top of the Aron kodesh. People were surprised because “thats what everyone does”, but I dont think anyone actually asked the Rav, why not.
For the average yeshiva bachur, nothing drasitcally changes from before the chasuna to after the chasuna, with the exception of his roomate. A girl on the other hand often finds herself in the role of breadwinner for the family, housekeeper and chef, all roles she might be familiar with, but as a helper, not as the one responsible to ensure this was done. On top of this, her day has become much longer, more stressful, with less time for socializing with her friends. It is a natural human reaction to be resentful of someone who takes that for granted.
Igros Moshe, Choshen Mishpat Chelek Beis, Siman Lamed.
I am under no obligation to believe the “psak” is authentic. If I need a psak, I ask my Rav, I don’t consult the nearest light pole or wall surrounding a construction site.
Nothing does more to destroy shalom bayis than taking your spuse for granted. Rubbing their nose in it, is that much worse. Rough zman? Relaxing during bein hazmanim? That’s wonderful, remember, she also had a rough “zman” that doesn’t come with a bein hazmanim (unless she is lucky enough to work for a yid who is closed chol hamoed) AND is busy preparing for yom tov, while you grap an extra hour of sleep to catch the 9am chodesh nissan special.
Its_Me. What I meant was, I think the “psak” is a forgery. Rav Amnon Yitzchak and all the gedolim listed dont talk that way, about anyone, no matter what they think of him.
Thank you Shtusim. You managed to wade through my sarcasm and catch the point I was making.
I am willing to bet that the female mashgichim some are so concerned about, are not found in homes where the husband shows some appreciation for the fact that his wife wakes up earlier than he does, sometimes by as much as an hour, has to shelp to work, sometimes an hour each way, maintain the apartment, do the cooking, laundry and possibly the shopping all during the time she is not at work. Compounding this is that the percentages say that she is in the early stages of pregnancy (imagine a new baby had to be juggles on top of all this!) fighting nausea and fatigue. Added to this is the fact that the two of them are still working on their own relationship while she is adjusting to something she is not accustomed to. A little empathy from the men would go a long way.
Some of the “psakim” dont sit right with me. What gadol refers to the singer “klipa shmeltzer” like that?
Excellent points, but, that may be true of your average guy. This aishes chayil here didnt marry just any guy. She married the next Rosh Yeshiva, her parents hocked their financial future to guarantee support for the best guy in the yeshiva and she is busting her tuchas, not for a guy, who is in the growth stage, for that they could have had anyone, they went all out for the next Rosh Yeshiva.
“there’s reminding, politely suggesting, and then there’s commanding & demanding. we’re talking about the last two.”
I suspect that she believes her words fall into the first 2 categories while he believes they fall into the last 2. Seems to me there is a breakdown in communication, which if allowed to fester beyond the newlywed stage will be quite problematic.
I see a lot has changed from the time I dated until now. In a few years when my kids start getting into this parsha I see I have a lot to learn.
I dont suppose its easy to just tell all boys not to wear a hat and all girls to wear slippers on a date?
“look its ____ time dont you have to go daven mincha, or maariv or learn…”
I’m not a newlywed, nor am I a woman, however, I have taken the liberty of putting myself in the shoes of the new aishes chayil married to “a frum Kollel guy” and would like to suggest as follows.
Brand new aishes chayil believes with all her heart that she is married to the next gadol biyisroel, she shleps an hour each way to her job and/or her parents are busting themselves and all are expending their every ounce of energy to ensure he can learn torah and grow into that future gadol biyisroel. She makes sure to leave for work in the morning after a delicious breakfast, something for lunch and even preparations for supper are done so that her future gadol biyisroel will not go hungry and will enjoy three balanced meals a day on his schedule, so that he will make it back to night seder on time, on a full stomache. this while juggling the shopping, housecleaning, laundry and other daily things necessary for the smooth running of a household (fast foward 5 months, imagine she is doing all this while 3 months pregnant). Does she not have every right to make sure she is busting her tuchas every day for someone who not only wants to “make davening” but be there on time ready for the beginning of davening? For the beginning of seder and not saunter in 5 minutes after seder started? She doesnt know what he does while he is in shul, or how he spends his sedarim, but if she sees that he might not be as anxious as she is to be there BEFORE davening starts (hey, anyone can come running in just as the chazen says vehu rachum, or shir hamaalos or whatever it is they daven, but it doesnt pas for the next gadol biyisroel, and certainly not for her gadol biyisroel) she might begin to think that perhaps she is not married to a future gadol biyisroel, just a plain old ehrlicher yid, which is not what she signed up for. How many of these “frum Kollel guys” who are supposedly being driven crazy by their wives, ever said to themselves “I see making it to davening on time is important to her, perhaps I’ll leave a few minutes earlier”, how many every used the seichel and slipped in during the day, if you need that errand done, keep in mind I must be done with enough time to make to at 6 for mincha, this way, she knows the time for mincha is on your mind and wont have to constantly remind you? Did anyone ask “why” do they keep mentioning when davening is? Is it possible that they are trying NOT to say, why are you always running in at the last minute, or worse, always getting there late, while I am working really hard at what appears to be an illusion?
Did any of these guys, ever ask their mashgiach in yeshiva for the appropriate response to these comments by their wives, or why they may be making them?
Example of this overzealousness?
How is everyone so familiar with the interaction between other couples? Maybe I’m just an old timer compared to todays newlyweds and am just out of touch. Can you give an example how a newlywed wife is a mashgiach to her husband?
When do you lose the right to tell someone “thats my regular place”? Is it half an hour late? 1 hour? Does it depend on the minhag hamakom? Does it depend on the day (IE 1 hr late on Rosh Hashana is not the same as 1 hr late on a regular shabbos for example). Is a makom kavua so sacrosant that even if you walk in at the last kaddish its ok to say something?
“Why New York is the best!” I don’t know about the best, but it sure beats Idaho and Wyoming.
I went to yeshiva in cold weather city. snow on the ground from october to april. all we did was play football out in the snow when we werent in the beis medrash. I do readily admit that my end zone dance is a lot better than my ball catching skills. 🙂
“apushatayid; Do you think it would be fair for a short boy to write on his resume’ his height (when he’s wearing his Borsalino?)
as regular height. ;-)”
Has shidduchim become a game of oneupmanship? how tall doesnt really mean how tall? I suspect most people involved with shidduchim are proficient in 1st grade match, to calculate how tall a 5’4 girl is in 2 inch heels. whats next, is she smart, well, with einsteins brains, she is a genius. middos? well, when she morphs into the ramchal her middos are impeccable. just tell it like it is.
Re; the heels and the ramp. Not on a date. At work. Worked in an old brownstone on murray st in lower manhattan. No elevator. Worked on 4th floor. Stairs straight up and down with landing on each floor. If you were afraif heights you didn’t look down from the 4th floor. New hire, guy was old enough to be my father and possibly grandfather. That day were leaving together, he asks me to hold his hand on the way down. I was so shocked at request I don’t remember saying ok, but I guess I did. Were on the way down. Very slowly. That’s when I learned about vertigo. Needless to say, this guy resigned the next day.
Height without heels? What about eyesite without glasses and weight before and after lunch?
Also, bios really should depend on the age of the person. Is it really necessary what high school a 32 year old girl went to? What she did during her summers as a teen or even the seminary she attended? Does it matter what shul her father davens in or which daf yomi shiur he goes to?
Does it matter that a 29 year old bachur spent 3 summers in camp agudah, one as a waiter? Or that when he was 19 he learned in yeshiva “x”? People change in 10 years.
I think only current info is important. A couple can discuss their lives growing up as they date and get to know each other.
I don’t eat broccoli, spinache, beats, asparagus, green beans and most vegetables parents make their kids eat. My parents made me eat them as a kid and I’m now rebbeling against all those vegetables. I guess something positive has come from my silly “stand”. I don’t have to worry about bugs.