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Pro: Kitniyos! Con: only tichels 🙁 In all seriousness, I’m bh doing well in my “mixed” marriage. One of our kids even has blue eyes. There were definitely some cultural adjustments, but honestly, we’re both very young, so we were able to adjust rather easily. It was hard to give up my little girl dreams of picking out a sheital with my mom, but I’m over it by now.
Oomis- the families that I think are doing an amazing job are most certainly NOT outsourcing their responsibilities to their older children. I see that happen too, and I don’t think very highly of them. Those are exactly the families that need to be more thoughtful about their decisions. I just don’t like grand statements that nobody should be having a dozen kids. It is possible for some, just not for everybody.
As to your point about girls- I can assure that I, at the very least, am not contributing to that problem. I only have boys so far, and they are fully expected to do age-appropriate chores because everyone who lives at home contributes at home. My future daughters-in-law will thank me 🙂
Goq, I don’t think it’s fair to generalize. First of all, those tragedies that you mention are just as prevalent among secular people who don’t have large families. Every summer, there are PSA’s about kids in cars and water safety etc. These things can r’l happen to ANY family, large, small, black, white, educated, any religion or none at all (there was a famous article in the Washington Post about parents who left their kids in cars, and it’s humbling to realize that yes, IT COULD BE YOU).
I do believe that having children needs to be thought through, and just because yenem has 12 doesn’t mean you should too. Children are a tremendous bracha, but it’s also the hardest thing you’ll ever do in life. Although a competent halachik authority must be consulted in these matters, the fact is that family planning is NOT assur. You can have a large family and still be smart about it, taking into account the needs of your particular family. But to insinuate that any particular number of children is “too much” is insulting. I know many double-digit families that are doing an amazing job, and I know some families in total chaos and dysfunction with just 1 or 2. It mostly has to do with the parents and family dynamics- family size is just a number.
I don’t think the riots will go national. I am definitely worried about my family and friends in Florida though…
To your point about the rioting: that’s what always happens in these situations. When the cops were acquitted in the Rodney King trial, LA burned (I’m too young to remember, but my aunt, a Korean giyores who grew up in that part of LA,saw her parents’ store wrecked during the riots). No, it’s not logical, but it’s what happens, thanks to certain well-known agitators.
Children should not be raising their siblings, period. Children should pitch in with the household duties which may include some child-care duties. The issue is when does it cross the line from appropriate chores/pitching in to actually being a third parent. That is where it becomes unhealthy and causes all sorts of issues. But changing a few diapers or keeping them entertained on a long Shabbos afternoon is definitely not in that category, and is even good for them- when they’re a parent, IY’H, they’ll be somewhat prepared.
Jewishfeminist02- It’s not just about trust. How about simple logistics- for instance, if they have little kids, well, kids sometimes poke about where they shouldn’t. Sure, I may trust they’re good parents who teach their children to behave, supervise them etc, but even under the best of circumstances, young kids can be unpredictable and run off and do what they’ve been told not to.
Also, I don’t need people getting a glimpse of how our beds are positioned and other private stuff in our room. It’s not hiding or mistrusting, it’s basic tznius (we don’t let our kids in our room past a certain age). And yes, sometimes it’s a mess and it’s embarrassing. “Just a few minutes” to tidy up my room? Puh-leeze. I’m going through a lot of trouble to keep the common areas plus guest room worthy of your visit- why should I have the extra burden of tidying up my room rather than just locking it?
I think it’s been blown way out of proportion and she doesn’t deserve this kind of backlash. That being said, private companies have every right to make whatever decisions they see fit. If Walmart and Target and whoever else want to drop her because they think it’s better for business, they have the right to make that call.
You could become a medical school professor- which requires being a doctor for awhile first, so it would be many years before you would have the option of being “both”.
Learn how to be a polite guest to the many wonderful families that will be opening up their homes to you for Shabbos.
Long time lurker first time poster here. I had to chime in that the folic acid is so important, and it is most important before the woman could possibly find out, so she needs to start taking it ahead of time.
Also, with regard to the nitpicking on the OP for mentioning abortion, I don’t think the intention was to present it as an option. It IS relevant because a lot of frum people avoid certain prenatal tests due to the misconception that the purpose of these tests is to decide whether or not to continue the pregnancy. This could not be further from the truth! These tests provide useful information that could make a crucial difference during delivery and the hours following. Even knowing you would never consider terminating, there is still valuable information to be gleaned from these tests that could make a difference for other decisions down the line.