anonymrs

i dont remember who it was talking about, but there is a pasuk which says someone was the sister of someone. we learn from here that one should check out the brothers of a prospective wife.

that being said, rejection of a sibling of a prospective mate is subjective. what i may see as unacceptable may be prefectly ok to you, and vice versa. also, what may be unacceptable for one child in terms of siblings may not be for another. for example, for one child, having a prospective in law who is in college rather than in bais medrash might be fine, but for another child in the same family, only learning in laws are acceptable.

i dont understand….what does kings entertaining in their bedchambers have to do with falling asleep to music? why is it not allowed? also, according to whom is it not allowed? im not trying to be flippant, i just want to understand, because ive never heard this before.

Perhaps someone here can explain something to me. The only reason we learn things is for their practical use, otherwise they are useless? In that case, we should not learn anything about geography or history- and that would INCLUDE Jewish history, because it serves no practical purpose. I thought the purpose of going to school was to become educated so that we could live as functioning members of society. As Jews we are proud of our history, so why should we not know at least the BASICS of American history? Perhaps show just a BIT of gratitude towards the country that, until now, has welcomed us.

As for English, well….just read many of the posts on ANY Jewish website, and you will see (if you have a good command of grammar and the English language) that basic skills such as spelling and proper grammar are sorely lacking.

Where I grew up, at least 50% of the public school children graduated as functioning illiterates- that means that they could get by, but they are for all intents and purposes illiterate. I want my children to be better than that, and I plan on sending my children to a school that has a VERY good secular department as well as a very good Judaic studies department, and I will demand a solid education for them.

bein_hasdorim, of course attraction is important!! what good is all the inner beauty in the world if you dont want to go to sleep and wake up next to that person? obviously, no one here is saying that one should ONLY base a decision on looks, but attraction is a BIG part of compatibility. also, attraction is very important AFTER marriage- it is VERY important to make sure your spouse knows that you are still attracted to them, even after years of marriage have change their original look (yes, this applies to both men AND women!!) one who feels unattractive or unattracted to their spouse may start to foster resentment, and that is NEVER a good sign for a marriage.

EDITED

i took the time to read everyones posts. while i agree with everyone, i just want to put out there that therapy is not just about abuse or mental disorders. for example, children with ADHD or behavioral problems might very well benefit from therapy. therapy is not just about medication- that is PSYCHIATRY. we are talking about PSYCHOLOGY here too, and it is important to remember that. a couple suffering from marital problems may benefit from therapy, but it does not necessarily involve mental disorders or abuse.

i think part of the problem is that therapy is associated with the heavier things, like depression, schizophrenia, bpd, etc. people seem to forget that psychology is a multi-faceted field which deals with MANY things, like anorexia, post partum depression, ADHD, etc. which dont necessarily need medication to treat, but ALL need to be addressed quickly before the situation dives out of control.

i had that with my towels. i was going to throw them out, but my mother in law said that i should wash them in hot water with wisk, and them dry them on high heat. it worked great!!

i find it very interesting that those women who choose to work, for whatever the reason, are always berated, yet it is expected that a man should be able to sit and learn all day. how is this family supposed to survive if the father is in kollel and the mother is at home? things were very different in past generations.

to those who feel that it is a womans job to be at home: do you REALLY think that it doesnt pain us to be away from our children and have other people taking care of them and teaching them? i am practically in tears every day when i am on my way to work. however, i know for myself that if i were to be a stay at home mom i would literally go insane. i am not saying this callously, i am saying this from experience.

how can you tell someone who is already struggling that she is doing the wrong thing? it is hard enough for us to go out and do what we do, for whatever reason we do it. please dont add to that by judging us for the choice we made. and for all you know, those women who are working asked a shaila and were TOLD (like i was) that they should go out and work.

i dont understand something- why does a torah father have to be someone who is in kollel? my husband works to provide our b”h growing family with everything we need. i work to keep my sanity. i stayed home for a while after our first child was born, but i quickly found out that i needed a break and i needed to socialize a little bit with people besides moms. my husband learns most mornings and every night. is our home any less of a torah home than a that of someone who is learning full time?

i know it says talmud torah k’neged kulam, but who said talmud torah means all day?

personally, i would not have been offended had the word nonsensicle been eliminated. it happens to be that it IS mostly a minhag nashim- although, like i said, i have seen SOME men do it, it is MUCH more common among women.

have a great shabbos 🙂

i have seen the rising up done by both men AND women, and take great offense in the phrasing of your response.

in response to feivels question, it is done AFTER you finish and before the chazara begins. those who rise up three times do so upon completion of the silent shmona esrei, after they take three steps forward.

like i said before, i was taught that you remain in your spot STANDING until kedusha. then you take three steps forward, and when you say kadosh kadosh kadosh you rise up.

if a parent feels that their child is old enough and mature enough to get married, wouldnt it follow that their child is old enough and mature enough to pick a suitable spouse? i can understand that there may be objections which come up over time which may not have been present or known about at the time that the shidduch first came about.

there is nothing wrong with discussing opposition or anything else, but ultimately the choice should be up to the person getting married. there are times when intervention is needed, but that is NOT the majority of the time.

i wash what i know i need plus a few more, just to be safe. i dont usually mind washing dishes, but somehow washing them with cold water just doesnt have the same relaxing affect on me that washing with hot water does.

i also see that no one has answered the dishwasher question yet, so i will attempt to repeat what i was told.

you may put dishes into the dishwasher as long as there is no light inside that goes on when you open it. also, if there is a light on the outside, you have to make sure that is off before you open it, otherwise opening it will cause the light to go off.

loading the dishwasher is another story. i was told that you can put things in, but you MAY NOT properly load them in, as this would be hachana (preparation). i just stack my stuff up and put it in however it fits.

until we got china, we used plastic every week for BOTH meals. now we have service for 23 (we lost one of each so we dont have service for 24 anymore) and i wash what we need. i dont do it after the meal though- after the fish, i serve the soup and then quickly rinse the fish plates that we will need. i clean the big plates after everything has been brought in. one thing i do to make it easier is that i try not to stack the plates- that way i really only have to clean one side of the plate, and the bottom doesnt get greasy.

im not sure if i qualify, cuz im not in my 30s or 40s, but i was diagnosed in college, about 6 years after i graduated high school. in general, i am typically very bad at taking written tests, but will pass an oral one with flying colors. i have taught myself many coping mechanisms, so i am now able to sit still and focus on the task at hand. because of the hardships i had in (elementary and high)school, i stopped trying around grade 6, and stopped going half way through grade 10.

re: mazal77’s first comment

im sure you did not mean for your comment to sound insensitive, but not every woman has a family to dress and a house to get ready. some married women dont have children, or have one child so the getting ready process is very short. what about women whose children are older, who can either dress themselves or maybe dont even live at home anymore? also, many people go out for the s’uda, so there is no need to get the house and meal ready. for many people (EVEN those mommies who b”h have many children and very hectic houses) getting dressed up is part of the simchas purim. i plan on dressing up this year….nothing major, but still dressed up.

i do check up on my cleaning lady (i actually dont leave her alone all that often) and i dont have any horror stories…..