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the yenta- i have the same problem- i have very long, very thick, very curly hair and i dont want to cut it. a sheitel macher (not one who i have used before but who i know and comes VERY highly recommended) told me that she bought for herself a wig cap, and she puts her hair in two ponies, on the bottom of her neck, and then she mushes it up, one on each side, under the cap. i havent had a chance to try it yet, but it works really well she said.
what are the magazing coupons? where do you get them? (sorry, i have a processing disorder, and this is all very complicated for me to understand but i would like to get the discount) thanks for your patience!
im having a little bit of trouble following. can you please explain VERY THOROUGHLY what to do in order to get this discount?
thanks!
if the point of the congregating is to attract boys, then boys congregating to attract boys should also be an issue. in my opinion, there is nothing inherently wrong with girls getting together or walking around or whatever.
if you are in a situation where you can not change another persons actions (which is very often the case) then it becomes YOUR obligation to get yourself out of the situation. if the problem is that you pass them on your way to and from learning, and on your way to and from shul (just out of curiosity- if you are inside the entire time, how do you know that they dont leave and come back?) then perhaps find another way to get to your destination. it may be a way that takes a little bit longer, but it will help you to avoid the situation.
you may (or may not) be right that girls should not be standing around shmoozing, but there is something that YOU can do about the situation. shmiras einayim is a mitzva for you, and in this case it would seem that you might have to go out of your way to do it.
aries, i agree but how is a man supposed to know the diff between “my wife is exhausted because its 10 at night” and “my wife is exhausted because shes had a long/hard day at work/with the kids” if she doesnt tell him which it is? how can a woman become resentful of the fact that her husband isnt picking it up if it is not obvious? spouses are not mind readers, and many (men especially) prefer to stay out of anything that is emotionally charged, if they can. so if a woman can be exhausted for many reasons, her husband may pick the simplest reason, if she doesnt give him anything else to go with.
i am not pro or against kollel- each couple has to do whats best for them. what i AM against is one spouse expecting the other to be a mind reader. if a woman is unhappy in her current role, she must speak up. how can she hold it against her husband that he doesnt know shes upset WHEN SHE DOESNT LET IT SHOW!
back to the topic at hand- i agree with wolf that if she is not going to college because of kibud horim, then she probably will not do it online either, and ESPECIALLY not behind their back.
having a job doesnt necessarily mean one will be able to make ends meet. my husband gets a very nice salary, but we are still struggling to pay bills every month. i have a college education, but that didnt help me one bit, because the job i ended up getting had nothing to do with my schooling.
also, i would have to disagree with the last poster a little bit. mothers must be the ones to raise their children, but they dont necessarily need to be home all day to do that. that is not always financially possible and/or psychologically possible. even if i COULD afford to not work out of the house, i would choose to do so anyway, because i would get very depressed from not interacting with people every day. i need to see people and get out of my house in order to be the best mom/wife that i can be.
what is ben/bat nidda?
ive tried a few, and i would have to say that the most rewarding (as cheesy as it sounds) is being a mommy. second to that, special ed. then again, what i think is good may not float someone elses boat.
we all say shema together, and then we read some books. usually works great, but wouldnt you know it, right now the baby is crying 🙁
my three year old also stuttered, but it was MUCH more pronounced when he was tired or upset or frustrated about something. i spoke to a speech therapist about it, and she also recommended ignoring it. she said dont make him repeat himself, just figure out on your own what he wants to say and answer him. its been almost 6 months, and its really gotten much better. now its REALLY only when hes tired or whatever.
also, keep in mind that it is an age typical thing, which is why most therapists will tell you to ignore it.
i would suggest that you keep an eye on it for another 3 months, and if it EITHER doesnt get better OR if it gets worse, speak to a therapist about having your child evaluated.
hatzlacha raba!!
That is an excellent suggestion! As soon as I find something which I am comfortable learning, I will add my name to the list. I can’t commit to a specific time, but I can learn something every day.
“Because of the kedusha you will not find anywhere else in chutz laaretz “
please correct me if i am understanding you wrong, but are you caiming that, outside of eretz yisrael, kedusha only exists in ny and maybe lakewood? there is no kedusha in the hundreds or thousands of other jewish communities around the world? i find that very hard to believe. some of the holiest people i know are NOT from ny or lakewood.
“Is that why so many of the out of towners move to NY for shidduchim”
many people move to NY for shiduchim because there are more people here, and it cuts down on traveling expenses, and because it will mean less time away from work/learning. many of those people move when they get married.
as for “yeshivish l’vush” being a must, i feel that it is just another way to label people, and i dont like it at all. where i grew up, the boys could wear any shirt they wanted to yeshive, as long as it for three criteria- long sleeves, lutton down, and solid in color. my community has turned out MANY talmidei chachamim.
i think i posession, not asset.
my house is not so precious to me- it can be replaced if something were to happen.
if someone had millions of dollars worth of precious gems, wouldnt they take every precaution to make sure they were safe every second of every day? why are our children any different.
i am not saying that my children can be replaced monetarily. again, what i said is that if one would do x to make sure that nothing happened to a large sum of money, then it is common sense that one would go at least one step beyond that to make sure nothing happened to their kids.
i didnt say i would sell my kids for anything. what i said was that you wouldnt leave a large sum of money lying around unprotected, so how much more so with our kids, who ARE our most precious asset.
1. bp totty, i agree with you except on pne point- even on roller blades, a helmet is very important. if a childs head meets the sidewalk, at ANY speed, there can be negative repercussions.
2. what is wrong with comparing children to money? if one had a huge sum of money, or gems whice were very precious, they would not leave it alone even for a second. are our children not our most precious asset?
when my daughter is old enough hopefully i will still believe what i believe today- all these questions are garbage. i just want to know if, when he is learning (however long that may be) does he learn well? does he have someone with whom he is close? is he a mentch? will he treat my daughter like a queen?
for my son, i want a girl with good midos and a good heart, who will treat my son like a king.
for the record, in our house, we stack, and always use real- b”h we have lots of company, and plastic just became too expensive.
ive heard until they get their first tooth, and ive also heard until they begin to talk.
but you didnt answer my question. i wanted to know if this is the opinion of the majority of poskim- that one who does not keep the mitzvos the way they should be kept is a rasha. it just doesnt make sense to me that one who is struggling with something should be given such a terrible title. when you hear rasha you think haman, hitler, etc. i cant understand how a majority of our poskim could equate one who does not keep the mitzvos to the t with these people.
is this the opinion of many people or individuals? (i dont mean individuals like you or i, i mean individuals as in not the majority opinion)
i appreciate you telling me where to look, but what i asked for was the quote. i am not a very learned woman and do not want to assume that i will understand what is written correctly. again, can you please tell us how this statement was worded?
“the holy books are clear, any time we “slip” we can do teshuva, and the great and compassionate one will forgive us, but if there is any halacha that we (man or woman) completely ignore, while knowing it’s wrong. that person has the title of a rasha.
Again if you have an urge for a cheeseburger, and control it on most days, but slip here and there, you can do teshuva.
That’s better than taking something from the torah and just throwing it out the window.”
so what you are saying is that the “holy books” say that one who is struggling with something and has not yet gotten to the level of keeping it properly, is a rasha. im sorry, but i just dont buy that. ive never heard such a concept.
would you mind please listing some of the “holy books” which state such a thing, and how it is stated.
also, as an aside, like yitayningwut said, many people (my family included) are makpid in the house so that EVERYONE will eat in their house. my husband and i decided when we got married that we want everyone to be able to eat here, and we recognized that in order to be able to do that, we needed to have certain standards in our house.
what does chalav yisrael have to do with not kosher? of all the people i know who are makpid, not one of them thinks chalav stam is treif. my brother in law will eat at my parents house, even though their keilim have been used with chalav stam. when my husband and i go to my parents, i tell my mother not to go out of her way,and not to make herself crazy. i was told to do that by our rav, and it was NOT for shalom reasons. what are we teaching our kids? that there is more than one way to be a good, frum jew, and one was is not better than another.
First of all, what is wrong with taking one day to make sure you do everything in your power to treat your spouse/parent like the king/queen that they really are? That doesn’t take away from any other day of the year, it just means you are more focused on it for one day. Second, why is making one day special such a non-jewish idea? Not that I am comparing the two in the slightest bit, but we do have such a concept with yom kippur. Every day of the year it is understood that we should be doing t’shuva for all of our sins, but on yom kippur there is an extra specialness to it. Again, I am not comparing the two, so please don’t jump on me for that. All I am saying is that we DO have a concept of taking one day and emphasizing something which we should be doing every other da as well.
i dont know for sure, but my guess is that it has two reasons. one is the same reason that many are noheg to have a dairy meal- im not sure exactly how it goes, but something to do with the laws of kashrus not being known/ understood at the time. second, cheese cake is generally very sweet, and perhaps that extra sugar kick late at night is meant to infuse men with much needed energy to be able to stay up and learn.
what is wrong with celebrating mothers day? its very nice to say that every day is mothers day, but does every husband/child treat their wife/mother like a queen every single day? yes, she is loved and appreciated every day, but it is not necessarily demonstrated to her every single day. there is nothing wrong with demonstrating love and appreciation. mothers day is a halmark day- no religious/pagan/other reasoning behind it, at least to my knowledge, so we are not condoning something assur by “celebrating” it. and besides, even in your celebration, what are you doing already? telling her she has one day off from doing laundry? making her a nice breakfast? taking her out to eat? getting flowers? none of those things are terrible. perhaps if wives/mothers were shown a little bit more appreciation for their role, this would not even be a question.
i guess i hear the theory, but again, why would a principal, etc. not have the final say? i would not want to send my child(ren) to a school where someone ELSE was making the decision. my children are my most precious possession, and i wont trust their education to just anyone. the only time i would consider sending my children to a school that had a vaad is if the members are known to the public and any child who is turned down is given a reason.
i have only tried one time to get a child into school, so i may be completely ignorant of the process, so please help me out here a little bit. why is anyone besides the principal/dean/menahel/menaheles accepting or rejecting students? i dont think i would even APPLY to such a school for my children.
b”h there are too many to count!!
also, just as an aside, i was always told that you arent supposed to count just for the sake of counting…..
i was once told that i have the attention span of a goldfish….
i am the wife of a smoker, and i would not trade it for any other addiction. i may not like that my husband smokes, but at least i know this is something that is kept out of my house. who can say if it would be like that with other addictions?
also, again as the wife of a smoker, i know that you can NOT force someone to stop smoking. when and if they are ready, you can be there to help them through it, because they will definitely need a lot of support. but thats about it. guilt tripping them will only get you upset, and thats about it.
what is it about?
i dont know who said this but i will repeat it. size is not always about superficiality. when i was dating, i would not go out with anyone who seemed big to me because i was VERY small and 1. i was just plain scared and 2. it was not (and still is not) something to which i was attracted. most of the dates i went on were NOT shiduchim, but the few dates that were, were all skinny.
i think it really depends who is asking and why. my standard answer when a guy asks me if a girl is pretty is i dont know what you consider pretty. i usually say go on one date and see for yourself.
also, many times attraction comes with time, so if everything else is great, as long as you dont abhor the other persons looks, i say give it another chance.
but thats just my opinion, and i certainly dont expect everyone to agree.
i think it means that people put too many labels on other people instead of just letting them be who they are and accepting them because they are good people. i know many “yeshivish” people whose families i would not want my children to be involved with because their frumkeit is only on the outside. i also know many “modern” people who other people do not want to associate with, and i think they are wonderful people, inside and out. enough with the labels and the judging. are they frum? are they yirei shamayim?
the tradition for anything was to spend it at home, because back in the day there was no other choice. there are choices now. some people make a parnasa by going to a hotel. some people have more simcha at a hotel than at home. for some families it is the only way for everyone one to get together because b”h their family is so large. for some people that is how they grew up and that is how their children and grandchildren will grow up too. thatis their choice, not yours. why do people feel the need to look at other people and question what they are doing? why cant we just worry about ourselves?
what inspires me is seeing jews act in an appropriate manner, and children speaking with kavod to their parents, teachers, and friends.
sorry for the hard core response, but i had a hard day at work.
gatorade is a MUCH healthier drink than powerade, thats the reason doctors recommend for people to drink it. at one point, i was ONLY allowed to drink gatorade (no juice, water, etc) for a number of months. i have not felt the same since then, and i hope the stores where i shop will carry it soon.
ive actually seen in quite a few places, people advertising that they are collecting leftover candy/nash/junk to give to people in xxxxx (many different places).
why is it so surprising that someone would ask a rav/rebbi/rebbe before going through with a shidduch? i think it actually says a lot about that person. we are always told that we should consult da’as torah before making big decisions, and as far as i know getting married is pretty big. i hope that when they are ready, my children (sons and daughters alike) consult with someone before going through with a shidduch.
one year my son was a police man, and i gave doughnuts, coffee, milk, and a mug.
nothing is wrong with no theme, but for some people that is where their simchas purim is.
my kids are dressing as smilies, and everything im putting in is black/yellow and smiley- choc cupcakes with yellow frosting and black jell for the face, yellow fruit gems, and maybe if i have time yellow chocolate lollies
just wanted to add one thing. leasing is not an option for everyone. if you go over on your miles you are charged an arm and a leg. if you work far away enough from your house, this becomes a real issue. we cant lease a car for that reason, and every few years we buy a new car.
haifa girl: ill take anything you have to offer, any suggestions 🙂 i thought of maybe doing black/white russians and a black and white cookie or two.
any other black and white food ideas?
i would like to dress my kids up in black and white- either one black and one white, or both kids black and white. does anyone have any good black and white ideas? very easy, very simple, not too expensive.
this is a very reasonable request. on the same note, any appointment should try to be scheduled for after school hours or during a break.
i cant even imagine what kind of shtusim will be around by the time my children are old enough to be dating (my oldest is almost three)
seriously, where have priorities gone? what happened to is he/she a kind, honest, respectful person? will he/she treat my son/daughter with love and respect? is he/she mature enough and selfless enough to take care of a family?
thats what matters to me. who cares what size she is or what yeshiva he learns in. does he make time in his day to learn? thats good enough for me. does she have a good heart and good midos? thats good enough for me.
i dont know the law in NY bacause i took my test in another state and just transfered my license, but when/where i took my test, the law was that if there is some type of median in the middle you do NOT have to stop for a bus on the other side, flashing lights or not.
i am not agreeing or disagreeing, but i would like to know- what is the source for not being required to make a pidyon after a miscarriage?
also, as far as i know, a pidyon is required ONLY of a bechor. no matter how the first baby was delivered, the second child, even if he is the first boy, would not require a pidyon.
my sister made a pidyon haben for her son many years ago, and i still remember it, because it was such an incredible occasion, because it happens so infrequently.