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I went a few times. It was awesome. Those who never went to one have no idea what they are missing.
Popa: True, it is not a berry, but it is cooked like a berry. It is actually a seed.
Quinoa is a berry and is a great substitute for sushi rice. Follow your own minhag, but be aware, people do eat it on Pesach; like myself.
a mamin: I understand your story, but what you did was also wrong. Kibud Av Vam requires YOU to give up YOUR chair. The other girl had no chiyuv of K’bud Aim, besides lefno savo tokum. True, the girl should have offered, but what are we teaching our children? That K’bud Av V’am requires to make OTHERS sacrifice for someone they do not know? You should have gotten up for your mother regardless whom is sitting next to you. Hopefully, if someone saw you standing they would have offered you a chair. But you need to set the example first.
Leah222: My wife went shopping last yeat and bought tons of non-perishable food at 50%+ off at Shoprite. Some items are meant to last forever while other do not. As long as the item was always sealed and kept out of the sun it should be ok.
When I married my wife she did not drive. While studying for her license I also made sure she new how to change a tire. I did not want her stuck in no man’s land without having the ability to fend for herself. For those young people out there, this was before cell phones became popular and inexpensive.
Daas Yochid: My Nusech is “fill ‘er up on regular…PLEASE”
Yes.
ZeesKite: St. Patricks day, is a day of drinking. I don’t see many drunk Irishmen after that. New Years is another time they drink, but again, not much after.
This is not something that is between Jews and goyim. There are many Jews who get drunk throughout the year. There are many goyim that get drunk throughout the year.
The problem is you are comparing Jews against Goyim and then saying “Me K’amcha Yisroel”. The comparison should never take place. Jews should NEVER get drunk. Purim is a time to drink and be happy, not drunk and lower oneself to the level of a goy even for one second! Drinking in Judaism is to elevate oneself to serve Hashem. Since being happy is very important, Jews drink a little on Shabbos and Yomtov. But if the drinking makes us like animals in the street, it is no way permissible.
Ok, I usually do not agree with popa, but he/she is 100% correct. This older lady was in the young girls seat without permission. The girl had her coat on the chair so for all intents and purposes the girl has baylos on the chair while there in shul.
Having good midos does not mean to allow someone to step all over you. If the older women had no seat and the mother saw that, she should offer her daughter’s seat to the older woman. That is showing good midos. However, in this case, there were extra seats and this older woman decided to occupy an already occupied seat. That is bad middos and it is the responsibility of the mother to educate her daughter that people will not tolerate bad middos. There is no chiyuv to be a chosid shotah.
This thread is getting old and going no where. It highlights the diversity of Jews and different minhagim. There will always be people who think a black hat is what makes a person frum and holy and there will always be those who disagree with that. There are those who feel lakewood is the derech and those who feel lakewood is a bunch of lazy good for nothing mooches. There are those who think Moshe Rabaynu wore a shtriemel and their sect is going straight to Gan Eden while all others are “modern” and going to Gehanim. As such, there will always be girls who look at the hat and forgot about what is under it and those who could not care less.
As long as each person understands that they are no better or worse than the other, I and G-d do not care what you wear or don’t wear. Wear the black hat, or don’t wear it. Wear the Shtraimel or don’t wear it. Wear the Kippah Serugah or don’t wear it. Sit and learn all day or go to work. Do whatever you feel is best for you and be happy with your choice but don’t try force down other people’s throat.
I am sure Hashem will be happy with your choice as long as it leads to a better life and derech to hahsem.
SJS: Also with respect to men, Mishnah Berurah 75:3 prohibits praying in front of breastfeeding women. The Ben Ish Chai Bo 10 permits in extenuating circumstances.
Here is a post from a similar question when asked to R’ Tendler.
Thank you for a very interesting question. First of all, I was unaware that such a Psak had been rendered in a public manner, so I really can’t help you in determining which Rav may have announced this Psak. Most religious women that I know will only swim at a pool where there are female lifeguards, or will wear a robe if there are males present. I am aware, though, that at separate beaches in Israel it is common for women to swim in the presence of male lifeguards, the rationale being that most women lifeguards may not be strong enough to carry out an ocean rescue if CH”V needed. However, even in this situation, many women will only go into the ocean in their robes, and this is certainly preferable, when possible.
However, you are correct in observing that some religious women don’t have a problem swimming in the presence of male lifeguards in their bathing suits. In their defense, I’d like to explain as follows. The regular Chiyuv to dress in a modest manner only applies in a public area, where Bnos Yisrael dress in this fashion. At a swimming pool or on the beach, if it is designated for women only, it would be permitted to dress as Bnos Yisroel normally do in this venue, in their bathing suits. However, there is another problem, that of “Lifnei Iver”, appearing in front of a man in a manner in which he will have improper thoughts, which applies in all situations. In Halacha we find a concept of “Torud B’Melachto”- when a man is involved in doing a job, we say that he is busy concentrating on properly doing his job, and you are not transgressing Lifnei Iver be appearing in front of him in an undressed manner since he will not be easily distracted from his job, as he would be if he just happened to be sitting there. This can be compared to a male doctor who is doing a routine checkup on a female patient, he is busy doing his job in the most professional manner, and we don’t have to be concerned that his mind might wander. However, if you are certain that this is not the case, it would certainly not be appropriate to swim in the presence of such a lifeguard, or to allow yourself to be examined by such a physician.
I’m not certain what you mean regarding the difference between swimming and other sports. If you don’t mind explaining, perhaps I could better help you.
I hope that this is helpful for you.
Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler
Don’t know what everyone is talking about. Tel-Aviv was Disgusting. There was dog waste in the water, and broken bottles in the sand. It was yuck!
Now if you go to Dahab, near the blue hole, that is an awesome beach. Only two hours after Eilat.
Ok, I understand the need to nurse, but I do not understand the need to nurse in public if there is place to do it in private. I do not need to see a lady nurse in Famous Pita when she clearly could have gone to a corner facing another direction or the bathroom. To me, there is a lack of sensitivity. A underage child does not need to see this “natural” process or even other men. The mere fact that area is constantly covered because of Tznius does not magically disappear just because someone needs to nurse.
I understand that sometimes it must happen. But then again, there is a lack of planning and foresight into the event. If you plan on being in public when it is feeding time; take a long a bottle.
On another matter, it is unfortunate that people treat infants as objects and not like a person. How would you liked to be wheeled down an aisle in Shoprite or the street in your bed? If your infant has a nap time scheduled please be considerate and let the infant sleep in their bed, and not being pushed down the street. Even though they are small, they are still human and some consideration should be afforded to them.
MW13: You said “The yeshiva world scrupulously tries to avoid anything and everything that could damage their ruchniyus.” Do you think this is true? Haven’t we seen countless examples where the opposite is true? In addition, what is wrong with Torah Umada? Most of our Tannim worked! Not one of our Taanim or Amorim which we hold dear, relied on government assistance and burdening society is general to support them. Each gadol did what they needed to do in order to learn. The chofetz chaim has a store etc. When I was in Chasom Sofer as a child in 7th grade, it was a boy from a “frum yeshivish” home that brought in a improper magazine to show to the other boys. It was the chassidsh man on Motza Shabbos who was behind “the wall” in Video Rama in BP. Hamyvin Yovin. Yes, I will be shouting chotznius because we have lost our moral compass and started judging other people!
This whole concept of we hold Torah more important than other groups is disturbing to me. As the example in one of my previous posts about Moshiach coming and not wearing the right hat. Do you think hashem really cares about our hats? Or if we are affiliated to Orthodox, Chassidish, Mo, etc? Kovah Etim is not learning 100 blatts. It is learning that one line of chumish at 6:00 PM, every night no matter what. THAT is what shows one is machshiv torah and that is why K’vayah Eitem is asked and not how many blatt. When I see people who work all day and show up early to learn and at night to learn. To me those are the pillars of the world! They could use the most often heard excuse “I am tired” etc. They do not. They make time to learn.
I, as a black hatter, who went to frum yeshivous etc. am tired of people being lumped into categories that suits the frum world.
What I do find funny is that if you go to a chasddish shteibel, the most frummiest black hatter is considered a bum. Doesn’t this tell us something about us looking at the chetzonius?
The lakewood world might find their derech to hashemn sitting and learning while asking for handouts or marrying rich, is the best way to hashem. MO feel working and learning is the best way to hashem. Chassdim fidn their way is best. They are different ways, not one is better or worse, as long as they lead to avodas hashem.
I think the worst is when kids use those party poppers and the strings fly around. After Megillah, shul looks like a trash house. This is the most important time to be m’chanuch your kids about the kedusha of a shul. Parents should teach the children not to leave until every peace of garbage is picked up and thrown out.
Experiencing frustrations during the engagement process is normal. However, it is definitely a great time to see how a person handles the frustration. As the mishna says, you only truly know a person through b’kiso, b’kaso, b’koso. Anger and the way they deal with it will show you what you are getting into. I also feel couples counseling should be mandatory during the engagement so the couple learns how to deal with the frustrations and anger in a constructive way.
When I was engaged, my wife and I had this rule that we do not discuss ANYTHING about the wedding or what are parents want. If my in-laws wanted something, let them speak to my parents directly. Not through my wife who then tells me etc. There were a few situations where my parents asked me to ask my in-laws to give in or change something. I politely provided my parents with their number and informed them that since I am not paying for the wedding, I am only a guest. As a guest I should have any say or power at this event and my kallah and I chose to stay completely out. This saved my wife and I a lot of aggravations.
Truth be Told: Again, you strengthen my point. I wear a black hat and gartel and went to yeshivisha yeshivous. The people honking in the other forum at 11:00 PM also wear blacks hats. The rabbayim from Torah Temimima and other rabbonyim that were convicted or accused of improper behavior, also wear black hats! What does this say? Black hats do NOT mean anything. People should look at the person, NOT a black hat.
No one is denying anyone’s right to pick someone who wears a black hat or not. But to believe that wearing a black hat makes a person better is ridiculous and close minded. All the black hat does is identify you with a certain sect in Judaism, but not a better or worse sect; just different.
In the MO sect, they believe on getting married at a later time in life.( I guess they want to responsible and make a parnassah and not rely on their shvar or only consider marrying someone rich–who am I to judge?) Just because they are not married by 18 or 23 does not make it a shidduch crises. We, in the orthodox community, consider it a shidduch crises when a girl is not married by 18. I also see that these young “yeshiva” girls who are affected and get married at the age of 24 do not consider a black hat on the top 10 want lists. I have a family friend who has a daughter who is 27 and not married. When she was younger she wanted the Yeshiva guy with a black hat and refused to date anyone but. Now, she tells me she does not care about a black hat. She wants a MENTCH! Someone who is yeras shumayim and kovaya eitim b’torah. It is funny that as you get older, you start realizing what is really important and what is fluff.
The fact that is being lost on you is that the black hat does not have any ideology or “charter”. It is a mere object that identifies you with that certain sect. EVERY sect in Orthox Judaism, either ultra or modern, puts the Torah first and that is their ideology. The behaviors, criminal activists, or the like are all personal behaviors that in no way reflect on the general beliefs of their branch.
Popa: That is my point. A lot of these guys are NOT Am Horatzim, and are even talmuda chochamim who do not wear black hats. They are shomer torah and mitzvos etc. Should we have a shidduch crises because of that? My OPINION is no! We need to look past all the bubba masis and see if the person is Yera Shmayim and shomer torah & mitzvos.
Elisha- You misunderstood me. My goal was not to demonstrate Derech Ertez! If a person can honk at 11:00 PM there is no way to teach them that. My goal was to show them that they are not the only people in this world with bad manners. Others can display them just as easily as they do. It maybe childish, bad manners etc, but the end result….they stopped honking!! 🙂
yid.period: I also wonder if one of the reasons why we have a shidduch crisis might be attributed to the fact Boys & Girls put to much emphasis on the chetzones and not on the pinemeas?
We all read the stories of the gedolim and their spouses but do we internalize them? Did Rabbi Akiva’s wife ask if he wore a black hat or yechus? Is it better to be single than marry a great guy who is a talmud chachum but does not wear a hat?
My Way: When did I ever say teacher’s don’t believe in hashem? Please re-read what I wrote.
I don’t need to have the answers, but only possible solutions. Unless you feel your way is the only way?
I can not afford to tip the rebbe because with all the amount of snow days this year, I lost out on a lot of income. If I can not make money, they can not either.
Mw13: Is there a charter that states the underlying movement of the “Yeshiva World” as you defined? I think EVERY movement in the frum world puts Torah above all. Modern Orthodox, Benai Akiva etc. They all believe Torah comes first. Why do you think black hatters have a monopoly on this?
Can you please provide a source that states they ask you in shmayim about your ideology and group of people you associate yourself with?
That being said: g-d is outside the realm if time, that is why it says in Sefer Shemos, he is past, present & future. So Hashem is looking in from the outside to all the possibilities that you can ever make and knows the outcome of it. We are in a time-space dimension so it is hard for us to understand an existence not bound by time.
For us, we have the free-will to decide anything we want. As Feynman stated, there are multiple possibilities that can occur within time-space. However, the fact that Hashem is not bound by the dimension, he knows the outcomes of the past, present and future. SO if you do change your mind and the last second, your future also changes, and to hashem it is knows since time does not exist. All dimensions are one. I guess it comes down to Hamyvin Yovin.
Ok, i took a different approach when people were honking. it really upsets me how people have a lack of consideration at 10 PM and later and feel they have a right to honk. When I lived in BP, I went on my balcony and started throwing eggs at cars windshields if they honked. I am not ashamed to say, it felt good and they stopped honking because they were busy trying to clean their windshields:):):)
Huyde LaHashem: I agree. A lot of teachers are not qualified to answer the non standard questions. The problem is they themselves lack an understanding of “emunah”. The christian has this belief of “faith” where one can not question. The term “emunah” does not mean that. Emunah is questioning everything to build a stronger relationship with g-d. The proof is hashem said “Unochi hashem”. There is a mitzvah to believe in g-d. If there is a mitzvah to believe in g-d, where does emunah fit in? Not matter what we see or believe, we need to believe in g-d because it is a mitzvah. Emunah comes in and tells us question things and believe it is all g-d. The point of emunah is to strengthen our resolve in g-d and the only way to do that is through questioning.
I know people will argue against this, but this is what I learned in a shuir and I think it makes perfect sense if people stop and think how it fits in with the mitzvah of Unochi Hashem.
mw13: Do you actually think the “yeshiva” world puts Torah and halacha before everything else? I think that is a “yeshivous” statement but in accurate.
I do not think a black hat or non black hat makes one a better Jew. True, if you wear a black hat you associate yourself to the yeshivous background. But that is not better or worse than people wearing a kipa serugah, leather yarmulka or etc. After 120, they are not going to ask you the color of your hat. I promise you that! They will be asking about your honesty in business, and k’viem Eiten batorah, a set time to learn, not kollel. So the moral of this story is be a good honest Jew and do not worry about your hat!
No. The Godolim theorized why the holocaust happens, but not why it happened.
I think the point a lot of people are trying to make is that there is a tragedy occurring in Japan. Why it happened or the cause of it is not for us to delve in to. We are not Hashsem’s accountants or Navi that knows things. We should feel the tragedy of loss of life and hope everyone, Jews and Non Jews, will be alright. We can strengthen our own middos, learning or anything else. But we do not know the cause of why these tragedies occurred. To suggest otherwise is tipshus.
For example, a tipush could suggest that Japan received two nuclear bombs during WW2 because they housed Mirrer Yeshiva. Maybe hashem was upset with Japan for saving those Jews because they were litvish?? Didn’t you know hashem is a chosid and not litvish? Yes, it is an absurd statement, but when you start making up chashboynus, one can say anything! Leave the booba maises to yourself.
All we know is a tragedy occurred and we should davven for everyone’s heath (yes, there are Jews in Japan) and in the Zchus of them saving all the Jews during WW2, the nuclear reactors should come under control. Amen!
CharlieHall: I actually had that argument with a Skvar Chosid when I saw Moshe Rabaynu with curly payos in New Square. I had to enlighten him what the posek stated when he first came to Midyon. He looked like an Ish Mitzri!! Yes, there are great pshatim on what that means. But the poshet pshat in Posek he looked like a regular Egyptian. Sorry, he looked like an Egyptian prince. Do people think Egyptian princes had curly payos??
The Torah explicitly states that Moshe was chosen because he had a heart and cared for even his sheep. Not that he was a TaLmud Chochum, or was even a Nasi in Israel. He was a jew that cared about other jews. That is what is important. Hats, or yarmulka’s mean nothing if us jews do not have ahavas chinum.
Truth be told: I looked up your source and here is what it says “
Just as a king must always wear a crown, so too it is appropriate that a Chosson wear a felt (not straw!) hat throughout his wedding” (p. 256).
So according to this, the Rov only suggested a hat at the wedding for Chosson Domah L’melech and did NOT require anyone to wear a hat.
Truth be Told: As you mentioned, a HAT. R’ Schachter never said a black hat. It could be a Russian hat, gray, blue or any other type. Per your quotes.
truth be told: Don’t know what you are asking? What does innocence have to do with Hashem taking anyone away?
But to think Hashem would kill thousands of innocent people to send you a message is nonsense. The atrocities in Sodom was clearly spelled out in chumish and all merforshem, which extended to women and children. They were not innocent. If hashem punishes evil people, he would use them as a message, not innocent people. Do you think the Fogel family, A’H and may their blood be avenged, was a message to you? I think that is a sick way of thinking. Leave the calculations to hashem since as a human we are incapable of understanding his derech. Definitely do not make up chashboynis for him.
Truth Be Told: Nice Story, but still does not reflect the beliefs of the Rov. The mere fact that a person always wore a hat the rav felt he should wear one even if it is hot. If you asked the Rov if a YU boy should wear a hat, I am 100% sure his answer would be different.
Rabbi Aaron Rakeffet, who studied under the Rov himself said :To me it’s a compliment that I don’t need [a black hat] to be frum…..because being a Torah Jew is the most important thing in the world.” Did he have anything against it? NO, but wearing a black hat does not make a good Jew.
As my wife is fond of saying, fasting is not for mothers or working people.
Who really cares if one wears a hat or not! THat does not make one a good jew!
Moshiach’s Hat
By Rabbi Yitzchok Feigenbaum
“Twas the night of the Geulah, – And in every single Shtiebel. Sounds of the Torah could be heard coming from every kind of Yeedel.
This one in English Some in Hebrew, some in Yiddish. Some saying Pshat And some saying a Chiddish. And up in Shamayim The Aibishter decreed: “The time has come for My Children to be freed.”
“Rouse the Moshiach From his heavenly berth. Have him get in his chariot, And head down to earth.” The Moshiach got dressed And with a heart full of glee, Went down to earth and entered The first Shtiebel he did see.
“I am the Moshiach! Hashem has heard your plea! Your Geulah has come! It’s time to go free!” They all stopped their learning; This was quite a surprise. And they looked at him carefully, With piercing sharp eyes.
“He’s not the Moshiach!” Said one with a grin, “Just look at his hat, At the pinches and brim!” “That’s right!” cried another With a grimace and frown, “Whoever heard of Moshiach With a brim that’s turned down?”
“Well,” thought Moshiach, “If this is the rule, I’ll turn my brim up Before I go to the next shul.” So he walked right on over To the next shul in town. Sure to be accepted, Since his brim was no longer down. “I’m the Moshiach!” he cried, As he began to enter, But the Jews wanted to know first If he was Left, Right, or Center.
“You’re clothes are so black!” They cried out in fright. “You can’t be Moshiach You’re much too far right!” “If you want to be Moshiach, You must be properly outfitted.” So they replaced his black hat with a kippah that was knitted. Wearing his new Kippah, Moshiach went out and said: “No difference to me what I wear on my head.”
So he went to the next shul, For his mission was dear, But he was getting frustrated with the Yidden down here. “I’m the Moshiach!” he cried, And they all stopped to stare, And a complete eerie stillness filled up the air.
“You’re the Moshiach?! just imagine that! Whoever heard of Moshiach – without a black hat?!” “But I do have a hat!” the Moshiach then said. So he pulled it right out and plunked it down on his head.
The shul started laughing, And one said: “where’s your kop?” You can’t have a Moshiach With a brim that’s turned up!” “If you want to be Moshiach And be accepted in this town, Put some pinches in your hat And turn that brim down!”
Moshiach walked out and said: “I guess my time hasn’t come. I’ll just have to return to where I came from.” So he went to his chariot, But as he began to enter, All sort of Jews appeared From the Left, Right, and Center.
“Please wait – do not leave. It’s all their fault!” they said, And they pointed to each other And to what was on each other’s head. Moshiach just looked sad And said, “you don’t understand.”
And then started up his chariot to get out of this land. “Yes, it’s very wonderful That you all learn Torah, But you seem to have forgotten a crucial part of our Mesorah.
“What does he mean?” “what’s he talked about?” And they all looked bewildered, And all began to shout. Moshiach looked back and answered, “The first place to start, Is to shut up your mouths and open up your hearts. “To each of you, certain Yidden Seem too frum or too frei, But all yidden are beloved In the Aibishter’s eye.”
And on his way up he shouted: “If you want me to come, Try working a little harder On some Ahavat Chinam!”
So Hashem kills thousands of innocent people to send US a message?