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pg, I’ve heard of elderly people marrying under the chuppah without a civil marriage, in order to keep receiving a deceased spouse’s social security benefits. Obviously that’s fraud & happens rarely. I’ve never heard of younger people doing that though.
ronsr, you wrote: “It is not truly a Christian Holiday, but rather a Jewish Holiday (Succoth) that the Pilgrims were trying to celebrate. They got most of the themes correct.”
What is your source for this? Thanks.
I made a mistake in my previous post. The sentence “People in this group are less likely than others to buy cheaper & less nutritious foods for their children or dilute their babies’ formula if they are low on cash.” should have read, “People in this group are more likely…”
Josh31, you are correct in that WIC saves the gov’t money, but neither WIC nor food stamps are intended to promote military readiness (as A600KiloBear pointed out). If food stamps were intended for that purpose, they would be reserved for able-bodied men of draft-eligible age. But actually anyone, of any age, is eligible for food stamps. And WIC is exclusively for pregnant/ nursing/ post-partum women & children under 5; these people are not generally considered good building blocks for the military.
WIC does save money because it is targeted to people who are low-income & nutritionally at risk (although the “nutritionally at-risk” criterion is so broadly defined that almost anyone can meet it). People in this group are less likely than others to buy cheaper & less nutritious foods for their children or dilute their babies’ formula if they are low on cash. By investing in the nutrition of these at-risks babies & children, the gov’t ensures that they are more likely to be healthy, & less likely to need additional gov’t services, as they grow.
I think most frum people using WIC would sooner starve themselves than their children, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone to use it if she qualifies.
Personally I think it’s fine to use these services temporarily if one needs them, but it’s important to have a plan to reach a point where one won’t need them anymore. I don’t think it’s a good idea to rely on low-income programs for the long-term, whether one is studying in grad school or in kollel, because it creates a culture of dependency.
I do pay a lot of taxes now, but given that my taxes fund many gov’t activities I disagree with, I don’t mind the small fraction that goes to these low-income programs. (And even though many of these programs are administered by each state, a significant portion of the funds come from bloc grants from the federal gov’t).
HSS, unemployment insurance really isn’t in the same category as WIC, Medicaid, food stamps, or other gov’t aid programs. To qualify for unemployment insurance, one must work for a certain minimum amount of time & lose one’s job (without being fired for cause). Unemployment insurance is funded by contributions from the employer & the employee. It is meant to replace part of one’s lost income while he looks for work. Unlike the other gov’t programs mentioned there is no means test. Anyone, regardless of assets or household income, can qualify for unemployment insurance as long as he is looking for a job & meets certain other criteria.
Would you say that someone who has assets or whose spouse is working shouldn’t cash his social security check, since other people may need it more?
Josh31, you wrote, “Some “out-of-town” kollels provide stipends such that the recipients are disqualified from getting government support.”
In the central US town where I lived, kollel members did receive a substantial stipend but it was paid as a parsonage, which reduced their taxes & allowed their wives & children to qualify for WIC & Medicaid. This allowed them to obtain cholov yisroel milk using WIC vouchers (at least half of the cholov yisroel milk purchased in this town was purchased using WIC vouchers).
SJS, probably a lot of people will disagree with me here–but I think that toddlers don’t need special instruction in Shabbos/ Yom Tov beyond singing songs, telling stories, and a simple art project or two. My 3-year-old learns about preparing for Shabbos by grocery shopping with me & watching/ helping me cook & bake. Of course we talk about what we are doing also.
Regarding learning about Yom Tov, I think that observing/ helping with Yom Tov preparations helps kids get excited & learn about what to expect.
If you are looking for fun worksheets or project ideas, a good source is http://www.chinuch.org (not sure if the mods will let this through, but it is under the auspices of Torah Umesorah).
HSS, I’ll take that as a compliment. But I’ve disagreed with you more than once here.
Jothar, I’m not HSS, but if a spouse is involved in post-grad science research, he’d likely be earning some sort of stipend (especially if he were an American citizen). Also, the post-grad work would probably be helping the student reach his degree, which should increase his earning power to a point where aid from gov’t programs would be unnecessary. If neither condition applies, I would agree that the student should indeed find another line of work/ study.
haifagirl, I did google as you suggested but could not find any references to controlled studies proving the effectiveness of muscle resistance testing. Surely such a “miraculous” diagnostic tool would withstand that sort of scrutiny, so please point me to any studies that exist.
oomis, health, sorry for the wrong information about antibiotics & thanks for the corrections. I’ve learned that grapefruit should be avoided when taking clarithromycin, erythromycin, and troleandomycin.
haifagirl, thanks for explaining. I agree that it sounds strange, but since you say it works, there must be studies proving that this is an accurate way of diagnosing an allergy. Would you be able to refer me to theose studies so I can read more about it?
haifagirl, what is muscle resistance testing & how does it indicate an allergy?
oomis, drinking grapefruit juice can interfere with absorption of certain medications, but not antibiotics. Sometimes alcohol can exacerbate the side effects of certain antibiotics though.
Jothar, most animals are not domesticated or fed by humans.
plonisalmonis, that sounds very painful. I hope you feel better soon.
Regarding your diet, a GF diet is not likely to help unless you have dermatitis herpetiformis (DH), a form of celiac disease. But since DH is usually symmetrical (appearing in the same part of hands, arms, legs, etc), this seems less likely. If you do have DH, there are medications that can help in combination with a GF diet.
HSS, I agree with some of our points about living out of town but keep in mind that small communities have disadvantages too. I lived in a small Jewish community in the central US for several years. This town has one kosher bakery, a kosher deli, & had a kosher pizza shop during some of the time I lived there. A significant portion of the frum community was klai kodesh, which meant increased tuition for the working poor/ middle-class/ rich to subsidize them (since klai kodesh paid almost no tuition). Kosher food was very expensive, & selection was limited–many people bought kosher food in other cities.
I worked outside the home during this time to support my family, & some people criticized me for this, because I was not a teacher. Also, some people thought we were odd because we did not give our little boys an upsherin, since that was not our minhag. We did not run a business, so we weren’t concerned about frum people patronizing our business (although my husband did provide free professional services to members of the community). Some frum businesses, including a deli & pizza shop, failed while we lived there because they didn’t get enough business.
When my husband finished his training he looked for a job in the area, but there were only 2 big employers hiring in his area of training, & neither paid very well.
Now we live in the NY/ NJ area, in a wonderful, frum, accepting neighborhood. Our house here cost twice as much as our house in the central US, & taxes are definitely higher. However, kosher foods costs less here, & other foods are the same price or cheaper. Peer pressure & competition are not a problem here either.
Of course small communities can be great places to live. My brother lives in one (different region) & is very happy there. But it’s important to make sure it’s the right fit.
haifagirl, I thought the second line goes like this: The bartender looks at them & says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
At least my stock of J&J buddies soaps are still OK.
tamazaball, retinoids used to treat acne can cause liver damage, so patients taking it should have blood tests to monitor for this. Also women should be aware that retinoids can cause birth defects.
cantoresq, I’d read that but forgot; thanks for reminding me. I’d still appreciate if you could share what you know of these comments.
If you are pregnant or have children under 5 you can qualify for WIC (stands for Women Infants Children). Maximum income level varies by state.
I’ve heard of a federal program called LIHEAP, or low-income heating energy assitance program, to help pay utility bills.
cantoresq, I’d be interested in knowing what Gizi Fleischmann said about Kastner.
rivakles, I’ve never had a problem with a baby carrier pulling on my clothes; I wouldn’t use one if it did pull. If you have that problem, maybe another type of carrier would work better for you, or you should stick to a carriage.
Jewess, you articulated my issues with the first story better than I could.
mybat, I’ve found that baby carriers are especially helpful when I’m out with a baby plus one or more other kids. If I’m shopping in a store that only supplies small grocery carts (the kind that can only hold one child) then I can put my baby in the carrier & the toddler in the cart. If I’m walking somewhere where a stroller is inconvenient, I can use the carrier instead. And if I’m out with a few older kids, using a carrier allows me to keep my hands free.
If you are considering buying a carrier, it might be helpful to try out different ones before buying if possible. Most of my friends don’t use them either, but carriers work great for me.
NY Mom, I don’t have an issue with the word “tznius”.
SJS, that’s a new one for me. Why would a baby carrier be considered a breach of tznius? If tznius is about not drawing attention unnecessarily then I’d say that a carrier promotes tznius, since a baby in a carrier is often calmer & quieter than one in a stroller. Plus by using a carrier one can sometimes avoid using a double stroller, which is usually bulkier & more intrusive than a single stroller (or forgo a stroller altogether).
I used carriers for years & never thought there were any tznius issues involved.
(Of course I’m not trying to say that tznius requires that one uses a baby carrier, just that I don’t think they’re relevant to tznius at all).
haifagirl, I’ve heard that many Aggie jokes just substitute “Aggie” for (ethnic slur referring to Polish people) jokes, but this is the first one I’ve heard that included both.
BEST IMA, I’m not too concerned about trying to see the Revital story in the best possible light because I don’t believe it’s true. And, even if someone did write this letter while dying of cancer, it doesn’t mean that she even knows the reasons for it. But the fact is that (if one believes the letter is genuine) she believes that her hair catching on fire & cancer diagnosis were a punishment for her lack of tznius in dress/ behavior, as I wrote in my previous post.
I’m not a kid, and how I look to most people around me is not an issue I’m struggling with, so I don’t think I’m part of the “target audience” for the Revital story. But I also think that many of those who would benefit from hearing an appropriate story about tznius would not react to this one in a positive way. That’s not to say the story is inappropriate here, but rather that its appeal is not universal.
BEST IMA, I’ve read the revital story before & found it disturbing; to me the story is saying, “If you are not careful about how you dress, Hashem will give you cancer.” To me, the Cinemall story says that Hashem performs extraordinary miracles for those who put forth special effort to keep the laws of tznius. I see that most posters disagree with me on this though.
Momof4, I worked full-time (or close to it) with 5 children also k”ah. I agree with rebetzin about letting the cleaning go as much as possible. Also try to keep meals simple, including shabbos meals.
Most important, don’t let negative comments from others let you feel bad about yourself. Every minute that you are working you are helping to provide food, clothing, shelter, and tuition to your family, and easing your husband’s task of providing financial support. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
mepal, have you tried Talbot’s petites? I used to buy clothes there. They have a lot of office-type clothing.
tzippi, I agree that the Revital Avraham story has not been verified in any way. Personally I do not find that sort of story inspiring at all.
Joseph, if Torah comes from the poor, wouldn’t supporting Torah scholars beyond the most basic needs harm their learning? Certainly one should then avoid supporting them “to the point of affluence”, as you advocated above.
SJS, have you tried the pre-tied snood/ tichels? They are much looser than most hats, & if they are touching your head at a different spot they may work better at not triggering headaches. But if doilies don’t work than they may not help…
Missed the edit window–but if you are unexpectedly asked to go outside to help, and you’re not wearing tights, maybe you could say, “it’s freezing, I just want to put on something warmer”. If your parents don’t feel that you’re slacking or criticizing their standards it’s less likely that they’ll mind.
plonisalmonis, thanks for explaining. It’s seems that your parents feel that you are criticizing their tznius standards, so it may be best if you avoid discussing this issue with them. Perhaps it would be best if you try to anticipate when you will be asked to go outside to help–say, if you know that someone is going grocery shopping– and put on tights before that. You could even throw out the garbage without being asked, if this is possible, or go outside to help with the groceries as soon as the shopper returns home. That way your eagerness/ willingness to help would not be questioned.
If you are asked to go outside unexpectedly, and need to put on tights, it may be best if you do not frame the issue as a tznius one, but instead say, “I’m more comfortable wearing tights”.
Joseph, so exactly what is the meaning of the moshol? And exactly how does working in a frum workplace negatively affect someone?
plonisalmonis, how would your parents react if, when they asked for your help, you answered, “I’d be happy to do it, please wait a moment while I put on tights”?
Jothar, Joesph is modeh to #3, but believes that anyone who works for a parnassah, even in a frum workplace, becomes insane.
NY Mom, I didn’t mean to imply that your posts were particularly negative–in fact they were closer to neutral than many I’ve seen. But since so much of the discourse regarding tznius tends to be negative & critical that many women feel overwhelmed & jaded. Therefore positive discussion is particularly important.
Thanks for the info ir. I did not know there was hamotzi GF bread available. My daughter does eat Katz’s products though (the pizza crusts are very convenient).
ronrsr, exactly. My kids’ LL Bean backpacks cost more than no-name backpacks, but I know that if they fall apart I can call for a shipping label & get a new one free of charge. Plus they can be personalized for no extra charge.
How much are Kipling briefcases anyways? I’ve heard of them but they aren’t very popular here.
Where do you buy Heaven Mills products? Are the challahs made with oats?
Sometimes I choose a label as a sign/ proof of quality. One catalog house I patronize guarantees that any item that wears out/ fails will be replaced for free; they even cover shipping. As a result I’m willing to pay more for items from this manufacturer.
oomis, which Campbell’s soups are kosher?
Thanks mchemtob. I use those mixes frequently but I guess I don’t read the whole box.
LeiderLeider…, have you tried this with cake mixes, say Duncan Hines? If so, does the baking time change? Also, since applesauce is sweeter than oil, wouldn’t that make the cake sweeter unless you also adjust the amount of sugar?
Jewess, I agree. They were on sale at my grocery store this week & last–I think I would’ve been paid to take them home. And they do look tasty. I’d figured that’s what you meant but mentioned the other products just in case.
Joseph, perhaps there is no difference for you, but for me the second is easier; sometimes the first is impossible for me. So I was pleased to learn that this is sufficient.
I find myself deeply impressed by the statement that tznius is the primary mitzvah of women, just as talmud torah is the primary mitzvah for men. In most frum communities, men are encouraged to learn more torah through positive reinforcement, and it is generally understood that not all men have the same affinity/ ability in this area.
In fact, according to Joseph’s posts in the kollel thread, even a wife earning a living to support her husband in kollel should only encourage & support his torah growth. She should avoid criticizing him even if she notices that he isn’t using his time as well as he can, since the main point is that he is growing in his learning. And this is something that she is not able to assess for herself.
Perhaps we should consider a similar approach to encouraging greater tznius in dress. Ames noted in an earlier post that this positive approach is yielding great results in her community. And I agree with the example that squeak gave as well, of using positive comments (with an appropriate light touch) to encourage other women to grow in their observance of this mitzvah.
NY Mom, I see that this mitzvah is important to you, and you indicate that you are very careful in how you dress. You seem to be concerned because some women around you are not as careful, and this is having a negative effect on men. This may be a legitimate concern, but perhaps you would accomplish more if you could try to manifest your concern in a more positive way.
For what it’s worth, I probably do dress in a way that meets your standards, and I admit that I’m not very good at noticing other people’s clothing (I’ve always been a geek though I do make the effort to dress appropriately for special occasions). So this is an easy thing for me to say, and likely a lot more difficult to implement. You do have so much energy & enthusiasm and I know you could accomplish a great deal, & maybe this idea would help.
LeiderLeider…, when learning about the halacha of dan l’kaf z’chus I asked my teacher if one is required to imagine even the most farfetched circumstances in order to be m’zakeh someone. For example, if I get on the bus laden with packages, & another frum person doesn’t offer me a seat, do I have to assume that she c”v has a degenerative nerve disease or broken leg that isn’t visible? Or is it enough to assume that she’s had a very difficult day, & is too exhausted to bring herself to get up? I was told that the latter is sufficient, if I would exonerate myself under the same circumstances.