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Mod-80, do you use more than one other screen name on this board?
OP, are you confusing Martin Luther King Jr. with Martin Luther?
lumberjack
bjjkid, you wrote:
“yaakov ovinu also ‘proposed” to lovon to marry his daughter, isnt this diff then proposing to the girl herself?”
Actually, I think some meforshim explain that Yaakov gave Rachel the simanim (that she later shared with Leah) at the well, which means he must have proposed to her then also.
Health,
Do you really think “the left” is afraid of Sarah Palin running for president? I would guess that if President Obama could list his favorites to oppose him as a candidate in 2012, Sarah Palin would be one of the first on the list.
My kids like Get Smart, but it doesn’t appeal to me much.
cv, it seems to me that besides the tremendous zechus you have from raising your children alone and supporting their torah learning yourself, you continue to amass the zechus of supporting torah by supporting your grandchildren’s tuition. Not to mention the zechus of supporting orphans and sick and needy people.
Health, you wrote:
“These are the women who cause the early demise of the man. My grandfather outlived my grandmother by a few years and he was sick first. And they were the same age. There are good women out there.”
Just to clarify, are you saying that any woman who outlives a husband of similar age caused him to die?
Is it possible that one reason people delay checking is because of the (unfounded) stigma associated with being a carrier of one of the genetic diseases? If someone checks with DY before the first date, rather than later in the process, then it’s more likely (just because more matches are being suggested) that at some point a suggested match will be rejected by DY, revealing that both individuals are carriers for one or more fatal diseases. If they wait to check, then the match may well be rejected for other reasons. If both are later redd to and marry non-carriers, their carrier status might never be known.
I’m not saying that this makes sense, but I think that there is a stigma associated with being a carrier exists (even though there are no health risks associated with it as with, say, sickle cell). In fact if I understand correctly, these taboos are the reason behind some of DY’s rules.
Derech Hamelech, I’ve been lurking on this thread and have some questions about your posts.
You wrote,
“It also seems that you missed a point I made earlier in that, we do not know who’s Torah is supporting what aspect of the world. For all you know it is the man in Bnei Brak who has been eating half a slice of bread for breakfast every morning that is responsible for some of the good things that you have.”
My response:
And for all you know it is the Torah of SJS’s husband and children, and G@W and his children, that is supporting the world. Why, then, do you not send money so that SJS’s husband and G@W could cut their work hours and spend more time learning?
You also wrote:
“I have some difficulty understanding your stance. Do you then believe that shevet Yissachar was wrong for making a deal with Zevulun?
If you say that Zevulun chose to accept on themselves to carry Yissachar, then why don’t you chose this (assuming you can afford to)?”
My response:
Do you also have an issue with shevet Reuven, Shimon, Yehudah, etc, since they also did not choose to make such an arrangement with shevet Yisachar or another shevet? If you do have an issue with them, why do you suppose Hashem did not? And if you don’t have an issue with them, why do you have a problem with SJS’s and G@W’s choices?
Mod-80,
A respiratory therapist once told me that many smokers with COPD continue to smoke even while they are on oxygen–right next to their bottles. So they’re risking a much faster death than cancer.
I thought that a widow or divorced woman is halachically required to wait 3 months before remarrying, but there’s no halachically required wait before dating. As SJS noted, it depends on the woman and her situation. Factors that might affect the decision include, in the case of divorce, the length of the separation before, if there was one.
Health,
I chose to birth in a hospital with an OB because I trusted her to decide which interventions were necessary (but if I chose a miwife I’d also want one who’d recommend medically necessary interventions). Of course I carefully chose an OB who was less inclined to intervene unnecessarily. Personally I avoided most interventions though I was hooked up to “the machine that goes ping” (external fetal monitor).
illogicgal,
Just my opinion, but while laboring in water can be great, I’d avoid an actual waterbirth. Risks of waterbirth include infections caused by inhaling infected water or just hyponatremia (which can occur after swallowing a couple of mouthsful of clean water).
Tzvi Hirsh,
Do couples without children not love each other?
I knew a woman (and she definitely had yichus) who used to say, “Yichus is like potatoes; the best part is underground”.
I’d like to try being each of my kids, at least for a little while, so I could really understand what they deal with. I think it would make me a better parent.
Thanks for clarifying that WM. I should’ve re-read your first post. But really anyone who knows about celiac would, or should, assume that ice cream cones, by default, contain gluten. So I don’t think you told her anything she shouldn’t have known anyway.
I agree with RuffRuff on this one. If anything, you helped the owner by giving the impression that he is concerned about his customers and meticulously honest about the contents of his products. Yes, the caller was looking for gluten-free cones now, but the next time she is considering purchasing bakery items she’ll remember that when she called this bakery she received an honest answer. And since she was looking for gluten-free items for her daughter’s classmate, chances are she generally is not concerned about gluten. (Even people with a gluten-free family member don’t necessarily serve only gluten-free products at home–we don’t).
minor nitpick: it’s called gluten intolerance, not gluten allergy.
The sound of the kids at the dinner table–several minutes of nearly total silence while they eat, followed by at least a few minutes of conversation with a minimum of argument. I don’t get this every day, but more often than not.
I also love the sound of babies laughing, but I don’t have any now. My sister has an infant son, and sometimes when she’s holding her baby while I talk to her on the phone I’ll say something funny, just because he laughs when she does.
I also love listening to my two youngest kids greet each other after school. They will sometimes hug each other and then talk about their day.
Gabboim, not so much initially, but now he is. Of course he speaks to and visits his parents frequently, as his work schedule allows, just without us.
Oomis, it’s true that when my in-laws were just nasty to me I didn’t have the courage to keep my children away from them, even when they interfered in my marriage. But when they saw that I ignored it they escalated by attacking my kids, and that’s when I found my backbone.
Unfortunately I know from a negative experience with my husband’s sister (long story short: she told my husband that I had no bitachon and did not love my children, because I would not quit the job that was supporting our family to live on government programs) that if I put anything in writing with these people they will twist it against me.
I did feel very guilty about limiting contact but after consulting both a rav and a therapist I was told that limited, carefully supervised phone calls and visits are the only type of contact they should have with my children.
Oomis, I’m deeply impressed by how much effort both you and your husband put into your relationship with your in-laws. However, as other posters have noted, sometimes even the greatest efforts on the part of the daughter-in-law will not result in a good relationship. My husband’s parents unfortunately criticized me to my face and behind my back to my husband. I endured it for my husband’s sake and because I felt it was good for my children to have a relationship with their paternal grandparents. We continued to visit with them for a week or more at a time (at their insistence) and to host them for similarly long visits.
When they decided to take their dislike for me out on my children, mocking my daughter to her face, I finally found the courage to limit their contact with myself and my children.
Just to clarify: I don’t think Palin-Bachmann would be a suitable ticket to run the country. But I do think it would be entertaining to watch them run.
I’ve heard some advocate for Palin-Bachmann. That would be interesting.
myfriend,
I think it would be very strange if Judge Millian and the producers of the show did not have the plaintiffs and defendants appearing on the show sign some sort of waiver authorizing the judge to investigate their claims. (If anyone familiar with how the show works could comment on that, I’d appreciate it.)
This question is for those who are familiar with the show: does Judge Millian see the case for the first time while the show is televised? I would think that she’d want to review the evidence before. And if that’s the case, she may have already examined the wig and noticed the discrepancy between the receipt and the damaged wig. She may even have called Georgie to do some preliminary investigation before the show was televised.
I agree with Judge Millian that it’s surprising that the couple did not bring in documentation attesting to their claim that three experts had examined the wig and declared it unsalvageable. If the documentation had included testimony to the quality and value of the orginal wig (which an expert would have recognized even in its damaged state) then perhaps the embarrassment could have been avoided.
myfriend has repeatedly asserted that Judge Millian violated the plaintiffs’ confidentiality rights in calling Georgie’s. Are any posters familiar with what documents the people appearing on this show have signed? Is it likely that the defendants signed papers authorizing the judge to investigate the case, or not? If not, Judge Millian took a big risk.
I agree with the posters who said that now is not the time to give mekoros, unless the parents specifically ask for them.
B”H I’ve never lost a child but last summer I sat shiva under difficult circumstances. A former classmate called me to be menachem avel and said, “Hashem doesn’t give nisyonos to those who can’t handle them, so you must be a very strong person”. I know she meant well, but frankly at the time I’d have preferred that Hashem consider me a little less strong, if it would’ve meant not experiencing that.
Helpful,
It’s true that there are inyanim regarding the qualifications of married people vs. single people, with respect to, as you noted, davening for the amud and also teaching young children. However, these apply to men, not women. Unless you are saying that married women may daven for the amud on yomim noraim.
Paging Dr. Godwin…call for you on line one.
Helpful,
Because it seems that the posters here are giving gifts to service people with whom they interact on a regular basis, in order to encourage favorable treatment and/ or because it’s generally expected. Therefore it wouldn’t fall into the category of “lo seichanaim”, since it’s given for a reason.
charliehall,
Jefferson was actually a deist (like Franklin), I thought, but to Christians he might’ve seemed to be an unbeliever.
Also, it’s interesting to note that despite his personal beliefs, Washington did not consider the United States to be a Christian nation (see Treaty of Tripoli).
TheChevra,
“Lo Seichanem” refers to gifts or flattery bestowed for no reason (from the shoresh chinam). See Rashi on Parshas V’Eschanan where this mitzvah is mentioned for more info.
Most holiday tips would not seem to fall into this category.
aries, I really like that post and agree with your points about mesiras nefesh and judging others.
minyan gal, it’s not a book, it’s a short story. It’s anthologized in a couple of books I know of: _Wandering Stars_ and _Immodest Proposals_. The story isn’t that much like the forward you posted, but somehow the forward reminds me of the story (maybe because humorous science fiction with a Jewish theme isn’t a well-populated genre).
minyan gal, that is an interesting one.
Somehow the beginning of it reminds me of William Tenn’s “On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi”.
Moq,
I didn’t resent the klai kodesh or their lifestyle. As long as I was able to work, I truly felt great pride in being able to provide for my children’s education by paying full tuition. I mentioned details about our lifestyle to illustrate that, despite our best efforts, there was nothing we could trim in our budget that would allow us to continue to pay full tuition on my husband’s salary alone (which was about 80% of the base salary kollel members and rebbeim received).
What I did resent was that when I asked for a tuition break after losing my job, my kids were threatened with expulsion. In my opinion, kids should not be kicked out of school because their parent lost a job.
I mentioned that klai kodesh did not pay tuition because this increased financial pressure on the school. Since 2/3 of students paid no tuition, the operating costs of the school had to be paid by the parents of the other 1/3 of the students, along with community donations. Because the school was so small, they could not benefit from the same economies of scale as larger schools. Nor did they have the same access to quality teachers as schools in larger communities do.
These financial pressures are unique to small Jewish communities, and can make tuition there an even larger burden than in mid-size communities.
A versatile one from the late Senator Moynihan:
“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts”
Moq,
I lived in a small out-of-town community in the central US. Despite the fact that homes were much cheaper than in Flatbush, I couldn’t afford to stay at home because of tuition. Most parents in the school were klai kodesh (rebbeim or kollel members), and paid little to no tuition. Since my husband was in school, we didn’t count as klai kodesh and were expected to pay full tuition (which was quite high, at least 75% greater than the actual cost per student, in order to subsidize the klai kodesh).
Unlike the klai kodesh families, we could not afford cleaning help, new clothes (we got hand-me-downs from relatives) or vacations, since we paid full tuition. When I lost my job while pregnant and could not find another, I asked for a tuition break. The executive director of the school berated me for my inability to find another job and threatened to kick my children out of school, claiming that schools in cities such as Baltimore never provide tuition breaks when parents lose jobs (I found out later that this is not true). Although he didn’t kick my kids out, my daughter was bullied by other students and we were ostracized in the community.
Not long after we moved to a wonderful, warm NJ community where my husband found a good job and we found good schools there for our children. Recently our personal and financial situation changed, and currently we are barely able to pay tuition. My children’s schools have been amazingly warm and supportive, and are responsive to my children’s needs. They recognize that my situation precludes me from working outside the home, and have not pressured me to find work in order to pay tuition.
Living out-of-town doesn’t mean mothers can stay home with their kids. Often out-of-town school have a smaller parent base, along with a higher persenctage of non-paying students, so tuitions can be higher than at in-town schools.
Moq,
Why do you say that it’s financially easier for a mother to stay at home out-of-town than in town?
One sister finished training right before her wedding, but the other is doing a fellowship now. Her husband has a more flexible job, so they travel together to seminars and conferences. Most fellowships are less time-consuming and more flexible than residencies though (internship is the first year of residency and often the most intense).
I do know of women who’ve married during medical school or residency and had babies during those years. Generally I’d say that they have supportive spouses and/ or support from family and friends–just like men who start families during med school and residency do.
frumladygit,
Of course I can’t speak for all professional women, only from personal experience. My two sisters are happily married physicians. I can assure you that their husbands do not think of them as “another man”; one sister has a newborn and the other is expecting iy”h next year.
I can understand, somewhat, why the Yated does not publish pictures of women. But I’ve noticed that increasingly they don’t even mention women’s names. For example, an article about a wedding will mention the names of the chosson, the chosson’s father, and the kallah’s father, but no women’s names at all. This would lead some to believe that some publications are indeed attempting to erase women’s presence from Jewish history, because what could be wrong with mentioning a woman’s name?
SJS, I have to agree that just because a babysitter is frum doesn’t mean she is capable.
I lived in a town where there were no frum women who provided childcare in their homes. Most women hired non-Jewish sitters to care for their children in their own homes. I hired a frum woman to care for my infant and toddler, thinking that this would be better than a non-Jewish sitter. One day I came home from work (8 hours plus commuting time) and she told me that my daughter hadn’t drunk her bottle or anything else all day. I asked her why she didn’t call to tell me this at work, and she shrugged. When I questioned her further I realized that she’d been offering my daughter the same bottle all day, without washing and refilling it. Of course my daughter refused refused it, because it hadn’t been refrigerated all day and was spoiled.
That day I told her it wasn’t going to work out. Afterwards my neighbor told me that she had seen the sitter neglect my children and had been concerned, but didn’t want to tell l”h on a frum person.
After that I sent my children to a Jewish daycare center. It was more expensive but they received excellent care.
Hello Sean,
I don’t know of a Rabbi who has experience with autistic kids because I haven’t had those sorts of questions.
It seems that your wife’s past sensory issues are not interfering with her dressing in religiously appropriate ways today. It’s possible that allowing your daughter to wear pants now will not preclude her from wearing skirts and dresses when she is older. Of course I’m not a Rabbi, but it seems to me that if she takes a little longer to “move forward” in terms of her dress this is not at all the same as moving backward. Just as your daughter may need more time to get used to different textures, sounds, and other experiences than do other children, she may also need more time to become accustomed to wearing skirts/ dresses.
Hello Sean,
I have a son who is on the spectrum.
My oldest child has been GF for almost 10 years now (she’s not on the spectrum but has celiac, confirmed by biopsy). When we eat at other people’s homes I just tell them that my oldest is GF, explain a bit about it, and offer to bring my own bread/ matza. We are not casein-free at all though.
I don’t know what to suggest about your daughter’s sensory issues. Have you considered leggings or tights, which would be less likely to bunch up? Culottes may be difficult to find but might work for her.
Regarding whether it would be OK for her to wear pants only: Perhaps you could find a Rabbi who is experienced with special needs children to asnwer those questions. Posters on “regular” parenting forums simply may not understand special needs. He may tell you that allowing your daughter to wear pants due to her sensory issues is still consistent with your wife’s move towards greater tznius in dress.
I truly admire your efforts and wish you good luck.
When my daughter was running a fever, her pediatrician recommended alternating doses of ibuprofen (advil) and acetaminophen (tylenol) so you are taking one med every 2 to 3 hours.
coke, have you considered a heating pad for cramps? There are one-time use heating pads that you can buy at most pharmacies. I’ve used them for muscle pains and found them very helpful.
Ben Torah,
Dr. Pepper is correct that I’m an engineer, though I’m not working outside the home now.
I barely used Fourier Transforms after I learned them. I think I used them a few times for grad courses but never on the job. However, I needed to understand them to do well in Diff Eq, which was a prerequisite for various undergrad and grad courses.
Having a good GPA helped me qualify for a scholarship from the National Science Foundation that supported me through grad school. And all that helped me when I was applying for jobs too.
And of course, the ability to acquire new skills through independent study is essential no matter what you do.
Moq is correct in noting that some of those sentenced to death are not guilty of the crimes for which they’ve been convicted. This happened so many times in Illinois (most notably to Cruz and Hernandez, who were convicted solely on the basis of a false confession and circumstantial evidence) that the governor declared a moratorium on the death penalty in that state.
One effective deterrent to crime might be a true sentence of life without parole, one that is not reduced due to prison overcrowding or good behavior.
Mother in Israel, swimmers shave (probably arms and legs too) to reduce drag.
Schaum’s outlines are great! I used it for Diff Eq & would never have learned Fourier Transforms without it.