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student : that is the whole thing! I am overweight but I was eating a home baked health raisin bran muffin low in sugar! It doesnt matter what you are eating. People assume fat ladies should not be eating at all!
Oh my, I have a story. We once got this crazy goyter, and she was like trying to show me that she was able to be like us. She would talk yiddish words to the children, or question and initiate inquisitvely about our customs, recipes.
I got rid of her when she pushed the last button. She left a hand written note in my door one day that the Jewish Public Library holds “learn Yiddish” courses for beginners on wednesdays and if I want she can take my children there on the bus.. and bring them home safely too.
Well, considering we are a yiddish speaking family living amongst chassidim and that we really didn’t need her offer. That wasn’t why I got rid of her. IT WAS JUST WEIRD!!!!
popa_bar : You are not clear on your above message – who needs therapy? THe people who are willing to eat in public or the ones who are too shy?
I just experienced this today in public. I and another woman were sitting in the Doctor’s office (pregnant) and I opened up my snack. After all its ok, I reasoned, its normal to eat snacks when you’re pregnant, and I am hungry afterall….
Then I sensed everyone was looking at me. I tried not to be embarrassed and tried to eat as aidel as I could. I tried to act like a lady.
Then I was relieved another hungry lady opened up her snack and started, seeing as I was making the way open for snacking in public, I guess.
However, one lady sitting with her husband, when she snacked on her fruit salad also later in the waiting room, was eating self consciously even in front of her husband. It was like an immature act she was putting on. Even though she was only 110 lbs. THen she accidently dropped a half grape on her shirt and became embarrassed and turned to him for support and re-assurement if she has dirtied herself up.
I feel, being a woman, that the answer to all this social phenomenon is that we definately enjoy eating but are ashamed of it, becasue indulging and gluttony are inter related and we women definately don’t want to portray that image to the world. Even if we do eat like animals sometimes in the kitchen at home.
We do care more what people think of us, than men care.
I am turning myself in, (sort of).
I ADMIT-
I am an old member from another name, but I was ousted and thrown out, so I came back as another gilgul running with scissors, but not maliciously, don’t worry.
THis is not the worst shidduch date ever, (maybe for my husband but for me it was just funny….
When I first met my husband, we went to a park to eat a small picnic I had prepared. When we were done, I insisted that he and I ride on the see-saw. You know a teeter totter. He, being the kind, and willing type of easy going fellow he is gave in and did it.
…and me being the chubby lady I am, held him up in the air for a good minute laughing. He was up high and I was low.
I still don’t know how I was so crazy as to do that! What was I thinking? I must have been so immature. Oy.
Dont worry we dont pull such things today.
It makes sense to me, in the most simple way, because he would then have the chance to correct his damage, be nice to her, learn to give and love her, its a tikkun for the aveira. Be nice to the one you hurt! What better way.
Maybe the hanhaloim of the girls’ schools should first check which baby pacifier clip the baby’s wearing before considering your eligible discount on tuition?
How are schools suppose to handle this? I agree its a BIG problem. I personally heard of a lady who was being “hassled” by the school to pay up and she kept on saying I am sorry I can’t..I don’t have…and finally,, her husband asking them not to harrass her as she cannot cope and take it.
Next time they saw her at a party she was sporting a NEW fur coat!
Bombmania, there is one other point I forgot to mention. Throughout reading all of the above, it is apparent how much time it must have taken to carefully depict this story as you carefully have written it, and also you do not sound as though you are searching for sympathy. That takes a lot of strength because as obvious as it is that you have suffered, you are past needing others to feel sorry for you!
bombmaniac, YOu have no idea how your story has touched my heart, and brought tears to my eyes, and how much respect I have for you and all you have been through in your young life.
I wish you the best. And am sure through all your pain and hardship there is a beautiful rainbow at the end, whereby you will and are growing from this Challenge HKBH has put on you.
One day, as you are even doing now, you will im yirtze hashem be free from this situation and moved far past, where you’re in a stronger place to help out to others.
Bravo for so eloquently putting this into words. Very articulate, and emotional too. I applaud you for sharing. THanks
in answer to your origninal question if it isn’t too gashmiusdik and ostentanious, I would say it depends on where you’re coming from and what your standards of living are .
On one hand its a norm amongst most ppl in WIlliamsburg and chareidim who tend to updo and over do looks of anything, into fancykite.
On the other hand, it could be a serious choking hazard if you don’t watch an older child eating them.
On the other hand, they are gorgeous. butthe latest fashion of sumi clips I have seen are these ones crocheted from a cotton Israeli material, VERY GORGEOUS, and I wouldn’t hesitate to spend $25 for one. I don’t know how they do it but its like balls connected.
HaLeivi asked BT’s and Gerim a good question “To those who did make the decision, was it an intellectual discovery, or an inner feeling, or a deeper pull based on both or more? ?
I fall under these categories, so I am qualified to answer.
I had like little signs and guide posts all along the way from the time I was a kid, until I made my move back to Yiddishkeit as an adult. So it was like a feeling, or a spiritual intuitive thing. However, there were things in the goyisher velt that just didn’t sit right with me, that I KNEW deep down were wrong. FOr example, in my wild early 20’s I went into living and sharing accomodations with a Yoga Student, and one day I come in the kitchen to find a big huge stone budda statue sitting on the shelf where a microwave oven should be. So it like really irked me, and I couldn’t work around it, so I threw a tea towel over its head! THe yoga student came home, dumbfounded and couldn’t understand why I would do that.
I never thought out my return. I never weighed or accounted things. I just knew it made sense after having fasted holding myself in different yoga postures, meditating in the wild, Bowing to Allah in the middle east, and praying on Ramadan, after eating vegan and reading books on how to be enlightened. I just woke up one day and said “You know…if i was born a Jew…maybe there was a reason. Maybe G-d made me a Jew for a reason, and there are answers there. Maybe i should just go check it out”. After all I have tried everythign else, and I ought to respect the path I was born into.
And voila,,,The truth is Great!
My husband uses Jastrow a lot
Groisnachas-You have asked a valid question which truly reflects a weak point in our charachter as a Jewish Community. So many times we find ourselves wondering and worrying what the neighbors may say. But there comes times in one’s life when you have to make a move, take a stand and act for your own self interest, and NOT GIVE A CARE what others may think.
Its none of her business. You do NOT owe her an explanaion in the first place. When you remove your hair covering in front of her, you learn to do it very discreetly, quickly switching into the next thing you’re throwing on. And if/when she sees there is no hair there anymore you do not explain. If she is so bold or rude as to question you what you did to yourself, you remain silent.
Silence sometimes is the strongest answer. sometimes it means “none of your business”. YOU do not owe anyone an explanation. In fact, if you were to lower yourself to giving out explanations, then she might laugh and turn to her neighbors and say “did you know Mrs. So and So shaved off her hair just cause some Rebbe told her to!!!”
SOmetimes you learn to just be strong in order to do the right thing. SOmetimes people do laugh and you learn to be strong through the cackling, and then learn that after a while the cackling dies down, and that deep down they are really in admiration of you after all.
i agree with mandy’s comment above.
Even if the man humbly approached me, and was an 80 year old bent over little chassidisher dayan, averting his eyes, to the floor while barely whispering his message to me…Its still really weird.
groisnaches
WHen a very holy man like the Skulner Rebbe gives an answer to YOUR QUESTION ( you were after all searching for truth- he just delivered the message) …its not to be taken lightly.
Emunas chachamin means that we believe/know they see things we are not aware of through ruach hakodesh. They dont “make it up as they go along”.
I just realized from your post that you are probablly a woman!
I fully encourage you to start shaving. THis is a seriously heilig zach. THe brachos and the protection you will have from this are going to be tremdous. THe tzinus, the hishbua it will have over your family, household, your children. There is no telling how far taking a thing upon yourself will take you- FOr Good!
WHen the rabbonim instituted this practice by making a tachuna many hundreds of years ago, across Europe, they forsaw the need Klal Israel has for this. (not that I am fully enlightened about their reasons). However, I do know that it must be great because the yetzer hara will bring forth arguments in your mind why not to do it.
And they are really trivial arguments afterall. Because if to a married jewish woman the hair is anyways irrelevant since its under cover, what do you care if its gone or not?
Let me tell you soemthing. Many many many years ago, I was a young lady in my early 20’s ‘searching;. i had gorgeous long hair. It was really pretty.
And I went from that to a short hair cut and then one day I just did it! shaving! I decided that that was the right thing to do and I became a chasidishe house wife too!
Don’t think too much into it, or your head gets in a logical battle ground, and your heart will find it hard to do the holy thing.
No one has to know you are doing it! You anyways cover your head, so ……
Hatzlucha and much bracha !!!!
Let me tell you all something. If I were in a dress shop trying on something and some “Frum ” man was staring at me good enough to figure out what I was trying on was too tight, and then he comes over to me to help me out by giving me kosher mussar….
Oh whoa..you dont even want to know what I’d do. Dont even go there! First I’d turn white pale, then red, then white then wish the floor would open to eat me up like Korach, then I would glare at him with hate and curses, having been made ashamed by someone who had no place to do that, then I would try not to tell him off with every good statment I could think of. I would be really upset in short!
I actually have been blessed Kinanahara with a pretty good memory and my first earliest memory I am aware of is sitting in my crib in a pamper wanting milk in my bottle. I was around 2 or under.
Gavra at work….Its not your place, and I was especially shocked to learn you are a man, because I thought this was a woman writing this, as I wouldn’t even consider a man was writing such a thing!
this is not an area for a man to even consider writing this “shalah” even in the CR! Just don’t look, don’t think.!
is the pump only for Type I ?
oy, shlishi,,,that is hilarious. I almost agreed with everything in the Guide from 1955 that you posted except “Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
WHo says his topics are more important? I am the one running the house and kids from within, so my take, observations and evaluations on the situation at home are just as if not more important!
Anyways, I like it very much. And anyways, if any jewish frum healthy woman wanted to follow it, she would be not taking a risk that her husband would take advantage of her kindness and mentchlikite, since this is the nature of a healthy frum marriage.
Gefen, good point…Its just NOT realistic to “Perform” like this 100% of the time! I hope y’all realize that when I told you all the above I definatley don’t do that every day! Its just a rarity unfortunately that the house is immaculate, and that its quiet, but the company service and smile with a coffee is pretty standard, unless I am harried from baking, dr’s appts and life! And it is exhausting btw, even without doing it each day!
BUt we like to sit together and have that 15 mins to just “Touch base” its soo important. But..but..one thing I must admit is that the conversation usually turns to me kvetching about the latest “disaster” or appliance that is not working right, or the overdrawn bank acct, and the shopping and life’s little headaches. BUT BUT I do notice that if I dont’ complain, (for no good reason, and especially not for the first 15 mins) and just keep up a happy up beat sort of encounter, it really makes his day.
However, there are times, when its legitamately needed to voice a complaint, and I have to say it. But not 24 hrs a day, and definately not when he comes home.
Listen, think of today’s men in modern day galus as the men of Mitzraim – minus the whips, at the end of the work day, they put down the slave work for a few hours to come home for respite, a bite to eat and see the wife and 100 babies (lol) and then its bedtime until the next day. Day after day struggling to make it all work, and they do suffer out there, but with bitachon and hope in their hearts, looking forward to those few minutes of respite in the home from the 6 days of hard labor in the week.
And of course waiting for Shabbos like a thirsty parched desert wanderer alongside waiting for the Geulah.
We can at least try to make them feel good in the home.
By the way, I am not going to deceitfully paint a picture of myself here that I am a perfect angel. I can be a real trouble maker with a yetzer hara, and hormones and a mouth at times, just like anyone. Don’t think I am not human!
So having painted the similarity between our men today and the men in the generation of Mitzrayim, let’s think how it would further weaken and break them psychologically and physcially and spiritually if at the end of each day the wife waited for him to return home, and he comes home only to hear ..” OY..the heat is too much, why can’t we live by the Nile- it would be cooler, I dont have food for the children, they are starving. Why can’t Hashem just get us out of this place already…oy..I am so tired of living like this…I hate my life…
Its debilitating and we have to have bitachon.
aries, you REALLY are smart! That whole long shpiel up there was like so well written, I felt I was reading a first time home buyers column in Chatelaine Magazine or something! I learned a lot.
you are really weird/funny! Why don’t you write unique Jewish tale books for children.
If you are talking about buying a house in the usual, honest, kosher $ way,,,, I have NO IDEA how folks do it! WHere I live, a flat goes for $400,000 and a detached NICE one about $880,000. Now banks are demanding a 25% downpayment. So..do the math and see if you can come up with any ideas….I have none!
One thing I do that makes my husband feel like a million dollars, is when he comes in from work, if the house is clean and put together, and quiet, and he sits down comfortably in the living room, I serve him a platter of nuts/fruits/coffee or tea, with a smile, and sit with him and give him my company.
Even after that, if a wife will show that she wants to help and serve him in all his tasks for the rest of the evening, like preparing for tommorrow things, his lunch, or his clothes.
Even if I am not happy I notice that if I just pretend or try it makes him happy to put on a smile.
You know what? I think that Child Protection Services might/should/could/would step in, as the kid gets older and is affected by this.
Thanks Gefen, I am gonna print and laminate a copy for us!
This just reaffirms what my husband has always said “THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF CRAZY PPL IN THE WORLD”.
The parents mentioned above, are going to go roughly through life, because every event or normal daily occurance such as a simple check up at the pediatrician will produce hosility and animonsity on behalf of the parents against any party who assumes and refers to the patient as a male. Whether it be in school or in a social game, extra curricular activities, They will constantly be at war against society’s norms. This is the most telling as far as what damage they are doing as far as putting the child at psychological risk.
no
Not only is there no harm being done, but how much good !? Only Hashem knows.
NO my husband was not a widower. I took this upon myself since they can use my being mispallel for them in every holy way.
whoa. I didnt expect this thread in my honor. Thanks stuffed cabbage. I must admit I didnt make it up though. I once saw many many years ago an online name similar to this one so now I took it. At that time I also was very fascinated by the idea of running with scissors, just as you are.
its the first big No no we learn as children.
I also must admit I never run with scissors. I also am a responsible mother who teaches admantly to my children to carry the scissors, knives safely behind their backs – always with the sharp end facing down.
Oh no, BSD, I have the funniest thing to add. I dont like short like you.
I never asked a sha’alah, however I am remarried, and I DO light for all my husbands children from his previous marriage.
what does iodine help with?
And does anyone know how I too can write a little cute quip under my CR user name like the funny ones other people have?
I have no idea how you do that.
This is the most funniest yet twisted question I have ever come across.
I would say that in answer to your question, the real essence of being jewish has nothing to do with performing mitzvos.
Mitzvos are a bonus thing. A way to earn rewards and bring yourself to love Hashem and make Him happy.
Women are busy doing their own mitzvos. The ones above are not the only mitzvos in the Torah.
Being Jewish is a soul thing. A belief in Ha Kodesh Baruch Hu, the instintual middah every yid posses to have rachumonis on another human being, and to abhor and hate idol worship.
On the more practical note side of this, if Abishter wanted he could have intended all those mitzvos you mention above, for women too. And He didn’t.
Are men realParents just because they don’t carry a child for 9 months and give birth to it, then nurse it?
Its just that Aibishter didn’t intend for that part of the avodah to men.
oy oy oy that is sounds so annoying.
I would just say “Yoy mommy PLLLeaasseeeE ask me before you take anything from my house! Please. Ok? I dont like that.”