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I am sorry to write this, because I am probablly going to ruffle a lot of feathers but I went to a modern orthdox/chassider chasuna in Boro park in the past 6 months, and I was shocked. I felt my stomache clenching and I wanted to run out of there, i felt my soul was screaming.
There was a complete disregard and lack of sensitivity of tnzius. Meaning that ok although technically speaking a neckline may have been kosher but the dress was so tight, the shoes attention seeking, 3 inches little points, panty hose that are so thin it does not look like she has any. The band was stationed at the entrance of the ballroom and ladies were dancing in clear view of the men who were standing on their side of the stage.Obviously thriving off the idea that they are attractive and enticing.
Men were watching ladies dancing. The ladies had on provactive, head-turning tight dresses. LOng sheitals and tons of makeup.
I felt weak and sick. I felt nauseaus watching a woman posing attractively for photos in public in the lobby for her husband who was shooting the camera. Of course turning heads.
Mamish I couldn’t eat the food.
I felt I had to get out of there.
WOrld of difference between that and the chasunas in Williamsburg or Monroe!
I always think of the Mods as the police of the place.
Or like the damp towel like say when you are a teenager and having fun with your friends but then your mother sticks her head in to say something, and then you’re like…ooh.
Just my opinion
You are all aruging amongst yourselves when actually these are screen names are just faceless nameless people in cyberland??? Its a waste of time, no?
and “always here” has got to be English- her use & knowledge of the language, is impeccible. not too many americans know what means a dolt.
I agree with msseeker. Satmar has true Torah Ideals all the way and is pure through and through.
Absolute best way is to interview them…in THEIR CURRENT APT!
I had a landlord come to visit me in my apt for the preview…he saw I was clean and put together. Its the best way to get a “feel” of the person.
ANYTHING that you might suspect….but which your friend has chosen to not yet share with you should not be brought up by you until they want to share that with you.
people are entitled to privacy and to not share everything with friends. In other words its nobody’s business if they have something. If they want you to know they will tell you.
basket of radishes. go figure. you want to be a vegetarian! lol
But seriously, I commend and support your decision because my husband and I basically hold this way. He is more strict about it, than I. He only eats chicken and only on shabbos or yom tov.
I was a vegetarian for over 7 years, and at times a vegan and macro biotic nut. I was happy when I started eating fish again though. It helped me mentally and emotionally.
I am a spiritual extremist by choice. I took the ultra ultra orthodox upon myself, by choice. I live amongst a sect that is known to be shtark and extreme. However, I do not regret that. Its just that sometimes I feel like I am lonely at the top.
Sometimes I feel like I was sitting on a landscape and that I worked very hard with a scissors to cut myself and landscape off from the surrounding map but now I am isolated floating .alone.
neighbors don’t replace family and ..whatever. sorry to complain.
600 Kilo Did Barney the dinosaur die too? Did I miss something?
I learned this from “daily hilchos bein Adom L’chavero”: Under : Love your Fellow as Yourself:
We are obligated to love and do chessed for all
people of unsound mind and even people who are no
longer alive. Acts of kindness to the deceased (such
as burying and eulogizing them) are of particular value, because we perform them without any expectation of reward.
There is no mitzvah to love akum (although in some cases, for the
On the other hand, the Torah demands that we be caring even toward
someone who is to be executed by the Sanhedrin, in which case
Wow.. Derech Hamelech, YOu are my Rebbe. LOL
Ok that is exaggerating, but what I just read that you wrote gave me a good new perspective and also the goosebumps.
That is really neat.
Its great how you can come up with these mooshils. Like having eaten porridge and now complaining about eating off golden plates.
How do you do it? ARe you a maggid shiur?
I liked wanderingchana’s post, and mostly I can say it goes for me as well. We gave up ties with old friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and broke lose from the family. Breaking all ties.
I gave up goyisher good rock and roll. I gave up my long hair, my freedom, and bookshelf filled with philosophies. I threw out all my kids’ fairy tales and curious george books. I threw out lots of clothes, photos, and non kosher dishes.
I turned in my license to freedom and free spiritedness. Stopped hitchhiking across America and searching for happiness. I stopped emailing links to the past, and stopped watching “All in the Family” with Archie Bunker.
I stopped being a fanatic about recycling and eating an organic vegetarian diet. I stoppped dreaming about the sculptures I’d make, or the tapestries I’d embroider.
I gained a new perspective when things went wrong. I stopped blaming everyone and everything and saw it was Hashem.
I gave up my name I had grown up by, and stopped riding in the front seat, for tznius.
In short, I have not given up enough. I want my life and my soul to be a korban offering.
Aries I think you`re one of the kindest and smartest people in the CR.
Nothing beats digging in sand on a beach! Not even a sandbox
Legen-dary, your description of this chasan sounds like my husbands’ type of personality. He definately acts very shy and modest and humble and temimesdik in public. For example, in public he will not lean close in to me when we’re talking, he stands at a distance.
During our chuppa and mitzva tanse he did not look at me either. Its a modesty thing.
OP you have brought up an emotional topic for me. Toys. Or, more precisely One Toy, I shall never forget. When I was 8 years old in 1983 I once bought from a yard sale a gorgeous hand made knitted doll that had been made probablly for a baby gift, and never used. I paid .25 cents for it and was so proud and pleased with her. I still can recall vividly how she smelled of a fabric softener of some sort. She had that fresh clean scent of a baby. I had a name for her. I kept her all these years until recently. …let me explain…
As I grew up I generally brought her out less and less, but still kept her near – like in the closet. And she somehow retained that scent. Once in a while, even as a married woman I would bring her out and take a good whiff, of her, pushing my nose deep into her belly, trying to recapture that comforting smell she one had, or still had, or maybe it was just my imagination. Sometimes when I was emotional, or feeling sad, misunderstood or overwhelmed or insecure, I would sleep with her under my arm.
However, it really bothered my husband, I could tell. He was like ” Grow up?” So I tried not to do it. I told myself it was immature afterall.
But over time, I had come to realize that whatever associations I have with her and my past, and my childhood were sad recollections, sad hopes and dreams never materialized, and so i wanted to heal, and throw it all away. To get on with my life. So one day I decided to throw her out. I put her in the garbage erev pesach this past yomtov. I dont think i should regret it, but when i saw her little sweater remained behind in the toy cupboard with my kids doll clothes, I got emotional recently. I wasn’t trying to punish her by throwing her away. I just really wanted to get past those sad years of my childhood. And not feel like a helpless little girl anymore.
And funny enough….even until now, whenver I lay sad in my bed at night, feeling misunderstood, and insecure I remember her with a terrible pain and regret for having thrown her out. And I wish I could smell her and feel her under my arm.
Otherwise I really don’t think of her. However, I haven’t mentioned her name here in this small story of mine, because it will upset me. And I might get all regretful again.
But I liked how you mentioned you have silly putty by your bedside. I might get myself some for when I have stress.
I believe that even for goyim it is immoral. I think it falls under one of the 7 Noahide laws not to do sexual immorality.
I think that men who claim to “feel inside themselves gay” and feminine or whatever, either are a gilgul of a opposite gender (female soul) or they just need serious psychological counselling
My question though is why and how can in today’s society they live openly together with no shame? I would never want to reveal such a thing about myself! Never mind do that!
Simcha I would definately only ever refer to her as “My wife” or “the boss” or “the chief” or “my rebbetzin”.
Its not correct that they should be acquainted, friendly and heimishe with her and refer to her by her first name, right?
Whoa, take it easy guys. No one is painting mothers carte blanche.
I just made a statement about a hypothetical situation that can and does happen sometimes.
WHich by the way is a very usful tactic in getting rid of the EX, for some. And is very common in America. And which goes undetected by Courts and the professionals involved, for the most part, but the damage is deep. And which does exist. Burying your head under the sand about it will not change it.
I do think of them from time to time, and feel sorry for them. Its a dangerous job. I say this because they are at risk for being swamped in internet, and wanting to break free from sitting at their desk, but having a committment to moderate the CR, so they have a job to do, and so they find themselves reading more and more useless information, and getting more and more involved with something that at the end of the day, they ask themselves “Was that just bittl z’man, or it is just me…?”
There is an expression that goes “When there is a divorce – they don’t go handing out sweets”. Meaning that there are never parties, or compliments but usually bitter accusations and terrible allegations, one against the other.
I love coffee: If you have been the victim of parental alienation you could always try to investigate the situation objectively as an adult, wherein sometimes the mother tries to paint the father in a bad light, and seemingly “protects the children from him”. Where as it may be far from the truth.
Always give the other side a chance to explain why they broke up and hear out your father.
Google Parental Alienation.
I should know – I was a victim of it.
I believe that in the Gemara, there is reference made to women being of a “different species”. Men are very different. It takes patience to understand us.
But its all worth it.
As a child whose parents divorced, as a little girl, I can tell you the OP as written above is true. I suffered very much with out my father. Even as an adult today, who has built her own life, with a family of her own, I sometimes cry and remember how awful it felt to lose him. How I loved my father.
Even with his unacceptable behaviors, and addiction to alcohol, if only my mother had have had the strength of charachter to be patient and guide him I am sure we would have benefited from having him remain in our family home as a unit rather than the breakdown what occured.
And even as he was …..as a child…he was still perfect to me.
I love coffee: You are correct in what you say as far as children of divorce having a close connection with Hashem, I have often thought that it was a bracha I wasn’t raised in my aunt’s kind calm homey atmosphere as Life would have been Perfect in itself, and I wouldn’t have had to search for G-d.
Sof dvar, You are right in what you say, that the screaming in a home, is abusive to children. I remember as a child literally feeling physical pains in my body when angry words were thrown back and forth. I felt as if shars of glass were piercing through me, the pure medium.
Dssdyochid, that is hilarious! Somebody already took my idea! and so fast too!
I hardly read other people’s posts
Joseph, the only real ACID TEST for us to find out whether or not you are who you claim to be would be :
“Is your father still alive”?
LOL
If anyone wants an idea for making an invention, someone ought to invent a little gadget like a gps, that sits somewhere in your car, and when it is alerted to the fact you’ve shut off the motor and are preparing to exit the vehicle, it makes a loud announcement “CHECK YOUR CAR SEAT FOR ANY CHILDREN”. as a reminder.
OR mothers DO NOT SEND CHILDREN OFF WITH FATHERS. Men are not made for multi tasking.
Real Brisker The only thing I can guess is that you keep a little book by your computer of all the members you have not seen online for a while, or/and you have a list of those who were probablly ousted.
Hmm who was that?
real brisker Go for IT!
The problem with cut up fruits is the knife they were using. I WOULD NEVER buy half a watermelon from a non jew store because what else was that knife used to cut? THey may have brought it from the back of the grocery where they have a little deli, they may wash it in the same sink etc.
NEver mind kashrus, but at least in a yiddisher store, we know/hope/expect that a yid has to wash with a tepel after making!
kapusta the fun part is the BMQ8HR
I heard a very funny cheder story.
In williamsburg a caretaker from the Satmar cheyder asked some 10 or 12 yr old boys “How can I say in Yiddish GOOD MORNING to the rabbi?”
So the boys told him “Ich bin a putz”.
So the next day they are all sitting in class learning and the caretaker/janitor comes along with his mop in the hall, outside the classroom door and gives a big smile and waves to the Rebbe calling out “ICH BIN A PUTZ”
The rebbe knew the boys were behind this.
smartcookie, I am! Even I don’t know how I pulled that off?
I thought he’d think its hilarious just to ride a see saw.
But when I figured out I weighed a few more pounds than him, I couldn’t resist, I just wouldn’t let him get down.
I guess its a good thing we married cause that would be very embarrassing to remembmer that weird girl who he went out on a date with…now we laugh.
I was quite immature.