always runs with scissors fast

The only feature I wish they’d get in the CR is the option to vote on commentors comments. Like you could see the number of thumbs up or down. Or maybe not down, but at least you’d have the option of saying “Like” and that’d show others say all the members names who like that.

i agree with the first post that mr taxman wrote however in answer to the op’s question it all depends on the way one does whatever he is doing.

How does he learn? Does he take it seriously, or just hang around, drinking coffee, and shmoozing?

How does he work? Does he just punch the clock and stand around waiting for lunch break, or does he actually take initiave and responsiblity in the work place?

When I was a bales teshuva, I thought this practice (as described by the OP- of ignoring another Yid) must be normal amongst the heimishe because that was the way they welcomed me. I got stares, I got cold unsmiling faces staring at me in public, at parties, on the street, in the grocery store lines, but never a hello. I felt very sad and alone.

Some even had the ill manners and chutzpah to whisper right in front of me, to one another about who and what I was.

One of the only and very few women who did approach me in the shul shabbos did so only to inform me, by whispering in my ear after davening “You need to cover your sheital with a tichel”.

After I had already been coming to shul for some time, I saw how they welcomed another stranger. SHe was obviously an Israeli, a new comer, she didn’t have a clue as to the halachas of tznius, she sat in Eliyhu Ha Navi’s beinkel in the Vobish, (since she didn’t know what it was for).

After davening she was surrounded by a few yentas interrogating her as to who she was, and (what she was doing there). What made me sick and angry was afterwards, a conversation I overheard by some of the posh and snobby better ladies during the Kiddush. One was saying “Yes, but WHY would she COME here?”

I mean, it is a shul isn’t it? It is after all G-d’s house isn’t it? I mean it is shabbos isn’t it? I mean she did say she was an out of towner, staying alone in a hostel, didn’t she? I mean we are all jews, aren’t we? OK…SO …whats her question again?

Not one person invited her. Not one person even asked her to join the kiddush. They just do not know how to do it. THis culture has no idea of how to welcome a stranger. Its not a part of this culture. Even though we were once strangers in Mitzrayim.

Although ok, don’t get me wrong, there are always just people with bad middos, and then there are those who absolutely step up and go the extra mile. Its just that its the exception and not the rule, which is the problem, and its also a problem that when they do act this way its very very disturbing.

Let me not make it look that EVERYONE IS THE SAME. some folks were nice to me. Some tried to talk to me. But most stayed away.

what is it called ? Disconnect and enjoy?

WIY you are so funny….I do this! I am not fancy by ancestry or nature, but I will go get stressed out, even buying fancier linen napkins, or dishes if we have guests coming. But when we’re alone, I’ll even use plastic sometimes, and they way we conduct a tish…whoa, that’s another story.

Anyways, I am getting very nervous, truth be told, because we’re im yirtze Hashem getting a new ideim. Son in law.

I am like ready to scratch and revarnish our dining room chairs and reupholster just to keep up with looking like mentchim or the rosenbergs (who are they anyways?)

But that is what it is. People don’t like being low, people worry what others are thinking, if they are being judged, People like to look like the better class. And if you aren’t that way naturally, then at least pretend to be and put up an act when others peek inside your house.

By the way are you male ? Because that would explain why you have no clue how sensitive this issue is to most balebatish women. My husband also talks like this. He would agree with you 100%.

But thats the name of the game. Look balebatish even if you aren’t by nature.

But WIY where is Part 2?

send a registered letter of official complaint to the govenor.

Toi, Toi, toi,,,you’re opening it way too fast. I seriously use to have this problem too. You just have to manipulate the foil or plastic top SLOWLY.

I feel happiest definately has an obligation warn anyone who may be a future victim of the abuser. In other words, if there is a chance this abuser may lure others into a vulnerable situation, or if an unknowing person gets involved with them, and is therefore vulnerable and at risk …Happiest ought to warn them.

Sorry, happiest I missed out on what you shared with the CR on your past. May I ask you directly? Were you a victim of S..A? (molestation?) at the hands of a community authority?

I agree with bombmaniac that she should disconnect emotionally, HOWEVER its nearly impossible living within close proximity to the mother never mind IN The same house! THerefore, it is my expert opinion that everyone who has to escape abuse and rebuild their life should be physically distanced from the abuser.

She must and should get out of her mothers house. She can find someone else to live with. AS long as she remains in there she will be a vunerable victim just as she has been her whole life.

She must start a new beginning.

FIrst thing that she is responsible to do though would be to recognize the gravity and severity of the effects of the abuse and emotional debilitation its causing her. Then when she realizes something must change, she should reach out to an older mentor who can help her find a solution. The ONLY solution is to move out. Move to another house to live in.

Bombmanic, I agree with you 100% that a victim MUST cut off from the abuser –

i cut off from my mother b/c of her seeming mental illness (although it is well hidden & never been diagnosed)…

I stopped the relationship 10 yrs ago. and i feel finally safe ,secure & stable.

there are moments i miss her & remember…but i do not regret my decision

I actually think there are a number of non religious apikorus type dudes in the CR, telling from their comments.

lol CR1, I hope you’re joking right?

You know what??? You just brought back a memory I have of a “crooked ice cream truck” experience. Once when I was 6 years old, an ice cream truck pulled up to our school way way after all the children should have and woudl have already gone home, however there are always a few straglers following behind. So this ice cream truck was parked in front of my mother’s car, and I was asking her if we could get one. and she told me there is something suspicious about that man because she saw him do something twisted to that kid’s arm or hand. I suppose when he reached for his ice cream he did something to him. But isn’t that weird that the ice cream man targeted an abandoned school yard, selling ice cream? WOuldn’t it have made sense from a business point of view to target a herd of children leaving the premises on that hot day to make more profit?

Could be that he was indeed sinister.

Just for old times sake:

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

We love you.

And, in

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

What we’ll do.

Near, far, in our motor car Oh what a happy time we’ll spend.

Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Our fine four fendered friend.

I don’t know that the issue is which gadol said its assur. But this conversation leaked into how there ought to be a stem of sensitivity towards avoiding the like as a refined yid.

Not true. This sounds like a non Torah, secular perspective. In fact a man is only complete with his helpmate. The finding his wife is a completion to his soul.

I hate sunglasses poised on top of a woman’s head, or shall we say her sheital! IT looks ridiculous. C’mon just be a Yid, why do you have to try to style your look after the goyisher velt?

I saw a lady working in a boutique the other day, and she was wearing her sunglasses in the shop , ontop of her sheital. Like believe me, it was not too sunny in this little children’s store!

Silly.

However, I do like the look of sunglasses. Even to look cool. Even though I know we’re not suppose to.

Sam2 you should be aware however, that although the article in the Hamodia revealed photos of worms found in dried figs, by illuminating them through the use of a magnifying glass, these worms would have anyways been visible to the human eye. THey were only trying to enlarge them with the magnifying glass.

ITs only a microscope that would present bugs not visible to the human eye.

mdd – were you serious that I am asking good kashos? or making a tumul of nothing?

I once saw a very large extensive article in the Hamodia erev Tu B’shvat written about figs and the like, and it showed just HOW infested figs truly are (DRIED ONES THAT IS) by examination under a magnifying glass. IT was gross. Basically its impossible to eat them.

I eat dried dates from Iran. Never buy dried dates from anywhere else especially turkey or algeria THEY ARE INFESTED.

I liked WIY’s post. I always thought he has nice middos and is a real mentch! Thank you for saying what had to be said!