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  • in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1988040

    Syag, I am confused and intrigued – what exactly you don’t believe in the “murder theory”?
    A. that people died? this is confirmed by “excess deaths” statistics by now…

    B. that our actions affected how many people died? As a kid understood it, if the world would stay home for several weeks, the plague would have stopped. You said before that early period deaths were hard to avoid. This might be. But most deaths were later on, from fall 2020 to February 2021.

    C. That your community consists of such tzadikim that melech hamaves skipped it? Still, can you rely on the miracle, and with some many Talmidei Chachamim passing, are you saying you are more deserving than them?

    D. Maybe you are saying that this is just a small number of people who died – 2 in a 1,000 that it is barely noticeable and you can’t really connect their deaths with a specific behavior? Hashem does not have this problem though. Sad to think about a person who arrives to Olam Habo with a bunch of humros b’yado, prepared for questions: were you honest in business? I never wasted my time on that! Did you have a learning seder? every day, even during pandemic. Instead he is taken to the room with common criminals and shown a video: you coughed at your hevruta, then your hevruta coughed at his father, who coughed at Rosh Yeshiva ….

    in reply to: Best way to protect tefillin. #1988041

    GH, true, you can’t keep other things in the tefilin bag, but what you put a tefilin bag in the cooler – does the cooler still have the status oof the tefilin bag or not?

    and recall, people used to put tefilin on the window in the bathroom, until (allegedly) ladies of the night started picking them up for blackmail …

    in reply to: ger rebbi vs. r’ shaul alter #1987926

    > They’re on the same page.

    Being on the same page is a good place for arguing. Like Rashi and Tosofos.

    in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1987925

    Common, I don’t know which words you don’t understand as you reply in generalities: those who were not careful increased propagation of COVID and contributed to 600K people in US dying. If you are meikel on that, you should expect less respect that people who are meikel on shabbos or kashrus.

    As you did, I was going back to one shul last June, measured their air flows, opened windows. Then, half of the minyan would close windows and wear masks half-way despite (Lakewood-type) Rabbi’s instructions. When an elderly person came in and they continued the same way, I just did not see myself davening with a group like that.

    PS The fact that I was instructed [by my wife] to wear a mask (on a plane) in mid-February, while CDC and common saychel decided in mid-March, was a proof who I should listen to :). Mi hu hahama – roa es hanolad.

    in reply to: We, Yidden: G-d’s Chosen People!! #1987899

    Avira, you are wonderfully sensitive to your heritage, you should e as sensitive to people coming from different perspective – Hebrew, English, Hungarian … As Herman Wouk’s grandfather said, departing for Israel after years of trying to find Yiddish-speaking students in US: I probably should have learned English, but at first impression it sounded too crude …

    Also, note that some of the fights of previous generations do not have to be fought a century later: Hebrew of anti-religious Zionists does not affect current Israeli Hebrew-speakers; going to University 200 years ago was a haskalah statement, and is a getting a job statement now.

    in reply to: Best way to protect tefillin. #1987887

    A related concern – outside mezuzos where they get direct sunlight, especially in hot climate. I am told to use wooden and NOT to use metal cases in such cases as the parchment will just burn.

    in reply to: Free summer meals #1987693

    Go to Amazon warehouse. They pay $15/ hour, you should be able to afford food with thi, if you make your shabbat as chol.

    in reply to: Men wear black and white? #1987694

    Because that’s how rabbis of old look on the photos … Before color photos … They also look very serious – because it took many minutes to capture the picture ..

    in reply to: We, Yidden: G-d’s Chosen People!! #1987183

    > Hebrew, by contrast, was designed for the specific purpose of “reviving” judaism to be zionism

    R Yaakov Kamenetsky when visiting R Ouerbach’s yeshiva remarked tahat Mo/ashiach will come from that yeshiva – because they switched top shiurim from Yiddish to Hebrew, thus, enabling Sephardim to also attend.

    in reply to: Can use some help in deciding what to call my sefer #1987185

    Ani gar be-midibar.

    First it rhymes, second it refers to the explanation that Hazon Ish gave to Satmar Rebbe about the yeshiva system he was establishing in Israel, following Rambam that if one lives in a bad place, he needs to move, and if there is no other place, then go live in the midbar. The original SD.

    This was 70+ years ago, so you are on the way to double over Moshe Rabbeinu’s record in the midbar.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986872

    Maybe IYK is a baki shepherd? This is like the fatal discussion between R Yohanan and Resh Lakish about when a sword becomes Tameh. Resh Lakish knew the business …

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986873

    eishes chaiyl > so you are trying to convince me that what i do is wrong

    we here can’t see what is going on in your family. But, I thijk we can see that there is a risk here … What I think is that there are other ways where you can be sure that you are right, and there are seforim that support this approach: focus on positive ways to deal with children. It is not easy and surely you might have lots of questions – so consider these questions, ask how to do it, focus on positive approaches and you will not be wrong. If you don’t know how to start – give kids rewards – sweets, money, kisses; maybe let them compete for these rewards.

    in reply to: preparing for future pandemics c”v #1986876

    A better way to prepare for the next “new virus” pandemic is to get younger.
    On the other hand, you want to prepare for all other viruses it pays to be older and already have the t-cells. So, it is catch-22.

    According to Zeynab Tufekci, there was a pandemic in the 70s that killed 700K people – all in the 20s and younger … As they know now, it was because it was a virus from the 50s that Chinese continue testing on live people and it eventually went “viral” and affected only those who were not affected in the 50s.

    in reply to: COVID VACCINE FOR CHILDREN #1986878

    again, anyone who is suspicious of mRNA technologies – did you try J&J, sputnik or sinopharm?

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986653

    Avira, we have here a person who says she was abused, and now she is petching kinder … she should be first discussing how to use different approaches – like the Q&A approach of Rav Chaim above. If she does not, there might be a problem. And your example means that Brisker, after all of the above, seems to done it very rarely (as the child remembers exact moment and reason).

    There is also an additional issue of differences between generations: there are stories where gedoli use milder reaction than their teachers in Europe under same circumstances – as differnt generations react differently. This is the excitement of mitzvot bein Adam l’Havero – they depend on personalities and gnerations, and you can’t just refer to someone in different times and copy it.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1986655

    ? I apoligized for not writing carefully and posting invert of what I intended. I am also sorry you are not satisfied with my apology! 🙂

    in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1986618

    I did not say a word about myself. I did not wear a mask until last February.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1986617

    ?? just saying I mised “not” in
    Some of that original pessimism was because many believed that vaccines can NOT be developed so fast

    in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1986605

    >> I have friends who PRE COVID 1will not ever touch a shopping cart without bleaching it,

    I am glad that you are blessed with good friends.

    in reply to: President Biden the new Regan #1986607

    So, Pres Biden told us that he’ll do the job of distributing vaccines that Pres Triump provided to him. As it is, new vaccination rates are decreasing steadily from April, now at 0.2% per day. Canada, many EU countries are doing 1% a day. Some of then are already ahead of US in number of people with at least 1 vaccine and no sign of slow-down. According to a left-wing articles, Feds do not have many ideas beyond what governors are already doing and sending Kamala and EdD Jill around. US seemingly has hard time even re-sending expiring vaccines to countries that would use them. Sad.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986603

    Avira, I don’t think this was the center of his educational method. Here is a sample. I presume these approaches need to be mastered first before resorting to petching:

    The [Brisker] Rav had learned his parenting from his from his experience as a child from a master teacher his father Rav Chaim Soleveitchik, the previous Rov in Brisk. Among the unique parenting goals he had was to teach his child to think, a lost skill in today’s age.

    Rav Chaim would take strolls with his son through the streets of brisk and would ask his son to count “how many floors are in this building? How many windows? Can you find the differences between these two similar buildings?” Even studying people’s behavior was part of a walk. “What can you learn about person through their actions? Do they feel safe? Are they confused? Are they secure? Are they local or a guest? He would cut an apple in half and ask his son which half is bigger? What are the differences between the halves?” Following all these questions and answers he would then prod the boy “How did you arrive at your conclusion? And discuss his methodology. If Rav Chaim would sense that the boy could give a better explanation than the one given he would not criticize. Rather with fatherly love encouraged “I know that you can say an even better explanation.” and of course the boy did so. (page 84 till 96-from Rabbi Shimon Mueler’s-biography ’Harav MiBrisk’)

    “Ah, they don’t know how many tears I shed when I shokeled(shook) each of the baby carriages. How I was mispallel (prayed) and how may kapitlach Tehillim (psalms) I said for them that they should go in the good way.”

    Just as the Brisker Rov had done, Reb Rephoel his son, likewise checked to see where his child went, with whom and when she returned home. This was successful because his daughter saw this care, as a sign of parental love, not as something negative, the way many children in contemporary society would. She recalls: “I didn’t feel like I was in prison. I felt lucky to be in such a home. I felt that’s the right way.” Once a friend came to me and I went with her to accompany her home. My father asked me when I came back: “What did you do on the way? I felt cared for.

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986598

    smerel, I don’t think you can judge who is leaving yiddishkeit by counting activists. Most people move on with their lives without joining organizations.

    in reply to: Short & Sweet #1986470

    > Bilaam viewed Hashem like any other AZ

    Bilaam is a stickler to “halakha” – he follows Hashem in “small and big”. He just refuses to consider what Hashem actually wants. He is told “this nation is blessed”, but he is still focused on his narrow question – can he go and try to curse. He refuses to accept reality around him and tries to find terutzim to allow him do what he wants.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1986462

    Syag: hahaha that it was thought the vaccine would come quick and save the day. Trump was the only one who thought that and everyone knew he was nuts.

    Apoligizse, I skipped “not” – I absolutely agree with you. You can see that business experience at the top level of government helps solve problems.

    I do not understand the rest of your post. Yes, there were some people who were careful but got exposed. Statistically, people who were more careful, were less exposed. Yes, virus was spreading before it was understood, but not everyone was exposed. R0 – number of people that are infected by one carrier was about 2 at the beginning and fell down to less than 1 when SD was introduced.

    It may be you are focusing too much on masks themselves and taking worst case of bad masks and wondering about the protection, but surely SD was important – those who were circulating less were better off. Again, I only learned post-factum that Panevezh Rosh Yeshiva was apparently not giving pubmic lectures until he and his students were vaccinated. Was he unreasonably careful? Why didn’t he go out [ublic after his vaccine without requiring students vaccinated

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986457

    ” It is not a negative trait, chas” ​veshalom to say so on someone who raises his/her kids al pi torah

    I am trying to see here that this is a wrong definition “al pi Torah”. If Torah allows something in some limited circumstances, does not mean that this should be your focus. Try to focus on being positive.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1986458

    You are not allowed to spank children now during 3 weeks al pi torah, so it is a perfect timing to switch to other, more positive, measures.

    in reply to: Democrats and Far Left #1986408

    most important argument for being careful with these issues: it does not matter whether someone deserves reparation in theory, what matters is the public policies that will be enacted in response. And most of those that are proposed are bad for the society and bad for the former slaves.

    Here is a simple test to see if someone is sincere: do they support choice in education – vouchers for private schools charter, online – anything that will help at least some poor people to escape bad schools . If they do not (and most unfortunately do not), it means they do not really care about helping these people, but about some other things.

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986386

    there is a recent Pew research about Jews in US. It has information about switches between denominations, interpmarriage, etc. I did not read the whole report yet.

    in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1986387

    >> How about from the get go of Covid there allows for a range of opinions and it is not worth arguing about it?

    I did. I think I came here first to hear opinions of people who disagree as I was surprised by some of the behaviors I saw and heard of. Unfortunately, I did not hear any rational arguments. This is together with overwhelming evidence that being careful saves lives.

    I also never heard from any Rabbis who had a permissive opinion. ​Local beit din issued a call for stay at home. In two places, where I saw people not being careful, the Rabbis always were. One of them told us that he approached an Yid in the street and admonished him.

    Also, we may not be getting full information about what Rabbis think, for whatever reasons. For example, I only recently learned that R Edelstein gave his first public speech in front of his students. I am not sure why facts like that were not known, maybe you were but nobody quoted him before.

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986382

    > do not want Rebbeim to influence their children, just to teach them.

    not all, but some Rebbeim in a Litivishe school were influencing my kids to use “modern” as a generic swear word for everything they disagree with, as some do it here. To borrow your words, “This lack of respect for religion rubs off on the children.” When we went online, kids kept the middos they learned, but stopped swearing.

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986369

    > Perhaps Chareidim can become more “modern” and still be clearly Orthodox while MO who want to move to the left become otd.

    We use right/left colloquially as a political attribute and it does correlate with Haredi/MO division in US – Charedi are voting more rightwing , I am not sure we can apply it to our relationship to Hashem, and we already have right/left notion in Judaism. Are T’Ch who knew science more “left wing”? R Soloveichik? R Hertz? Rambam? Rabban Gamliel? is Shmuel more left-wing than Rav, because he seems to be stringer in dinim/business, while Rav in “religion”?

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986264

    HaKatan, I agree with most of it. There is this all-american minhag that a 18-y.o. needs to move away from family to an expensive dorm to develop on his own…Jews accepted this – and it works either with colleges and yeshivas and seminaries. Especially for those who go to areas without Jewish community – what is the motivation? If they choose such a college to begin with with parent approval – can we presume that there is a problem to begin with, not with kids in college?

    As to hashkafa, I think parents should be more pro-active discussing those before kid goes to college. Most people eventually gets exposed to politics, science, culture. Even if they do not have a fbook, their friends do. My observation is that in many schools, whether modern or not, Jewish and general educations are on separate tracks. English/History/Science teachers might be normal, or they can push various agendas on their own. I guess schools with no English education do not have that problem..

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1986259

    >> We were told repeatedly by the CDC and medical personnel that this virus CANNOT be prevented. ,,, Especially with inadequate masks

    Some of that original pessimism was because many believed that vaccines can be developed so fast and will be so effective and society will not be able to SD forever.

    “cannot be prevented” and “slow the spread” are contradictory – as we “slowed the spread”, vaccines were developed and now most people who did not have it before will be safe. “slow the spread” means that without measures we used, there will be an extra million dead.

    There was no reason for “inadequate” masks after first 1-2 months. K95 masks are widely available. Furthermore, if you were able and chose to change your lifestyle temporarily, you could live without masks most of the time.

    You seem to circle to some generic philosophical “expert conclusions” instead of focusing on simple medical facts – being not careful causes increased virus propagation and people sick. Virus does not know about CDC recommendations, it just needs a person nearby to jump to.

    in reply to: Outdoor Minyan still going. #1986217

    Avram,
    I agree that in normal circumstances, people should be davening in a shul.
    I also think that current period allows for a range of opinions and it is not worth arguing about it.
    I stopped by an indoor minyan in a huge building, and the only persons, besides me, who had a mask was a medical doctor and an apparently unvaxed youngster, as the gabbai gave him a mask. Rabbis and lawyers did not have one… the rules were to have a mask up to several weeks ago …

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1986211

    common > OTD= No shabbos or Kashrus n

    so, what about those kids who were eating kosher at school, but not at home. For the teachers who do not know them well, it will look like a kid went OTD, while he merely went home. I am not denying the original premise though, just calling for counting carefully. A story from a Rav at a college in support of the thesis: a mother calls him and starts asking details about kashrus on campus. After enough questions, Rav asked her back: did you take the kid for a multi-day hike? Yes. did he take his tefillin with him? Oh, no … Then maybe you should be worrying whether he is going to take it to college, not my kashrus …

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1986208

    philosopher: it’s ok … people want to FORCE their OPINIONS

    as I explained, it is not symmetric. People who are careful are usually not harming anyone. If I’m not going to the pizzeria, I am harming the store owner, but I am not obligated to support him to begin with, and I use other services instead.

    People who are not careful are part of the reason we had 600K people dead and more sick [proof, thanks to my kid: if everyone would stay at home for 2 weeks, the virus will be gone. QED]. You can have your argument that it is just a small problem, that your community has magic protection. that it is ok to kill the grandma for the sake of your mental health, etc. But you need to make your argument, and the other side does not. Similar to any other topic: a person who hits kids needs to prove that it is mutar. The person who is nice to kids, does not have to prove anything.

    in reply to: Democrats and Far Left #1986196

    > t were still slaves themselves a

    the agada talks about Mitzrim suing Jews in front of Alexander the Great, that is some time later, in the context of other clever responses by Geviha ben Pesisa, see Sanhedrin 91a. Geviha ben Pesisa starts his responses thrice: if I lose, you can say they defeated a Hediyot… so, it underscores that his argument is not really very good, but a clever legal trick.

    in reply to: COVID VACCINE FOR CHILDREN #1986187

    again, you don’t like mRNA, you can take J&J, AZ, Sinopharm, Sputnik, wear full N-95, or just stay home. If none of these choices are good for you, then this is not a rational, but a religious position. You are simply refusing to accept reality that Hashem put you in.

    This reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend some time ago who brought up multiple reasons for not eating kosher meat. Most of them did not stand scrutiny, but he settled that it will cost him too much. I then offered to pay for his family’s meat. Everyone got interested in this insult – I was a grad student and he had a very high-paying job. He then switched saying that it takes too much time to go get it. I am embarrassed to say that I was not tzaddik enough to offer deliveries, looking back at that, I probably should have. (that was before Amazon and UberEats)

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1985918

    I am not sure which exactly schools are discussed here. but I think a number of such schools have kids from less observant families to begin with – who view a Jewish school as a good prep school with Jewish kids, with varying attitudes towards religion. Of course, we hope that these kids will be affected by the school to the better, but it may not be the case. So, we need to count outcome separately based on their family history. This is similar to some teacher/school evaluation metrics that look at the improvement by the school comparing with what kids were before, rather than looking at current grades.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1985921

    philosopher, people who take vaccines and are careful are not negatively affecting anyone, except that you feel you are surrounded by sheep, and we probably also give you an ayn hara.

    people who do not take vaccines and/or are not careful contribute to continuation of the pandemic, causing damage to the society, and dead and sick people. Even people who are vaccinated can still be infected. As we talked before, 95% protection from infection is based on the same behavior with and without vaccine. If you take a vaccine and relax behavior while being in the same treat environment, your risk is still high. For example, if a person is in the group of unvaccinated uncareful people and is close to them for a sustained time period, he will get infected, even as his chance of getting seriously sick is not high. Still, it is possibly some damage to health that we do not know well enough. It is seen now in Israel – even with very low overall rates, the moment rules are relaxed, one person can infect tens of people.

    Most significant benefit from the vaccine comes from the group effect – R0 <1: each person infects on average less than 1 person and soon everyone around is clean. Currently, US R0 is just lower than 1 – 0.85 – it achieved lowest point of 0.75 on May 25 and went up for the two weeks after that, when everyone started relaxing the rules. Most Europe (except UK) and Canada have now R0=0.5 that is decreasing dramatically. US also now vaccinating 0.3% of population per day – as much as under Trump, while Europe does 0.8% per day.

    in reply to: preparing for future pandemics c”v #1985868

    RebE > . A responsibilty on the public is a responsibility ​on each individual of the group.

    I think Sam is pointing out that when the tzara is for a group, then it relates to the problems of the whole group. [see Pharaoh’s dreams when he was not satisfied with explanations that were personal and not communal].

    And if the group ( a gantze velt in this case) includes Jews, then Jews might be the problem [see Yona on the ship]. So, maybe anti-semites have a point blaming Jews for all kind of problems [See Beitza 25, why Hashem gave Jews Torah to protect the world from us]

    in reply to: Democrats and Far Left #1985861

    coffee > got “reparations” technically from מצרים look ​at the midrash

    I was thinking about it too – notice that Jews used the reparation idea only in defense against Mitzrim claiming money from us! We remember Mitzraim but not because we are looking for their payoff. Otherwise, every Seder would include a list of things Mitzrim owe to us. We do not. The trap of former slaves may be partially explained by selection: everyone except them (and natives) volunteered to come to America, whether legally or illegally, under duress or lured by the riches, every American packed suitcases and got moving. So, everyone has a certain attitude passed on in their families and was somewhat unusual among their peers. Slaves did not have that and, in addition, all their families were destroyed.

    in reply to: Modern Orthodox OTD by Gender #1985864

    > , a few months in a dorm destroys everything the kid picked up in yeshiva.

    While I do not want to underestimate the challenges, should we not ask – what is the value of 12+ years of Jewish education that is destroyed in a few months of a dorm?

    Disclaimer: my kids are packing up right now for the (online) college.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1985835

    > And when it will be His Will then the virus will become extinct

    So, it seems to be His will to create a vaccine so fast, but some rebels refuse to take it preventing all of us from return to normal life – and have hutzpah to complain.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1985836

    Eishes, as I understand Rambam’s advice – when you get exposed to a negative trait, the right response is to (at least temporarily) go to the opposite side, not just decrease the negative. Show your kids love, play games with them, learn with them, just erase “petching” from your life – this is the best for yout to do in response to your experiences.

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1985510

    to previous questions from Participant, according to my limited understanding:
    vaccines increases immune response. Yes, it may move someone from symptomatic to asymptomatic, but at the same time, it will prevent someone else from asymptomatic transmission at all. Very weak vaccines, like Chinese, seem to be creating problems on countries like Mongolia, possibly because of immediate relaxation of rules. Vaccines create 2 responses – antibodies and T-cells. Antibodies prevent transmission and also decrease with time and possibly with variants. T-cell take time to respond, so they prevent serious illness but not transmission. T-cell response may even improve with time and is covering more variants. In the same Mongolia, cases skyrocketed, deaths increased way less, at least for now.

    in reply to: preparing for future pandemics c”v #1985503

    there are lots of lessos learned from this pandemic and new questions:
    – need to monitor for outbreaks and react to them in real time (closing borders was considered impolite, not anymore)
    – domestic (or democratic) production of medicine and other strategic goods (not just USA, EU is looking at that also)
    – quick vaccine development (mRNA) and methods to do Phase 3s quickly (Trump’s achievement)

    – accountability (not solved). Would we allow someone to claim a mistake for a minor nuclear explosion or would we invoke MAD doctrine? should the same apply to bio-weapons?

    – decoupling of virus protection from politics (not solved)

    in reply to: EXPLAINER: Covid Regulations Post-Vaccine #1985500

    Participant: 1/3 were vaccinated, 1/2 were children, 70% were Delta. While the level in the country is low, the cases seem to be connected with arrivals, some from low-risk Cyprus. Israeli gov is asking Israelis not to travel for fun. They are not saying it to visitors from Chutz, but think for yourself.

    MA > Please explain.
    people were exposed to transmittable diseases all the time. They either took protection or not, and contined living (Obviously, we are coming from those who did). For example, Newton did most of his work on physics after abandoning Cambridge for his estate for a couple of years during a bubonic plague pandemic.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1985507

    Syag, I agree. And it is not even first hand. I think it would be fair to say that more Jewishly-educated people do not do this, so those who do should consider whether their practice is normative at this point.

    in reply to: Medicating vs Spanking #1985496

    Eishes, why is it disrespectful – you are saying something is a good practice, then the Rabbis who think this way should show an example. If they do not want to embarrass the kid in fron t of the community, they might refer to that in their divrei Torah. You say yours yells at kids and punishes (physically or “no ice cream”). I personally do not recall seeing or hearing Rabbis of any derech behaving like that. So, I conjecture, it is possible not to hit kids. Especially if you are saying that you were mistreated yourself, you have a high chance to mis-interpret how you apply same approach. Rambam in Hilhos Dea recommends to keep most midos in the middle, but if you were exposed to one extreme of a mida, then you need, temporarily, to move to the other side to train yourself. That is, if you were exposed to cruely, you should try to double down on being nice to your kids to ensure that you are not biased. This should not be a big deal – surely, if you hold that hitting is OK, you are not saying that it is obligatory? One old Jewish book on issues of anger recommends using, for example, rewards and competitions between kids as substitutes.

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