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If this is your first time dealing with him or her then id give them a bit of a break but in my experience ive found that if you are forthcoming and articulate and clear about whats important to you and you dont feel that they are getting it (which seems to be the case because youre being pushed into something you dont feel is for you)then its a lost cause and youll probably never reach a mutual understanding.
I have coined a phrase and i think its appropriate here and its as follows- “a gut’e shadchan iz nisht einer vus ken reddin uber einer vus ken herrin”. My yiddish isnt the greatest but i think it makes the point. I feel shadchanim develop premature ideas about what they think a particular boy or girl needs and frivolously redd them based on their limited understanding when really they need to listen and establish a complete understanding before mentioning any names otherwise both sides are wasting their time. May you be matzliach and find the richtige bkarov!
NASIs REAL AGENDA….
I have spent considerable time reviewing all the possible perspectives behind NASIs initiative and i have come to the following conclusion. Lets assume as rationale reasonable people that NASI only has everyones best interest at heart. People have to stop acting as if the organizers are some money hungry schemers looking to cash in on some easy green from people at their weakest point. There is a serious issue and NASI has done an incredible job raising awareness. when i started dating it was uncommon for someone to date a girl within age range and now thanks to NASI people dont bat an eye at the prospect of a girl up to one year older than them and this is solely becuz of the selfless proactive initiative of NASI. Kol hakavod to them. Scharchem harbei meod.
But there is still more to be done, because everone reading these pages knows that numbers dont lie. We all know at least 5 girls 27 or older searching for their basherte. At first it would seem that NASI has done all they could. Closing the age gap was significant, but what more could be done?? Aside from strongly pursuing the international market of boys there is only one thing that comes to mind that could seem to have been NASIs agenda in launching this campaign. And its not something i believe they would come out and say openly because it simply would not be received well. And i find it hard to believe that nobody has figured it out because it would seem to be dvarim pshutim. The only logical explanation behind this new campaign is that NASI is trying to get people to promote and push an age gap of 3-4 years between the boy and girl. I happen to know of one or two cases where the girl is 3 yrs older than her hubby and they are quite happy. Let’s face it. They wouldnt have made this campaign just to keep ensuring people stay committed to keeping the age gap close. To make a 27 year old girl fork over that kind of dough to get a date with a 27 year old boy is insulting and more importantly unnecessary. Mission already accomplished. To get a 25 yr old boy do date a 28 year old girl would inevitably require significant compensation because thats what it would take for a shadchan to put his or her neck on the in sincerely pushing such a shidduch. How do YOU think the mother of a 25 yr old boy would respond to such a suggestion especially with all the 21 yr olds on the boys list?? I reiterate that this may seem outlandish but keeping in mind that NASI is a legit organization that hes proven their worth AND that the NUMBERS DONT LIE, this to me is the next logical step in their selfless efforts lmaan toivas haklal. I ask mechila from anypne who may be insulted from my perspective as i understand its a sensitive issue, v’yemalai Hashem kul mishalois libainu litoiva.