akuperma

The internet is whatever you make of it. Do you use email to spread lashon hora? the fault is not with the email server! Do you use the graphic browser to look at inappropriate pictures rather to access resources for learning to Torah? The fault isn’t in the browser software, its with the person who is browsing. Any bad (or good) that you can do with obsolete methods of communication and interaction (books, scrolls, talking to people, shopping, learning, working, etc.) , can be done online.

If a criminal walks up and shoots you and takes your stuff and puts it in a bag, do you blame the gun and the bag (okay, a liberal would, most conservatives would blame the theif).

The Kesubah is a pre-nup. In fact, in some states you can file a notarized kesubah in lieu of having a marriage ceremony. In court cases, some American courts hold that the kesubah requires that when the marriage ends, the parties agree to end it in accordance with halacha, as specified in the kesubah. The kesubah already requires the husband to give a get if the marriage ends, so if you make a secondary agreement contradicting the kesubah, it is inherently dubious. The secondary agreement (the secular pre-nup) implies the first agreement (the kesubah) is invalid.

And that’s before the complaints of many poskim, some of which have to do with whether an act taken pursuant to a civil court order is voluntary, and if under duress, is it then invalid.

My suggestion is to examine the historic reason why this wasn’t a problem, and I suspect you’ll find that the way it used to work was that if the husband wanted to ditch the wife, he would rush to give a get so he wouldn’t be getting the bills (since the wife could shop for anything she considered a necessity, and the husband would get the bills). Desiring to cut off paying the wife’s bills was not coercion, and would discourage refusal to give a get.

Most shuls have a large room that can be used for a wedding. The only requirement is that the room doesn’t have fixed chairs (i.e. pews), since one needs to have space to dance.(though music and dancing at a wedding while customary is not a requirement for a wedding). One should note that many rabbanim have strongly suggested a one man band at most. Actually, recorded music is cheaper.

One should note there is no halachic requirement of a video or even a professional photographer – in fact, until less than a century ago no frum wedding ever had photography.

The only requirements that can NOT be skipped are a kesubah (available at bookstores), a hupah and poles, kiddushin (a ring in most current traditions, some use a coin – and the ring can’t be too expensive since it isn’t supposed to include fancy jewels), and kosher witnesses as well as a minyan.

The government marriage license is an added expense, but skipping it causes paperwork issues and may be illegal (though the person presiding over the wedding is acting illegally, not the couple), though it doesn’t affect whether the wedding is valid under American law.

zahavasdad: The Poles had a very big army, with lots of weapons and training, and it didn’t do them much good. The French put all their resources into their army, and they got conquered after a few days of fierce combat. The truth is that Poland and France never recovered from World War II (which is why the FBI director hit a raw nerve when he criticized the Poles last week).

We put our resources into Torah and Mitsvos, and we are here. We won. You can say we won because the Americans were clever, and the British and Soviets were determined – but really, we won because instead of putting resources in warfare, we put it into serving Ha-Shem.

Sooner or later the Islamic world will get its act together, and the zionist dream will go up in smoke. The battle for Jewish survival is the one being waged today in the yeshivos, and homes, of the Bnei Torah – the battle being fought by the Israeli army is an irrelevant distraction.

Is a Yamaha keyboard a musical instrument? Is computer-generated music really music? Does the prohibition on listening to music apply to music produced by a sound card rather than an instrument?

There is and has always been a wide gap between the halacha in the sefarim and what happens in the real world. This occurs in most legal systems, especially in domestic relations matter. Most people getting divorced do not take out a Shulhan Arukh or a gemara to research the grounds – they have decided they can’t stand each other.

One or both of them want the other to be out of his/her life. One of them, usually the man, wishes to free of having to support the wife, and that can be exploited in getting him to give a get. It is very rare that someone is refusing to give a get, and also sending money to the wife since what he wants is for her to give him money (and if the man is cheerfully paying his wife’s expenses, it suggests the issue is that he wants a reconciliation and a rationale Beis Din will stall in the hope of it happening).

The various types of coercion (throwing him in jail, beating him up, etc.) are highly dubious since in all systems a legal act done under duress is invalid. Creating an economic incentive to give a get is no coercion – thus my suggestion that the Beis Din make sure the woman (in the typical case) has a free law who can enforce the support requirements and by representing the woman if the husband goes to civil courts, create a strong incentive for him to settle (fear of having to litigate against someone with deep pockets is NOT coercion by any standard, even if it has the same effect).

lesshumras: One shouldn’t forget there are usually two sides to any story. Very few men claim they are not giving a “get” because they feel they can profit by blackmailing the wife’s family into giving lots of money, even though the man admits he deserves nothing. The beauty of a enforcing the rule that the man gets dunned for her expenses is that it incentivizes him to give a get withour dubious forms of coercion. Similarly, if the Beis Din can threaten to pick up her legal expenses (or his if she is being a problem, which is rare), that will greatly encourage compliance out of self-interest.

If the husband can not convince the court (preferably a Beis Din) to give him at least joint custody, his opinion is probably irrelevant. If the wife is guilty of serious misconduct the husband needs adequate representation in a court, but he’ll probably get custody. Allowing a husband to submit the matter to Beis Din, knowing that if the Beis Din supports his arguments, and the wife refuses to accept the Beis Din’s decision, the Beis Din will arrange adequate legal representation for him in the civil courts will probably convince the wife to compromise (and in any event the Beis Din will demand the man issue the “get” as a condition of getting support).

The problem today is that often neither party can afford legal counsel (or worse, only one can), and refusing to give the “get”, or “kidnapping” the children is the only affordable alternative for an aggreived party.

In a community that recognizes Jewish law (there are currently none in the world except perhaps a few Muslim countries with few Jews in them), the man would be responsible for his wife’s spending until he gave the “get”, which is probably why this problem only arose recently (in modern terms, until he gives the “get”, she keeps the credit card, he keeps the bills). We should be arguing that the marriage contract includes the condition that the man will pay for the woman’s support until a “get” is given – which poses fewer problems than in arguing that the marriage contract is an agreement to arbitrate, since most state object to anyone submitting a divorce to binding arbitration (i.e. a contract to submit a divorce proceeding to a Beis Din is void as against public policy, unlike strictly monetary disputes).

The overall most effective solution would be a takanah that no one can go to a civil court to ask for a divorce or separation until they have given (and accepted) the “get”, and (THIS WOULD BE RADICAL) if one side doesn’t cooperate then the Jewish community would pay all the legal fees for the other side (probably through a public interest law firm). Faced with having to fight someone with deep pockets (i.e. the frum public interest law firm, relying on tax deductible contributions and pro bono lawyers to supplement paid staff), most people would avoid litigation.

It should be noted that whenever anyone loks for statistics, most so-called “agunahs” resolve themselves in a short period of time, suggesting that most get-refusal involves men who hope to “save the marriage”, which is normal but is also a self-limiting problem (they give up after a while).

crazybrit: The “fanatic” Muslims were attacking the US, and Jews elsewhere, well before President Bush sent American combat troops into the Middle East. While arguably they were set off by the British policies after World War I (when the agreed to a large Arab state included a Jewish homeland, and then double-crossed everyone since that state would have threatened control of their Empire), that is similar to saying the holocaust was caused by the French and British demands at the post-WWI peace conference.

1. Unless you’ve been cheating on withholding, you get a refund.

2. Without taxes, America would be unable to finance its gigantic military, without which Islamic State and friends (and before then the Communists,and before them the Nazis) would have conquered the world. Ignoring any other benefits that help our community (e.g. entitlements such as WIC, Social Security, Medicaid, etc.), we are getting our money’s worth.

charliehall: The right to jury trial is tied to rights that existed under the English common law, and administrative fines were never considered criminal and were never involved in actions under common law – meaning there never was a jury right to be preserved.

It isn’t that hard to contest a ticket but many people don’t for several reasons including it isn’t worth the trouble (easier to pay the fine), and that they are probably guilty. In all fairness, New Yorkers are infamous for all sorts of parking violations so it isn’t hard for the authorities to find people to ticket. As was the case in Ferguson, the reason most people are complaining about the police is that the police usually persecute guilty people and the guilty people (the thief who was shot in Missouri, the illegally parked New Yorkers, etc.) don’t like it.

BarryLS1 and cooldude:

If you don’t make peace with the Muslims, then the Jewish community in Eretz Yisrael is doomed. Unless you are assuming a miracle is about to happen, the only end result is a few Israeli cities being radioactive, and all Jews in the country killed. Forget about the Palestinians, its Islam you are fighting – and we aren’t about to conquer huge amounts of territory. All it takes for the Muslims to take a vacation from their civil wars to do what the one thing they agree on – destroy Israel – and Israel is “toast.” The hareidi solution (surrender and stop trying to control the government and stop trying to rule the Muslims) offers a realistic chance. The zionist solution, constant warfare with no hope of victory, offers no prospect of survival.

Responding to BarryLS1.

Correct that few Arabs want a Palestinian State. They want the Arab world (if not the Islamic world) unified as it was (briefly) in the medieval period, so that one can go from Karachi to Rabat, speaking Arab, being Muslim, and being at home.

The Arabs aren’t about to leave. You can either make peace, or keep fighting. To “win” Israel needs to destroy the Islamic world’s ability to wage war, just as the US victory over the Nazis required total conquest. The Israelis are outnumbered roughly 150 to 1 (not including Muslims in sub-Saharan Africa and southeast Asia). To compare to North America, the ratio is worse than that facing the Indians (Native Americans) – and guess what their chances of reclaiming their homeland are. Sooner or later Israel will fall, and it will be messy. Already Israelis are increasingly unwilling to serve in their army or to pay taxes sufficient to maintain the army. Already the Muslims have nuclear weapons (remember, Pakistan is Muslim, albeit preoccupied by India for the moment). Israel’s long term future is bleak.

The only agreement acceptable to the otherside is for Israel to cease existing. Thus the best Israel can do is to find a way to cease existing without getting all the Jews of the yishuv destroyed. We need to insist on what is critical (Torah and Mitsvos) and compromise on what is not critical for survival (a flag, having a Jew running the government, using European-American law, etc.).

Of course you can rely on a miracle and hope for divine intervention. Perhaps Herzl and Ben Gurion really were the meshiach (or maybe Netanyahu or Herzog is). However we have no mesoret (tradition) that the meshiach will be fool, so that probably rules them out. For those of us who live in the real world, the best alternative is to make peace, and while the Muslims have never objected to Jews living Torah-based lives, they will never agree to being ruled by Jews so if we want peace, we have to stop trying to rule over them.

And the alternative will be the anhiliation of the yishuv.

Two names became common a few centuries ago when our population increased and the double names reduce confusion. Otherwise the reason for extra names is adding a name, such as in the case of a dying child in hopes of recovery.

Jews almost never have the ten names. That is a custom of European royalty. I’m fairly certain that even three names is rare (based on looking at shul “aliyah” lists and yizkor placques)..

Define a Jewish name:

If your kid is separated from you and raised as a goy, and discovers his original name, will it tell him he is really a Yid?

The major source of anti-semitic slurs are assimilated Jews. As they assimilate further they will no longer see themselves as at all connected to Judaism, and like most Americans, will leave us alone.

The Israelis aren’t so lucky, as the zionists have nothing to assimilate into.

By saying we are “American Jews” (with “Jews” as the noun) rather than “Jewish Americans” it suggests we were Jews first, are now in America, but will be somewhere else in the future, but will always be Jews. While we may happily live in America for a while (centuries, millenia, etc.), at some point in the future we will be elsewhere.

Define “English”? Is “Mosheh” an English name, it is written in the Roman alphabet as pronounced in the English speaking countries, and represents a systematic romanization of the Hebrew. Given that the Roman alphabet, and English in particular, are used for most communciations, everyone ends up with a romanized version of their real name, in this case, ???. Like it or not, in the 21st century ones needs a consistent way to express one’s name in the Roman alphabet, and in most countries, that means the English-version (e.g. with ? romanized as a “sh” rather than “sch” or “ch” or whatever).

For someone named ???? do you mean a name such as Yaakov (a romanized form), or perhaps Jacob or James or Jim or Jacques, etc. All those are translations of the Hebrew original – as opposed to picking a popular name that is merely similar to the Hebrew (e.g. all those Morrises, Seymours, Myrons, etc.).

Having only a romanized version of the real name is a clear statement of who you are. If the child should go off the derekh or get adopted/kidnapped, any time they research their birth name, they will realize they came from a traditional Jewish background.

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ubiquitin: Without a Beis ha-Mikdash, it’s just a red cow and is facing a relatively unpleasant life as a farm animal, before dying in a commercial slaughterhouse. With a Beis ha-Mikdash in existence, she will be pampered and treated kindly, and probably have a less unpleasant end (albeit with the same result).

The American government, even the Democrats, are friendlier to yiddishkeit than the Israeli government. In fact, there are no ultra-secular parties – even the “secular” Democrats at least pretend to be pious believes who support accomodation of religious minorities. The entire culture of American since the latge 18th century has been exceptionally supportive of religious minorities – as opposed to the current regime in Israel which even has a national anthem on hwo they strive to build a land free from the yoke of Torah and Mitsvos.

And even with Obama stripping the Defense budget to fund his pet projects, America is a lot stronger than its enemies – and keeps its enemies far away. If The Arabs ever united, especially in including the other major Islamic powers (Turkey, Pakistan and Iran), Israel would not last long. As it is, they have survived largely through American protection (which is probably ending).

There is also no shailoh of leaving Eretz Yisrael in order to focus on Torah and Mitsvos. When Eretz Yisrael is run by evil people trying to destroy Torah, we should flee to the midbar, and Midbar America is a pretty nice place to flee to.

Also near Atlantic City.

Given there is currently no market for them, expect it will spend its life getting milk, and then turned into a less desirable piece of beef (what happens to dairy cows after a while).

A Parah Aduman without a Beis ha-Mikdash is just a red cow.

If there is room on the shelves, maybe they need to buy more seforim? If there is extra room in the shul, maybe it means there aren’t enough people coming to shul. And why should anyone be standing in the aisles to begin with — aren’t there enough chairs? If the doors slam, they need oiling or perhaps door stopper. Why would you ever lock the door of a shul? Some people are early, some are late, some people need to go to the bathroom more frequently than others (males after a certain age, pregnant women, etc.) – and Jewish custom is to bring children to shul and then aren’t always the most orderly of critters. If you can find ten people who want to be so prompt, start a minyan. If the shliach tzibbur is rushing you, switch to another shul that davens more slowly (or as they would say, with more kavannah).

It depends what you wear instead of a “black hat”. If you wear nothing on your head, for a male, that suggests you are not part of the frum community or at least don’t want to be seen as being frum (of course some men have been known to wear wigs to pass as goyim).

However one’s hat sends messages to people about who you want to be seen as. If this subject interests you, and you have no interest in employability, study sociology in college.

cinderella: You will discover that almost all the millionaires and people with big houses and big cars are middle age or older. The job market for people starting out has in fact declined compared to what it was ten years ago. Being single, especially among frum Jews, is largely a function of youth. It always has. It always will be.Unless you have great inherited wealth (which is extremely rare in our community), young couples will always be struggling. That’s the way things are. That’s the way things will always be. It’s what you’ll be telling your great granschildren when they complain, as they inevitably will.

1. The weddings halls are overbooked, the maternity wards are crowded and the pre-schools are packed – are you sure there is a crisis. I’ll believe there is a crisis when Maimonides Hospital announces it is closing its maternity ward due to lack of customers, when I read about wedding halls trying to find a new use for their facility, and hear about schools closing due to a shortage of students.

2. Even Adam ha-Rishon had a shidduch crisis, and his did in fact require divine intervention (not to mention some very unusual surgical procedures). Our kids have relatively minor problems. Every single person has a shidduch crisis until they get engaged.

3. The economy stinks for young people entering the job market, which scares off some people. We don’t control the economy.