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Perhaps the allure of the white shirt is that, for some, it allows one to feel like a tzadik without having to act like a tzadik.
“they sometimes flash me a mischievous smile and continue being bad, totally ignoring my warning….”
Your method of dealing with the children does not seem to be working. In fact, you may be encouraging the very behavior you want to stop. Time to try a new approach.
Has he been asked the reason he prefers a coed Jewish high school?
If so, what has he said?
It seems that the yeshivas notified the authorities only recently that they required bus service this Thanksgiving. In past years I believe, the yeshivas graciously did not require buses on Thanksgiving allowing the drivers to celebrate the holidays with their families. Perhaps, it would have been helpful if the yeshivas had notified the authorities earlier in the year about this change. The drivers would have been able to change their holiday plans and get used to the idea that they would be working on Thanksgiving.
The notion of what is “yeshivish” is not written in stone and may change over time. Many parents in their 50s and 60s did go to college and did have professional careers. Today, many are supporting their children who are not going to college, and have limited career prospects. Aren’t those working parents to be admired and respected? Perhaps, the pendulum will swing will swing back to the other side in the future, and an education and career will be considered “yeshivish.”
Suggestion:
As long as the fee for the shadchan is in escrow, it should remain there until the 5th wedding anniversary of the young couple. Upon the 5th anniversary the shadchan will receive the fee; thus ensuring that the shadchan will work to find a suitable, lasting match.
A shadchan may offer to provide counseling services to the young couple should they ask for it. As the shadchan would have a stake in the marriage lasting 5 years, it would be to the chadchan’s advantage to help.
A farmer who plants a tree may have to wait years until the tree bears fruit. Perhaps shadchans should also have patience while the efforts of their matchmaking bears fruit.
While some believe that Joseph has left the CR for good, others believe that he is still here among us and that he is merely “hidden.”
It’s kind of surprising that people who accept change grudgingly would leap headfirst into a grand social experiment. The kollel way of life is not just about learning. It has an impact on many facets of family life in the frum community.
Of course learning is hard, but so is working, especially if you are a sixty year old schver supporting not only his own family but also the families of his sons and daughters. At one time he may have thought about retirement, but with the new minhag of young men delaying working, he has no choice but to keep on going. It’s not so bad. Advil helps with the aching back, and beta blockers with the aching heart. Maybe the son-in-laws will have a little rachmunis on their schver and help him out so he can at last rest. So when we discuss who works the hardest, I hope we will consider the humble schver.
Helping someone with a marriage is not like baking a cake; following the recepie from a book. It requires knowledge yes, but also insight to apply the knowledge.
As to life experience; ever notice that people might have experience but unless they develop insight they will repeat the same mistakes. Not only in marriage; but in any relationship.
Book knowledge or life experience.
Are both valuable if they are accompanied by insight, understanding, and empathy.
“the councelor had been divorced four times”
The counselor is certainly an expert on getting married.
Great credentials, 4 certificates.
Ever wonder how and why someone who by some miracle, managed to get himself married, is now an expert on marriage, and feels free to impart his “wisdom” on marriage to others?
To me they appear to be uncomfortable as they trap body heat and moisture in. Modern weather resistant materials like gortex are “breathable.” That is they keep the rain away from you and let body heat and moisture escape.
With all the men wearing those Shayne coats in the neighborhood, I feel like I’m back in the middle ages and the monks are walking to their monasteries.
“Why not light colored suits too?”
Great idea. Light colored and a lighter material.
Police, the army, etc. have different uniforms depending on their needs at the time.
As long as many feel that a “uniform” (especially the hat) is a necessity for a frum Jew, why not a summer “uniform” for really hot days? Perhaps a straw hat for starters.
If the son-in-law is a mensch he will understand the father-in-law’s concerns and be grateful for his help. If he isn’t a mensch, anything is possible when dealing with money. I would suggest a lawyer’s input into this matter.
“I,ve heard b’shem HaRAv Chaim Kanievsky Shlit”a that it’s better to daven w/o a minyan w/ a hat then w/ a minyan w/o a hat.”
Has the black hat already obtained status as a religious object?
I, for one, wonder what the effects on future generations will be on becoming acclimated to food stamps, welfare, section 8 housing, and other entitlements. I know that most of us are careful about what we bring into the house; TV, internet, magazines, etc. I know most of us are careful about where we go(especially with children). Yet many are running full speed ahead into bringing an entitlement mentality into the home; seemingly without thinking of possible consequences.
In the basement of my house, there is one pipe that carries the waste water of the entire house, leaves the house, and goes out to the street. I have an access point, where it leaves the house, and I can open the trap and clean it out. The trap in my house gradually gets clogged and I periodically have to clean it out.
There may be a trap in the sewer line that leaves the house and joins the main sewer line. It may have become clogged causing a backup that floods the basement. I clear it by reaching down into the trap and manually cleaning out the goop.
“Hiding in cabinets is a pretty normal 5 year old activity.”
I reread what BSD posted and didn’t see any mention of cabinets.
Negligence, in some courts, may be determined on a percentage basis. Both parties may be somewhat at fault, and the judge or jury will decide what percentage of fault each party is responsible for. So although the accident happened on a neighbor’s property, the neighbor may not be 100% at fault.
There are tenant screening services which will give you a report on a prospective tenant, for a fee. It might be also useful to know if a tenant has a history of suing his previous landlords.
If the conditions are unsuitable for children, you may actually be preventing a child from being harmed, if you report it.
“I’m going to start calling tow trucks every time people block my driveway.”
My neighbor called the police when someone blocked his driveway. The police ticketed the car and told him that he could now call a tow truck and have it towed away.
“the one who studied at Harvard can, if he wants to, work in a job where….. “
He can live modestly, support his family, and retire at a relatively young age and devote the rest of his life to learning.
“A neighbor who I have known since he was a young boy, did not fit the mold of his yeshivish family. He was interested in art. Rather than encouraging him, the young boy was made to feel he was a black sheep and had a difficult time growing up. Today he is a fine young man and unobservant.”
Whether or not he is a fine person is immaterial to the discussion at hand. The question is why he is OTD. Perhaps it is his parents who were OTD (of good parenting).
A neighbor who I have known since he was a young boy, did not fit the mold of his yeshivish family. He was interested in art. Rather than encouraging him, the young boy was made to feel he was a black sheep and had a difficult time growing up. Today he is a fine young man and unobservant.
A harsh punishment such such as arbitrarily expelling one of their friends may very well unite the other students in focusing anger at authorities in the yeshiva.
I don’t know if this incident is true.
However, arbitrarily expelling students could very well have a very negative effect on the remaining students in the yeshiva. “If my friend can be expelled suddenly for some infraction, it could happen to me just as easily,” a student might say to himself.
“..The current demand of support from the girls parents, wich became increasingly popular about 15 years ago, is a modernized version of Kollel life, bringing about stress and ill-health to many……”
As far as I’m concerned, the welfare of the children is being mortgaged to satisfy the vanity of their parents.
Let me amend that; the welfare of the children and their grandparents is being mortgaged to satisfy the vanity of the “se kimpt tzo mich generation.”
Yeshivas for girls have similar circumstances financially and otherwise as do the boy’s mesivtas. Yet,the secular education there appears to be taken seriously. I don’t think most of the girl’s parents would tolerate the kind of secular education that takes place in the mesivtas.
There are children in yeshivas, who, for various reasons, are not doing well in their Torah studies. After many frustrating hours they go to their secular classes which are treated as a joke. The result; poor skills in Torah studies, poor skills in secular studies, and a prognosis for many problems later on.
There seems to be a “double” waste going on here.
Some consider learning English a waste of time. Even if the class is actually learning something. Waste 1.
The English classes seem out of control in some cases. The students are not only not learning their English subjects but are learning to be disrespectful of their teachers. Waste 2
“At least I know that the guy who marries me is doing so for me. Not my money. Not my parents.”
In that case, you are indeed treasured.
“so the yeshiva objected to a sheitel store which displayed much less sleaze than this h&m ad did. if even that was objectionable, how much more so this ad was.”
Nobody vandalized the store. Perhaps the store closed due to people staying away because of the conflict between the storekeeper and those who objected to the pictures.
An issue seemed to be that the pictures were on the same block as the yeshiva. Also, according to what was reported on YWN, the storekeeper did not immediately agree to the demand to remove the picture. People do have a right not to patronize a store they are unhappy with. They do not have the right to vandalize.
“What type of store was it across from Yeshiva Chaim Berlin?”
A sheitel store.
In the front window of the store were 4 identical head shots of a woman. Some found this objectionable. Now this store is vacant.
This was discussed on this site.
“…..our neighborhoods.”
I don’t think we want to go back to times in New York (or any city) when it was unsafe to walk in certain neighborhoods being a certain race or religion. To prevent that from recurring, all citizens must obey the law and the laws should be enforced.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some parents meet their children’s demands out of fear they would not be allowed to see the grandchildren. While this could happen in any family, the kollel system institutionalizes dependency. Dependency can lead to unexpected consequences, many not good.
Thank you popa for noticing the misspelling.
“..Affixed to the billboard is a small glued on sign, “Warning, Do not post pictures of women or else they will be spray painted.””
“..Affixed to the billboard is a small glued on sign, “Warning, Do not post pictures of women of else they will be spray painted.””
I wonder if the posting of this sign is a violation of the hate crime law. Women are a protected group.
“..Affixed to the billboard is a small glued on sign, “Warning, Do not post pictures of women of else they will be spray painted.””
1.This is a threat to the entire community and should be regarded as such.
2. They mention pictures of women rather than pictures of inappropriately dressed women.
“There is a large public school a block from where the sign was located. Perhaps the sign was targeted at the students, teachers, and visitors who pass by each day.”
The sign is on a side street and seems to be directed at the traffic on a through avenue. The billboard is a rather small one. The images were sprayed over in black paint. Affixed to the billboard is a small glued on sign, “Warning, Do not post pictures of women of else they will be spray painted.”
There is a large public school a block from where the sign was located. Perhaps the sign was targeted at the students, teachers, and visitors who pass by each day.
“..However, dressing a certain way may identify one as a yiray shumayim.”
It identifies one as dressing the way one perceives a yiray shumayim should look(in his eyes). This is different than actually being yiray shumaim.
“It’s happened countless times that a …. employee will be taught the business ….”
An excellent reason why working trumps welfare even if the pay is very low. A worker with a head on his shoulders will learn many skills (who suppliers are, dealing with customers, etc) while on the job. Welfare is a dead end; it should be a temporary help, not a way of life.