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Thank you 🙂
YES! Please say no! I am a mature person, don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I hate when a shidduch is redt and instead of politely declining, the boy simply does not get back to the shadchan. Let me know what you are thinking, so that we could put this behind us and get on to the next one.
Suddenly everyone is so concerned about the other parties feelings. Believe me, you are doing me a greater favor by saying no than by shlepping this out forever.
bombmaniac-
People who have money have been given a loan from Hashem. Do you think that He gave them money so they could pop out the eyes of everyone they come across by flashing their fancy cars, ritzy houses and designer clothing? I think not.
The wealthy have a responsibility. They may not have asked for it, but they have it just the same. They are responsible to use the money that G-d gave them for the good, not to cause jealousy and resentment from others.
This is a classic question and the answers are not clear cut- which is why this topic crops up every so often. There are arguments for both sides of the coin. You have to pick the side that speaks to you.
Its a similar argument that people have when decided if they should vaccinate their kids or not. Some say inject that smidgen of a disease into my kid- chances are that its dead and then he will develop a resistance to it.
Others say there is no way I am willing to take the chance. There is a teensy small possibility that the vaccine will actually cause the disease. (BTW- this seems to happen often enough with the flu shot)
So should you give your children a small glimpse of the goyish world, so that they could see that it is hevel? Or is the risk too great to take?
Sacrilige-
Obviously we are not talking about a person who owns a minimal amount of designer labels that they purchased on sale in Woodbury. We are talking about people who would only consider buying an article of clothing if it is designer, and will wear anything designer named, even if it looks like it was purchased in a thrift shop.
The problems you mention about our system are general problems. I was talking about that are specific to tznius. Tznius is a topic that girls hear so much about, yet tend to turn a deaf ear to. Why is that? Among other reasons, I think it is because it was never presented to them in the proper light. Giving a girl a bunch of “no”s is obviously going to turn her off. Also, those pictures that they hand out in highschool, showing the parts of a girls body that have to be covered and by how much- am I the only one who thinks that we are missing the boat?
sacrilege-
if you are defining tznius as strictly what you wear, and how many inches you cover, then you are right.
But the correct definition of tznius is to focus on the internal, and to treat the external secondary. Tznius is a mindset, not a wordrobe.
The problem with our system today is that we spend so much time focusing on the details. If we would teach our students more about living a life of tznius, we wouldn’t have to spell out every little detail. They would be able to come to that on their own.
Sacrilege-
tznius is about being an internal person. Though I agree that wearing labels is not a black and white issue, someone who is a true tznuah does not need to or want to wear labels.
I think that people who have real class and real money do not have the need to flaunt their wealth by wearing labels. They may spend an exhorbiant amount of money on their clothes, but the world doesn’t have to know it.
It is the people who are insecure about their status that have to prove to you that they could afford to buy xyz…
And don’t kid yourselves, people. I would venture to say that half of the labels you see nowadays are knockoffs.
WIY-
do you own shares in torahanytime.com?
WIY-
I agree! Especially on the part of instituting a special kollel for those who will go on to be the next roshei yeshivah and gedolei hador.
I know of a few middle aged men who have been in kollel for their entire married life. They never took a shtellar, or gave shiurim… they just sat and learned day in and day out. They are not satisfied people. They come across as bitter and ungrateful. Perhaps this is because they dont feel like they accomplished much in life.
Brisker-
I’m not sure if there will be less people in kollel, but it is likely that there will be more people working. Most seem to forget that as the years go on, the frum, yeshivish population is growing by leaps and bounds. Each kollel couple that gets married is likely to add 8-10 more jewish neshamos to the world. Out of those 8 children if four end up working and four end up learning, both the kollel scene and the work force will each grow tremendously.
brisker-
I agree on principle, but I find that people jump to use this “excuse” as a reason why they should not be in kollel/marry someone in kollel.
It sort of reminds me of the whole global warming thing…
I am new to this, but I have been reading and keeping up for quite some time now. I decided it was time for the coffee room to hear what I have to say as well!
Truth is, it is far easier to be a good girl then a good boy. (and I am a girl, by the way) For a boy to be a top bochur, he has to really be entrenched in Torah and learning. A girl can be much more nuetral and still be considered a good girl. That is why it’s easy for a girl to say she wants her husband to learn, but not so easy for the husband to live up to that commitment.