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I myself went otd from age 18 till 30. I agree that the unconditional love is most important. I can remember coming home 2 am Friday night by cab and no one said a word about it.
I apologized to my mother once about this and she said, your’e my son you are always welcome here.
this made a very strong impression on me possible the thing that kept the connection. I always said SHma at night and went to Shule on every Yom Kippur except one. SO see if you’re son wants a minimal connection like that and be proud of that.
I think tho that nothing was going to keep me away from the otd.
in my case there had been molestation that was never dealt with and also some other trauma.
SO don’t try that much to keep that road off closed they are going anyway but keep the light on.
also in my case, learning Torah was the spark back not davening.
there was a question if the Israelis who are spending Pessach in Chu”l in this case can make their own Minyan on this past Shabbos so that they can lain their parsha not 8th day of Pessach.
Rav Zalman Auerbach ZT”L ruled no, because it would be a Zilzul of Yom Tov Sheni.
Yet Tourists in Israel have their own Minyanim on this past SHabbos.
I am with the OP. One of the perhaps silly things I do is to continue to eat Matza exclusively for as long as possible. I have a supply of both SHmura and regular but only the high quality such as oat and whole wheat which i can get for free after the Yom Tov.
I find it as a spiritual help although I understand there is not the same Kedusha associated.
BUt it think the trick is to find that highness if you will, during the normal rest of the year.
I was like Gatesheader, I moved for finanical considerations. After many years and many ups and downs, (it always starts up), I would rather that I had stayed there. and now i run there for a few days whenever i can. Many of my friends there, managed as well if not better than myself, they were just patient and got into good businesses and trades, debt I have here as well, lack of Mazal i had here as well. There is something positive about the when you leave aside all the stupid politics the view of seeing a Shabbos observed in so much of Yerushalayim, in the holy land is just not a scene i have ever seen replicated wadr, in monsey, boro park etc.
You either feel it there or you dont’ it can’t be argued about.
Having said that sure, it can be good to leave there for a few years.
I didn’t know the height differences. The pictures we see on media seem to make Martin as lanky and a runt looking and the other one as a big guy.
So the evidence has to show this great bodily harms existing or not? is that what the case will come down to?
And according to this law, was he allowed to shoot to kill or should he have shot in the leg, knowing as he did that Trayvon has no weapon.
He was found with a plastic bag with ‘residue’ that is not quite posession. Actually it is because of this that he is dead, that he was suspended. Not that he was of age, but high school kids do drink. Would he have been suspended with an empty bottle of beer actually an emply water bottle which might have contained beer. Still he has not issues with the law.
I can’t see Zimmerman fearing for his life. While some high school kids are very strong and big, he was not as big as Zimmerman at all. Zimmerman should have talked his way out of it, as I have done many times when I lived in NY. But he had the gun so he was a big man.
It is highly likely that Martin asked why he was being followed and words were exchanged. But in the final analysis, he was not a person in trouble with the law before.
“He was suspended from school for marijuana possession. A deleted Twitter account was found through web archives which had pictures of him dressed as a gang member, making gang signs, and writing very violent messages”
I went last night to the Shoprite near Monsey there was a sign Passover products 50% off. it’s all junk even at that price we don’t buy any of these processed products, it’s a sucker play. Just cook the basics.
what about hiking?
This is for live singing or even from a CD? Does it make a difference if one listens to a CD in private rather than in public, I work in a kosher Rest. and play female vocalist is this an issue.
Is thre any heterim for Parnassa reasons, if a musicians needs to learn a particular song?
Good post. I differentiate here between the laining and Chazanus. As a part time lainer, I hate that singing along, it is distracting and you are trying to make no mistakes, or in some cases you have to remember certain trops,or pronounciations, if you don’t know them real well. I don’t like any talking at the Bima either,sometimes the Gabbai has to do something.
For Chazanus, to be honest, I will sing along, only in 1 Shule where I am related to the Rav and feel a comfort level, and its also a small minyan, AND, it’s a very long davening, and he speaks alot, so there is a level of boredom by Mussaf. Other places I would just go out for a break if bored, there I can’t do that so easily.
Gateheader, the American society is more politicized than in the NL. They like to demonize their political opponents rather than have common sense which is why I can tell you what each one is going to say on any issue.
It is ironic because they talk about being free and pursuit of happiness as a foundation of the country but the society does not really hold this up.
This differs than the war on drugs which is mostly corruption based, i.e. each arrest means money and jobs for police and jails, and the court system.
Yet they cannot end neither demand nor supply.
Regarding the OP, you can def. not take the Israeli citizenship I know people there over 40 years who are not citizens. POssibly you do have to leave every so often. Children born there might be harder to do.
Regarding the hatred of the current Medina, I ask this every time but never see an answer.
The main population which is not frum.
1. If there was no Medina, wherever they lived, do you honestly think they would still be Jewish.
2. WHile the state was not yet established in the period WW2, do you acknowledge that many Jews had no where else to escape or run to, and would have perished had it not been for the Zionist settlement.
Getting back to #1, does the average non frum Israeli (non frum varies of course) perform more Mitzvos than the counterpart in CH”ul, those who are still Jews of course.
If they want to socialize, they will find the way, no matter how many stores you close and whatever else you try to do.
The point is, they haven’t recieved or accepted the Chinuch that
it is better to wait for shidduch than to socialize/flirt that may be so called innocent or may not be.
Having shiurim or programs might work, only if they are socializing out of rebellion, then you need to make NCSY type programs, i.e. “Judaism is cool” approach.
My children went to frum Yeshivos not mixed classes but the boys and girls sharing the same huge buildings, separate wings, and went to completely separate high schools.
I spoke to them about socializing, they think that it is wrong, that the time will come when they are in the Parsha of Shidduchim.
So those who got the same basic Chinuch, are rebelling a bit.
The issue is to facilitate the socializing in a heimish way or not but that might seem hypocritcal but it may be worth exploring.
I think there was more of forcing people to give Tzedaka, this might been enforced easier.
I don’t know if this would work today. People give quite a lot but want to feel unforced to do this.
Most people who have, give when approached or are touched by a need.
There is also cases where the hotel workers were drinking beer in the kitchen. In my experience most kitchen workers drink beer during or after their shift.
Having worked in Mashgichus, I wouldn’t trust the Kashrus strictly.
I am not sure how people can go to hotels based on the Kashrus factor.
If that its’ too hard to make Pessach that I can understand.
maybe sort of like a hobby or how to appreciate HaShem’s beautiful world, I enjoy taking walks in nice large hopefully relatively quiet parks. Perhaps to travel as well.
Fun related maybe to non inconme oriented activities, not like trying to convince people to join your latest MLM scheme.
The questioner is looking for something that he would enjoy as well I think. I beleive you could have returned the serve there.
I remember taking Sherutim from Geula to Bnei Brak, it was interesting, the Charidishe man would ask the non frum men,to switch places so the Charidi didn’t have to sit next to a woman. I never saw any non-compliance. I took this Shreut often as I lived near BB. I think that the darchi noam approach is still best. I think most of the objections is to the violence employed. which is much more than it used to ever be.
that’s the issue, is this a violence based ideology. WHat I mean, is the ideology says, you must dress this way, or do as I say, if not, I will smack you in the mouth. But I already know, that you won’t smack me back because you are an ‘ehriche yid’. With any other group of people on planet earth, I couldn’t get away with this. ANd this proves that I am right and everyone else is wrong.
way to get over the breakup- if you aren’t involved in Chessed do something for people in need. Volunteer there are a lot of people who can use any help, kids who need tutoring or other help, single moms need help etc.
I think only time will help and when you meet someone else.
Travel – vacation, if you can would be good also.
So the permissibility to curse at women who are dressed tznius but not exactly as you would like is based only on the Rambam?
CG, But then what is your objection to the state of Israel? If I am reading you correctly, you are a sort of NK supporter, just haven’t crossed the line into activism?
Do you think there is any good at all in Israel as we know the state?
and compared to say the intermarriage rates in the UK and the US and other countries, is this not good that in Israel there are 90% Jewish marriage rates?
Yes some intermarry but not as in the outside.
Would you say that this is a good thing, and if that there was no state of Israel, these Jews by now, would be not Jews anymore, in terms of the prevailing intermarriage rates in the Chu”ll?
As well that the existence of the Zionist movement that a place populated by Jews then lent itself to save Jewish refugees who were able to escapte the inferno at the last moment, incl. I believe the Satmar Rebba and many other Chassidishe Rabbonim, and many later leaders of Agudah in the USA, and many Roshei Yeshiva, who likely, of course we cannot say for sure, but they had no other option at the time, would have also perished in Auscwicz?
I would like to know if you consider this fact a good or bad thing?
Same goes with support for Torah learning and in both Dispora as well in Israel, for teachers and Rabbeim.
How do you explain the phenomon wherein Birthright programs takes Jews who were on the road to Intermarriage and were not associated in any way with Jewish life and able to become part of their local communities and performing Mitzvos. Is this a good thing or not?
also Gateheader see Rav Dessler on this subject, which he built the Gatehead Yeshiva and community that where you reside.
Zionism allowed many Jews to flee the nazi’s Yemach Shemmam, and raise families in Israel, which many of these children and grandchildren are now Baalei Teshuva or at very least keep a Pessach seder, Kosher, marry Jews, and other Mitzvos.
Had they been killed, nothing.
had they gone to America, these grandchildren would be intermarried.
I know many survivor families in American where in fact the children of the survivor intermarried without even some conversion. Imagine the extra anguish.
I don’t see this as so black and white. Yes there is bad in Zionism but also there is good.
” Why? Because of the sholosh shvuos”
there is ample Gedolim who refute this point. The Avnei Nezer writes that this oath does not apply when the nations give Yisrael permission to return.
Rav Teichtal, in his work, “Em Habanim Smeicha,” offers another explanation. Although the Jews were sworn not to enter Eretz Yisrael forcefully, the nations of the world were also sworn not to persecute the Jews too much. Over the course of the exile, the Jews were severely persecuted by the gentiles. Because the gentiles violated their oath, the Jews were no longer bound by their oath.
The author of the “Hafla’ah” maintains that the oaths only apply to those who are in the exile of Bavel, and not in other lands.
R’ Chaim Vital explains that the oath only applied for 1000 years, not longer.
The Gra writes that the oath applies only to building the Beit Hamikdash, not to entering Eretz Yisrael.
Elsewhere in the Gemara there are other, conflicting, sources. Furthermore, the Gemara regarding the “Three Oaths” is aggada, and we do not decide halacha based on aggada.
Family trip to Israel?
The birthright trip helps a lot of people connect to their heritage.
I would like to know, if they are acting respectful when they are in the home or in their neighborhood, do they wear a Yarmulka there or not there either. Are they still in touch with friends who are still frum.
Positive role models is very important.
Sometimes people come back after many years. It could be that they miss the warmth of a communuity so the parents should see where the children are holding, are they without any alternative community, if so, they will be lonely, so eventually they might find their way back. One positive thing is that they do know that they can come back to something.
If you are asking in Mitzius, you can probably do what you want to do in Aruba. I beleive that many minyanim are there and they won’t mind during Yeshiva break week.
Also I would check with the Syrian community in Brooklyn, they have a few ‘travelling Torahs’ for this purpose and you might find out where they are that week. I found a group once on a cruise (not Kosher cruise but had Kosher meals available).
CG, so did the fact that Israel was at the time of WW2 a place where Jews could go. were Jewish lives saved at that time because the Zionists had helped bring Jews there and have a place for them? Because there were not enough visa’s to other countries, and those who got to Israel would have perished.
Is that not a good thing?
You may be aware that many Jews were already secular in places like Prague, Vienna, even in Poland. They weren’t particularly Zionist either.
No country is perfect but Israel has done some very good things in the world both for Jews and non Jews.
Arabs saying they hate Jews less, because of NK, you can beleive that, I will take that with a gram of salt.
But no Zionism, is /was not perfect, what system is though.
I saw a question of a person who had been a Shochet in Poland, and moved to AMerica early 1900’s, and had to work on Shabbos.
But he didn’t trust the Kashrus in those days, so he asked a Shaila, is his Schita more trustworthy.
Not sure what the answer. I read this somewhere.
Alot of people would be amazed at the low level of some of the Mashgichim. I have seen some who dont’ even wash the lettuce you are served, let alone check for bugs.
Mashgichim should be payed more and there names should be listed
so people would know who they are trusting.
In addition to the bug checking they have to be vigilant at all times because you never know when a violation will occur.
I also thinks it’s probably a wind-up, but if not, Bowwow is trying to live beyond his means. this is what it costs. You want to get it for less and this makes you a ‘schnorrer’.
I was a guest once at the Homowack and after Shule, they announced ‘everyone is invited to the Kiddush’. I was thinking that means someone could stay at a cheap motel nearby and come for the davening and get the basically lunch for free.
But here it’s a much different story. the caterer invests heavily in putting together the program, advertising etc. and has to sell a certain number of rooms etc.
You can certainly ask if you can join the minyanim, but his not allowing it does not mean anything about his Kashrus.
You want something that others have to pay for, you want it for free, instead of making a vacation that you can afford, that is the ugly part of this story if it’s true.
I believe the person has to be Shomer Shabbos Yid. If the Mashgiach is Chas VeSholom seen violating Shabbos, he would likely not be allowed to be a Mashgiach.
You have to define what you mean by morally corrupt. There may be an issue of Neemanus.He may not be a viable person because the Mashgiach has to enforce Kashrus, for example in a meat place, usually there is a plate and pan for fish only, not for sale but for the staff, if the Mashgiach sees them cooking the fish in the meat oil he has to enforce that the oil gets changed.
There is also alot of ‘look the other way ‘ opportunities because
in a very bad economy there is much competition for these jobs witch can present a possible conflict of interest.
So someone like you describe may not be best but it depends I have seen many people in food industry personally OTD but take the Kashrus very seriously. So this man as well.
It depends i guess is he publicly known as a criminal or not.
I have been told it’s any actual printed copy of Torah. I have seen all of these in Shaimos boxes. Even the Reform and cons. if they have copy of Torah in there. Probably you can remove those pages from the books, that would apply to Orthodox books in Eng. as well.
the worst thing in Shaimos by boxes is mamash secular books like on Israel. I go thru this at my shule to ensure only the right things.
I have now loads of Torah cassettes and CD’s – I imagine they also have to be in Sheimos.
Yes we really need some details of your dates to help. What is it that they do/don’t do that causes you to be so uncomfortable.
I have not heard of this complaint in my circles. we need to know details, otherwise we are all just wasting time.
For a restaurant the Mashgiach doesn’t have to know anything but how the Hashgacha tells him/her how to check for bugs, and the protocol of lighting the stoves. For a manufacturing place I believe they have to know much more.
The owners of Pizza stores usually suffice, I am not aware of a Mashgiach for Milchigs, but I could be wrong.
Which is just as worrysome bec. prices are also higher for Kosher cheese and fishes, and the incentive to cheat is there.
In this case, if it is a meat place, and they let the owner be the Mashgiach, this is very rare.
I didn’t say to use my words but I think many fellows, if they are seriously dating would be happy to hear what’s on the girl’s mind, done in a positive way. I didn’t mean to sound cold and arrogant, I have been in her place that is, I didn;’t get married till older.
Ultimately, they are going to have to communicate about these sorts of things when married so what is the harm in starting now?
As far as Shidduch crisis my understanding of it was for girls or guys already older (early 30’s ) girls especially who unfortunately have lesser chances unless something radical is done. Some of the peoople don’t get calls for shidduch anymore, RLTL”, Hashem Yishmor.
The OP indicated that she is getting as many dates as she can handle so it’s a different sort of crisis, hers is a communications gap.
It would be helpful to know what specifically is causing her such anguish what is that they are saying/doing. Even if OP is not into this it’s probably a prevalent feeling and could be helpful to others.
Sarid has a certain hashkafa, but his points should be answered not just by calling him names.
I think you should point this out to them. if there is one fellow who is close enough but lacking this trait. I have no problem being told that I am doing something is offensive. We are not perfect beings, try it anyway. Don’t get so down, I have seen recently people who were looking for many years, just got married. Now is your time!
What is the answer for cases where finances are very difficult? a few years ago when I was unemployed for 2 years I noted that my wife was wearing very tight skirts and dresses not for fashion but it was still fitting.
I see this quite often in very Chareidish gatherings some ultra tight clothings. But if the finances don’t allow for new what are they supposed to do?
again what is Chareidi bashing?
I have not seen any posts that say for example, all chareidim are spitters, etc.
I happened to servers in IDF with several Chareidim very nice people all of them. quiet and helpful. My first job in life was only because a Charidi fellow helped me someone from Bnei Brak. I have posted this before.
There are different communities and we should point out the problems, it doens’t mean it’s bashing.
I happen to think that the spitters and excrement throwers, learn their attitudes from within their communities, that they are not just ‘meshugenes’ this does not make me anti charidi. it is based on my experience living in Beis Yistroel, Monsey, and visiting Beis Shemesh where my sister lived at one time.
Too many news items of the same type every day to think otherwise.
Sure it’s possible that all the incidents are hoaxes or incitements.
But not when you have lived in these areas and have seen the violence first hand (I myself was threatened by neighbors in Beis Yisroel and it was only by luck that a friend of my roommates came over and had a gun on him, he showed the gun to the Avreich and the fellow backed off). So I have no reason to doubt any of the reported incidents.
Not that this means that I hate all Chareidim or bash them. this is another lie being bandied about.
This site is both a news site and a Hashkafa site.
I am not following.
You are getting dates, so it’s not as bad as those who are not getting any calls.
Are the fellows your age or older?
The reason I ask this is that my daughter B’H has met someone that is serious now but his age was 5 years older i beleive he was more ready than had she been setup with some of her age.
Perhaps these 21-24yo boys are not really ready for marriage and are sort being forced into it?
I recognize that we also may have just been incredibly lucky but
it sounds also that you are being a little nitpicking.
You should pick one that you like and invest more time than just the one date and saying negative things.
I am not meaning to hurt you in any way I can imagine the Tzaar you are going through is very real, I am just looking at it as the alte kocher I am.
personally I cannot imagine withholding. But in my experience my wife has been more than good to me so I think that would temper it.
The only case I can see is that I want to move to EY ‘some day’ and she is more American, than anyone I know.
But of course who is to say what will happen.
In some cases, suppose the husband wants to move to EY and the wife refuses.
Now he knows he will need a lot of finances to make this move.
So that is where it might get tricky.
Are you justified because you are moving to EY?
he should practice making conversation. THe truth is you can’t be so quiet in a marriage process. Even after being married, you can’t just be quiet, it’s weird. I am not saying you have to gab for hours but you have to communicate even a bit.
He should write down some questions, make a list and practice in the mirror or to a voice recorder.
I dont’ think he will find someone if he cannot have the interest in a person to have a conversation, even just 10 or 15 minutes.
I would say he hasn’t developed socially so now is the time.
ALso if he dates someone, he should tell her this issue maybe on the first or second date. SHe might be able to help.
I am not a crime expert but there is more and more crime in the states, depending on where you live of course. I am reading in my newspaper more crimes than ever, it may have to do with cutting number of police. this sort of crime does not occur as frequently in Israel
I think that the life of being amongst Jews throughout the country gives a different religious experience. It is a psychological difference, here in the states, I feel like I don’t belong here that this is not my country. There I feel that I am in the land HaShem gave me.
I wish that i had the courage to move back to tell you the truth. It is easy to just shrug and say, it’s too hard to pack and move.
It’s hard to say ‘someday’ i will be there will time marches on.
no its not. the site is reporting news. do you want to surpress the almost daily Chareidish violence in Israel?
The news is very distressing and anguish building to frum people. People who love Jews. WHo dont’ curse at them because they think that their Tzitzis are not correct or the Tznious is not correct.
These demonstrations and violence,don’t stop and should be discussed and reported.
I hope the YWN will continue to report these criminal acts in EY and the reasons that so called frum Chareidim could do such things as throwing excrement and spitting on women and girls and
humiliated them verbally, thus breaking many laws, yet they get away with it, they are not jailed for long time as they should be, this is an outrage.
they are ruining the site. Every post is about how the spitters and excrement throwers and cursers of women, they have a point.
It’s like if you are not used to thinking of people this way, if you believe in loving Jews, you don’t belong on this site anymore.
Their purpose is a microcosm of the demonstrations in Beis Shemesh, to drive away sane normal people, since the spitters have a
‘true’ cause.
She was and is dressed Tznius. Please stop lies and bashing of fine Jews. That is what you do best, denounce other Jews. This is the worst thing that a Jew can do. They are not flaunting anything, stop hating them they are people just stop hating them I think you can.
no point at all, there is nothing of value in NK, and should be avoided by any sane person.