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When I said that the girl has to respond quickly if the boy already agreed to the shidduch or risk losing the date, I was criticized. but if you are flying in it’s okay to stack them up. To me it looks like a meat market. After a 23 hour flight the girls is to meet 4 boys within the first 10 days. That’s basically one every two days. The average date takes at least 4 hours plus getting ready for the date doesn’t really leave her much time to relax and think about the date so unless he wows her on the first date it’s over. It also doesn’t give her much time to visit friends or relatives or tour. This is basically dating for the sake of dating not for the sake of marrying.
WinnieThePooh _ If you are going on a vacation and while there someone set you up with a date I understand but the way they made it seem was they just picked themselves up and hope they will find someone in the new place.
LU_ I am not sure what you mean by make phone calls, to whom the dates or the shadchun? Vacations are usually a week or two, doesn’t really give you much time and can’t be extended. This will work for someone who isn’t interested in a career and just hopping from job to job.
Moving to another country to live with your husband is common. Moving for a job is also common. Moving because you might find a shidduch I don’t think is smart unless you have already met. I know people that moved and thought they would find a job, didn’t and had to move back home. In this day and age you can video conference from your home and get to know each other before you meet. I know it is not the same as meeting in person but it’s cheaper and less time consuming. Once you’ve talked and think there is something there then you should flyover and meet. I don’t know if anyone does it but I don’t see why it can’t work.
Big Golem- “Would you agree with someone ending a relationship due to lack of emotional connection, even if the other party has everything this person is looking for?”
No. Who knows if they will ever find an emotional relationship with any future date. It can be compared to someone who can’t decide what to eat and ends up starving. What your saying is wait until you heart tells you this is the right one? This may never happen or what your heart says is the right one is actually the worst spouse. You can either think with your head or with your heart.
Trump can’t be the Moshiach because even if be converts, a convert can’t be a leader which the Moshiach is.
In every generation there are people who are fit to be Moshiach, it’s just that Hashem doesn’t feel that the Jewish nation is ready yet. In order to marry the Mashiach you will need to have married him prior to him being anointed. Unlike the past US presidential election when it comes to Mosiach there are many competent candidates and only Hashem knows who will be appointed. By 20 he will be a Talmud Chachom and a leader and it will be hard to get a date with him. There is a better chance of you giving birth to the Moshiach then marrying him.
As far as Polygamy, even when it was permitted it required the first wife’s permission either at the time of the original marriage or prior to the second marriage. I don’t know why you think in the time of the Moshiach it will be re-instituted. Just as it is said who is a rich man? He who is happy with his lot. So too the same can be said regarding a wife, you don’t need a second wife.
I am sorry I guess I misinterpreted your comments, “Just so no one should get the wrong idea- I don’t think the last part is a common message in the Frum world – it was my own personal experience because of the people I happened to know.” Was this going on your comments about emotional connection only or your comment about the sole purpose of marriage is to support a kollel man comment also.
I wasn’t the only one that misinterpreted your comment, Big Golem did also. Your clarification only showed up after I had already posted.
Golfer AbbaS, I have heard people ask whether pushing notes into the crevices might be assur, not because you’re undermining stability of the wall, but because you may inadvertently approach an area that has Kedusha. I don’t know the answer; I’d be curious if anyone else has heard anything like that.
The amount of damage is minuscule,which is why it is permitted, but over time with thousand of people doing it the crevices are enlarged. As far as sticking their hands deeply in the crevice, I have not done it nor seen anyone do it, but I assume the just put it on the edge of the crevice and the next person does the same pushing the first one deeper into the crevice. I assume the notes dates from the times concept of writing when they use to write kvittles to the Rebbi. If it was good enough for the rabbi how much more so for Hashem.
As far as the wall itself it surrounded the courtyard and any expansion required the approval of the Bais Din of 71 and was paid out of the excess funds from the half Shekel poll tax and should have the same kiddusha as the Bais Ha”Mikdash.
The purpose of getting married is to support someone in Kollel because my life is meaningless since I’m a girl and have no chiyuv to learn, and my only purpose in life is to support someone in Kollel.
The purpose of marriage is to build a true house in Israel and have children. There is NO Obligation that the wife support her husband. Your life is meaningful whether or not you marry a kollel or working man. Your life is very important as you can bring Mosheach either by being his mother or through your righteous deeds. In the army there are Paratroopers and members of the Armour units. Both of them serve a purpose and no one will say the others meaningless. So too you are a soldier in Hashem’s army and have a purpose. Hashem created you different then any other female. Why? If your sole purpose is to support a kollel man he could have made all girls to look and act a like. You have a unique task which only you can accomplish.
I would like to apologize if any of my comments were offensive to you but your comment that your sole purpose is to serve and support your kollel husband are also offensive. This is a slave mentality and would be expressed by Radical Islam rather than a Frum Jew.
Are you allowed to put the notes or remove them as you are eroding the stones which was sanctified when it was built? Are you Mo-El Bi- Hekdosh? Are they undermining the stability of the wall? I know everyone does it but is it right?
If the notes are in a crevice they will probably not get wet, unless they are protruding.
Yet to get to the point of Abba_S’s “can you spend the rest of your life with your date then take the plunge and get married,” I can’t “see” myself living with junk food and alcohol in the house for the rest of my life.
If you can’t see yourself living with the guy because of his unhealthy lifestyle why are you going out with him? I was only referring to those who need to feel an emotional attachment which may never happen. Take the plunge before it’s too late but it’s your life and nobody can make this decision for you.
1) Must a gartel be worn when davening or is a belt sufficient?
Why do you need a belt the elastic of your underwear should be sufficient. However if your father had a custom to wear a gartel you should also wear it.
WTP It’s cold and rainy, why would anyone even consider not wearing socks? Bring out the boots!!
If it’s so cold in Isreal why are they making a stink about enforcement of a dress code in the Knesset? Why are they wearing mini skirts if it’s against the rules and cold?
LU, your tachana merkazit story reminds me of one that happened to a friend- she was davening at the kosel when a lady comes over to her and gives her a mussar shmuz about how it is not proper for her to wear a sheitle (peah nochris, there are many who hold that it is assur to wear a sheitle, but rather women should cover their hair with a scarf/hat/turban etc). My friend was single at the time with thick, a bit-past-the-chin-length hair.
She should have told her she is single and maybe she knows a nice boy for her.
LU +1 on explaining how people may be talking about the same thing but defining it differently. Someone else’s non-connection could could be considered another’s connection.
I don’t understand how one person’s non connection can be another’s connection. Although one person’s emotional connection can be another’s non emotional connection. Nobody seems to want to define emotional connection nor chemistry or initial chemistry. The only chemistry I had was in high school when it was [required to graduate.
I’ve been married 33 years and married off three of my children going on the fourth. If you are waiting until you feel something in your heart eat some spicy food and you will get heartburn. It’s not happening. You need to think,(see) can you spend the rest of your life with your date then take the plunge and get married.
Abba_S: In my experience the boys family is contacted first and when they give a yes the girls family is contacted. Why this way? Because the shadchanim said so.
I am not saying your way is wrong or that the shaddchan doesn’t do that, just that after the boy says yes the girls doesn’t have much time to check references prior to the first date. Take time and the boy moves on to the next girl. The Shadchan because boys are in short supply wants to make sure he is willing before arranging a shidduch, otherwise it’s a waste of time.
I agree with ZD and you should be OK. Once one of my nephews went to a shul in Canada in sandals without socks (it’s not only females who are criticized)and I explained, he was from Israel where it’s normal to dress that way.
I don’t think it’s a requirement, otherwise there would be fewer marriages. Does it come after marriage? Sometimes. There needs to be some type of connection between husband and wife otherwise they will drift apart and divorce. Marriage is suppose to be a long term arrangement, not breaking up after the first disagreement.
Could you define what is meant by emotional connection.
Perhaps since your saving a fellow Jew money it may fall in the category of Ha Shovas Avaida (returning a lost article) as there too you are saving the person money even though he maybe wealthy and so it maybe a chesed. I also don’t think it’s Bittul Zman. You created a memorable show that they may cherished for the rest of their lives and may also encourage others to volunteer for other chesed projects.
Are you referring to sandals or open toe shoes. With socks/stockings or without? In SOME chareidi communities might consider it untzinus.
If the boy says yes and the girl takes a few days to decide by the time she comes back to the shaddchun the boy is setup with another girl. I think most cases the girl’s family are asked first. The only explanation as to why they are asking you last is to encourage you to date more as they may think you declining too many boys.
Abba/S………..
The original post suggests that the Principal put hands on the child and tossed him out the door. Why then talk to the principal?
I apologize I thought it was only Rabbi.I find it hard to believe that a Principal would come into a classroom and just grab a student by the neck and throw him out the door. Most yeshivas have a Financial Director and a Chairmen of the Board who you can complain to instead of the principal. Why not give the Rabbi the benefit of the doubt and have the child checked out by a medical professional. Who if abuse is seen, must, by law, report it to the authorities rather then falsely accuse him of abuse.
As far as a criminal complaint, unless the student wants to press charges and you actual witnessed it, the police will do nothing.
As far as suing the rabbi or yeshiva ,you wouldn’t collect a dime from them. Maybe you will collect something from the insurance company, if they have insurance. So unless you have a pro bono lawyer this isn’t going anywhere.
I think you should visit Lakewood prior to deciding to move there, if sidewalks are important to you. If there is no sidewalk there can’t be a requirement to shovel the snow from a nonexistent sidewalk. Every jurisdiction has different rules but most give the homeowner 24 hours from the time the snowing stopped to clear an existing sidewalk before they start fining the homeowner.
A better reasons to keep the house occupied is so the pipes don’t freeze in the winter, and squatters don’t decide to live in the unoccupied house.
Not at all! All you would need is a few feet. And the government doesn’t have to put up any barriers!
The average highway lane is 12 feet in width although you may be able to get away with 10 feet. You are going to need to increase it from one lane each way to 3 lanes each way to accommodate growth.. The state will have to compensate the home owners which will be very expensive. Your way is to use the shoulder together with a few feet from the home owner wouldn’t work because the shoulder is needed in case a car breaks down.
As far as the barriers are concerned, the first accident in which one of these house are damaged the state will be sued for poorly designing the highway.
GAW- If Chazal cared enough to make the girls borrow clothing not to embarrass those who did not have, Kal V’Chomer they were careful not to embarrass the girls who were Niddos and identify them to their peers and townspeople.
As long as a female hasn’t been immersed in a Mikvah she remains a Niddah. Since single females now a days only go to the Mikvah right before their marriage they should all be considered a Niddahs. Besides who says in those day the Niddahs danced on the 15th of Av maybe they didn’t participate.
LU- “The question is does a positive commandment override a negative commandment in this case?”
You’re never allowed to.”
An example is Yebom. Where the commandment to marry his brother’s wife if their was no child overrides, the prohibition of not marrying your brother’s wife even though the negative commandment has Koras, which is a serious punishment. Your Issur is only a takonah, a rabbinic prohibition and was it even instituted during dating for marriage purposes. If there really was a prohibition how come there are Kol Korah against concerts but none against dating.
I do know that you will pay a premium if you wait until you actually need it. Shortly after marrying I joined a Chevra Kadisha, United Community down on the lower Eastside, I never needed their services and paid the annual dues, $20.00 per year. This is suppose to cover burial expenses plus a plot for me my wife and my dependents. My parents recently died. My father paid $1,000.0 for each plot in Bais Shemesh over 20 years ago. It cost me $10,000 to bury him in Eretz Yisroel not including the plot. I known there are Chevra Kadisha & others that have plots and who don’t need them and I am looking to buy The problem is that I have heard horror stories of people buying plots and finding out when they need them someone is already buried there.
LU- Hashkafahmaster, And what if it happens in a way that is clearly completely assur (as opposed to what’s being discussed in this thread which doesn’t necessarily fall in that category)?
The ends doesn’t always justify the means.
I think what is meant is that since dating is needed to get married and marriage is a prerequisite for having children which is a Mitzvah and since someone doing a Mitzvah will not be harmed. Similarly someone doing a prerequisite for a mitzvah (dating) wouldn’t be harmed. Or he may hold since the boy is looking for his rib it might be a case of Ha Shovas Aviadah which is also a Mitzvah and there is no assur.
The question is does a positive commandment override a negative commandment in this case?
What is an example of being “stuck”?
Being stuck is staying with the status quo. For example a ex husband or wife who can’t get over their ex spouse and are not ready to move on with their life.
hashkafakly it is quite simple- more tv and movies (narashkeit) = more divorce.
While the outside society is a factor in the rise of Jewish divorce whether it be TV or internet ,fathers no longer supporting the family I think is a bigger factor. Woman realizing that they can support the family on their own together with the fact that divorce is socially acceptable encourages more divorces.
The guys who clean up and put away the siddurim and other sforrium.
The guys who opens up the shul and make sure everything is ready for the first minyan. The guys who arrange speakers and shuirium and have to put up with complaints.
If you widened the roads you would need to confiscate a good part of the front yards of the houses on these roads. The owners would have to be compensated which will make it very expensive. Likewise barrier must be installed to protect the house from the speeding car should the driver lose control of his vehicle.
As far as the people moving to Tom Rivers, they are looking for bigger houses more land. The fear of a moratorium on building permits is also encouraging people to move out of Lakewood. MasaU’matan is just a publication of available apartment in Lakewood, they are not real estate agents who know what going on.
This depends if the person appears to be homeless, in which case I call 911(note I live in NYC), and request an ambulance. This is assuming he is not camping out in which case I will leave him alone. If they appear Jewish and it looks like they are hurt I would call Hatzalah.
You have until you feel you have to go so if you have the urge to go even though you can hold it in and don’t need to go, you still can’t make Asher Yatzar for your prior bathroom visit. This doesn’t give you a long time as your body keeps generating waste which must be expelled, this can be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours depending on the individual. So you should say it as soon as you finish washing your hands after using the bathroom.
. Siman 4, Seif 6 & 7, SA & MB. If you can, it’s better l’chatchila to use a kli, koach gavra and a r’viis of water. While this is true and allows you to daven, but you can’t make a bracha (blessing) on this washing nor does this remove the Roach Ra (bad wind) which can only be removed pouring water on them three times. There are those who hold a fourth time is needed to remove the water from the third washing that may contain some Ruach Ra.
As far as dipping your hands in water I believe this requires a Mikvah or body of water that contains at least 40 saw which I don’t think you will find on an airplane.
You do realize that this terminology maybe offensive to someone whose close relative has this mental condition.
These chemicals have no effect on the fire itself rather they prevent the treated item from burning.
The reason the water used for negel vasser must be absorbed in the ground is that it contain Bad Wind (Ruach Ra). This is only if you slept overnight and woke up after dawn, for at least 30 minutes. If you stayed up all night it is questionable if you have to wash . It is preferable that you use the bathroom first thereby requiring washing and allowing you to make a bracha. You need to pour between 3.3-6.4 fluid ounce of water depending on what you hold is a revious on your hands. The water should be poured from a cup on the hand and disposed in the sink. It is preferable that you don’t wash or make the bracha in the restroom. There is no requirement that the washing cup have handles.
I would talk to the principal and get the child out of this teacher’s class, try to get him the help he needs, but would not call the police as it will only create more problems. The parents will be labeled as informers, they will have a hard time find a yeshiva that will accept the child.
Ahron -“what happened to my post…how come all of my long ones are deleted?”
Probably because of Loshon Horah Motzie Shem Ra.
There are only 14 million Jews in the world so I am not sure how you can have millions of divorces And intermarriage is only a problem for Reform & Conservative Jews not the frum community.
In terms of your assertion that it is clearly false because kids were going OTD before the Internet, it may be a question of numbers. There have probably been kids going off since the world was created, but the question is how many. There seems to have been an explosion in recent years,
It depends on how you define OTD. Is smoking OTD? Kayin killed Heval in a fight is that OTD? As far as there being an explosion in recent years. about 50 years ago about 25% of yeshiva graduates went to college and went off the derech so actually fewer people are going OTD. The internet just makes it easier an more accessible to get things that will encourage people to go OTD. While before you would need to go out and search for it, the internet brings it straight to your home.
Today’s daf is 78 in Baba Metzia and you want to review Bava Basra?
Wait until we start learning it. But you can check out the Daf Yomi Advanced Forum for questions on the Daf and see if this is what you want.
LU-Abba, “I’ve never skyped, but it doesn’t sound like a good way to date to me. You need to see the person not their image on a computer.”
When you see someone aren’t you just seeing their image or do you need to see their shadow to make sure they are not a shade (evil spirit).
“As it is, there is a problem that guys in Brooklyn sometimes won’t go out with girls from other places because they don’t want to have to travel”
Dating via Skype will solve this problem.
“Wouldn’t it be unsafe for the girl to go home by herself.”
Dating via Skype will solve this problem.
Dating via skype save time, money and is less intimidating then dating in person. Also you avoid Yichud and the possibility of touching.
But thank you for the feedback.
Avram in MD- Why do you want to stay married to this woman?
He feels in either case he is going to be unhappy. If he stays married his wife is going to make him miserable. If he is divorced he will also be miserable. So it’s better to be married and have a rich lifestyle and be miserable than be single, miserable with a poor lifestyle as his wife will get half his assets. At his age so close to retirement he will never earn enough to get back to the richer lifestyle.
You can look up Masa U’Matan on the internet, it comes out every Tuesday night. You can also get the Lakewood bus which stops at Coney Island and Ave J, if your going to the Touro Campus on E. 16th & Ave J.
What do you think of dating via Skype this should solve the problem. This way a girl from Israel can date a boy from Brazil from the privacy of their home, saving both of them time and money. What do you think? There is no Yichud problems as there wouldn’t be in a car and it could be very tzniusdik. The only fault I see is it’s VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) and anything on the internet is bad.
I haven’t dated in 33 years as I am married, but I don’t know why it can’t work. Anybody want to give me feedback.
Since when is a car, with windows on all sides an issue of “tznius”? It certainly doesn’t fit the definition of “yichud”.
If the car is park in a secluded area or driving down deserted streets there might be a Yichud problem.
The fact that you wanted to eat milk and dairy and were able to overcome your desires merits you a greater reward. For example how can you get reward for not eating pork? The answer is to think you really want to eat it but you are commanded not to eat it so therefor you aren’t eating it.
Abba_S: Is that why men are chiyuv to have children and pru ur’vu is a monumental mitzvah?
Pru ur’vu is the first Mitzvah in the Torah given to Noah after the flood and is there to populate the earth. This is a commandment that is on both Jew and Gentile and has nothing to do with the Mashiach.
As far as Mashiach is concerned, would Hashem bring him early and deprive some souls from being born? I don’t know. It is also possible that he hasn’t been born yet and you or one of the other female posters maybe his mother.
Ahron – “explain to them how enjoyable it is to have children”
Hashem made them cute and lovable otherwise they wouldn’t survive, people would throw them out like garbage as they are to much trouble especially as they get older.
“So the answer is no, saying that they are delaying the Moshiach’s arrival is just a way to add pressure but it really just comes down to, Because Hashem said so?”
The thread was, how to convince someone to marry early not why you should have kids.
Shloimel-Go into any hat store and ask where can you get your hat re-blocked. If you want you can go on You Tube see how it is done, should you want to do it yourself.
Explain that in order for the Messiah to come all of the souls that have to be born are born. So by delaying having children they are lengthening the Golus.
LU – “There have been Gedolim who remarried even though they and their second wives were too old to have children.”
This problem has nothing to do with his wife’s ability to have children see Deuteronomy Chapter 23 Statement 2.
WTP I think in prior years when the wife had to rely on her husband’s income she would put up with it and didn’t ask for a divorce. But in today’s generation with the wife contributing most of the family income she doesn’t want to put up with it. She sees frum men in her office and wonders why she can’t marry a frum professional like that. I think it’s a more logical explanation then internet addiction or psychological abuse.
Whether any Jewish elderly man remarries is dependent on does he think he can have children, if he doesn’t think he can, then he shouldn’t remarry. Although he can remarry a convert. As far as not being alone, he can either move in with family or have someone sleep over. Please note that I have no close relationship with any of the Gadolim listed in this thread and am just giving my opinion, which is not about any godal at all. If you fall in this category you should ask a Rabbi rather than rely on this forum.
Lenny listen to Joseph you need to choose a Bais Din that is impartial. I think she is going to claim abuse and hopes they will accept it. If you agree to her Bais Din they may agree with her. I think she is trying to pressure you into giving a get as that is the only option. You need to speak to a divorce lawyer and find out whether the fact that she is not cooperating with the marriage counselor is grounds to dismiss the case or punish her in some other way.
How are the children handling this breakup? I hope you are not using them as an intermediaries to communicate with your wife.
As I said previously, go back to the Rav from Bais HoRa tell him you thinking of giving a get but you need to know what the financial obligation and custody will be. The Rav can negotiate for you a better settlement then you would get in Civil Court. Also you wouldn’t be paying for two lawyer to litigate the divorce at $200.00 + per hour.
Wishing you the best Good Shabbos