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Just say whatever or tell them to tell it to you spouse and get on with your life.
As a rule if the husband is popular his friend and the community will side with him. Just look at Clinton everyone knows what he did to those women . Does anyone shun the Clintons ? Even if he is not popular most of his friends wouldn’t shun him and depending on the strength of the sisterhood and whether the shul is affiliated with the Bais Din will determine if he is shunned.
If the goal is to get the husband to leave you will achieve your goal by slighting him, although he may find a different shul.If your goal is to get him to give a get then you will fail. He will move if he thinks his wife’s family is after him,fall off the grid and it will be 10 times harder for anyone to find him and convince him to give the wife a get.
A Good Kvitel to all
just wait until they change the clock
Have you tried gel inserts in your shoes or try soaking your feet in hot water with Epson Salt. You should be taking a 15 minute break, you need to negotiate better working condition with management.
I am not sure I understand as an eclipse is when the moon covers the sun and you are cleaning. Are you saying you sweep everything under the rug. I just don’t understand. Please do not reveal you real name as this is suppose to be anonymous. A Gutten Moed.
akuperma – Many times the husband is paying child support and alimony because he is ordered to by civil court order,this can equal to 75% of his income. There is no incentive for the husband to agree to a Get. If physical force is used to obtain a Get even if it is condoned by the Rabbi can result in criminal charges against both the Rabbis and the wife If you are talking about financial penalties this too wouldn’t work because usually the husband is broke by the time the divorce is over and if he reduce his income so that his portion of the income is at the poverty level the courts can’t do anything to him.
Why would the husband go to civil court first he can get a heter mayer rabboninm, get permission from 100 Rabbis that the divorce is warranted. Once he got it he is divorced by Jewish law and can go to civil court which will approve it as at least here in NY state which has no fault divorce so there is a limit to how long Deep pockets can delay. Also as a party to the litigation Deep Pockets may have to reveal his assets as both husband a wife must and prove that deep pocket’s assets are not the wife’s. Civil court is needed for alimony and child support which will not be covered if the divorce is via Heter Mayer Rabbonim.
I don’t know how old you are and some people are self conscious about their age but may all you birthday wishes come true this year. You were born when they read the last Parsha and the first Parsha of the Torah at least in the land of Israel. Just as the Torah has no ending so too may you merit to live through the Resurrection of the Dead and live for ever.
He should have a cheery disposition,
Rosy cheeks, no warts;
Play games, all sorts.
He must be kind, he must be witty;
Very sweet and fairly pretty.
Take me on outings, give me treats;
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel,
Never give me castor oil or gruel.
Love all of our sons and daughters,
And never smell of barley water.
He shouldn’t scold or dominate.
That’s the recipe for a guy who’s top rate!
If anyone on here fits the bill, call me up.
I think this should be in the classified section since she is looking for a husband. I am married and don’t fit the bill but what about toads in your bed or pepper in your tea.
Some people have a different work schedule such as working nights or start working early in the morning and daven either after work or lunch time whenever they get a chance. Other may have different zmaninim perhaps they go on Pacific time so when it’s 12:00 in NYC it’s 8:00 AM in the west coast. At least they come and daven would you rather they don’t.
lilmod ulelamaid – After reading your post I think you have a Phobia with dating. Go to a Godol like R’ Chaim but speak only to his wife and ask for advise and a brocha. The advise and brocha Must come from the wife NOT from Rav Chaim. Next arrange with you shaddchin to arrange a date at a chess club as I think you posted that you were into chess and meet at the club. Just think of it as you are going out to play chess with a friend not as a date. You may want to scope out the place before going there on a date so go there with a friend and get a feel for the place. It doesn’t have to be a chess club anything that you like to do, but try to meet at the place not at your home. Pick a place where most frum dates don’t go so that it will be easier for him to recognize you. I think your Phobia maybe due to trying to look perfect so try to keep it casual.
I am not sure if it’s only for the very rich. Government programs are based on the number members in the family. The more members the more aid.
Lightbrite: “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” lol. I think you are glorifying the single lifestyle. Is this lifestyle in accordance with the Torah,? When Hashem created Adam realized that Adam needed a helpmate. If Adam who was a first edition and the best human created and even so Hashem realized he needed a helpmate. You who are probably a trillionth edition, why do you think that you don’t need a spouse (helpmate). Also when Hashem is referring to Adam not being alone Hashem is referring to humankind as he was the only human alive at the time.
Perhaps you alone were chosen by Hashem to give birth to the Mashiach and you are delaying the redemption by delaying getting married.
I am not trying to offend you or anyone else but I am against the single lifestyle. I hope Hashem somehow (even not through a date) helps you find your true love and get married even if you don’t give birth to the Mashiach, I still think it’s worth it.
Yes you can buy a new outfit and likewise you can wash clothing on Chol Ha Moed if you need it for the last days.
lilmod ulelamaid- “He is being over on “V’ahavta l’raecha kamocha.” by forcing his wife to stay in”. Somewhere in Israel there is a husband with kids whose wife died, are YOU obligated to marry this guy becuase V’ahavta l’raecha kamocha, after all the husband needs a wife and the kids need a mother. Also I think your parents want you to get married, perhaps even Joseph want you married. See how many people you will make happy by marrying. Please note that neither the husband has the obligation to divorce nor do you have an obligation to marry the widow in this case. This also should not be interpreted as condoning the single lifestyle.
That being said there is something called “Doing the right thing”.For example if you are in the crosswalk you have the right of way, but if a car is bearing down on you at great speed, you yield to the car as you are not less dead when the car hits you for being Dead Right. Similarly in this case Lenny should make some concession even though he doesn’t have to, in order to keep the marriage intact. I think the wife in this case is happy with the marriage, after all it has lasted over 20 years, she is just unhappy with some of her husband’s actions and I hope they can resolve their differences and have a long, happy and productive marriage together.
Divorce is a blood sport which each side trying to hurt the other and get the better deal. Under current Jewish law with the exception of those who practice polygamy, permission from both husband and wife is needed in order for a GET to be given.If the wife refuses the husband need 100 Rabbis to agree that the GET should be given. Then the get is given in escrow and the wife can pick it up whenever she wants. If the husband refuses she must get the Jewish court to force the husband to give the Get.When the husband come to court he MUST CLAIM he wants to reconcile with his wife and he is given another chance. If he says the truth that he is refusing to give the get out of spite he loses and will be ordered to give the Get.
Researching via the references listed in the resume is useless. They have all been primed to give a good report. Either find an independent source or just go out. What Rav Moshe said about smoking “Hashem watches out for the uninformed” is applicable here also. Go out you may find the love of your life or Hashem will show you that it’s not for you. Don’t use the fact that you can’t get the answers for all you questions as an excuse not to go out.
Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.
The father or the husband is suppose to provide Simchas HaChagfor his duaghter or wife. A stranger should not be providing these delicacies as it can be misinterpreted as Kiddushin money if the female is unmarried.
The Talmud relates that there was a drought and there was a man named Choni and he davened to Hashem and drew a circle and wouldn’t leave the circle until all the cisterns were full. Maybe you could try that. Daven in a circle and refuse to leave until your Chosan drops down from the sky. Might be a little painful if he lands on top of you. I assume you are in Israel so paratroopers would be OK
Person 1 Is society better off with a middle income family together but the wife is unhappy or divorced with both parents having a lower standard of living, the kids possibly in foster care or on government programs. Divorce doesn’t end the fighting it just takes to a different level. Is divorce in the best interest of the children? Is divorce even in the best interest of the wife as she gets a lower standard of living and still is fighting with her ex for years to come?
I believe both society and the family would be better off with the family intact. The problem is that there is no Shalom Bias classes before marriage. The classes that are given are attended by those who want to improve their Shalom Bias not the ones that really need them. By the time they seek help the wounds have festered until amputation (divorce) is the easiest solution. We live in a time when if something doesn’t work you throw it out and this is what is happening in many marriages.
I am sorry if I offended you, I didn’t know you were divorced. As to the Shiddich Crisis 40 days before a child is born it is decreed who it should marry. Here on earth it is harder to find who you are preordained to marry. There is no sign saying that she belongs to so and so which is why there is a crisis.
As far a Loshan Horah is concerned a lot depends as to was asked for example if you asked did X kill Y then you must answer truthfully, but if asked how was their relationship you can claim you don’t know. It all depends how it’s interpreted.
Health – I thought divorce stopped the fighting. Let us hope this new year bring Peace on Earth both when dealing with countries and even between husband and wife, or in your case between ex husband and ex-wife so that all fighting will stop. May you also find your true love and get married this year. Let’s also hope the Moshiach comes this year too.
thebabbler Of course there is no Shiddich Crisis in the next world I was talking about down here on earth. In the next world it’s too late, the purpose of marriage is to have children which you can’t do if you are dead. Maybe I am asking too much perhaps you can advise me how to eradicate divorce from the Frum Jewish Community, after all aren’t you all about PEACE ON EARTH so you should be all for peace between husband and wife or do I got you mixed up with someone else.
Meno- I hope you realize I was referring to women in general not the author of this thread when I said “The problem is that over time the magic love falls off and they realize that they are the sole bread winner and that they need someone who will also financially support the family”.
As far as the author, neither I nor you nor the author herself knows what type of husband she really wants, but she wants to get married this year.
I am not sure what is meant by Rabbi Avigdor Miller threaten their family. I never heard of it nor saw it happen. Please describe the threat made. In fact I think many of those who support the Agunahs are threatening the husband’s family by trying to get them fired.
I think Mashiach will come before polygamy is accepted by most Jews.
How would you solve the Shidduch Crisis.
Joseph In the case of R’ Elyashiv even though he ruled that the court can’t force the husband to give a get nor does he have a moral obligation to give the get, I still think he should give the get.
R’ Elyashiv ruling only pertains to this world, in the next world if he ever makes it to Gan Eden, guess who he is sitting next to? His wife who hasn’t changed and he is stuck with her to the end of time. Better to divorce in this world so he doesn’t have to put up with her in the next.
Many women are idealistic and want a serious learner as a husband. The problem is that over time the magic love falls off and they realize that they are the sole bread winner and that they need someone who will also financially support the family. This many times results in divorce which is a tragedy.
Rav Avigdor Miller single handed took a MO Young Israel and turned it in to a Charadi Bais Medrash. He taught people with no learning experience gemarah and went through Shas with them. He was a writer an orator lecturing to the public. He was to those who knew him Daas Torah and one of the last European Educated Great Rabbis.
Comparing R’ Avigdor Miller to Rav Moshe is like comparing a sniper to a machine gunner. Which is why Rav Moshe when asked about smoking said Hashem watches out for the fool meaning it’s not prohibited to smoke. This is because R’ Moshe felt the smoker would have a hard time breaking the smoking habit. While R’ Avigdor Miller saw the threat that divorce posed to the Jewish community and fought against it. What you are seeing is from his speeches which was made for the masses. If you spoke to him about a case where the husband is withholding a get when there is no chance of reconciliation, just out of spite, he would probably tell you the man isn’t human and the get should be given.
LU – As a society we need the family unit which consists of a father, mother and children. Just look at the black community the disintegration of the family unit created most of their problems. Divorce just creates more problems. It lowers the standard of living of both parents possible resulting in them qualifying for government programs and many times takes the farther out of the children’s live.
Is Society better off with children growing up in a one parent home and with a lower standard of living or living in a 2 parent home with a higher standard of living but one of the spouses is controlling.
The question also is will the wife be better off married and living a middle class lifestyle or divorced living a lower income lifestyle. How will the children react will they side with their father blaming their mother for the lowering living standards when they will be heading to college or will they side with their mother that their father is controlling and abusive.
Takahmamash I didn’t realize that both of you lived in Israel. I thought Gofish lived in the US and you lived in Israel. I was referring when you lived in America that you might have lived in the same city as Gofish. I just didn’t think it’s strange or scary that you have friends in common even if one of you lived in a Yishuv and the other lived in NYC.
Gofish Are you saying you know who Lilmod Ulelamaid is and you Takamammash & Lilmod Ulelamaid are all on some small Yishuv on the West Bank.
Sparkly- “Abba_S – read my posts and you will find the obvious reason why im depressed and even more so now.” The advise was for Pringles, I was unaware that you were depressed. I am sorry I offended you. I don’t read every post on this thread so could you tell me when you posted so I could find it. Are you saying that you are eating ice cream and listening to music and it still doesn’t cheer you up? You know King Saul had David,before he became king, play the harp when he was depressed and it helped so music does cure depression. If you are still depressed maybe it’s the type of music you are listening to needs to be changed to a more happier beat. Wishing everybody a Happy & Joyous New Year and may all your depressing thoughts melt away as soon as they occur.
Dovrosenbuam How do you get a 5-7 hour davening on Yom Kippur. We started 7:30 AM and finished after 7:30 PM with an hour and a half break. The fast didn’t end in Brooklyn, NY until 7:30 if you hold 72 minute. Even 7 hours is a fast Davening for Yom Kippur remember you are davening Sacharis, Mussuf, Mincha, Neellah and Marriv.
If you are Frum it’s not so far fetched that you may have some common friends with the large number of people going to Yeshiva, Seminary and retiring there it is quite possible especially if Takamamash is from the same city as Gofish.
Speak to your parents and or to your Rabbi. They know you better than anyone here does and can best advise you in this matter. I think you should wait until you have your degree and or license before you consider getting married. Dating can seriously effect one’s ability to study and you don’t want to flunk out of college.
Gmar Chasima Tovah
If you are feeling sad try eating ice cream and listening to music these things usually make you happy. Try to speak to a Rabbi or someone you trust in your community, there is something that is causing you to feel this way find it and remove it and you will be happy. Also try to think about times when you were happy as opposed to dwelling on sad times.
Person1 If the date is going bad and the boy has no idea what to talk about you are advising the boy to hop in a minyan to kill some time and try to get ideas as to what to talk about. Landua’s in Flatbush or Shomer Shabbos in Boro Park have minyanim for Mincha every 15 minutes from about 1:30 PM until Shkia. Does anyone know if the ladies section is open for ladies for Mincha during the week at Landua’s
LU – I am pretty sure you are a female, sometimes you give me the impression you are a twenty something and married other times you seem to be single. I don’t really care what you are. I am not a Shadchin nor a therapist, I am a father and husband who is 60+ and if I met you on the street I would not be having this conversation . I got married when I was 28 and was over the hill so I know how you feel. But when you say you would rather feed camels than go on a date you are portraying negativity which I think the boys feel and it turns them off. Today everyone has a resume, only accept dates with those who you have common goals with. Many older single boys have trouble making conversation so if you keep the conversation going with both parties participating I think the boy would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully,if you are single, may you meet your Chasson this year. Just make sure he wants a wife who is his equal not a cook and maid who is his slave.
I am basing these comments on my interpretation which maybe far from the truth. I prefer this being anonymous so please don’t reveal any information that can identify you as it would be awkward if we met. I am sorry if any of my comments can be interpreted as offensive. Wishing everyone a Gmar Chasama Tova.
Meno – How do you date and daven at the same time. I am assuming you are davening with a minyan. Even if you are davening alone, how can you talk to Hashem and a girl at the same time.
LU- A Jewish wife is equal to her husband and it’s only because of the curse of Eve that the husband rules. While dating try to find out, will the boy put his future wife on a pedestal or treat her as a footstool. Don’t just marry the first guy who asks he may just want a maid. Once married try not to go to bed angry at your spouse, talk it out before bed otherwise the anger will consume both you and your marriage. Also if while davening Sim Shalom you should have in mind that there should be peace between husband and wife, parent and children. children and in-laws it will help. Not that you have these problems. But for those who do pray, Hashem will give you the inspiration to solve these problem without resorting to divorce.
A Double Mazel Tov as his Bris was today.
ZD Getting up at 5 AM for a Daf Yomi and davening at 6 AM. Unless you sleep in the Bais Medrash it’s going to take you 30 minutes to get showered and dressed and drive there. It’s going to be hard to cover the daf in the remaining 30 minutes. Also the earliest you can put on Talis and Tefillin in Brooklyn NY today is 6:09.
MA I didn’t know Reform Synagogues have minyanim during the week.
I assume this is referring to Shacharis (morning prayers) as 45 minutes is kind of long for Mincha (afternoon prayers) even in a Yeshiva.
Do you need to take it for health reason such as did you doctor proscribe it, do you have have problems swallowing regular tablets? The problem is that Liquid Gels contain gelatin which is not kosher. Advil Liquid Gel is just a pain reliever and doesn’t cure any disease, so I wouldn’t recommend using it. But I am not a doctor nor a rabbi so please contact them before you stop using them.
I didn’t realize that the wife complained to the Rabbi for the last 11 years. I don’t think the wife wants a divorce, because she would have petitioned Ba Jewish Court for divorce, she just want to torment her husband. If you perform an experiment a few times and get the same result and keep doing it hoping for a different result you are a fool, which is what the Rabbi seems to be trying to do.
You should know that by going to counseling you may finally find out what actually is bothering your wife. But it will only work if the husband and wife talk honestly as to what the problems are. Depending on the complexity of these problems this can be resolved in a few sessions, although it can sometimes take 5 years or longer before a determination can be made that the couple has irreconcilable differences and should be divorce.
I don’t think this marriage was TERRIBLE for ALL the years of the marriage. When they got married they were love birds and unless she was a great actress I would say most of the years of marriage was good or she would have wanted a divorce sooner. What I think happened was that the Rabbi’s wife notice she was sad and asked what the problem was. The Rabbi wanting to solve the problem and needed to convince the husband of the seriousness of his actions and told him that this could result in divorce.
Defining verbal abuse is harder, for example, a parent that says ” My house my rules”, is he abusive or just setting down rules. What I think happened is husband said something that the wife found offensive. The wife didn’t convey her resentment to the husband, so it kept happening. Eventually her resentment boiled over and she wants a divorce. What is needed is better lines of communication. The problem is that the parents can’t air their grievances in front of the children and with both parent working it doesn’t leave much private time to talk.
You guys just don’t want some rich guy moving into public housing. Your worried that the next thing you know the rich white guys are going to be moving into the projects.
Big Boy – How do you print and bind a three sided page into a Gemara. Also who says the Uman is referring to a town in Ukraine maybe it refers to somewhere in Yemen, or perhaps it’s in Ireland and was called O’Mon. The Talmud was written in 500 CE while Jews didn’t reach the Ukraine until 1030, over 500 years later. But Jews were living Yemen since the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash. By the way how does Rashi explain “ein ani mochel lach ad sh’teilech l’uman”. Is Shota in Bavli or Yerashalmi?
i just posted a comment 🙂
where is that gemara?
Does the antisemitism in France play a factor in this move.? Also does the economy play a factor in this move? Can you find a job in Montreal, Quebec,Canada, if so it might be a good deal?
As far as moving thousands of miles (Kilometers)away you know you are only a phone call away and you can Skype with friends and relatives if you want to see them. If you ask around you will probably someone who has moved there as in Montreal they speak French so you will better integrate into society. The Jewish community will help you they have experience which is who you should be contacting if you are serious about moving there