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BS”D
If you did not understand that one, then it is a sign you have not been here long enough to lose your sanity!
BS”D
Did you see the new D-ek edition of Perek Shira:
It says: “And the jailbird sang, I will bring offerings of fake Gucci bags full of cash and kidneys..”
BS”D
Johnson’s baby products are certified parve by the O-R and the O-C, with the exception of baby milk which is OC-D.
However, only those products made under licence in Malaysia are certified “noki mekol chashas tumas haTzioinis”.
BS”D
When antibiotics were available OTC in Moscow, I forbade my staff from keeping them in our medical cabinet or from taking them (and narcotics) in the office unless prescribed – and when someone was sick enough to need an antibiotic RX I gave them very liberal sick leave.
By explaining resistant bacteria to my employees, I got them to stop abusing antibiotics; the policy was in response to one of my most trusted managers asking me whether it was OK to take antibiotics for a cold.
BS”D
An Islamic theme, with female guests dressed in burqas, kids wearing suicide belts, no alcohol, nooses hanging from the ceilings, and Middle Eastern and Pakistani food. Just don’t be surprised when your guests include the police, FBI and…Youssef al Qattab comes in his pedicab. :))))))
BS”D
It is not a matter of a course of study. It is a matter of a few yeshivas or communities setting out to use it, perhaps starting with an emphasis on Unkelos. It is also a semi-serious suggestion.
Spoken vernacular cannot be handed down from an ivory tower university. It has to start in the street, and BH the frum street is the beis hamedrash.
BS”D
And such “Aramit”, which has about as much connection with the Aramaic of the Gemoro as the old men’s fragrance “Aramis” has with loshon ho’aramis is not at all taught leshem shomayim, nor does it include words that we would need to come up with for everyday life. Such classes are also available at the “Almost Jewish Theological Cemetery” and even at “Hebrew National Union College”.
BS”D
I think we Torah Jews should bring back loshon ho’aramis (Aramaic) as a Torah language which all Jews will then understand, and which will not be the tainted and poisoned language which defiles loshon hakoidesh in EY. Yiddish does exclude many, and a revived Aramaic would make Gemara study far easier.
BS”D
Math lesson in Creedmoorer Mesivta:
OK, kless, now I is wantink to teach you from der metric system so you ken also to know how much silver bechers is in a ton det you schmuggle in fin Eretz Yisroel. So you should know dat dere iz two kinds fin ton:
der short ton in det is 2000 pounds
end now der metric ton det is 1000 kilos which is makink like 2440 pound unless you pay in kesh den we iz givink you a little bit more…
one smart talmid asks:
Vus iz a Sharp ton?
Ah, a Sharp ton det doesn’t weigh like no real ton because a sharp ton, det’s a three hundred pound vindbeg gefilt mit hot air! You are wantink to schmuggle into Americhke gold, you vant a long ton, not a Sharp ton because fin a sharp ton, it opens its mouth and out come all der hot air end den you gots notink!
BS”D
More of a curiosity and if he found them I assume they are possul. If he bought them, the sad thing is that the store owner could be fined for discrimination if he does not sell the tzitzis to him.
He’ll probably stop in due time.
BS”D
Sign on grocery in “Kiryas Shygetz Aross”:
“We accept only kasher lemehadrin food stamps!”
In Mesivta Derech Avyrois d’Creedmoor, it is very easy to avoid this problem. So that inzerer yingelach dress in the way of inzerer Admou”r all wear bright red straitjackets and orange garbage bags over them.
BS”D
I lived in Russia under Putin. This is reminiscent of what Putin did to media outlets which did not agree with him. The difference is that Putin fixed the Russian economy (with much help from commodities prices), introduced a flat tax, tamed the oligarchs etc etc. In fact if Putin were not supplying arms to Iran and Venezuela and manipulating the Jewish community I would still support him as I did when I lived there, having left for unrelated reasons before the arms deals and other excesses took place.
Obama is more reminiscent of Chavez, who is sinking Venezuela’s economy with his populist policy while manipulating the media.
BS”D
Yayin soruf = burned wine which is the root word of brandy. I don’t know where I first came across the term but it is from divrei Torah and not Ivrit.
BS”D
Only the phrase “Shygetz Aross” is holy, as the baal Ponim Chalashois (anyone else here know what I am referring to) once said that Ki Sissa = Kol Yisroel Tizaki Shygetz Aross.
BS”D
You need to hand soak with detergent in an oxygen bleach powder. The haimishe stores might sell Sano from EY which is good stuff; they used to sell Dylon SuperWhite or something from the UK years ago. I forget what the US brand is; in Europe the main brand is Vanish/Cilla/Kalia from ReckittBenckiser.
BS”D
Just to clarify, R’ Levy did not pasken at that shiur as he does not give statements regarding products that he does not certify. He did present photos of the distillation process, and for the record after hearing the shiur I did run out and buy a bottle of Caol Ila (sp) after not having purchased scotch the week before for a kiddush because of the news from Rav Landa.
BS”D
The Admou”r meCreedmoor has already ruled that any newspaper in which men and women write in together and are published together may not be used for syrfis habinyan leinyonei insurance even if the contents is noki mechashash timas hatzioinis and the paper is soaked with 100% mehadrin Saudi kerosene.
How much longer will this bizayoin go on? The Admou”r’s heart and buildings are literally burning over this issue.
BS”D
Dunkin Donuts are permitted on Pesach due to the principle of loi raui leachilas kelev. You get 60 days for animal abuse if you feed one to a dog.
BS”D
London Beis Din and Dayan Chanoch Ehrentreu – All scotch is OK.
R’ Don Yoel Levy of the OK in a shiur which I attended explained that the barrels are burnt before reuse and that there is no chashash of any contamination let alone noisein taam. It is all marketing.
Rav Landa: Very little whisky is acceptable. All I remember is that Woodward Reserve bourbon is on his approved list.
Admou”r meCreedmoor: Only whisky aged in barrels which have been burnt for insurance purposes, in a similarly immolated distillery, is acceptable. Otherwise, it is meshibich to make kiddush on Iranian crude under the hashgocho of Ayatollah H. Rafsanjani.
BS”D
He must be referring to the top blends such as Johnnie Walker Blue Label. It is overrated but was worth it when I could get it for USD 80 in duty free. Chivas Regal Royal Salute is completely overrated as well.
Johnnie Walker Green Label is worth it for the money; goes down smooth and easy enough for kiddush but “im lovon garti” when it comes to kiddush because whisky does not come UP smoothly!
BS”D
Seriously though after this latest cup of radiator arak I am blanking out. What is the source for the term “yayin soruf”?
BS”D
In the Gemoro? No, actually I keep a spare stash of pharmaceutical 96% behind the siddurim.
BS”D
And I am really a gorilla. I faked being a bear all this time so as to avoid fueling any debates regarding evolution especially as pertaining to Al Sharpton.
BS”D
Actually we have hummus from EY and I keep forgetting to buy the takeout hummus from the restaurant. I am American originally. The Israelis here bring some back from home but they don’t have room for enough for themselves let alone for me.
BS”D
$10000 and $1000 for every dress size over 2 though Mrs Menivelman charges by the pound whereas Rebbetzin Schmoigerman charges according to this dress size formula. What’s more they DO NOT accept food-shtempelach for shadchanus.
I would like to See video surveillance by normal dairy farms so I can drink chalav yisroel milk which won’t curdle my stomach.
BS”D
Have you tried the new Ahava products? Not sure what they are called or even if the new owners have started production yet. There was a technical hitch recently that may not have been entirely resolved and I have no idea what is going on in the US anyway.
The root of the problem is to have our own government which will never again expel or kill Jews.
BS”D
ROTFLLOLLOLOLOL! You mean like in Gush Katif? And when that was happening, anti-Semites from a hornet’s nest of a university in Kiev started up with local Jews, because they see Jews who to them are represented by the medine are weaklings who give in to violence by kicking our own people out of our own homes!
Wow! Who needs Creedmoor when we have such krumkeit!
In other words, if the Hareidim are so confident, why are they so afraid of a little
technology? Other ideas, which might prove more attractive?
BS”D
Most haredim I know own computers and audio players, and watch kosher movies (I personally don’t because it is bitul zman). However I understand the reason – in EY everyone is Jewish, and yes, we need to be extra careful to keep away from tuma perpetrated by fellow Jews. Anywhere else, there are clear markers between goyim and their culture and ourselves and our Torah.
Still, the technology fearing extremists are not the mainstream. Some are descendants of the old Yishuv who are a minority, some are recent baalei tshuva who are rightfully but improperly compensating for their former lives, and the worst are plain and simple oisvorfen in the de facto service of the ShaBaK and police and led by shtinkers (moisrim, double agents) from the fringes of the community.
BS”D
Sorry again to offend your American Obamish sensibilities, but if one dies as a ben Torah one has a very high chelek in Olam HaBa. What is the value of being saved just to assimilate? Rav Elchanan Wasserman HYD and his yeshiva died al kiddush Hashem even if to you his judgment seemed clouded.
Yes I know who saved the Satmar Rov. I also know why he did so and it was of course yad Elokim but it was not because Kasztner wanted to save Reb Yoilish ZYA.
BS”D
I am talking about high heel shoes that look like a zonah would wear.
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The Admou”r himself wears six inch red platform heels, copying the style of a couple of vertically challenged Ku Klutz Karta klowns who want to make sure they are as tall as Mad Mahmoud when they visit Iran. So, I guess this style is for yechidei skila.
BS”D
You’ll notice in 99.99999% of SHUT seforim that it’s never just the answer
And what of SHTUT seforim?
BS”D
Again the straw man of the shababnikim. They represent no one and nothing. They are in de facto cherem in some cases and are not the mainstream.
Yes, you take advantage of everything the American taxpayer and donors built for you. Enjoy.
Just by living here I am bringing Yidden, including returnees from the EY morass, closer to Yiddishkeit. I can’t just daven and learn for myself here, I have to help others and teach even if it means I have to stay up until 1:00 AM to work because I spent 3 hrs in shul. I’m only wasting time with you and your fellow travelers over the past three days after I said I was cutting down because I caught cold and can’t go to shul where i would cough all over everyone – it is not as if I can hide in the corner and daven the way I could in EY and NY. Believe me, tomorrow I won’t be responding to your drivel.
For me EY is about 10 steps downward in ruchnius even if I could deal with the gashmius there and believe me I could if I wanted to – if you haven’t noticed there is a new charedi elite in EY that I could be part of tomorrow. But for what? Here, some lowlife gives me a Nazi salute, I walk right over to him and tell him that it better be the last time I see him within my dalet amos and before I even get near him he runs like a rabbit. In EY if I mistreat an Arab who wants to kill me, build a shul in the wrong place, or chop down an olive tree where terrorists hide, I get persecuted by the left and prosecuted by the state.
BS”D
Thank you Mr Obama.
No, sometimes there is just no revealed good in a situation and while it is hard to brand anyone, especially a Jew, a rosho, there are acts of rishus out there. (Actually tzibur is tzadikim, benoinim, reshoim so we do not exclude even out and out reshoim from the klal*). As such acts go, this is a very minor one, but rishus is what it is.
*The Admou”r meCreedmoor, whose Yeshiva veMachon leRishus trains the next generation of reshoim and reshoiois, explains that we need a supply of same so that we can be mekayem the posuk “ubeavoid reshoim rina,” where we spread joy as we rejoice in the passing of the reshoim who he is so carefully training. Since all his talmidim are phantom anyway and he kills off a few million a year for death benefits and life insurance payouts, he allows us to do this with no real loss of life, ensuring him a real chelek in Oilam Haba, or at least a chelek in the reshoim section of the Muslim cemetery in Chevron, known as Shechunat haAravim haTovim al pi the graffiti written on its walls.
BS”D
Yes, I alluded to the fact that the vaad rescued rabbonim and that this was ratzon Hashem so that seeds of Torah could be planted elsewhere and the community rebuilt. There were just not very many visas to anywhere out there and Torah priorities did indeed mean that Torah leaders needed to be saved first. This might not sit well with those who have American egalitarian sensibilities as opposed to Torah sensibilities, but that is just how it is. If the rabbonim had not been saved there would be no frum communities today anywhere and we all would have assimilated and intermarried ch”v.
However, most of those the zionists saved were just meant to be labor for the agrarian pipe dreams of the zionist elite and all of their efforts were directed at building their socialist utopia at the expense of saving Jews. They had far more resources and support than the Va’ad ever did and could have done a lot more. It is like comparing Hatzoloh to the EMS and asking why Hatzoloh does not answer every single call, Jewish and otherwise, that comes in via 911!
Em HaBanim Smeicha was a polemic written under fire and not meant to in any way promote the zionist state or zionist ideas regardless of its contents but rather to criticize not running away from the fire, as if there was anywhere to run. Apparently his son(s) managed to escape and there is a huge Chabad Teichtel family that is descended from him.
At one time, probably until he chose to retire, one of Rav Teichtel’s Lubavitcher sons was the prison chaplain at the infamous Shattah prison, home to the worst offenders in EY. He saw firsthand the products of the spiritual churban and just what the zionists did to Jews from places where Jewish violent crime was unheard of.
Jewish criminality in Morocco and Tunisia was something like 0.01% of the quite sizeable Jewish population. In EY a Moroccan Jew is called a marokai sakin, a Moroccan knife. As I once said to a group of Moroccan Jewish students, the only sharp knives Moroccan Jews ever used in Morocco were khalafim and milah knives.
BS”D
the “evil” zionists have moved on long ago and are trying to make TODAY and TOMMRROW a betetr day- free of any future catastrophe, chas veshomom…
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Also funnier than Creedmoor.
Much of the anti-Semitism in the world comes from the way the medine acts. It can neither wage decisive war (when it did in 1948 and 1967 it was admired) nor make a lasting peace because you cannot make peace with Muslims. The medine continues to jeopardize the lives and well being of Jews within and outside its borders because by nature it cannot succeed. It is davar acher al gabei hamizbeach. When the medine forcibly vacated shuls in Gush Katif, there was anti Semitic violence in Kiev, at the hands of thugs who saw on TV that the medine, which they wrongly identify with Jews, is a weakling that can destroy its own places of kedusha and beat up its own teenage girls.
In fact there are no more tzioinim except a handful of “hilltop youth” and diehard RZ who are really strange, to be honest. There are post zionists who want to erase even the phony “Israeli” identity of the tzioinim in exchange for a vapid Obama style ideology based on go with the flow, lack of pride and fake love for everyone except those to the right of them who have real values.
BS”D
Regardless, we are not suckers and we don’t have to be taken advantage of regardless of someone’s real or imagined medical or psychological condition. If she took the seat for herself I’d also suspect illness. Holding it for her granddaughter is rishus and selfishness plain and simple.
I was pushed once in shul by a mentally ill man in Montreal and he later showed up in 770 and tried to do it again (not smart because he would have been handled by the community patrol had he so much as touched me). Why was he in shul in Montreal or able to get on a bus or train and get to 770? Because the misguided gabboim did not want to have him committed since it was hard to arrange kosher food for him in “Creedmoor d’Montreal”. Instead, others had to suffer from his violence.
Another misguided wannabe ohev Yisroel in Moscow managed to arrange for the release from psychiatric incarceration of an halachic shoiteh (we could not count him for minyan, plain and simple) who did not know where he was but did manage to burn down his apartment with his mother inside. Oh, how he loved seeing the Shabbos lights burning in shul – and we were very afraid he would burn the shul down too.
BS”D
The Torah leadership did not sacrifice others or make statements like one cow in EY being worth more than Jewish children. What is more, the Zionists did not even rescue based on ideology; like the camp commandants who signaled left and right depending upon appearance, the zionists saved only young, strong Jews who could work in the fields of their new socialist am ha-aretz agrarian dreamland.
As for my information, I am an international entrepreneur and I wanted to establish just the type of program I mentioned in EY. Somehow, four times, my application for certain assistance offered to entrepreneurs planning to emigrate, was ignored or lost. That is the least of the first hand information I have about both what the medine (meaning the “branja”, leftists like Aharon Barak etc who really rule the country, not necessarily Bibi who at least says the right words) wants to do with charedim economically and the present manpower needs of the IDF.
Stick to your science and your lab where perhaps you are doing some good . Your knowledge of history and the world outside your ivory tower is very lacking and your posts only show exactly what I am saying – that MO comes from a desire to partially assimilate and a lack of emunah.
But don’t worry, your children will be haredi, even if they are professionals. The arrows are pointing our way (from MBD – Yerushalayim is Not For Sale, even though every misleader of EY up to Bibi Take Two has offered it to the highest bidder who pays with the most Jewish bloodshed so far).
EDITED
BS”D
Yehuda Bauer is the most biased historian out there and Zuroff is a close second. Ben Hecht is far more than “an embittered screenwriter”, and don’t forget who preceded Rav Lau shlita as head of Yad VaShem.
Still, complicity and bad decisions due to improper priorities and treyf ideologies are very different indeed. There was no Zionist complicity in the Shoah whatsoever, only zionist endangerment and sacrifice of Jews in order to serve the zionist cause.
BS”D
Ames of course knows that the only one who can tell her that her rav is wrong is the Admou”r meCreedmoor but even he agrees that you should wear 190 den seamed fibreglass stockings under your burqa.
BS”D
Your payback is that you get to eat the expensive roast on a weekday after you already budgeted for it on Shabbos!
Seriously, you made it lekovod Shabbos – how do you know ahead of time that someone will not be very hungry or that someone doesn’t feel like eating, or that an unexpected guest will show up, an invited guest won’t etc.
BS”D
ames, wearing stockings is not halacha, simple fact, they didn’t have stockings back then. It might be minhag hamokom, but it’s certainly not halacha.
Her rav told her it is halacha (as would mine if I were female). Therefore it is halacha. We did not have electrical appliances “back then”. Do we therefore not use them? No, we are thankful that we have stockings so we can keep better tznius (and who knows that there was not something like that back then), and we are thankful that we can use appliances to lead better lives.
BS”D
Thanks. PowerAde Zero was not available when I most recently lived in the US (2005-7). Certainly not available where I am.
Yes, I make much from scratch, usually using the microwave because I am pressed for time. Most of the packaged kosher goods here, local or imported, are either not nutritious (candy and cookie items), overpriced, or usually both. Tehina is a rare find since the financial crisis made it too expensive in the local currency.
BS”D
I live in a place where there are two kosher restaurants, and the milchig one suffers from a lack of supplies.
We have a tiny kosher store, an overpriced supermarket that carries some gourmet items that happen to have hechsherim but are useless luxuries, but we do have shechita and plenty of fish available.
BS”D
Nope, the Admou”r holds all milk is fleishig and that only cheese aged six months or more from cows aged six years or more is milchig.
Since we don’t know the age of any cow being milked, and the Admou”r’s famous Cholov Yisroel Funny Farm has all the cows registered as 65 or over so Medicare pays for the vet bills, all KKK certified cheese will use only Funny Farm cows and therefore be fleishig.
Update. He just told me that white chicken and turkey meat will be considered milchig since it is the same color as sour cream which he does hold to be milchig.
BS”D
According to the only accepted source on such matters, the Admou’r meCreedmoor, milk is fleishig because it comes from a cow. He must base his psak on earlier work by the Rabbanei Chelm or, more likely, on potential income for his new “KKK” (Kreedmoor Kosher Kartel) hechsher which will become quite a lucrative venture by labeling milk products as fleishig.
BS”D
Neville Chamberlain and the tzoirer yms with the brush mustache will receive the Nobel Peace Prize retroactively and posthumously for their handling of the Sudetenland crisis.
BS”D
squeak, from your diet you must be in the Turkish equivalent of Federal Koilel. What are you guys learning there?
Hmmm…if I were still living in the US this Gatorade would be good news for me (if it is sugar free which IIRC Powerade isn’t). Otherwise, I would like to see kosher supervision on commonly available brands of chewing gum and of course I would like to see pas yisroel Dutch style hash brownies.
BS”D
Tznius problems in your neighborhood? Call the volunteer modesty squad “Bulvanim” NOW before the whole neighborhood sees the bishe!
We break all exposed body parts, so that they will have to be casted or bandaged and therefore covered for a few weeks or months. Second offenses? We are licensed tree and Sharia surgeons and we cut that offending part off right at the root! Are you jealous of your 5’10” neighbor “Hot Chanie”? We help with such gayve as well, and if you call us she’ll be 4’3″ in no time!
We are authorized to act as modesty enforcement volunteers by the Islamic “A Pistachio is Not Even as Big as a Banana But We’ve Got Oil So We Get Nukes” Republic of Iran, and by Mullah Omar of Kehillas Koidesh Taliban d’Herat.
Brooklyn Bulvanim: 718-BUL-VANE
Rockland County Bulvanim: 845-MEN-IVAL
Otisville Bulvanim: They’re the ones who’ve already had experience in Brooklyn and Rockland.
PS: Are you or is someone you know 300 lbs or over, with the midos of a rabid pitbull? If so Bulvanim needs you – call us now and help us put an end to the problems of tznius violations in our communities now! Bleach and egg throwers and other schvachers not welcome.
BS”D
Refuah shelema!!
BS”D
At least it isn’t like in my case where the other 79 don’t want to be known as well…
Seriously, if someone works an afternoon shift and sleeps by day then this is a perfect time to learn.
Unfortunately, the only kollel of this type I know of is Federal Koilel Alumni and Aspirants, where they prepare and sell and sometimes partake of the ketores hasamim by night in the hope that they just might find the same formula used by hmmm..the fake cohanim Jason and Menelaus during the pre-Chashmonaim era. Besides, it starts a few hours after sundown, not at chatzois, and I am not sure that it is located in Boro Park.