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Ephraim,
You are obviously a very special person who longs to have special friendship. You will have one, one day!
You mention that you have some difficulty in reading body language, meaning you can take things very literally. It’s okay, many people have the same difficulty you do! You may be surprised to know that it’s so common among neurotypical people to struggle with finding friendships just like you. It’s not only you! I think it’s important to know to that your family is very important. You may feel criticized and sometimes get mussar, but you may not be reading them properly to realize that they are your best friends and will always be there for you.
I’ll bet many more people like you than you realize!!
One outcome of not being good at reading people, is that you may have trouble seeing other people’s perspective. You are thinking of your ASD, but many people are struggling with many issues, that aren’t obvious to you. You enjoy sharing and being open about your ASD, while others prefer privacy.
I want to warn you that the internet is not place to make friends. It can be dangerous. Please ask people you know you and care about you to explain this to you. Also, it’s a mistake to think “the grass is greener on the other side of the mountain”. That’s an expression that means that you think the unknown may be better than what you know. There is no perfection anywhere until the times of moshiach, that we all pray for.
You seem outgoing. I’ll bet you’ll start a program one day, for young people just like you!!
PS – stay away from your computer!!