YU Bochrim

Hi concernedima!

Are you new at this? Or have you been through the shidduch system in all its wonder and glory a few times already?

One of the most important things to consider is- WHO is redting the shidduch?

If the shadchan has a brain and knows your daughter and knows the boy, then you don’t have to obsess over the finer points, like which yeshivas he attended. Presumably the shadchan knows them well enough to see that their Yiddishkeit, both in terms of hashkafa and practice, is compatible. And they’ll figure out the rest when they actually get a chance to speak to each other.

If the shadchan doesn’t know the parties well, you might want to be more careful. As a general rule, some yeshivas, especially some of the larger ones, have a more diverse student body than girls’ seminaries. If there are any questions you want to ask about the young man regarding his level of observance or what type of home and lifestyle he aspires to, ask his references, his Rabbayim or his friends. (Again, if there’s someone you can speak to who happens to know both the young man and your daughter, that would be most helpful.) Their answers will give you a lot more practical advice than the CR rating of his yeshiva.

Lady are you seriously asking a bunch of strangers on the internet if your daughter should go out with a certain boy???

??? ?? ??!!

I went to YU and was the distributor of the Aguda’s Jewish Observor magazine. I wore and continue to wear a kipa sruga. YU has all the hashkofos (except for Neturay Karta) that are found in the Yeshivishe Velt. In my eyes (and I assume Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s as well, yes I AM talking in His (or Her) Place), they are ALL “kosher” hashkafos.

Why in Heaven’s name have we put on ourselves artificial labels?! Is this what we are going to be asked on Yom HaDin?! Or, “Noasata Venotato B’Emunah”? The bottom line is the Shulhan Aruch, do we believe in it or not? Loshon Hara, Motzi Shem Ra are WORSE than eating Hazer, yet to even ask such a question in the public ether is tolerated?! Oy lanu meyom Hadin… that we have reached such a level of stupidity, and I don’t have any other words for this kind of question. Does it really make a difference if someone says a Mishberach for our brave Israeli soldiers who protect the yeshiva bochurim in Meah Shearim just as they do for the kollels in Tel Aviv? Yes! Tel Aviv! Is it a sin today to say Misheberach for the soldiers in Ponovich or Mir on Shabbos? Is this Hakaras Hatov that the Yeshiva world has for the soldiers who give their lives in protecting them? All I can say is stupidity and fear were the first 2 aveiros that Adam and Chava committed in Gan Eden, you may say the root is lack of Hakoras Hatov as well, something which we in Golus and in Israel still seem to be suffering 6000 years later because we did not learn their lesson.

You can scheme all you want. It will be the Heavenly Court who decides who marries who. The Heavenly shadchans work through the worldly agents. It does not matter if the family or inlaws disapprove – or even rage fire – the hearts of all people are in the hands of Ribono shel olam. It is only our mistakes from our past life that causes interference.

Follow the advice of the Chafetz Chaim, befriend the accusers, your road becomes straighter.

I grew up in the YU/MO world while my wife identifies with the Yeshivish world. There are definitely hashkafic issues that we disagree on (not halachik issues –unless you consider wearing a black hat a halachik issue). Ultimately, with our kids we choose to send them to more yeshivish places even though I have my personal reservations. We have been married almost 15 years and are able to make compromises on almost every hashkafic issue. She prefers to listen to Torah AnyTime and I prefer YU Torah. But basically, because we both have the same goal of growing closer to hashem, it works for us.