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What are the worst life hacks?
Drinking alcohol
Smoking cigarettes
Gambling your hard earned money and losing it all in a split second
Look at the gifts Hashem gives YOU in your life and you won’t need these bad hacks in your life to hurt yourself
Duct Tape and Rags instead of a proper coat.
A newspaper over your head instead of an umbrella.
Washing Mayim Achronim with a cup of expensive scotch instead of water. (And do it on the floor under the table.)
Parking by a hydrant or double parking instead of parking legally a block away.
Using plain water instead of Anti-Freeze + water. OR using any wrong fluid in a car instead of the proper one (e.g. Motor Oil instead of Brake Fluid, Diesel Fuel instead of regular unleaded.)
there are a whole bunch of car ones that are literally the worst- don’t try any of these at home:
Use hot water to quickly de-ice a windshield
To keep your brakes from sticking oil the rotors
Add some nails to each tire for better traction on ice
Put a warm wet towel on your windshield overnight to keep it warm
Keep your headlights on overnight to keep them from freezing over
Put sandpaper on your windshield wipers to assist in ice removal
Loosen your lug nuts in advance in case you end up getting a flat tire
Block the exhaust pipe with a tennis ball to keep the car warmer (this one is extremely dangerous; for anyone not aware every year there are people who die from not shoveling snow away from the exhaust pipe prior to turning the engine on)
Fry in a foil pan. Use a fork instead of a whisk. Warming up pizza in the microwave.
Throwing bags of marshmellows at an aufruf instead of those filled with hard candies and walnuts.
Substituting phony milk shakes for good old fashioned malteds.
Eating farina and/or Rice Crispies in the morning and calling it breakfast.
A certain company putting 3 oversalted potato chips in this jumbo air- puffed bag , charging almost 2$$ and labeling it “classic” .
A museum’s display of a huge painting of a black background and very red in the middle, calling it art and charging $ 25 ” donation”.
Suckers waiting in line to marvel at said masterpiece, pivoting their heads to various angles to better catch significance and meaning.
Trying to explain something to some people whose ears have walls.… Shul bulletin announcing GALA KIDDUSH, knowing in advance it’ll consist of herring with toothpicks and duet malaga wine.
…. Heimshe olam invitees all showing on time for a 7:00 sheva brochos call, spoiling all the fun.
….. Brooklynite who never shopped at at Pomegranate or Bingo and lives to tell about it.
If these aren’t hacks, they ought to be.– Try adding soda flavoring to a SodaStream bottle prior to carbonating it – ignoring the multiple warnings on both the bottle and machine. A friend actually did this with spectacular results! The bottle exploded, sending soda to every square inch of the entire kitchen.
– A nephew of mine learned the very hard way why never to try extinguishing an Oil Fire in a frying pan using water. Boruch Hashem he was not harmed, but he did need to buy a new stove and hood, and repair the wall behind it too. In short, the water turns to steam droplets, encapsulated by burning oil. It essentially creates an instant explosive fireball. People have gotten horribly burned by this mistake. Yet it is not something intuitive or so obviously stupid (like some of our other joke hacks,) so many people do not realize the danger. Mitzvah Lefarsem!
– Put an incandescent lightbulb in the microwave to watch it glow.
– Put a metal fork in the microwave to watch it spark.
– Having to throw out the microwave with burnt holes in the walls from those two experiments, including a melted mass of metal that used to be a fork!
For less destructive microwave abuse, use a raw egg in its shell.
(For more destruction, use steel wool.)Always running late? Eat breakfast the night before 🙂
speaking of passwords why are the suggested passwords on websites something like this HK%8okd!9uu who would rremember it?
Put flour in the cholent to make your pot easier to clean.
Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic? Get a monster truck and plow right on through!***
***But make sure that every driver and passenger has exited each car beforehand, so as to avoid casualties
Are you having trouble getting over some sad news? Ruin your neighbor’s brand new pool with an alligator experiencing the stomach flu so that you’re not the only one crying!
Don’t have time to wash your car before work? Make the most of hurricane season by securing a colander to the roof of your car, filling it with car wash detergent, and driving around your city in the pouring rain. Make sure you get in an even amount of left and right turns, interchangeably. Don’t forget to stop abruptly three times to get a good front hood lather and rinse!
Forgot where you put your glasses yet again, and always snacking? Just glue your glasses to a fork. That way you’ll always have them on hand!
Did your key snap and get stuck in your ignition? Now it the time to make use of your alternative life skills. Just walk over to your neighbor’s car, hot wire it, and speed away!
Don’t have health insurance, but need a doctor? Write your medical needs with a Sharpie on your white shirt. Then run head first into a lightpole so the ambulance can pick you up while you’re unconscious. Just create a GoFundMe when you get the bill. Even if the hospital doesn’t take care of all of your medical needs, your inflated fundraising goal will cover your impending medical expenses.
Mosquitos in your house?
Why pester yourself with a fly swatter, bug zapper, mosquito net, topical bug repellent, citronella (though I think that most citronella candles are for outdoor use only, and/or whatever else they’re selling today?!
Do yourself a favor and just get yourself a gross of spiders for the weekend while you spend Shabbos in your local Super 13 motel. By the time you return, those pesky blood suckers will be gone. When you return to your home, just sweep up your full-bellied spiders and toss them into your backyard.
rs!Can’t afford to buy your kallah a fancy ring? No ring gemach in site? No worries! Buy a candy ring and then hop on over to Yuli’s Bakery. Your kallah will have an easier time adjusting to her heartbreak over a plate of German chocolate cake a la mode. Problem solved!
Can’t find your favorite pillowcase? Just cover your pillow with your favorite mustard.
Sick of wrapping your sushi in nori? Just wrap your sushi rolls in cellophane and bite in!
Ran out of clean socks? Just turn yesterday’s dirty socks inside out so you can wear them again today!
Did your pen leak through your purse? Throw that purse in the bonfire. In just a couple of minutes, no one will even notice.!
Do your hands get shaky when you’re public speaking? Just hop around to divert everyone’s focus.
Can’t afford wine? Just serve whine!
Did you pour too much baking soda into your cake batter? Just add vinegar!
Jokes flying over your head? Invite your helicopter parents to explain them to you!
Did you crack one of your floor tiles? Take a hammer to the other tiles and call it a mosaic!
Ran out of flour for your challah?
Just take powdered detergent and your challahs will even smell fresh!
Can’t sleep at night?
Just make a lot of noise and turn on all the lights so others can feel your pain
No bananas for your morning smoothie? Just pop a plantain into that blender!
Too frugal to afford brand name cereal for breakfast? Skip the meal altogether!
Are your kids pestering you for new art Crayola pens? Tell them that Ben Franklin wrote with a quill and ink, so they better be grateful that they’re not writing with feathers.
Are your kids pestering you for new gel pens? Tell them that Ben Franklin wrote with a quill, so they better be grateful that they’re not writing with feathers.
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