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I have seen this happen in many a marriage and I wonder, isn’t the woman motivated to stay slim to be attractive to her husband or are BY girls so clueless as to what make men tick?
Seen the same thing happen to men (and they arent having kids)
Sacrilege
True but in general the weight usually doesn’t bother women as much as it bothers men and I think most wives will still be just as attracted to their husbands with the extra pounds while the male psyche…well it justs works differently.
The men are usually heavy beforehand already.
Sad to say, it happens to men too.
I, myself, have gone from thin to fat to thin to fat again in the course of my marriage.
The (now so-fat-that-he-causes-earthquakes-when-he-jogs) Wolf
We know darn well what makes men tick but we are either idealistically hoping that by that point in our marriage, our husbands love us, weight and all, or we are too exhausted to deal with anything but their kids, their laundry and their food.
This has nothing to do with BY. If you want more attention from your wife, hire cooking, cleaning and babysitting help so that she doesn’t feel like a wrung-out rag at the end of every day. If you can’t do that, help her. If you can’t do that, thank Hashem repeatedly that you are blessed with a woman not only enabled you to have children who is still willing and able do all those things for the sake of you and your family.
Not only does the same thing happen to men, but at least women are AWARE that they might be somewhat unattractive (and might even feel bad about it, and try to do something about it – successfully, or not), while men assume they are the same stud-muffins they were 50 pounds ago… :o)
Wolf
So that was you jogging? I thought it was a truck driving by at high speed 🙂
After marriage, a woman’s responsibilities explode. A man, depending on his thoughts on marriage, may have more responsibility (my husband takes on 50% of the household tasks, more when I am pregnant).
So, a woman who had time to excersize and eat healthy pre-marriage/children, not barely has time to shower.
Also, weight is not the only thing that changes. Hair often looks worse for wearing after being covered, wrinkles and crows feet begin to appear…we age. Heaven forbid we don’t all look like pre-pubescent little girls without an ounce of fat on our bodies right?
ummm… do you have any clue just how much pressure and stress is on the women of today???? they are running the house (taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) many are also bringing in some sort of parnasa, which means they are at work for a nice chunk of the day, and on top of having a house full of children they have to be extremely conscious of their weight, to stay that same perfect size as they were when they got married. this just doesn’t sound fair. Yes, a women must look good for her husband… yes she should try her hardest… but imagine all that stress on the HUSBAND, on top of which he has to stay slim.
i definitely don’t think it’s healthy,i don’t think its good to be heavy, you just have to see the flip side of the coin sometimes to get the whole picture
Not all men mind that very much… (to their credit) although it’s actually sometimes a demotivator for the woman needing to lose weight…
From one such a wife
Grow, Mrs Goldfarb
by Allan Sherman
Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb, fatter, fatter
Pile the potatoes on your platter
Listen to me, ’cause I’m your hubby
I just adore you plump and chubby
I got a letter from the state, Dear
You’re gonna need a license plate, Dear
My little elephant joke come true
Chew, Mrs. Goldfarb, chew!
There is so much more of you,
More to adore of you,
‘Cause you’re not slender
In your white dress, you’re a doll,
Big as the Taj Mahal,
In all its splendor
When you’re in department stores,
Don’t use revolving doors,
You might get stuck, Dear
When you use the telephone,
Go in the booth alone,
And lots of luck, Dear
You had for breakfast: two pounds bacon,
Three dozen eggs, one coffee cake, and
Then you had something really awful,
Four kippered herrings on a waffle
Nine English muffins, one baked apple,
Boston cream pie, Philadelphia scrapple
Seventeen bowls of Crispy Crunch
Then you said, “What’s for lunch?”
Sweetheart, you are giant size
You are Lane Bryant size,
My darling Myrtle
Last Thanksgiving I was thrilled
You ate so much, you killed
Your living girdle
Have another dozen shrimp,
My lovely little blimp
Don’t count a calorie
I have just received a stub
I owe the Diner’s Club
A whole year’s salary
Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, daily, nightly
Eat, though your chair is bending slightly
Love of my life, I’m glad I found you,
Each day I take a walk around you
I can’t forget when we got married
Over the threshold I got carried
No other bride would be so sweet
Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, Eat!
this is a ridiculous thread i’m sorry i read it
“True but in general the weight usually doesn’t bother women”
WIY
Believe what you want.
Woman are just less shallow.
Woman are just less shallow.
Actually, the point of the thread is that married woman aren’t very shallow at all… in fact, they have quite a bit of depth. 🙂
:: ducking and running ::
The Wolf
OK, seriously.
People are very aware of what they look like, but there are usually many factors that can result in weight gain:
-Having kids.
-Stress.
-No time to exercise.
-No time to prepare healthy meals.
-Exhaustion.
A concerned and helpful husband can:
-Set up time to go walking together.
-Watch the kids occasionally, so she can go to the gym, or use a home treadmill.
-Housekeep occasionally, for the same reason.
-Help prepare and shop for healthier foods.
-Be encouraging instead of critical.
-Diet together.
Thanks a bunch, ICOT. Now that song’s going to be in my head for the rest of the week. And Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah too.
Since this thread was started by Yoish I think we can all chalk it up to his inexperience with relationships on the marriage level (big talker, I know).
But seriously, if you feel that you have to look perfect 1,000% of the time or your husband wont be attracted to you, you have bigger problems than weight.
what EXACTLY do you mean by “really heavy” ?
Yes they are motivated (both to keep their husbands happy and to keep themselves happy)
But why are men under the impression that their wives must be wonderwoman???
Maybe you should try working, cleaning, cooking, caring for kids, having kids….and still make time for dieting, preparing healthy meals and excersizing.
Then you can come back and make a complaint
Sigh.
ICOT, I never heard that poem…I think it is adorable!!!
wandering chana, you said it perfectly
“Yoish” is right.
How fast is this happening? After umpteen kids?
And don’t forget about misdiagnosed and undertreated thryoid problems.
And are you sure the husbands really mind? And if you are, how do you know? I doubt you should be the confidant of choice of so many people to accurately assess the situation.
I was told the female metabolism changes after childbirth, so all things being exactly equal (diet, excercise, ect) the wife will gain more than the husband.
On the flip side, many women work like mad to lose the weight (and succeed) yet men gain it and keep it.
BP:
Women diet their whole lives. Men who want to lose weight do so.
Men do things. Women talk.
(To humor myself, by getting people mad. Also, so I could feel like I have willpower and other people don’t. Although, by ascribing it to gender, I’ve negated any credit I could claim. I’m still posting it, so I can look introspective. Although, how does posting it further that goal, since you don’t know me? Maybe I am doing it for the few readers who do know me?)
WolfishMusings – and you can add Bald to the list of men’s changing appearance after marriage.
I can only try – Grow, Mrs Goldfarb is sung to what tune?
The fact is women were not created to take on men’s worries and jobs, or to be outside in the sun. I believe is these things are the types of things responsible for many women aging before their time, especially in Israel.
Excuse me- but this thread is highly offensive! Haven’t any of you ever heard of the concept of women gaining weight after giving birth?! They can’t do anything about it other than wait till they get their strength back and start having the energy to diet. Most women i know, do not gain weight right after marriage- it is after GIVING BIRTH that they gain weight!
@Yoish Im Telling you What about men who begin to bald before or after marriage….that too can be viewed as turn off, if your marriage is superficial and based exclusively on looks.
I hope you mature before you get married if you want a satisfying and long lasting marriage that is…because you sound extremely demanding and degrading towards woman!!!
This whole thread demonstrates the shallowness of those who marry primarily based on physical attraction.
LAer–
It’s my pleasure ?
I heard this on my car radio about 25 years ago (don’t remember the program), and was literally laughing out loud before the acronym existed.
Poster–
Glad you got a chuckle out of it.
cherrybim–
It has its own tune.
I think youtube has the writer singing it – it’s actually much funnier when you hear his voice and the tune he sings it in.
sheesh talk about the pressure the world puts on the women! Raise the kids, cook for them supper. separate the fights, cushion the blows. clean the laundry and have it all folded. Clean the house- don’t forget to mop those floors! And of course the errands- renew the insurance (i think i can start a thread on how annoying Medicaid is and how many things they messed up)- for some reason i feel like i always have insurance to renew. Shop for food, and toiletries and all that the kids need. run to the bank. pay the bills. juggle WORK into the picture. vacation blessedly comes- for all but the woman. anyone ever notice the women never get a vacation??? Even on a family trip she is packing cooking cleaning and cooking. and cooking. not everyone can afford to eat out for every meal! Oh, and planning for the trip…. and dealing with teh kids fighting in the car…. last vacation i was over stressed – on vacation!!! (i was working while everyone else was dunking in the pool- boys only don’t worry) And we’re supposed to keep up looking slim? If the husband doesn’t appreciate his wife for all that she does as she runs the household (notice how when the husband doesn’t feel well everyone tippy toes around the house. but when the women gets sick she can’t rest for a minute! and i’m not just talking about a mild virus…) at the very least… they’re in trouble. sorry for ranting. it was a rough day…(at least i didnt’ have to worry about gaining weight…i didn’t have time to eat today lol)
just as a PS- I’m not complaining, chas veshalom! Baruch Hashem we have such responsibilities, but my point is WERE NOT SUPERWOMEN!!! and a note to the men out there- recognizing your wife’s efforts and saying thank you will mean a whole load to her! Women have the biggewst job, yet taken for granted . if women were to all go on strik eone day i wonder what would happen….
The Mrs. Goldfarb tune is to “Glow Little Glowworm”. All of Allan Sherman’s songs were sung to tune of another song that sounded very much the same – the title, that is.
minyan gal-
Live and learn – I stand corrected.
Thank you for the info.
Sacrilege
Men aren’t shallow or shallower than women, we are visual there’s a difference. Does it make someone shallow just because looks is important to them? If its the only thing then yes Id say that is shallow but if its not the only thing I wouldn’t call that shallow.
You can google allen sherman and listen to most of his songs online. I’ve heard Al and Yetta dozens of times, and still laugh. The Wrong Way ole King Louis. Harvey and Sheila.
“I’m called Little Butterball,” to the tune of I’m called Little Buttercup from Gilbert & Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore.
Lyrics, also, by Alan Sherman. Subject: Fat
I’m called Little Butterball,
Dear Little Butterball,
‘Though I could never tell why.
My calories mount.
My cholesterol count
Is as high as an elephant’s eye.
They told me to diet.
I promised I’d try it,
Yet somehow my weight would not budge.
Each Metrecal cookie
To me tasted ookie,
So I covered it with hot fudge.
I ate watercresses,
And other such messes,
And pushed all my favorites aside.
I said to the caterers,
“No more mashed potaterers,
Just baked, and hash browned, and french fried.”
I sing this sad song
‘Cause my diet went wrong,
‘Though I honestly tried to pay heed.
I don’t care how high
Is an elephant’s eye,
But an elephant’s rear I don’t need!
also by Alan Sherman, who suffered from a lifelong weight problem,
“Hail to thee, Fat Person” not sung to any particular tune.
I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.
Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.
When I was a child, my mother said to me,
“Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe.”
And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan was ever heard of.
So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.
Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving in Europe.
But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.
So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny
or in some other way normal–
When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,
Do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!
Take off your hat. Hold it over your heart.
Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,
“Hail to thee, fat person!
You kept us out of war!”
Ya know what? Men have to eat twice as many calories per day as women do, for basic metabolism. If the men are getting heavier (and they are, and it ain’t pretty), they have to be really scarfing it down and pigging out, in order to be gaining that weight. So who is kidding whom? And btw guys, after you have been pregnant six billion times, let’s see how great YOUR shape is. Oh weight (pun intended) – you did NOT carry any pregnancies and STILL some of you look really heavy! Whoops! What’s YOUR excuse? Sympathy fat? Don’t YOU need to be attractive for your WIVES (at least as attractive as you expect them to be for you)?
WIY, again, there’s no way of knowing how the husband feels.
And re Harvey and Sheila: if you know anything about the background of Hava Nagila, that doesn’t give me nachas…
Maybe we should start an Allan Sherman Appreciation thread. I have all these songs (and more) on my MP3 player.
WIY
In this example where they are married for a while and she needs to be slim in order for her husband to be attracted to her (AKA he still cant be attracted to her based on her inner beauty) Yes, I’d call that shallow.
An Allan Sherman Appreciation thread would be go. So would a Tom Lehrer Appreciation Thread. I’m a fan of both.
It’s funny… Lehrer’s stuff is far more dated than Sherman’s, but yet Lehrer is still more popular all these years later.
The Wolf
I’m really shocked that this is allowed on YWN. Since when is this an issue in the frum world????
If the thread was about health consequesnes of obesity in married women, ok. But what is the Toeles of this except making women feel pressured??
(from an unmarried skinny person.)
Double post.
(i think i can start a thread on how annoying Medicaid is and how many things they messed up)
Please do. I’d love to see the direction that takes.
Maybe we should start an Allan Sherman Appreciation thread
Again, please do. But be prepared – not everyone is a fan.
Sacrilege
This may be a new concept for you but phsical attraction isn’t about inner beauty. Mother Teresa had lots of inner beauty but I don’t think any seeing male would be physically attracted to her. Yes after a few years of marriage your husband will love you for who you are and will be attracted to you even if you are a little overweight but don’t think it wont effect the attraction if you get very fat. Its just human nature. He’s out there all day and if he sees your skinny friend, or the neighbors wife…looking pretty and a healthy weight and then comes home and sees you with your 50+ extra pounds its going to bother him. That’s reality.
Ah, Paschabchachma, so young and innocent…
Maybe she could lose some weight via exercise (doing the Vatican Rag) and diet (Irish stew).
Or maybe not…
YOISH:
If you’re married and it bothers you, speak with your wife. Get marriage counseling if you wish, but don’t air your marital problems in public.
If you are single, grow up and stop looking around so much at married women.
This thread reminds me of an older frum single who takes up more than one seat in order to fit, and complained to the shadchan for setting him up with a size 6 girl who this zhlub thought was TOO FAT!!
“WIY: that’s reality”
Not necessarily.
I think that every choson shmuz should end with the boys being given some required reading, a copy of “Johnny Lingo’s Eight Cow Wife.”
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