- This topic has 350 replies, 41 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 9 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
sorry, bored@work, I should’ve read the whole thread b4 I opened my mouth. Yup, if you can do it, good 4 u!
Everyone, leave bored’s MOTHER alone. It is really not her business what her mother chooses to do. She should worry about herself, not her MOTHER.
“clothing that is a hard one, I started looking at sale saks and bloomingdales as opposed to a personal shopper or having outfits, so…”
hmmmmmm, seems worse than I thought.
Bored@work, I see where you’re coming from, and understand that 8 years of support may not be out of the picture. So let me approach this differently:
Try to maximize your potential. Do you have any vocational training (you don’t have to answer, just bouncing this off for you to think about)? Anything you might be interested in training for? Assuming you’re in the NY area there are many different options that will help you increase your income and maybe give you some satisfaction too. You may not want to start a 3 – 4 year program but something up to 18 months or 2 years is realistic. Even if you get married in the middle your parents will probably be able to help you while you’re in school and you’ll finish early enough not to have too many family conflicts.
It is very possible you will be set up with boys from something of a privileged background too. I’m sure your parents will do more than adequate research but you assess for yourself if they’re indulged (not necessarily bad, something that as they mature they’ll outgrow – this is where you might fall) or spoiled (not good – and I think you have what it takes to grow in life, so I wouldn’t put you there). Be honest with yourself about what you need personality-wise, what you admire, etc. For example, you may need a sense of humor, you may like a well-rounded boy, etc. Take your time.
And I think you should start shopping for your own toiletries. Not so that you should make dramatic changes like I suggested but just so you’re aware of what the real cost of things are. This will help you be a bit more resourceful when you have to start to make your own decisions and prioritize. (And if you want to live on the wild side, maybe your mother will let you look at Macy’s 😉 But the point is, know that these are options. When you are on your own, even if you are being supported, you will be doing the spending yourself, and being aware of the options will go far. After a few years you will probably suprise yourself with the new, and good, habits you’ll develop.
intellegent, thanks, and being that you live in Brooklyn why are you so suprised with my shopping habbits?
tzippi, thanks for your advice, firstly I am looking for things such a great personality, (dont worry money and looks are not on my list) but the toiletries is not realistic, we call them in to be delivered to my house so I wouldnt go out and buy them. I am in college now which I dont think is the smartest idea, but I can do it as long as I need b’h my parents will always pay for my college as I go, and I can continue in Israel
will everyone stop bashing bored@work and her mom…
if HaShem provided them with the resources to live on such high standards than b”h, and let them do so. Obviously it should be within the norms but if they can afford to splurge and enjoy doing so than why not?
it is up to none of us here to judge their levels of spoildness…they enjoy living life to the fullest and i’m sure along with their splurging on materialistic things and all the extra fine things in life they also give tremendous amounts of tzeddaka and do lots of chessed…
the prob with over spending comes when the person really doesnt have the money (either they never did or they did and lost it) yet they still spend (overspend) just for the sake of keepin up with the Jones…
everyone has to know what they have and spend accordingly…and remember that not everything you do have has to be flashed in front of everyone…
bored@work
looks are not on your list? lol i don’t have a list and i’m definitely not interested in money but i would never be able to give up on looks…
tzippi,
by the way, standard of living does not always reflect assets. (it doesn’t sound like that is the case here though)
Bored,
Who shops with a “personal shopper” and is “outfitted”? Not too many people I know!
brooklyn, I dont mean an official list i mean a checklist that is in my head, when i go out with the boy i see if these things match, but i am talking about those people that before they go out they make sure money and looks are on a high level…
intellegent, thats because you are in israel not in flatbush…
Saks and Bloomingdale’s.
Bored how about Neiman Marcus and Lord & Taylor? Not as high class? JK… everyone leave the poor girl alone already!!
bored@work- Give up on looks? Hmm… I don’t know if I’d be able to do that!!!
well i don’t “make sure” anything. but i’ll be honest, i always ask my brothers what the guy looks like. (of course they always lie – but what can you do if your brothers are half blind when they look at men?) it’s when i’m already out and i can’t take the way the guy looks that drives me nuts. it’s such a stupid reason to say no, but at the same time – i can’t marry the guy!
attn. all singles on this thread… I wish you all bracha and hatzlacha that hashem should find you all your zivug bemehayrah. then maybe a thread can stay on topic and not go from vacation plans to shiduchim.
chas ve shalom that you should take this negatively….i feel for you all and am aware of what is going on out there and how hard and sometimes crazy it can be/seem. just hang in there.
bitachoncoaching – Welcome to the CR, new member!
Rule #1: Threads never stay on topic.
Rule #2: Tangents start by the third post, at the latest.
bitachoncoaching
what planet are you living on? lol everything somehow winds up turning into a shidduchim conversation. i thought everyone knew that :}
bitachoncoaching- People talk about things that have to do with them. That’s the way of the world. Sorry if this cr is dominated by singles. All convo is bound to come around to shidduchim. It’s unavoidable.
beacon, I actualy do go to neiman marcus- proud of me?
brooklyn, i was just kidding with u, u prob dont need a movie start but still care how he looks, k its so funny but i wanna meet you already…
bored@work, i would like to say not for sure, but that’s only according to me. i would not mind AT ALL staying home (shocker, right?) but unfortunately,when i tell them, people are already asking me, well why not, whats wrong, you dont like israel, you dont wanna grow…..not to mention my parents: itll be hard finding a shidduch…..back to shidduchim lol
BYM – headed to Pinsk for pesach?
Joseph, you got the second rule wrong:
Rule 1: Threads never stay on topic
Rule 2: Any thread that does stay on topic is by definition, off-topic
Corollary: When 99% of the site population is teenage girls (and early 20’s), everything veers to shidduchim.
bored@work
I was not in Israel forever. I’m only here a short while. But I am not from Flatbush, so maybe that is why I was not aware that this is a common phenomenon?
brook,
“it’s when i’m already out and i can’t take the way the guy looks that drives me nuts. it’s such a stupid reason to say no, but at the same time – i can’t marry the guy!”
I think that is a perfectly valid reason to say no. You will have to look at him the rest of your life after all! Would you paint your walls a color you can’t stand? And you’re not even marrying your walls! (It’s when people say no to “problems” that will have absolutely no effect on their lives, or because they are embarressed what others will think that are “stupid” reasons, but if you marry a person who you can’t stand how they look that will not make for a good, healthy marriage.)
bita,coach,
try an experiment and open a thread that is specifically about ANY topic besides shidduchim. Let’s see if it stays “on topic” (in other words does not go to shidduchim)
Regarding looks and marriage, clearly that is an issue of much greater significance from the guys perspective than the girls. Nevertheless, this is a greatly abused issue. Too many guys put looks on top of the list, when it should be on the bottom. (Note, I didn’t say it shouldn’t be on the list at all.) It should come after far more important issues such as middos tovas, a beautiful inside, bas talmid chochom, good brothers, etc.
These guys looking for Miss America, and there are far too many of them as much as they will deny it, are sure to end up with a Miss America alright — on the outside. But they will be married to a Miss Dracula on the inside.
bym, it is something I have heard of… if you made the choice there is nothing I can do to help.
intellegent, its funny I prob know u as one of the couples that I have eaten by when I was there…
regarding looks i think everyone has to just be honest with themselves and say they do care bout looks. i dont believe that any girl can truthfully say she does not give a hoot about how her chosson/husband looks…but then again cute and good looking remains in the eyes of the beholder…so what i may consider good looking someone else may consider completely offending looking…but, to each their own (in looks and all areas)
but in all honesty, looks are definitely imp, like bored@work said you have to live with it for the rest of your life (hopefully) so it IS important, but it shouldnt be a top priority, as many things should preceed good looks on any girl’s lists…
remember that looks can come and go…
Joseph,
It should definitely not be on the top of the list. Maybe not on the list at all. In other words, it should not be the first question to jump at about how she looks but once they meet if he notices that he doesn’t like how she looks that is very understandable. Also, once they meet a couple of times maybe he will get used to it and suddenly find her good-looking.
Also, I have a feeling that it is the mother a lot of times who stops a shidduch because of looks while the son would very possibly not be bothered. That is a pity.
bored@work,
when were you there? I don’t really have girls all the time, maybe once or twice and I had about 3 girls all together, but maybe you were one of them! (I doubt it though, I don’t think any of them were from Flatbush!) But you never know, we might have bumped into e/o! 🙂
curious, ill be there iyH for midwinter, not Pesach. were you ever there?
bored@work, i havent decided…i still applied to 4 places lol
bym, which 4 sems did you apply to?
intelligent, where are you from? where in e”y do you live? the young couple areas such as machal, arzei, maalo dafna…?
KeepinEntertained
i’d rather not disclose exactly where I live at this point but keep your ears (make that eyes) open because I might give it away at one point. 🙂 I do live in one of the typical areas but those are not the only ones.
never said i was compromising on any other areas. and i know attraction is important. but i seriously think i have a problem (maybe i’ve watched too many movies in my life???) because i don’t think ANY of the guys i’ve dated were good-looking. and i know other people who would’ve given anything to date a guy who looked like them.
it’s not at the TOP of the “list” per say, but it’s very important to me. i wish it wasn’t but i can’t kid myself.
brooklyn19: that’s really funny that you said that cause i know someone who says the exact same thing!!!
…maybe it’s me???
”per se” Morah brooklyn. And yes, it probably is the unfortunate side-effect of movie watching.
asdf – maybe its brooklyn that you know!
brooklyn19: nope it’s not you!!!! lol
lol joseph dunno why i spelled it like that… weird! anyway, like i’ve said a billion times – i teach hebrew – so i’m off the hook :}
and yeah it’s kind of a problem. nothing i could really do about it, though. i guess i’ll just have to hang on till i meet him. i’ve sorta got high standards… dunno if such a guy really exists… 🙁
Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder and yeah if you’re like me, who’s seen what a good-looking guy looks like (I guess it must be the movies…), these guys are not that. Not that they’re necessarily terribly ugly, just not the same. It’s probably also cuz they’re not as well-groomed. I dunno:(
asdf, how are you so sure?
Joseph: i know the person who said it to me isn’t a morah!!!
not true. vain or not, most guys are as well-groomed as they get when they’re going out on a first date. and not all actors play the “prince” in every movie.
and yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder – i think that works for everyone but me:}
asdfghjkl
i’m not a “morah” type. most people are go into shock when i tell them i teach. my friends still don’t believe it. so maybe you just don’t know?!
sorry i meant the “prince” – mr. mod can you fix that please?
Done – YW Moderator-42
brooklyn19: lol it ain’t you!! cillzich!!!
I wonder how brooklyn judges beauty, then. With her ear? Must he sound beautiful?
squeak – that too. don’t laugh – i couldn’t keep going out with a guy cuz his voice was so annoying. (that’s not the reason i stopped. thank God there were other factors involved.)
asdf
don’t mean to sound ignorant, but what does cillzich mean?
oh and thanks Mr. Mod. looks like I’ve got my own private editor ’round here:}
No, brooklyn, they don’t always play the prince. But when you know what good-looking is… it doesn’t make it easy.
brooklyn19: a chill, relax all in one!!! i was sayin don’t worry i don’t know you!!! there’s also chilax-chill & relax too!!!
still don’t see how you get c-i-l-l-z-i-c-h from chill and relax.
and hey, don’t get me wrong. i don’t think all actors and actresses are so gorgeous either. but some of them are and of course they stick in your head. (making more problems than just high standards of beauty… :()
asdf, I believe brooklyn would cillzich is she did know you.
keepinentertained, id rather not share that info. but if/when i get into one of them, ill be sure to let the CR know 🙂
lol it was supposed to be chillzich!!!(i left out the h sry)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.