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intellegent, thanks I realy was unaware of that, my friends never paid for anything with their own money- at least that i am aware of. but I am still single so why not enjoy what they have to offer because even though I am planning no being supported when my husband is learning I dont think the budget always for such things. yes i would love to eat by you! lol, but it would be funny when we see each other and have no idea…
asd- you usually start posting after 10 pm is that when you finish your seder?
My kids don’t get much vacation. Anyway, who could afford to go away anyhow. Think, we will just hang out at home and hope for some snow to keep them happy. Last year we took them to the New Jersey State Aquarium in Camden for the day. It’s a nice INDOOR aquarium.
beacon: asdfghjkl starts posting 10 pm Eastern Time until about 2 am. That would make it 3 am till 7 am Irish time, that he is posting. Assuming he is in Ireland. 🙂
bored@work
🙂
well maybe you can see what it means to be married and not have so much money… (and that is WITH being supported.) By the way, I hope you have a really good job because you seem to know how to live with comforts and yet you’re very ideolistic and don’t want to be supported. That is very commendable but keep in mind that it is not very possible to live off $1000 a month once you’re married. Most of it goes to rent and there’s food that needs to be bought and there will be other expenses here and there. Hopefully Iy”h there will be additions to the family soon after and you gotta have $$$. So just keep in mind, it’s good to be ideolistic but gotta be realistic as well.
Before all my personal editors start on me, I know it’s idealistic not ideolistic. I just was getting confused.
intellegent, how about copying and pasting your post to Word and running spell check first?
LOL, I’m kidding…
BTW looks like a lot of peoples plans for mid-winter break are not gonna happen… goodness with the matzav in Israel… who’s still going?
brooklyn19: i still want to go, hope the matzav gets better in israel!!!
yeah me too. didn’t cancel my ticket yet, but my mom wants me to. i guess we’ll wait and see. and daven.
intellegent, I am planning on being supported because I barely work, 8 hours a week or less, so not much income exactly. I am so nervous like can you tell me how to plan now, and like I am idealistic but thats becaue I dont have married sibligs so dont know anything more! I want my husband learning as long as possible, pp ask if 8 years will be good, I will be so happy if that works out, but I really dont know what it means to live a real kollel lifestyle… I am scared…
bored@work, are you planning on being supported for all those Florida and Israel vacations you mention?
bored@work
you mean you really want a husband that will learn but you’re nervous that when it comes down to it you won’t be able to manage it really? Do I understand you correctly?
bored@work
dunno what your family’s financial situation is but don’t expect too much with the current economy and all. doesn’t sound like you’re really prepared to live a kollel lifestyle. most women start out working much longer hours, don’t have much cleaning help (if any) and don’t have the luxuries of going on vacations and getting manicures. some couples have it easier cuz they’re supported, but it’s kinda naive of you to expect it now. so many people just can’t keep up with it.
Bored at work, are you serious, EIGHT YEARS?!?!?
Some younger relatives told me that very, very chashuv rebbeim in their yeshiva – you’d know the names – learned full time in kollel for five years before starting to teach.
Sorry, I get frosted when I hear how cavalier people are when they talk about the “less serious boys” who want to learn less than x number of years (usually 5). Or they go for these pie in the sky numbers. They have no idea what kind of mesirus nefesh goes into learning in kollel. Until the support stops and their husbands either aren’t on the rebbe track, have no offers, or aren’t at resourceful. Then the mesirus nefesh starts.
And about your other siblings: do you think there’ll be any money left for the youngest? Sure, your parents won’t have tuition and babysitting expenses but after supporting all their children, instead of encouraging them to be independent, the parents will not be in a good place. And the local mosdos, that the parents might have been able to funnel some of their excess money into, won’t be doing so well either.
I never did answer the original question. My kids will sleep in, then maybe a museum, library, some outdoor activity like tobbagoning (pardon spelling), baking, cleaning and getting ready for Shabbos…we’ll muddle through the week 😉
bored@work-
Please, please do some soul searching before you decide on a shiduch, lifestyle, etc. Consult someone you feel comfortable talking to. You’re post up above seems a tinged with a little desperation and uncertainty.
Keep in mind that, as we’ve all seen in the current economy, relying on support ain’t rock solid.
Joseph,
no i do understand I will have to lower my standars (florida only once a yr, and I wll be living in israel…jk)
intellegent,
yes that is what I am saying, I do know that I have to lower my standards, and I am willing to do that because its learning and I dont want to get into a whole cr fight but its the right thing and i should give up stupidities for it.
brooklyn19,
I understand with the whole economy it is difficult, and my parents will not be able to give me all i have now for that many years, a’h when i get married I understand I will not have cleaning help, I do not need my manicures, its only my clothing but i guess i will already have so its good that they were expensive so that they last a long time? I know it will be hard but life is all about struggle.
tzippi,
I never said it must be eight, as long as possible but it would be amazing if thats what it turns out to be.
enlightenedjew,
the more i search and be in touch with my soul the more I know this is what I want to and I know is right, so I will just have to work hard and forget about all these material things that I was given all my life.
and rent? tuition? you gotta get to work if that’s what you really want!
bored@work
Maybe start by cutting down now. You might say, why should I? But maybe you should. Maybe cut out your trip to FL and ask your parents for a portion of the money to put away for when you get married. If your parents are the type that will look at you funny, maybe tell them that you know they will be spending a lot more on you when you get married and you feel that you don’t need two trips in a row right now (you might feel pretty exhausted after all that traveling anyway…)
You mention that you need your clothing but it’s good that you have already. It doesn’t last forever and if you have a need to shop YOU WILL SHOP! Besides when you need maternity iy”h, that can be a big expense. Are you prepared to buy the bare minimum (2-3 tops, 1-2 skirts, 1-2 shabbos outfits)?
I think the only way to know is if you are able to cut down now. If you can’t than you won’t once you get married.
(The truth is, I am definitely living with less than I did before I got married but not drastically less. I never felt deprived as a girl but was not spoiled either. Also my parents gave us an allowance that we used to spend on all our “extras” so I think that gave me a little preparation for spending as a married.)
Hatzlocha rabba wherever life takes you. Keep in mind that when your bashert comes along, hopefully everything will just fall into place. Daven for siyatta dishmaya that you get the right one!
intellegent,
thanks, that is a good idea, so I will a’h cut out that trip, but with clothing the more i accumilate now the more I will have when i get married to live with?
what else do you say I should try cutting out on in my life, because its not like i am buying anything for myself its realy all coming from my parents so I am trying to take it in.
Hey bored@work I’m jealous. Ask your parents if they wana sponser me 2 please!
Everyone come join me in Florida! Gona get a gorgeous tan! Yay!
bored@work
can you do me one favor. i dunno if this is gonna work – but go back and read through your posts on this thread. is it just me or do you sound kinda spoiled?
lol my shadow ill ask them, but enjoy florida cuz it looks like i wont be going…
brooklyn, between me and my friends, family where i come from I am not spoiled, i just get what i want because that is the way it just always worked, the same with everyone else i think, but where does that come in now? your saying it will be hard to go on a kollel salary after living a life that i now live?
yeah that’s exactly what i’m saying. we see it all the time. a wonderful girl marries a great guys who’s a top learner… a few years down the line the guy has to go out to work cuz he’s under pressure from his wife’s needs. you don’t wanna be responsible for that, do you? when your husband goes to work you don’t want to feel any guilt on your part.
it bothers me so much when my brothers mention that “so-and-so” is an awesome chavrusa and i know how his wife spends her time shopping and eating out with friends. makes me sick.
I do understand what you are saying brooklyn, i did spend a year in seminary and you do tend to see these types of couples. but I know it will be different, I am accepting that. I am thankful right now b’h I have things but understand things will change and I am wiling to lower my life standards…
lol ok just make sure you’re looking for the same kind of guy that’s looking for you. cuz if not, you might run into some compications…
bored@work, you sound like a very sincere person so I am pointing this out with the greatest respect: When you say “its realy all coming from my parents so I am trying to take it in” I am struck by the attitude underlying your words. One could joke that this attitude indicates that you are perfect for a kollel life, but I think that you sound too fine for a joke like that.
bored@work: “I am wiling to lower my life standards… “
You are ‘willing’, but you won’t know what life will be like without all the materialistic things which you are blessed with now, until you are actually living the life of a Kollel couple! Once you are living that life, let us know if you are able to lead such a life! I’m not saying that you won’t be able to lead a Kollel lifestyle, but it is very difficult. Be aware of all the challenges you will be faced with. I admire all those you can lead such a lifestyle, but most of them are usually coming from homes where they don’t have as much materialistic needs as you have right now and had throughout your life.
Hatzlacha with everything.
brooklyn, that is why I date the guy to find out, and I wont do a b’sho so its all good, but thanks…
squeak, you are more than correct, and its sad how sometimes my mind does think that way but that is not my type…
Chatty, I understand that I will but I know I am doing the right thing so it will make it easier, in life I gave up alot of things for yiddishkiet, so I dont c why this should be different, although i do understand it is my life and its forever, b’h i was blessed with these things throught my life but doest mean I was in need of them…
bored,
yes, I agree with brook that you are definitely spoiled. What I find really wierd is that you don’t know it! There were certain things that I probably got more than I need and compared to some standards, maybe I was spoiled as well but I don’t think I had that sense of entitlement.
Realize that even once you’re married, as generous as your parents are, it will be you who will have to budget. It is very common for married couples nowadays to go to parents for shabbos because they can’t afford to by the food. Please keep that in mind.
As brook mentioned (yes, she does have a head between those shoulders after all), you have to make sure you are marrying the right person. You can’t say, “my dream is that he should learn but if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t” because maybe he really can stay learning for a while and you can’t. Is it right to take somoene else’s dream and ruin it? And even if he does stay, you might be miserable! It might be painful, but you have to seriously think if you can do it. It’s a pity that so many people feel pushed to do something that is not really meant for them because that what is socially acceptable.
Also, why not get in more hours a week?
Please don’t take what I said above in the wrong way. I don’t mean to say these things to insult you. (I really don’t know you so you can’t take it personally) I just want to make you aware.
im prob goin 2 florida soo xsited
intell
took you till now to first realize i have a head? wow you’re slow…
brooklyn, don’t worry about just one person. The rest of us are all guessing that you are Marilyn vos Savant in disguise.
lol almost. she’s too much of a feminist, though. and i’m a drop prettier. but the IQ is in a similar range… :}
Bored, here are some ideas for how to cut down:
Get your toiletries at the dollar store, drug store, Big Lots, etc. Don’t get anything from department stores – makeup, perfume, etc.
Start buying clothes resale. I know, you’re a kallah maidel. But it would be an interesting experiment. At the least, start checking out Target and Marshall’s clearance.
More to come…
😉
BLAH BLAH:
i actually was just in vermont lol, were you there also?
has anybody ever heard of the Jewish community in Pinsk?
intellegent, ok may think what you want, I wont deny I get what I want but i would not call it spoiled but just living life, I dunno. k, so I really think I will be able to lower my standards because in some ways I am cheap (when it is my money) like when my parents go away and give me and my brothers money we keep the change, so we switch off taking eachother out to eat, theyll go to a fancy place and il make them come to pizza or fast food. ( most of the expenses I would charge to my parents card so i get to keep the money) but really I do know how to be cheap, even enough that my mother screams at me that I am crazy cuz she is the one paying anyway. I think I know how to cut corner and just do with less.
tzippi, my mother picks up those things so I dont know… clothing that is a hard one, I started looking at sale saks and bloomingdales as opposed to a personal shopper or having outfits, so marshalls and target might be alil hard, my mother would never go for the idea either, but thanks
bored, you ARE spoiled… they must have your picture in the dictionary next to spoiled 🙂
Btw, did you say you work 8 hours a week and are bored at work?
ujm, ok if thats what you call spoiled, some weeks I work less such as this week…
hey guys i changed my mind. Bored@work seems a little pampered. but her mom seems like she’s even more spoiled… lol did i say no to a shidduch with your brother around a year ago??? this is sounding a little familiar… lol jk
brklyn19, r u trying to say “like mother, like daughter”?
something like that…
thank you brooklyn, I wouldnt say my mother is spoiled, but doesnt want me to be deprived, and I am a kallah maidel so thats also a reason…
I think the reason I dont feel spoiled is because I live in brooklyn where the things i receive are normal and nothing out of the ordinary.
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
thanks abcd, I could choose to live the life I was given, but if you go back I am willing to give up my luxuries to live a learning lifestyle…
lol don’t worry – we still love you, bored@work! and yeah i know the type. i was definitely raised spoiled (by my father – not my mother!) i hate talking about it though. i feel much more like a person when i work for things.
hm maybe when i get back from sem ill change my user name to “Kallak Maydel”
thank you brooklyn for understanding, I do feel good when i get my paycheck, even though I never actually bought anything with the money it is nice to know, and I hope you will all be happy a’h in ten years when I am living in tifrach, jk hopefully in beitar…
bym, ok ur welcome to do that, you forsure going to seminary next year?
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