Why we are not married!

I got married very young – although for the times (1965) it was fairly average. I was 20 years old and I had my daughter when I was 21. I often say that my daughter and I grew up together. Of course, in the 60’s we were groomed for marriage. Most of my contemporaries went on to university, but very few graduated. It was considered a pastime until the right guy came along. In todays far more complex world than the one that I was raised in, I think that a 19 or 20 year old has a lot of growing up to do. The fellows need even more growing up time. Although many are married very young, until they are about 25, they usually aren’t mature enough for the reponsibilities of a family. I am not even referring to education, but to social skills. Although many married men go out with a male friend periodically, young men need the opportunity to develop friendships with other men – to spend a Sunday afternoon at a ballgame, etc. This is how they develop social skills. Women usually develop these skills as teenagers but they still need to work on their “spiritual and emotional” skills (as binahyeseira said). When I look back upon my marriage (now divorced after a 40 year marriage), I realize that I did what was expected of me and that I was “in love with love” and not the man that I married.

shein -“It is a legitimate question as to why a person is not married yet, if he is older. He is obligated to get married.”

You forgot the other gender – It is a legitimate question as to why a person is not married yet, if she is older. She is obligated to get married!

There are two genders, not just “he”!

Health- “She is obligated to get married”

a girl has no mitzva of getting married, only the guys do!

can you explain what other reasons?

what about a guy who cant have children- does he also have a chivuy to get marrieD?

mom12- there are going to be things that I’m gonna have to give in to and i know that and I think we all do. until i’m perfect I cant expect to marry anyone perfect. the difference is that I dont think about it like you said “giving in” meaning I dont feel like i’m going to be cheated out of getting someone better

And if they didnt?

Can u be so kind and educate me?

every time i see this topic i am so bothered. what kind of question is this?????????? if you really want to know why the singles are not married, instead of asking why they THINK they are not married, why don’t you ask Hashem, Who KNOWS the answer and has a plan? ur better off getting your answer there, if you want the right answer. or you could just trust that He knows what He is doing, and you could daven that He help all of the singles and bring them their basherts. ppl should only ask themselves personally why they think they are still single, and should be looking to improve or grow in some way. it is in no way anyone else’s business and certainly not something worth starting a thread over!

but no we do not want size 12 or 14 or 16..that just shows a lack of discipline and a lack of motivation and a total disregard for living a healthy life. “

So much to criticize here; so little time. Where to begin????

Lack of discipline? Lack of motivation? A total disregard for living a healthy life? Many young women who are not so slim. have incredible discipline. They are in every profession, they are wonderful wives and mothers, they are loving and outstanding baalos chessed. They have motivation all right, but maybe their body type does not allow them to be model slim. Maybe eating the same amount of food as others, results in weight gain for them. What should they do, fast until their body type meets your criteria? Do you think they want to be overweight? Mayeb for their height, size 12 or so is the NORMAL weight. Average IS size 12-14, I believe. Lucille Ball, whom no one would ever have called overweight, was a size 12 when she filmed I love Lucy.

Maybe you are too preoccupied with the number and not the total package. And I doubt very much that someone size 12-16 wants to live an unhealthful lifestyle. Not everyone has the time, money or wherewithal to exercise sufficiently to burn off enough calories to lose more weight. Some people are in school and work fulltime, and then busy with studying when they get home.

Whatever it is, we should not be judging people. Especially if we do not want to be judged in return, and found wanting.

Just for the record, girls who are more realistic sizes than the anorexic models our society seems to deem attractive, are often very generous-hearted people. They are motivated to try harder to be pleasant, appreciative, and nice. You are cutting yourself off from some potentially outstanding shidduchim, by looking at a dress size instead of the whole package. And skinny girls can also gain a LOT of weight after marriage and several children (and that should not matter, either, if you love your spouse).

Popa, many MOTHERS ask about dress size and decide the girl is too heavy if the number is two digits (or even too high in the single digit).That is just shtuss. A real mensch looks at the girl, the total girl. What is heavy to one, is curvy and attractive to another. It used to be that a girl who was size 2 would have been shlepped to a doctor to see why she was malnourished. It is all about how society encpurages people to perceive things. One of the MOST attractive girls I know, who is getting married very soon to a really adorable guy, is definitely not a skinny mini. She wears a two digit size dress, I am sure, but her vivacious personality, sweet and generous smile, bautiful eyes, and quick wit, are qualities that are so attractive that I doubt many guys ever looked at her and said, “Boy, am I gonna get that Shadchan!”

Guys (and girls, too) need to feel attraction to their dates. But the attraction should not be based solely on artificial standards that are in the end, quite meaningless.

Dear Fedex! i feel for you, so brainwashed by society you are. I am not American and therefore and don’t buy anorexic is beautiful message, Boruch Hashem, but I am always shocked by people like you. If you are not married, it is not surprising, your lack of insight shows in your shallow attitudes toward women. My response is obviously limited by teh nature of this mixed public forum, but I can only tell you that men with a normal psyche and attitudes toward relationships with the opposite sex are not interested in an ironing board… Most women that are size 12 and 14 are completely normal size. Maybe sixteen is a little bit on the plumpier side but it really depends on the body type. As someone who is 12-14 and comfortable, I just want to cry for you. You are missing out on what is beautiful and healthy in life. Hashem gave us food to enjoy, not to be gourmet fressers constantly eating or “snacking” but also not to restrict (i know according to you it is self-control, discipline — only a real tzadekes can reach such a madrega, right?) Eating peas for lunch and a cracker for dinner so you don’t gain weight is due to exaggerated fear of rejection by society… etc. No normal woman can be happy that way. To enjoy a big piece of challah on Shabbos, to enjoy some kugel. True, there are clearly people that are naturally size 2 and I know some of them. They are very nice women and have great bubbly personalities and believe me they don’t deprive themselves… speaking of self-control, one of them eats all the time and talks about food all the time too… They are nice women and men that want their wives to look like pubescent boys will certainly find them attractive, but men that want women that resemble women may reject them… However, either way people are more than size and this obsession with weight and looks is not Jewish at all

fedex- are you married? if you are, I hope its to a board. I would not want any women to be stuck with you and your hashkafos.