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LU: Thank you. I really like how you said that a woman can be doing her tafkid without being married. My answer was based on the messages that I’ve been getting from rabbonim and learning. I also am not married and have been single for many years.
Still I do hope to be married one day B”H. That said, I feel like being a partner to someone is a big deal. Marriage to me seems like it provides a nurturing relationship where you can expand beyond yourself and share intimacy, and give back.
Yet… of course I def agree that a woman can be single and offer a major blessing and contribution to the world. Amen.
Maybe her purpose may not necessarily be solely tied to being an eizer knegedo to one particular man, but perhaps an eizer knegedo to mankind?
Many of these answers make it seem as though without man, woman is nobody and cannot fulfill her G-d given tafkid.
I respectfully disagree.
It says in the Mesillas Yeshorim that our tafkid in this world is – “ela l’hisnaheg el Hashem”.
To revel in Hashem, delight in Him, become close to Him, get to know Him, form a genuine relationship with Him.
“Maybe her purpose may not necessarily be solely tied to being an eizer knegedo to one particular man, but perhaps an eizer knegedo to mankind?”
Definitely true. I had thought of that. I didn’t mention it because I was afraid of being misunderstood, but it’s true.
ChabadShlucha: What does the Lubavitcher Rebbe teach about this?
Lots although to address the op I would need to live it up with the pesukim. I definitely can- I went to a marriage class where the speaker did exactly that in a beautiful way – but I haven’t seen everything she said inside although the hashkafa is right on. I can always find out though. If that’s OK I’ll be happy to post that.
Looking at this thread, here’s some things I have seen inside:
When I was in high school I heard of the whole tu bav story and heard the women would say ein haisha ela lyofi.
Now I realized I must be missing something, because if the gemara says it, its true, but why would the women demean themselves in such a way? Especially we say in eishes chayil sheker hachein vhevel hayofi? And weren’t the people of that time on a much higher level than being so shallow?
So I looked into the Rebbe’s sichos to find what I was missing. I found it bh.
There’s actually a few ways to wholesomely understand it.
The girls would actually start by saying (brought in same gemara) bachur sa na einecha – raise your eyes, and don’t look at a girl for her exterior. Sheker hachein vhevel hayofi. So how then did the girls themselves say ein haisha ela lyofi?Anyhow here’s in very short – I’ll be happy to elaborate on any.
“Ain haisha ela lyofi” a woman was created for beauty. She’s the one who brings beauty to the world and that’s her role b gashmius and bruchnius..
Bgashmius she serves Hashem this way by uplifting her husband with her beauty and opening his mind to serve Hashem better. (Acc to gemara – 3 things open a man’s mind… A beautiful woman)
Bruchnius she doesn’t just do the plain act of the mitzvah, rather she infuses it with ahavas and yiras Hashem, does the mitzvos with excitement, bhiddur, and influences her family to do the same.
A woman is more emotional and she infuses get mitzvos with emotion, beautifying them and granting them the two wings of Ahava and Yirah to fly up to Hashem.
Ain haisha ela lbanim – a woman’s good qualities aren’t only left for her, but she infuses her kids with the same. A woman transmits her qualities to her children.
(My example) if a mother has yiras shomayim, she’ll quickly grab her childs yarmulka up if it falls, transmitting to get cold that its very important to constantly wear a yarmulka. And so to with everything. Whatever she is passionate about, she implants that passion in her kids. If she is Aidel, she imbues her children with aidelkeit and mentschlichkeit.
Etc.One more, very much a favourite among the women:
Eizuhi isha ksheira osa rtzon baala.
Normally a woman accomplishes her role by being batul to her husband – taking his spiritual instructions and leadership, and running the home according to his wishes and standards.
However what if the husband wants something that isn’t in line with what Hashem would want of them? What is she to do then?
So here comes the second way of reading the maamar chazal : she can osa – create – the will of her husband.
A woman can, in a feminine – gentle way, with her subtle influence, change her husbands will to be in line with what Hashem wants. And this is her task in those situations.
BTW the Bgashmius example I have of lyofi is from gemara and I gave it a another example. However the Rebbe explained the second one.
To answer the tu bav questions:
The girls all said the bochurim should choose for lofty reasons. Then they divided into groups:
The pretty ones felt that since they were spiritually beautiful, this radiated and was reflected physically as well. That’s why they said they were beautiful as a maala.
The yichus ones were advocating the fact they came from fine families gave them fine values which they would in turn imbue their kids with.
The ugly ones is a thing on its own – gotta run but if you want to hear I’ll write up
taken from his side, which is a hidden place, to be modest
she is created to serve Hashem like all people
how? through mitzvos like all peopleSo the man should see an opposite view, feeling and thinking, when he wants to sway from Hashem.
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