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We all read R’ Rechnitz’s and others’ letters and pleas a few months ago to do what we can alleviate the shidduch problem/issue/crisus/catastrophe/etc…, and we always hear about people needing to do more for to facilitate more shidduchim. That being said, why isn’t more being done in terms of each shul/block/class/community having an advocate on behalf of them? Giving a “krecthz” will not help more people who need a shidduch to get married. I feel like there are a lot of people, especially as they get older, that are neglected by the rigidness and laborious nature of the “system”. Yes, I do understand that these people are more likely to go to Shidduch events and to seek dates on dating websites, but is that really enough? For marriage-minded people of all ages, we need more Rabbis/teachers/mentors/advocates around to help those who need a shidduch walk to the chuppah. I don’t see why shidduchim should have a lower priority than many other communal issues, like being midakdek in halacha, various tzedakos, Sarah Shenirer gatherings, etc…
Bottom line, the shidduch dating environment needs some invigoration and more focus.
A lot is being done already.
So what do you recommend? Just posting on the CR fits under the same category of the speeches and events you mentioned above. What do you think could be done to help the singles, and how do you think it should be done? What is possible to do which isn’t being done already?
yekke2 -“So what do you recommend? Just posting on the CR fits under the same category of the speeches and events you mentioned above. What do you think could be done to help the singles, and how do you think it should be done? What is possible to do which isn’t being done already?”
I have a suggestion – make a public event on Loshon Horah, better yet on Mozay Shem Ra, like they did on the Internet. My marriage was destroyed & I can’t get a Shidduch because of LH & MSR! And don’t say e/o knows it’s Osser. True, but they don’t know or want to know the actual Halachos.
1. The weddings halls are overbooked, the maternity wards are crowded and the pre-schools are packed – are you sure there is a crisis. I’ll believe there is a crisis when Maimonides Hospital announces it is closing its maternity ward due to lack of customers, when I read about wedding halls trying to find a new use for their facility, and hear about schools closing due to a shortage of students.
2. Even Adam ha-Rishon had a shidduch crisis, and his did in fact require divine intervention (not to mention some very unusual surgical procedures). Our kids have relatively minor problems. Every single person has a shidduch crisis until they get engaged.
3. The economy stinks for young people entering the job market, which scares off some people. We don’t control the economy.
akuperma: “The wedding halls are overbooked…” That means nothing unless you say how many halls there are, in proportion to the number of singles out there.
I am 18 & looking for a shidduch. Three girls in my class are already engaged & many more are dating. I sit by my phone waiting for a text, a call, someone telling me they think they’ve found a boy for me. It hasn’t happened. Every simcha/social event I attend, I make sure to look my best. Looks shouldn’t have a lot to do with shidduchim- but I’m nowhere near ugly & not to mention I have a stellar personality. I’m not trying to sound cocky, or make myself sound amazing. Not at all. I’m just trying to illustrate a point. I think many people look at a girl/guy & think, “They’re so pretty/handsome, they’re such a great person, they have such a good personality, they must not be struggling at all therefore I don’t have to get involved.” But we all do! Also another thing which I feel contributes to the “crisis” is the emphasis on Yichus. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, yichus plays a huge role in shidduchim. Making it harder for people, like myself that came from religious homes- but not Yeshivish/black hat, whatever label you want to use, but have adopted that way of life. My family lineage is traced back to Dovid HaMelech, Rashi, to the Maharal from Prague… and then people look at my parents and say, oh her dad doesn’t wear a black hat? Her mom isn’t in skirts? She doesn’t even cover her hair?! This girl is no good for my son. It doesn’t even have anything to do with me, I am NOT my parents! I am me! But whenever I’m told this, I just remind myself that everybody rejected Rus- but in the end, she married Boaz.
My bracha to you, FFBBT613, is that you should become happily married before your 19th birthday!
Akuperma is 100 % correct on this one.
1. The weddings halls are overbooked, the maternity wards are crowded and the pre-schools are packed – are you sure there is a crisis. I’ll believe there is a crisis when Maimonides Hospital announces it is closing its maternity ward due to lack of customers, when I read about wedding halls trying to find a new use for their facility, and hear about schools closing due to a shortage of students.
First of all, don’t bring proof that there isn’t a shidduch crisis with the amount of babies people are having. That doesn’t mean there aren’t an overwhelming amount of people out there who are unable to find a shidduch. That means people are having lots of babies. And the fact that wedding halls are overbooked could just as well mean there are too few wedding halls. Not a proof either.
What you said is like saying- There isn’t a recession, look at all those millionaires out there. Look at the thriving markets for luxury cars, homes, yachts and vacations. That doesn’t negate the starving and homeless. Not that I’m equating being single to being starving and homeless.
I agree with cinderella. That’s because I would consider a too high percentage of people unmarried as a crisis.
If akuperma and old man only define it in absolute numbers, they’re right. I can’t figure out why someone would define it that way, though.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/defining-the-shidduch-crisis
FFBBT613. Rivka Imenu did a wonderful shidduch, with a boy from a wonderful, despite having besuel as a father, lavan as a brother and an extended family that would make anyone cringe. Your family isnt THAT bad. In the right time the right one will come along.
People should lower their expectations. This would solve a lot of the problem(s).
It is not a crisis if a girl is not married by the age of 18. To often now being are being called Ameritza Hashem By You instead of their actual names. A Madel or Buchar should date until they find the right person who they think they should marry. There should not be any pressure to get married because it can ultimetly lead to someone ending up with the wrong person chas vishalom. Shidduching now in days have gone to an extreme and get interview for a shidduch more intensely then a job. What happened to the good old days in where people met and chose who they dated and were not pressured into it. We must pray to the abishtar to help us all not fall into social pressures. Not judge a sefer by its cover and be more down to earth and except people for who the are. Each person should make his or her own decision in life. Their is a common misconception about things and society should not pressure anyone.
FFBBT613 don’t worry. You are very young and in time you will find the right person. I agree with you 100% and strongly stand by you when you say that it shouldn’t matter what your parents do. weather they wear or don’t wear a hat or cover or not cover their hair. I am sure they are amazing people who love and respect each Jew. It doesn’t matter what is on the outside, its matters whats inside. Knowing that you are looking for someone who doesn’t care about gashmius or shtick like that will surely find you the right person. I am sure you would rather someone who respects you for who you are and sees the true inner beauty. With the help of hakadosh baruch hu you will find the right person.
cinderella: You will discover that almost all the millionaires and people with big houses and big cars are middle age or older. The job market for people starting out has in fact declined compared to what it was ten years ago. Being single, especially among frum Jews, is largely a function of youth. It always has. It always will be.Unless you have great inherited wealth (which is extremely rare in our community), young couples will always be struggling. That’s the way things are. That’s the way things will always be. It’s what you’ll be telling your great granschildren when they complain, as they inevitably will.
she isnt concerned she isnt married. she is concerned that she has not gotten even the slightest of whiffs from anyone. not a call, text etc.
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