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Why OTD so much?
What is OTD? It is when a perfectly nice kid from a great family that gas not gone through anything or has anyone close going through anything strays from the path of his parents and seemingly becomes something less.
It seems like many people are including kids who were misguided, abused in any way, or going through an illness and couldnt deal with it and are confused and are doing wrong things because of their situation in the OTD category……
Its just so sad
Off the Derech I think means that a kid has left their religious lifestyle to escape something they feel is only happening due to their religious background, or simply to rebel. (When I say religious background, I mean that there are people who had traumas in religious institutions, traumas that can unfortunately happen everywhere, but these poor kids associated the trauma with the fact that the institution or the perpetrator claimed to be religious.)
I know of a handful of kids who went off seemingly to rebel. All teenagers go through a phase where they seek attention, and perhaps they think the only way for them to get the attention they crave is to act out like this. It’s sad. Whatever happened to the good ol’ temper tantrum?
Oh, wait, only four year olds do that. Doing babyish things aren’t cool. I stand corrected. But still. I think it’s far more effective much faster. Spending years destroying your mind and body like a bum doesn’t always effectively convey, “Hey, grown-ups, I’m upset and I’d like your attention.” Sometimes, the grown-ups just never figure it out and take their own pent-up sadness and confusion to the grave.
What’s even sadder, IMHO, is that the younger siblings of OTD kids tend to follow suit because it’s “cool” to emulate their older siblings. Let’s face it, younger siblings – your older siblings are your role models, no matter how annoying they can be sometimes! Bit still, I think a lot of our contemporaries fall to that trap.
It seems to me that the pioneers of OTD-ism may have had some reason to leave our way, but the following generations of OTD kids, like their younger siblings or the little ones who witnessed them goofing off every Shabbos, are just copying them with less to no reason for their behavior.
On the other hand, what truly defines an OTD case? One major problem is that it’s human nature to label people who are different. I proudly wear denim skirts for the sake of their durability. By other peoples’ standards, am I OTD because I don’t follow their “derech” of wearing other skirts?
Until people are willing to hear real criticisms and face those criticisms head on and work on them, the problem will continue and grow.
A simple example. Boys are now almost forced to learn 12-14 hours a day. Many boys just cannot do this, get frustrated , think they are a failure and drop out and the “Rebbes” are not equiped to handle boys who are not the best of the best, make the situation worse by punishing such boys for the simple crime of not understanding the Gemorah or wanting a little break.
You can look inside and you know many more such examples that dont need to be posted on this blog. Until we are willing to face them and find real solutions it will continue.
I pity the boys. What you’re saying is so true.
ZD, It was my yeshiva experience, admittedly some 50 years ago, that it was actually “the best of the best” who were most likely to go OTD. It’s not so much the kids who can’t keep up, although they are one demographic of kids who drift away, It’s the kids who get bored waiting for the rest of the kids to catch up to them. The vast majority of yeshiva mechanchim are simply not capable of dealing with genuine illuim. They’re the ones who ask the questions that the Rabbeim can’t or won’t answer. Yeshivas, despite their protestations, really only want to deal with nice bachurim of average intelligence (for Ashkenazi Jews). They are not prepared, nor are they willing, to deal with kids who are smarter than they are.
Redleg- I think it’s more of a mixture today. In an attempt to generalize the learning the learning, only the average student benefits. The ones that can’t keep up, and the ones that want to proceed faster with more depth end up frustrated with this system.
Basically, it’s how our teachers are educated that might need some work if we want any change in the system so they can learn to work with the individual as well as educating an entire class.
I agree that some people can’t handle so much. We need to listen to these teens. They don’t mean to rebel they just need time and space. We need to be patient. Find a good moment to talk to the teen and ask them what they need and how we can help.
As my rebbe said, being shomer torah umitzvos is a choice. It’s not an easy choice, and very often kids are pushed out rather than then “leaving”.
Our community is bleeding, not to death, but bleeding in a real way. Parents, friends and family are concerned. They talk, they worry and often they try their best.
Warmth, acceptance and joy are the best and hardest antidotes. They are hard because it is hard to lead by example. And apples to apples, torah, tfillah, and tsedaka in all it’s forms really do help.
My Rebbe once said the best prevention to this is of course constant Tefillah, and an active, enthusiastic, cheerful and delightful approach to Avodas Hashem at home. Keep hammering away, indirectly (and of course truthfully, no masquerading, let yourself too be carried away), not by lecturing, the vibes will exude, they will penetrate eventually.
Read what Rabbi Miller ??”? says about “propagandizing” Hashem’s derech.
One more point which I think is very lacking in today’s dor r”l, the importance of NEVER EVER belittling ANY Godol, Rav or Talmid Chacham in one’s home. A child who hears a parent disparaging any Godol will not grow to esteem, revere our Gedolim properly, his parents too will have diminished their stature in his eyes. A grave mistake. A child should only hear admiration and praise about Talmedei Chachamim. ANY and ALL.
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