Why are shidduchim so difficult/tiring?!

Probably because it’s so much out of our hands, as much as we like to think we are in control. My salvation came, when I said, “H-ashem this is up to ONLY you.

morah reyna

I once heard a nice pshat from Rabbi Belsky on the gemarah that shidduchim and parnassa is as hard as splitting the yam suf. He asked that nothing is hard for hashem. He answered using pesukim from beshalach that it was hard becuse Hashem made the splitting of the sea contigent on Nachsho ben aminanadav and Klal Yisroel entering entering the sea. he said that shidduchim and parnassa are the same way, we have to jump into the sea.

I am in shidduchim also and I dont find it difficult or stressing or tiring I am actually njoying it…not I dont want to get married dont get me wrong I want to get married and I know that one day the right one will come so in the meantime I am just being patient and thanking Hashem for whenever something comes my way in regards to shidduchim…I want to know…Why do u feel that SHidduchim are so difficult and tiring exactly?

Hockey_fan:

I have B”H married off most of my children, and have participated many times in the “shidduch” process as is common today. Yet, I remain completely appalled at the questions that become part of today’s typical investigations. Yes, there are the stereotypical stupidities that are often mocked (but are asked anyway), such as whether the parents use plastic tablecloths on Shabbos. But there is much, much more. For example, one member of my family received a call from a shadchante to inquire about her son, intending to propose a girl for him. In the first half hour of this phone interview, not a single question was asked about the boy’s character, career plans, learning, etc. The entire conversation was about his levush, as if this is the most important issue. When the mother finally challenged the shadchante on this, she became defensive, and insisted that she needed this info to get past the initial calls to prospective shidduchim. What a shame.

I have also watched shiddichim be nixed because members of the extended family have issues such as an OTD child, etc. If there is a divorce in the family, that’s a terrible flaw, and if anyone terminated a shidduch, that dooms the prospects. In reality, none of us can defend these things. If there was a broken shidduch or a divrce, I would want to know whether it was handled properly, with menchlichkeit. But things happen, and to consider someone with such a history unworthy of a shidduch is ludicrous.

I bet anyone can find plenty of other trivia that has become central to the shidduch process, and that adds unnecessary complication to a challenging process. And we who do this become our own worst enemies.

Cuza the cooties..

I agree with The Little I know. Parents are digging and digging more into a prospective shidduch, asking ridiculous questions, saying NO for ridiculous reasons. You would think there would be LESS divorces, not more, with all the digging they do.

loca

It’s a specialty item, you have to buy it in a healthfood store. Word of warning, though: It is not approved by the FDA. The studies showing it to be effective are sponsored by the makers of this item. In my opinion, you will be flushing your money down the drain.

Like Krias Yam Suf…. gotta have big time bitachon and be ready to jump in………