Who are the Quiet Girls Supposed To Marry?

Probably the fourth or fifth circle, would be my guess.

That high? Wow! I was certain it was the ninth or deeper. 🙂

The Wolf

And what is wrong with a moment silence. You don’t need to speak every second. Take a minute to think. After all, you’re two new people that are TRYING to find what to talk about to each others!! If only people would learn to act like their honest self on dates…

Oh I believe you!! I’ve had quite a few of those awkward silent moments when we couldn’t find what to say(and neither of us is too quiet).

Now the problem is that we don’t have the time to talk!!!

Volvie: On dates? I know it’s normal, but they don’t call them “awkward” silences for nothing.

So girl’s should be more outgoing and vivacious.

But she’s disrespectful if she speaks before being spoken to.

She’s got poor shidduch prospects if she’s “quiet”.

But she has the most to lose in the ongoing crisis if she steps out of line.

No matter what she does, she’s in trouble unless she’s a mind reader.

mybat: Exactly.

Boredjewishguy

If you don’t feel awkward during the silence, your date probably doesn’t feel awkward either so don’t force conversation but you can say something to break the silence if you feel uncomfortable.

smartcookie: I disagree with you. They are dating to get married, they absolutely should be comfortable with each other (way) before they get married. Personally I think it’s normal to be that comfortable with silence after just a couple of dates and even on a first date you don’t have to be talking the whole time, even though the silence is awkward. I have discussed the silence with a date before and it did make me feel more comfortable.

smartcookie: Personally I don’t think silence being comfortable or normal really requires that much closeness. Even if it did, I would think you should be that close before getting married. I guess it really depends on your dating style. You’re definitely not the only crazy one, talking about silence doesn’t even seem that crazy to me.

“Not the only crazy one?”

Volvie, what’s the question, she said she was crazy, I’m not gonna call her a liar. There must be other things she does that make her “crazy”.

“Hey…is that me you guys are talkin’ about? Hhhmmm….”

Well, you are the one who said you’re crazy…

Perhaps the ‘already kind of shy’ guys that go on a date with really shy girls think “she’s not into me at all”. And if she’s not really “shy” but merely quiet, than what was the purpose of going out in the first place, to sit and look at each other. I think to a degree loud people are correct that shy people (not being used as blanket term for all quiet people) need to get over themselves and their self-consciousness (I am one of these) but in the same breathe loud/outgoing/talkative people need to shut up sometimes and ask questions and wait for an answer, and you’ll find that the quiet and sometime even the shy, will begin to open up to you. It’s all about how comfortable they feel.

Also I share this story. There was a guy, good buddy of mine, that is really outgoing/easygoing/flirty/talkative even has a few ideas he likes to push… unfortunately even loud “in your face girls” can eventually see past the skewed perspectives. Sometime it’s those quiet introspective souls that have the insights and thoughts that really stir you. If in addition they can also be relaxed and have a good time with you, not take themselves too seriously, then bang…you have yourself a match.

Quietness does not mean depth however, nor does loudness make a person shallow. But we’ve misinterpreted the terms shy, shameless, introvert, extrovert, soft-spoken, loud, and grouped some of them together unfairly.

<<nothing against quiet people, but if you happen to be quiet, make urself more outgoing! we all have those things that wer not so good at and that’s what life is all about – we have to make ourselves normal.>>

If you happen to be outgoing, why don’t you make yourself more introverted, since, clearly, you are not so good at being quiet! It might be hard for you to change the personality God gave you, but hey, life’s all about becoming normal!

As a guy, I can’t identify myself as neither quiet nor talkative. Sometimes I’m in a talking mood, and sometimes I’m not. I often would rather not be in the center of group conversations, and I prefer to listen as opposed to talk, unless it’s a topic I feel very strongly about. Nonetheless, if nobody is talking I like to break the ice. Sometimes people like myself get labeled as “quiet”, just because we don’t always want to partake in conversations and aren’t consistently verbal in all situations. That’s not a fair or honest label.

Besides, “quiet” is a misleading adjective. I would want to find myself a girl who isn’t loud – in the plain sense of the word – but does have a pleasant and playful personality and a developed sense of humor. I want someone who loves to laugh as much as I do, even if she isn’t always the life of every single party. Just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they should be boring. Quietness is a personality trait, but being boring is a dilemma. People who are dating should develop their own personality, even if they don’t necessarily stop being “quiet.” Nobody wants to be married to a boring person, and that goes both ways. “Chemistry” does play a role in who finds whom boring/fun, but there needs to be something there for the chemistry to build off of.

I used to be super-shy when I was a kid, but I overcame that, and I find that it’s helped me in countless ways. Someone is allowed to be quiet, but that doesn’t mean they should be overly shy and impossible to hold a conversation with or have fun with.

Still waters run deep…… deep bacurim will find still waters attractive……. package the maalos……… shadchanim need to be “salesman” because many don’t really know what is right for them

Could it work if a shy guy married a quiet girl?

Look, the two year old threads are also ridiculous. There is no such problem. Unless we are using quiet as a euphemism for something else.