Who are the Quiet Girls Supposed To Marry?

What do quiet guys do? Why is this a problem only for girls?

My daughter is in the shidduch parsha and is young and because she is quiet most of the boys redd to her said no because they found out she is quiet.There is nothing wrong with her, she is thin, pretty, nice to talk to, she has a job and is in school. Because the boys have a long list they dont want to even take the time for one date to see what she is all about.

I am not saying that it only the girls with this problem, I know boys that are quite that have a hard time with dates but because there are more girls dating (so it seems) the boys would get a date easier.

what happened to the theory that the best conversationalist is a good listener?

don’t tell me it’s just a theory or a definition for the dictionary alone….

Try it out for yourself, and you’ll see it really works!!!

Speaking about myself, I’m what they call an ‘old single’ and have earned the name as a quiet girl! I’ve gotten loads of names turned down, why? Simply because they won’t give me an extra chance to open up when they can accomplish it much quicker with someone a little more talkative.

The only difference between me and them is the time frame of opening up, it may take longer with me than a louder girl….

Is it really true those that are louder open up quicker and are more truthful? I have my strong doubts!

Shidduchim are in the hands of the one above, that’s what it all boils down to!!!

dunno; we lose site of our goals unfortunately!

There is quiet and there is can’t-have-a-normal-conversation with someone. When someone asks if someone is quiet, I would tend to think they were trying to ascertain if the person has a personality. I wouldn’t want my girls redt to “quiet” boys (they have been, and it was like pulling teeth to get the boys to talk), but I would not want them redt to loudmouths, either. The idea is for there to be a balance and a clear and pleasant.

Quiet does not necessarily mean introspective, nor does it mean deep and thoughtful. A person can be quiet because he or she simply has never learned how to interact with people. They could be overly shy. The kind of quiet that comes from being introspective, shows the personality in other ways, through strength of character,and also through intelligent conversation. But again, that is NOT what people are usually asking when they ask that question.

i am not a quiet girl by any stretch( im not loud either…actually it really depends who you ask—some people say i am loud-but in a good way) but i am not so loud when i am with only 1 person, when im with like 3 or 4 friends i have real personality—-i also tend to get quiet when i am sitting across from someone in an intense situation—interview, walking into an office to speak with someone or on a date—so on a 1st date i tend to be quiet-unless the boy is quiet and i need to be the one making the conversation—-but anyone you may ask will tell you i am not quiet

People need to relax and realize that Hashem has our besheret picked out. If a shidduch for a quiet girl does work out,thank Hashem. Never feel pressured to get married because all your friends are. Hashems timing is perfect.

A lot of boys and girls are “quiet” on their first date. Speaking with a member of the opposite gender is not something they are accustomed to. The fact that it is for shidduchim only makes it a tougher situation for a lot of people. Add this to the already problematic fact that a lot of people dont have great social skills to begin with (and it gets worse as email, texting and other electronic forms of communication get more popular) and is it anyones fault that they are “quiet” on a date? What is worse, is if you ask about someone (male or female, doesnt matter) and you are told, “oh, very friendly and outgoing” and then on a date they are as quiet as a mouse, you automatically feel that someone lied to you or misled you in some way and that they are hiding other things as well. It is quite possible that this person when “hanging around”, with people he/she knows for 13 years IS quite outgoing and friendly. Put them in a one on one situation with someone they dont know, a member of the opposite gender on a shidduch date, can he/she be expected to act as if they are shmoozing wit htheir friends?

I’m wondering if the original question really meant “who should the girls who have nobody actively making noise for them at shidduch meetings, with calls to shadchonim, girls who are not social butterflies and dont know a lot of people, supposed to marry”.

“Guys are looking to be ROFL starting on the first date and beyond. The Aidel, quiet type just isnt desired by guys, other than possibly the budding Roshei Yeshiva types.”

I find this statement quite puzzling. I wont debate its merits. I will instead ask you on what is this based? Have you polled those who are dating about their dating preferences? Shadchanim? Have you polled girls and found that “too quiet” is the oft stated reason why a shidduch is turned down?

I wont debate what you claim is your experience and the experiences of other people, as told to you. I find it to be a rather strange development, if in fact it is true.

I have a hard time believing that boys would turn down a girl, before a date, b/c she’s quiet. I’m guessing that’s their mothers doing. If the girl is quiet on the date, that’s a different story. Most people would probably describe me as a quiet guy (I’m really not, just a bit reserved) but when I go on a date, I force myself to be outgoing. It’s not easy but if you’re not going to do that, can you really blame someone for not wanting to go out with you?

youdontknowme: maybe it works hand in hand, the mother ‘finds out’ she’s quiet informs the boy so by the time they get out on their date he’s completely convinced she’s quiet and it’s not for him. As appose to giving the girl just a little more time for her to be more open!

itiswhatitis: I don’t know, personally if I knew beforehand that the girl was quiet, I would be prepared to try to get her to open up. I have a hard time believing that if the girl is pretty and thin, guys would not give her time to get comfortable.

youdontknowme: I wish that would be reality, but it’s unfortunate that it doesn’t work that way! The girl gets rejected much quicker than being given time to open up.

oh, come on. let’s not turn this thread into another “boys shouldn’t only focus on looks” thread. I think we already discussed and came to the conclusion that being attracted to one’s spouse is important. it’s up to the boy himself to decide if it will make or break the shidduch

Azo.Is. “They’re almost taking a back seat to the quiet factor.”

Can you elaborate on this new factor? What is it? What trait(s) must one exhibit to fall into this category we call “quiet” that people seem not to want. You have 20 years experience in shidduchim, you say you have been told nope, too quiet more and more in recent times. Can I assume you followed that up with, “quiet, does that mean you had to ask her to speak up many times”? No, thats not what it means? then what does it mean?

I personally know many, many quiet girls that are married quite happily. When looking around at the girls still waiting in my age group -I can honestly say that we are defintely not a group of shy and quiet kids – QUITE THE OPPOSITE (pun intended) we are a great bunch of talented and successful girls to whom Hashem has not yet bestowed the Beracha of marriage.

However, one thing I would recommed – if you are a quiet kid – or even not so quiet and you see the shadchanim are not calling – you gotta take the ball into your court – and start calling and meeting shadchanim – get the word out that you wanna get married! Get out of the house – go to every wedding ur invited to – and parties whatever – you gotta be out there and be seen – so people know you are still around and looking!

Oomis,Thank you for your warm wishes!

Amen!