Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered

This question should be asked to a rabbi or anyway to someone smarter than me. But would it be helpful to put this issue aside, or would it make even more difficult for you and your other half to meet each others?

Aurora, I agree 100% with you about figuring out who and what you are now and are going to be (which direction you’re heading) particularly in relation to Judaism before you start looking for a spouse. A lot of people on the path to returning to Judaism are looking to get married but they’re on different growth curves and this can create unnecessary conflict when there are clashes.

I went to a special school in Yerushalayim where I was able to immerse myself in learning about Yiddishkeit almost like a man but without gemara and that kind of thing. It was a very special place. The woman in charge did not want the girls going out on dates until they had been in the school for at least a year just to see how she settled into and where she was holding. She took each situation individually all along and was very close with the girls to see what kind of boy would be suitable for her.

Once your mother has completed her treatment, I sincerely hope that you will be able to stretch your wings and reach out to the orthodox communities that are both near and somewhat farther from you so that you can fully expose yourself to us and our lifestyle. The rewards are uncountable and very worth the effort. I don’t think you will regard changing your life. It is so fortunate for you that your family is supportive. Interestingly, in my family, both of my sisters also became involved in Yiddishkeit, even though our parents remained nonobservant. My mother was supportive of everything I did (I was the youngest and lived at home when I became religious). It was difficult for my father, I think because he felt that I was rejecting his way of doing things. They are both now no longer in this world and I hope that they both appreciate all of the things that their children have done.

As always, hatzlacha!

My family has 2 cats and a dog and we’ve had up to 5 animals at some point.

I think many of the posters are forgetting that aurora is a gentile and thus she is not obligated to follow any Jewish law.

Reread her original post. She found out she is jewish which is why she wants the info.

Yeah, you misread.

I have mentioned that it is good to contact an Orthodox Rabbi in the closest Orthodox Synagogue (even if that Synagogue is not accessible on Shabbos because of the distance).

I am inserting here a headline form yeshivaworldhews from today:

(Sunday, September 16th, 2012)

Also quite a few gentiles who worked with Jewish people spoke Yiddish, so that may not be proof that a person is Jewish. An Orthodox Rabbi should be consulted.

Aurora77- some of the posters are giving you quite complicated suggestions. The best suggestion is contact an Orthodox rabbi. If you determine you are halachically (according to Jewish law) Jewish through a valid maternal line, you will have the same learning curve in Jewish practice as you would if you are a gentile and required to (and decide to) convert. You will have the same learning curve, in fact, as many of us who grew up non-Observant and came to Torah Judaism as an adult, so called baalei tshuvah (BTs).

You need some good basic reading material. Two books I found helpful when I was becoming frum (Yiddish for Observant) were “To Be a Jew” by Rabbi Hayim H. Donin and “How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household” by Blu Greenberg.

Don’t get hung up on the nitty gritty of the law and do as my Rabbi counseled: take on ONE thing at a time, ONE thing that you can commit to changing.

And of course, the best teacher is a living human from whom you can learn the subtleties of Jewish living. It’s not all “do this and don’t do that” kinds of prescriptions and prohibitions. There’s a way of talking and interacting in the world that, unless you experience it, you won’t even realize it’s a choice and way of living. There are really people who speak and carry themselves consciously in a genteel manner, according to Torah values.

For example, in speech, a frum person might describe someone as a “not nice” person instead of “bad,” framing things in a positive manner. Or constructive criticism with a gentle edge: I was wearing a wrap-around skirt and my rebbitzen commented that a different style would be more becoming – rather than tell me my skirt was not appropriate. To a child doing something wrong: Es passt nisht (Yiddish – that behavior doesn’t become you; meaning “you are better than that.”) You can’t get this from books.

Learning the laws is the smaller part of the change/conversion. It is learning to THINK like a Jew that will be your life’s endeavor, leading to ACT like a Jew according to Torah. There’s a whole area of learning devoted to mussar – character development. But slowly, slowly. Take baby steps so you won’t be overwhelmed and be daunted by the amount of effort it will take. After 20 years you’ll look back and wonder how you lived any other way.

Dear readynow:

regardless of how abhorrent a reform jew may be, the halacha regarding moser is in full force.

Please also do not misuse the words of the Rishon Le Zion since I don’t recall people advising Aurora to go to the “building” the reforms use, in fact I recall posters clearly recommending not to go. In addition, the Rabbi is obviously referring to people who are definitely jewish for all halachical purposes. Aurora needs to go to a Rabbi and clarify her status, and then all decisions will be easier. Incidentally, even in the event someone were non jewish, the conduct outlined in the beginning of my post would be a very serious problem.

A Rabbi might tell someone not to worry about dishes and cutlery, but what about pots? My humble advice to someone who wants to buy kosher meat, is not to touch anything in the kitchen for a full day (go to the restaurant) before buying kosher meat for the first time, and get a new pot for it. It’s not my place to teach, but if someone advises to cook kosher meat in the pot previously used with butter (assuming we believe it ever happened, because I have never seen a jew who was so unintelligent) that person would be some huge am haaretz and arrogant boor. That person should have answered “I do not know”.

I apologize for having to spell it out, but we are taught that eating pork, a cheeseburger, and some treif beef cooked with butter, is less severe a transgression than cooking kosher meat into, say, a metal pot we put on the fire and which we used in the same way a few hours ago with dairy, then washed it with standard dishwashing liquid; and is less severe than eating vegetables which contain even one bug which would be eaten in its entirety. Your point about “mistakes with keilim” has nothing to do with this particular situation. The issue is not making sure the food is kosher, at this time. Whatever kosher meat (same with wine) the original poster may buy and cook properly and in a kosher pan, will be problematic for an observant person to eat, because of having been handled (sorry to have to spell this out too). But we are discussing a completely different point, that is to say, how to minimize the problems for the original poster, who wishes to improve her observance but at this time is not going to have someone help kasher her kitchen, nor is she going to have someone explain her the laws (and explain the basics to her family, as they have to cooperate).

The Rishon LeZion (who, by the way, speaks about “davening” i.e. attending their “services” or whatever, while you recommend not to socialize at all with those people – which is not what the Rabbi said) is referring to observant jews who are in some remote place and would like to pray with a minyan for Rosh Hashana, and all over the town there is one minyan only and it’s at the “reform meeting-place”. The original poster is in a very different situation; the correct approach is to ask a question from a Torah scholar, explaining her situation and asking for advice.

And, back to the main point, Aurora is in the legal profession and in fact she is, if I understand well, some sort of public prosecutor. What will she do when a jew (it’s irrelevant how abhorrent) is in front of her? (possibly being accused of one of the usual blood libels). It’s not a far-fetched fantasy or nightmare, as there are many jews in her town. Ready now: I have read your comments on nonjewish courts elsewhere in the CR; fair enough, but now you have to explain how it’s possible to act according to halacha, for a jewish prosecutor (who grew up unaware of being jewish) in the middle of nowhere, with no support, no connections, with no Rabbi to ask questions, with no background in Torah education. Not only that, but even if she somehow had a Rabbi helping her make the right decisions, she will encounter many problems in her workplace: it would be hard already in NYC or Israel, but being alone against everyone is extremely difficult. I don’t have good suggestions for Aurora, but it is my opinion that she should talk to a Rabbi without further delay, because none of us are qualified to give advice in such a delicate situation.

I hope I’m not Bump™ing a controversial thread, but I was wondering if anyone knows what happened to aurora77 and her road to “finding herself”? I don’t have the patience to read all the posts since I left, but it seems from the last post that she was in the same situation as when i left.

If anyone knows anythhing please fill me in. Also, I would like to know how her mother is faring. May all Cholim have a Refuah Shelaima.

SiDi™