When young adult leaves to be Frei

Ive heard from Frei people that a Frum therapist is the worst person to send them to .

They get to a point of ” No More Rabbis” and feel cornered when you try

zahavasdad -There are many frum, female therapists. Maybe they wouldn’t be so antagonistic towards them.

chalilavachus- -I feel your pain. As someone who has a sibling OTD (also very intellectual) I can tell you one thing, It is NOT the parents fault. I saw some people write that they find it hard to believe that it is not a disfunctional family. I am telling you that it is not as uncommon as people think. Yes there are risk factors but many “normal” famlies have been hit with this maka.

In my siblings case, my parents did all they could for the child. As a sibling I can see nothing that my parents did wrong. This is from a time prospective (over ten years!)For a while some of the siblings managed to keep a realationship but today we rarly have anything to do with the sibling as everytime we spoke it came down to “prove there is a G-d”.

If the child needs $$$ perhaps come to an agreement about a weekly/monthly sum. This might give over the feeling that you care about them without your feeling that it is a bottomless pit.

We were very lucky that when the sibling was at home they did not try to influence other childer. If this OTD child is influencing the other children perhaps you need to offer to pay for rent for them. However take into account that this might backfire to “you are kicking me out of my home and dont care about me”

In fact I can imagine that most anything you do will end up being twisted to the OTD child’s liking. So keep in mind that you need to take YOURSELF and the rest of the family into account as well. Dont “ignore” your needs or other childrens needs because you are afraid of alienting the one child. Sometimes you can never get things right (especially with this kind of child)And no a therapist is not going to happen with this kind of person. I know that only to well.

I know it feels like the pain will never go away, Just keep reminding yourself that everyone has bechira and that although you gave this child the tools to make the right descions he/she has chosen otherwise and it is not reflective on you as a person or as a parent.

You do need to cut off the cash and make them get a Job.

You can find a Job in most seforim stores, although he’s usually sold as part of the larger set. 🙂

The Wolf

first let me say i really know how painful this is. second , i think it is very important that you get daas Torah and guidance from a Rov in dealing with this. Yes, your young person won’t speak to the Rov, or tHe therapist but you can ,specifically to get guidance on how to deal with this.

Be careful not to listen to others, i mean friends and family especially “the most frum ones”, because they are not necessarily qualified to give advice.

I know of a case where an otd child met someone and got engaged. several people said you can’t go to the wedding because they’re not frum, and its not a simcha, etc. the parents consulted a very frum Rov who after hearing everything said 1) you can go to the wedding. 2) it is a simcha and you may dance 3)Tell the “frum” relatives to call me and i will tell them how to behave. i must qualify that the couple in this case want to try and make a wedding which respects thier parents but also has their choices too. it is complicated and the rov said to only invite friends who will know that one of the families is not frum and it won’t be a typical charedi wedding. tHE ROV ALSO SAID THAT HE WOULD PERSONALLY TRY AND COME TO THE WEDDING HIMSELF. so try to find a rov who will guide you and May Hashem give you help in knowing how and what to say.

P>S> if you are interested i can tell you about the segula of Rav Fischer to help someone return in Teshuva. it involves baking challa for Shabbos, a brick, going to the kever of a tzaddik. I personally spoke to Rav AHaron Fischer, of Yerushalayim whose father told about this segula and he told me exactly how to do it. i have been told it works.

i decided to put in the directions because i may not have time later so here goes.

1)You must buy a brick. it cannot be a brick you find , it must be purchased. 2) write the name of the person, ben/ bas , the mother’s name, on the brick in marker.3) prepare Challah in the normal way. take challah, with or without a bracha depending on the amount of flour.4)put the brick in the oven and then put the challah in the oven.5) bake the challah with the brick in the oven.6) take out the challah and use for Shabbos. BUT LEAVE THE BRICK IN THE OVEN THE ENTIRE WEEK UNTIL THE FOLLOWING fRIDAY. you may use your oven as usual but do not take out the brick. 7) the following Friday prepare and bake a Challah again.8) take out your Challah and use it on Shabbos. Take the brick and with a marker write the following on it.

??? ????? ???? ?? ?? ???? ???/? ?? ______ ??/? _______ ??? ????/? ??????.

8) take the brick to the kever of a tzaddik, read out the passuk on it and put the brick on the kever of the tzaddik. 9) daven that Hashem should help!!! ( some add give tezedaka and say Tehillim but that wasn’t included in Rav Fischer’s instructions.

He also told me you can only do it one brick at a time in the oven and you have to eat the challah on shabbos.( which means that you have to have 2 weeks per person you want to do it for)

Unconditional ahava……… and tons of Tefillah

The Ari zl wrote a tefillah for the return of the son of of a Talmid. printed in some siddurim