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im a 20 year old bachur who just came back from eretz yisrael. i just started college and im very interested in starting to date. my plan is to finish college and go back to eretz yisrael to learn (hopefully already married). the one problem is my parents. how do i go about the situation. or if anyone has been in this situation and can offer up some advice.
What is your parents objection? that you are too young? some are ready at 20 some are not.
why are your parents a problem? this needs to be explained.
Well, then it’s money which is the problem–not your parents.
Forget your parents? Would you get married if you didn’t have a way to pay rent on your apartment and buy food?
Whoa, 23 is old!!! Yes, don’t wait under any circumstances.
I’m saying? I’m not saying anything.
What’s the other choice? To live under a bridge in Central Park?
You should finish at least one semester successfully, then bring it up again.
Why not get a part time job meanwhile, save up some money so your parents can see that you have the maturity to support yourself.
And if worst comes to worst, if you’re independent enough to get married and support yourself you are independent enough to date.
Your parents want you to have some way of supporting yourself and your young wife when you get married. Reasonable enough. What are the alternatives-
You reject your parents advice and get married without a means of support. Doesn’t seem like a good idea to me, or a good way to start a marriage, but people have done that.
Date women who are able to support you and are committed to supporting you while you are in college and/or learning. I could be wrong, but those women might not be interested in dating a 20 year old, since they’re probably a little older, i.e., they’ve worked in a job that provides a decent enough salary to support a family and know they can keep doing it.
Win the lottery.
Be such a gem that a wealthy father in law says I just have to have you for my daughter and will support you indefinitely.
OCbachur – I have to say it always amazes me how many of the posters here are so frum when it comes to defending Torah and standing up to those whom they believe distort it, but they seem to be so lacking when it comes to their emunah and bitachon in Hashem and their belief that he is present in their every moment.
You want to start dating when you are in college? you want to wait until you are rich? you want to date during your last semester? It doesn’t matter, date when you feel you are ready to be looking for someone with whom you can build a bayis neeman. Hashem will “worry” about when you actually find them.
My mother used to solicit donations from some very frum yidden to support other yidden. Many of these bnei Torah had a very difficult time giving my mother money for people to use toward fertility treatments. Their problem was that if these people didn’t have money for treatments, how could they have money to raise a child. From a Gd fearing Jew, to get such a response!
My mother would tell them that often the baby comes first and then the money to support it. And only as much as Hashem decides to give them. And that had proved itself over and over. These are not your cheshbonos to make.
Syag – thumbs up.
As far as too young – there is NO such thing as a right age. If you feel that way (and your reasons/feelings are validated by the Torah figure in your life), then you’re ready.
If you’re parents honestly feel that you’re not ready, however [and not just that your’re ‘too young’], then its probably very worthwhile to hear and consider why they feel so.
Syag: There’s a difference, though. Having SOME way to support (I’m not talking about new cars and steak, I’m talking about [to continue the analogy] walking shoes and bread) is simple hishtadlus. Fertility treatments are one-time, immensely expensive procedures.
I think you may have your facts wrong
Maybe your parents understand your question to be specificly about dating and they don’t want you out social dating.
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