Whats wrong with a convert?!?!?!

Agreed! When I was dating, a shidduch was suggested of a girl whose mother was a geyores. I told my parents that they shouldn’t say no because of it – we should look into her like any other girl. We just researched who was involved with the actual process to make sure the Rabbonim were competent, and that was it.

there is a Mitzvah from the Torah to love a Ger.

Gerim should be held in very high esteem.

with my own children, the fact that someone was a Ger, was not critical, but it WAS a factor to be considered. and anyone seeking a Shidduch has a right to consider this factor, and to even make it an instant deal breaker. im sorry but they have that right.

there is a certain element of risk. i know one case, a Ger, a friend of mine, after 5 years of marriage, and two children, gave up his family and Yiddishkeit. now of course this can and has happened with non-gayrim as well. nevertheless it IS a risk factor.

im sorry (truly) that you find this “sickening”, but they have their side of the story as well.

your friend if she asks a Talmid Chuchum (not just a “rabbi”) will learn that her finding a shidduch is completely in the hands of Hashem. what she needs to do is daven FERVENTLY, with tears if possible, both during Shmoneh Esrei and any time she feels particularly pained by being single.

and of course she has to keep trying. she should trust in Hashem, and be confident if possible. she should also daven for other single women to find their Bashert. and you should fervently daven for her.

feivel.

it appears from his letter that its a HE not a SHE

maybe try finding someone from the BT world. They’re often more open to the idea.

cherrybim –

A Ger breaks off his previous relationship with his old family. He is no longer related to them. His ex-parents are no longer his parents. There can be no socializing with them. This is halacha.

People generally don’t date to do Chesed, for that there are many other outlets. a marriage partner should be the person you feel most connected to, and can therefore build the most productive relationship that you can. Many people feel that the life experiences of a ger don’t mirror their own, and they won’t be able to have that same relationship. To think that this implies some put- down to the enormous respect that such people toward geirim is simply inaccurate.

That being said, it is entirely possible that a ger with a uniquely refined character could have more in common with a fine person than someone of similar backgruond but dissimilar ideals.

Yishai the father of Dovid, possibely the greatest Miyuchas of his time, married off his daughter to a ger who displayed a unique penchant for following truth.

Ps Willie is right that you may find a BT more receptive to the idea (they also have more similar backgrounds, being that they both discovered the truth by dint of their searching) Also, try the YU community, many of them are fine people, often without misgivings about dateing a ger.

Its befersh. Whats the argument? A converts relationship to his biological parents is the same as his relationship to his non-Jewish next door neighbor.

He is considered to have been born at the time he became a Ger. And his previous life is disregarded. He doesn’t site shiva for his bio parents death.

It says ‘Vohavto is HaGer’ 6 times!

Its also a fact that for 10 generation, ITS FORBIDDEN TO remind someone that he was once a Gentile.

On the other hand, apparantly when one decides to convert, its an obligation to PURSUADE HIM NOT TO. Can someone please elaborate on the contradictions?

To Joseph and Big One: Don’t show your ignorance to the multitudes of YWN’s.

Before mouthing off, if you have a Rav who is in the know, speak to him.

Giving honor to in-laws who are not Jewish is a halacha.

By the way, do you skip Parshas Yisro every year, or what?

The current Bobover Rebbe has a talmud who is a ger tzedek. The talmud was a ben bais of the Rebbe and the Rebbe made a wedding for the talmud in the Bobov Bais Hamedresh.

Gantz Bobov came to the wedding, including the goyeshe family of the talmud. On the video you see the Rebbe and chasidim giving kavode to these goyim.

Joseph, Bogen

No one is refuting that the ger is born anew and has no biological relationship to his parents. But that’s very different than saying “there can be no socializing with them, that’s the halacha.”

True, a convert has the same relationship with his previous parents as with his next-door non-jewish neighbor, but he can certainly be on great terms with his neighbor! the big one: “a jew cannot socialize with a goy”? That statement was bound to be taken out of context. A Jew is not supposed to get into a personal relationship with a goy, and in general we are meant to keep ourselves separate from the goyim. But in the case of a convert, each ger should take counsel from their own Moreh Derech in how to treat the people that brought him into the world. If they supported their child in his quest for truth (which sometimes happens) and the minute the child toivels in the mikveh, he cut these kind gentiles out of his life, that can cause a major chillul Hashem, which is also Assur.

I know of a giyoress who had very supportive parents throughout her journey into yiddishkeit. At her chasunah, (she married a BT) her (ex)father not only paid for the wedding, but spoke and said that he considers it a supreme honor that a child of his joined the chosen peeople.

The couple still visits them and such, though it can be challenging to raise children in a family where “Grandpa” is a goy.

In many cases the family disowns the child for converting (or they think he went crazy and and the conflict erodes the relationship) When that happens, it may be easier in a way because then there are no goyish “relatives” to deal with. Otherwise, I agree with cherrybim completely.

Nameless, there is no contrdiction at all! Before he converts, you dissuade him because you want to make sure he is really serious, and doing it for the right reasons, even though he knows what hardships it may bring him. But once he overcomes that hurdle, we accept him with open arms, love and welcome him and try not to embarrass him for his past. he is a full-fledged jew.

Joseph, if a ger was not allowed to socialize with his/her parents afterwards because of it, it would cause a HUGE chillul Hashem.

For all the kannaim here, there is a tshuva of Reb Moshe to a Rabbi Yalow in Syracuse, regarding a giyores whose mother was ill, and wanted to see her children and grandchildren. After some shakla vtarya on this Rov’s suggested heter, Reb Moshe says there is another much more basic reason to be matir. People will say that dinei torah are not b’yosher. How could it be that somebody who converted to a higher kedusha ends up giving her mother less kovod than when she was non-Jewish? So from menschlachkeit considerations, Reb Moshe says she should visit her mother.

(The reason in general why too much visiting is discouraged, is so that the giyores should be able to build her new life, and not fall back into her old patterns, and end up abandoning her new-found religion. However, that does not mean one cuts off her family, and shows disrespect or cruelty.)

A Ger can communicate with his birth-parents to the extent necessary to avoid a making a situation. But under ideal circumstances he should aim to limit his contact with them because, amongst other reasons, to prevent them from influencing him and his family with their goyish ways.

Sometimes a Rabbi will allow a convert to continue a reduced relationship with his blood family in order to make a kiddush hashem (depending on the circumstances.)

Everyone who disagrees with Pashuteh is pashut a kannoi apparently according to his thinking.

It really tickles me how many of the modern orthodox call any Chareidi hashkofos as kannoi.

In response to nameless : We only persuade someone not to convert in order to determine that they are making a sincere, well considered choice. Once that determination has been made, we welcome them with open arms.

by the way on the subject of geirim..the shloh hakaodes says pshat “ger shenisgayer kekatan s’hnold”..that when one converts ‘maknim bo min hshomayin nefash chadosho MITACHAS KISAY HAKOVOD’ vayikara 19 (page 141a 1st column, in the 5 volume print){cantor, rah-bbi or berlin etc its not for you ,you dont beliieve in these myths}

Its only because of chasah oivad avodah zarah, chasnos

“Everyone who disagrees with Pashuteh is pashut a kannoi apparently according to his thinking.

It really tickles me how many of the modern orthodox call any Chareidi hashkofos as kannoi”

Apparently you’ve not read any of the postings of Joseph, jent1150 and ujm.

lesschumras, their kanuas is on the ball and the right medicine.

to those who yell ‘kanuous'(because the truth hurts) what this about kanous.as if its some kind of plague, YES WE ARE KANOIM AND PROUD OF IT!!!!!!,hey.irhakodesh, we can also insert exclamation points, even more than one (we say its toichach,really dont know the difference)..and pshute yid , dont worry about what the holy geon hageonim the chazon ish said about kanuous…dont pick and choose. you dont even go on the derech of the chazon ish…like those who are oiver on kol hatorah kilo (not you) and when its pointed out to them they cry,’ahavas yisroel,loshon hora, sinas chinom etc,’..the eibishter didnt put those mitzvos for your convieniance so when it suits you, to pull it out of your hat and wave and say ‘it let me do my thing (judaism that you feel comfortable with) and we should observe ‘loshon horah etc..’besides we pointed out many times where and why these mitzvos are not shayech to these cases…..this post belong to following link….. http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/out-of-the-mailbag-do-as-i-do/page/3#postform

cherrybim,

Most poiskim hold that a Ger cannot have yichud with their ex-parent. (In fact I don’t know if ANY hold otherwise.)

As Yidden we are obligated to keep a great distance between ourselves and the goyim. This applies no less to a Ger.