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It’s beautiful to see that so many young people are considerate of their parents’ financial situations and are willing to “tone down” the gifts and non-essentials of a chasunah. Just a word of caution to these idealistic kids: it’s often not all your decision. Much agmas nefesh has arisen because either set of parents might feel social pressure to conform to their crowd and will insist on a more lavish affair than you want. “My sons in law all got gold watches! What? My son’s watch should cost $50.?”
You get the idea.
now most chasanim don’t even want gold… they are perfectly fine with a nice stainless steel watch.
Yes but not a Timex. It’s got to be a brand name and can cost almost as much.
morahmom: So you would suggest a chosson get a 1-2-3 thousand dollar watch in order for his mother to be able to show off? He doesn’t have to forgo any spirituality for this, sorry. She could show of all she wants on her own bill.
Or, she could show off the fact that her son isn’t too materialistic.
smartcokie: Was that difficult for you? Impressive you guys did it
I find that the list of guests keep growing and growing and if you can’t afford a big wedding limit yourself to just inviting family for the meal and invite shul friends just for the chupah. Shul friends will NOT be insulted if everyone is treated the same way. Everyone is worried about insulting people and people who get invitations wonder why they were invited and feel obligated to go even though they are NOT close to these people. Everyone really needs to consider what they can afford to do and why they are doing it.
Sometimes I look at photos from a Rebbish wedding and I think about the chassan and kallah. How nervous they must be in front of thousands of people they don’t know. Firstly they are very young, secondly they must be nervous and thirdly they are surrounded not by their best friends and family but on display for thousands of people they don’t know and will never know. How daunting that must be.
tbt: Did it sound like I was advocating bankrupting yourself on a piece of jewelry for the chosson? I was merely using that as an example of something that might be out of the hands of the chosson or kallah, depending on how strongly the parents felt about it. There’s unfortunately no end to the possibilities for disagreement if all 3 couples are not on the same page. Hopefully everybody will respect each other’s wishes and come to p’shara.
Tomim Tihye – I like your expression “happily deprived”. I think I’ll use it.
Have a Chag Kosher V’sameach to you and all the cr ppl.
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