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superme-
I hope you realize the posters here(myself included) are not minimizing the feelings of mistrust and insecurity you are writing about regarding authority figures and people that should really be there to help but instead did the opposite.
It is normal to be afraid of being burned again but please,just because one/ some people made mistakes don’t condemn everyone as ill- equipped to help.
Many times we put excuses in front of ourselves such as the fear of disappointment (Other popular defense mechanisms against seeking help are I’ll be a bother , they wont help anyway,nobody knows what I really want …).
From the way you are describing things you need assistance or your choice is to remain upset and confused.
Additionally,it is natural to feel unpleasant about turning to others for help.In reality most people are more then happy to help another person in distress.
This is your life, by reaching out to seek assistance you are actually empowering yourself for the better.
2)Not suggesting “mentoring” but I promise that Asay Licha Rav & Ukine Licha Chaver was not just meant for a teenager in crisis. As mentioned above everyone in life has situations that requires consultations with Rabbonim friends doctors teachers etc…
I promise the people you consult with will view you as a valuable member of Klal Yisrael and as a person not as a case number in need of a mentoring emergency.
P.S. I will admit that(whether whom I suggested or someone else) there is a possibility that one of those people that help you through this might actually become a mentor for you 🙂
3)Focus on the positives! When dealing with a stressful situation it can take away a perspective of what is going good in life. Please try to enjoy the rest of your mid winter break.
As not knowing you or the side of the story from the other person involved,I can only emphasize that these people are not nogea bidavar and will not have preconceived notions of you. However you will have to make the first step or you will just not be able to rid yourself of the issues you are dealing with.
Aside from the school issue I can virtually guarantee that with the help of Hashem The Rabbi and Rebbetzin I suggested will help restore your support base at home even if your school issue cant be resolved just yet.Additionally I suggest again to be involved in a more positive atmosphere by perhaps partcipating in OhR Naava events or at least speaking to their staff as they should be able to lift your spirits.
Most importantly if the Rabbi and Rebbetzin or OHR Naava cannot help you they will be honest with you and guide you to who can and not waste your time.
Yes I am still staying by my suggestions either Rabbi and Rebbetzin Jungreis 718 951 7770 or OHR Naava 718.647.6228(If Rabbi Wallerstien is unavailable someone by OHR Naava office should still be able to help and guide you appropriately). For the communication issues (family and with teacher) you are describing Rabbi Jungreis is an expert in this and can quickly help establish more open communication and can help make a narrowing of the divide you are describing that has come between you and your parents.(The two Rabbis could work together as well)
As I am sure you are aware hundreds of frum teenaged and married women benefit from what Ohr Naava offers whether it be nightly shiruim, hashkafa question and answer sessions or gym and kickboxing etc.. Regardless of whom you choose to help remedy your situation find out what Ohr Naava has to offer for you.
When I returned to class after he was gone my classmates where red eyed I asked wat happens
Why were the classmates crying?
no, it’s not a realistic solution. Did you call any of the numbers? They should be able to advise you or give you some ideas. Try it, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. G’luck!
Assuming this actually happened, the most likely explanation is that the man found himself thinking of this student inappropriately and, not knowing how to deal with that, overcompensated for his embarrassment.
superme- you are 100% allowed to be upset, but please watch how you speak, there is going to far by insulting or cursing out someone. Ask the person you’re speaking to if you should speak to the principal and tell her you’ll be calling maybe. I don’t know how much anyone can do to try and make the rav apologize and i dont know if anyone can succeed if he doesnt want to apologize. Even while you work on fixing the situation, you should work on accepting it and realizing you may never get that apology. If it comes, good. If it doesnt though, you’ll be a step ahead in being past it.
What can ??? ??? do – and what do you want them to do – to somebody who insulted you?
red eyed (some of them) because they felt for me AND because of what the “rabbi” said about me…….I MEAN THESE ARE MY FRIENDS AND THERE HEARING A “RABBI” SAY BAD STUFF….
Is that how teenagers work in your area? You hear somebody insulting your friend so you cry about it? Sounds like quite an immature reaction.
superme- what was thudded before spellcheck? You are right, he may have done much worse, but 2 wrongs don’t make a right. He insulted you, dont insult him back. Be above that behaviour. I’m so sorry its so hard :(. (hugs!)
Superme- has he physically abused you? Has someone else?
what’s he doing? are you still not going to his classes? or you are, and that’s how he’s still upsetting you?
get permission from ur principles to miss his class permenently.
is it a type of class that u can just miss? u and ur parents shud go tog and have a meeting w prnciples to discuss being permently removed from his class. then everyone benefits. but always be respectful when asking them cuz it always gets u far!!
if he yells at you again for something you didnt do, raise your hand, wait til he stops yelling (even if he doesnt ‘pick’ you, just dont interrupt) and say, i’d like to learn, i’d like to attend class, but it is becoming very painful for me and more difficult, and i would really appreciate a chance”. dont say you, focus on yourself in how you word it. and i would go back to your parents and principal if he is still yelling at you now after this all, when you do nothing. you shouldnt have to endure this anymore.
As i’m reading the posts here, i’m starting to have doubts about the details. This just doesnt make sense that any teacher, let alone a rebbi in a girls school, would act this way.
If it is true, ditch his class. This doesnt sound normal. And even if it might be hard, as i mentioned before – go over his lessons with another student so you know whats going on.
“forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace”
You need to talk to the principals, call one of the many available hotlines. If not that, I doubt that this story is true. Call Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz. Why are you posting this on an anonymous website where no one can help you?
t613- i’d assume for advice and support and hotline numbers. there used to be a lot of simple support on this site. search for the “attn poetry people” thread
And your parents?
Sorry for being so tough on you, but I need to balance out everyone else’s sympathy.
We are getting one side of a story here, since we are anonymous and as you correctly point out this would be LH if we knew the people.
However, I have dealt with issues like this where there were psychological issues on the part of the student involved. I’m not saying you have, but we should all be aware that this is a possibility.
Of course it is wrong to abuse a student, and it must be terrible to be so distressed that you do not wish to go to school. Now that you have the numbers you need, you should use them constructively rather than updating us regularly.
no point getting parents involved.. gluck talking 2 the person tom!!
is ur frend feeling r after speeaking to whoevr?
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