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Hat time do you think is a reasonable time parents should expect their 18 year old “chilled” bachur to be home by. By chilled I mean that he isn’t a learner and doesn’t hang out with the best boys out there but he’s not a “bum” and not a bad kid.
Eleven or twelve
Dare I say , 1:00 am?
Are you trying to mussar me?
It’s 2 AM, do you know where your children are?
Definitely no later than 2:00.
Midnight should be fine. OTOH, at 18, you’re a legal adult, even if you can’t support yourself.
12:30/1:00 Maybe after 12:30 or 1:00 he has to check in every half hour with a picture message of where he is.. I don’t know, if he’s a responsible 18 year old who isn’t disturbing people when he comes back in then when can you really give him a curfew?
My ‘chilled’ son never listened to me when I gave him a curfew..I called him on the phone- he said he was on the way home, it was probably 3 or 4 am when he got in…
Good Luck!
My parents are fine with whatever time I get home (within reason- if I got home at three then it would be a problem) as long as I’m realistic and timely as far as when I get back (it’s worse if I say I’ll be back at nine and I’m back at ten thirty than if I say I’ll be back at twelve and I’m back at twelve fifteen) and I tell them beforehand where I plan on going.
I’m trying to figure out whether it’s nice that they trust me to have all this freedom or whether I’m insulted that it doesn’t seem to worry them what I’d potentially get up to… (I’m also the only one whose parents let her drive with my friend who just got her license.)
WIY – just curious, you are definitely older than 18, but IIRC you are not married or old enough to have an 18 year old. What made you ask?
He should call his parents around 12 to give them a basic picture of when he’s coming home and he should have safe options for coming home whenever he does ie not the subway. He’s 18 and can do what he wants. If you want him to want to do what you want you have to be on his team by not giving him unfair rules. He likely wont be on board with you guys if his friends are chilling in his friends living room and only he has to go home early. However he should call his parents when he sees its getting late because he knows his parents will worry.
Depends what he’s doing. If he was out watching the game, it should be done by midnight. But if he’s out at a bar, it could be later.
“He’s 18 and can do what he wants.”
That’s interesting, I’m more than 18, and I can’t just do whatever I want.
DY: more than 18 is not 18
WIY, most of your threads are focused on what other people should be doing. Just an observation.
especially if you’re married 😉
Popa, ???? ????? ???.
As long as it takes for him to get home from his last seder halimud.
“What if this bochur has a “problem” waking up on time for Shacharis (i.e. wakes up usually after 10, 10 is early and davens biyechidus), would that change how you would handle it?”
No, it would not. If my child didn’t appreciate davening enough to take necessary precautions to ensure he made it to minyan on time, I wouldn’t focus my effort on punishing him into davening properly. Instead I would try to figure out where this disinterest is coming from.
interjection: it may have nothing to do with punishments- it may simply be that the boy may be waking up late because he’s not getting enough sleep coming home at 2 AM.
sometimes it isnt disinterest. it’s just that he has a greater interest. in this case, staying in bed. getting into bed at 2am is usually a good reason to want to stay in it at 7am.
So, the phenomenon is real. It doesnt change the reality that tired people prefer to stay in bed. Am I completely misunderstanding you?
Well, suppose I think that if he is not home by 8pm, he is a bum. He should go to sleep at 9 so he’ll be up at 1 for tikkun chatzos and then again at 5 for vasikin.
It depends what he is doing. If he is in the beis hamedrash he should be home by 1 or 1:30 so he can be awake and strong for the 9 o clock sunday morning minyan. If he wants to go to the theatre he shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house.
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