What should we tell our children?

I think we can all agree (other then estherhamalka) that it is OK for parents to take a well needed break every once in a while to reconnect and leaving them with their bubbies and zaides is not abandoning them.

Mikehll- don’t feel guilty bout it because one poster decided it’s terrible thing to do.

The question was:

“What should we tell them so that the situation is easier for them to handle, or should we just leave quietly?”

Where did the OP ask whether or not it was appropriate to go on vacation? Why can’t people just answer her question without giving unsolicited advice about things which should not concern them?

estherhamalka, I may be out of line but I’m sensing someone who might be stifling their kids (& husband) a bit. Kids especially the ages of yours, would not feel abandoned if you went away for a week. They might even enjoy the extra “grandparents pampering”. If done wisely the whole thing could be a win-win situation for all. Do you let your kids go to sleep away camp? or to sleep at a friend for shabbos? or do you feel it’s also not right because a child must be at his Mommys side 24/7? The kids that don’t go (if you can afford it) are usually the one’s that aren’t well adjusted. Going on a little vacation or taking a little break is by far not shirking one’s responsibilities. Sounds like you would even decline an invitation to a weekend affair in a hotel. and btw, I don’t go on a yearly vacation and hardly ever leave my kids. But not for those reasons

Shevy- if I were you I really wouldn’t flaunt that you extended your selfish vacation for more nights. It just shows what a “great” mom you are. How can you be so selfish?? I don’t understand. How dare you leave your young innocent kids? It would be a different story if they were like 15…at least they know what’s coming. Here a 4,3and 2 yr old have no idea where mommy and daddy are,they will be crying and miserable and you and hubby will be out around town galavanting or tanning or whatever it is that you will be doing…how can you enjoy yourself?? Where is your responsibility and your morals?! Maybe you shouldn’t have had your kids so close together and then you wouldn’t be so chalishing to go away.sure they will brpe happy to see Bubby and zaidy,for an hour or a day….after that they WILL want to go home. How dare you scar your kids emotional well being for a few days of lone time? It’s people like you that give mothers a bad rap…if I knew who you were I would call child protective services…wherever you live doesn’t have enough of an outlet for you and hubby to go to for a little bit?I just don’t get it….how selfish can people be? And I said that iwas done and I said my price but since I see that it didn’t make any difference I just had to speak up yet afpgain..

And sleep away camp is a totally different ball game. I am only now considering it for my almost 14 yr old who has never slept anywhere except home for those 14 years. No sleepovers at friends,nothing. Home. That is where Rav Avigdor Miller AH said kids and parents need to be. He did not hold with sleeping out at all. Not the children and CERTAINLY not the PARENTS who should be at home manning the fort that they built.

too much coffee.. not enuf Xanax/Valium?

chillax, estherhamalka… it sounds like you’re freaking out! :/

estherhamalka i think you need to slow down a bit. You cant talk to someone like that no matter how strongly you feel about something. If a parent feels that they need to get away for a bit you cant judge them. Yes a parent is a parent but they are also a spouse. I dont think theres anything wrong with a couple having a bit of time for themselves and from what the op is saying its not something that happens very often. State your opinion if youd like but to lash out at her so strongly is totally inappropriate.

If you have an attitude of fear of how they kids will handle being gone, the kids will pick up on that fear. If a mother has a lot on her plate, she may need a whole week to recharge. What if she is also taking care of sick parents/working full time/is chronically ill? Having said that, I’ve never done it…

Definitely tell the kids!! They WILL feel abandoned, even if they don’t remember why years later. They don’t need to be told far in advance, but do tell.

IMHO Disney movies are terrible. Either one or both parents are missing/dead/abusive and the young child/animal is forced to make it on their own. That’s the formula. But no one here is suggesting permanently abandoning children. They don’t compare.

I do agree that going away and leaving your kids on a regular basis could be a bit much. But never?! and never to have a sleepover or go to camp? If you never let them and they wanted to, that’s a problem. They might be harboring resentment towards you, especially since most of their friends do. If they had no interest, also a problem. Socially. What kind of a fort are you building? Aside from the unconditional love and support we’re supposed to give them; we’re also supposed to teach them a little independence for the future. Let them out a little and spread their wings. I’m feeling claustrophobic just thinking about it. I’m the first person to say that family comes first, but it sounds to me that this is a bit much. Pardon me for being so bold but you’re creating the classic “momma’s boy” or girl.

BTW, if you are considering camp, make sure your child (or you) is absolutely sure. The camps don’t give a refund if you back out the last minute or if they’re homesick in the middle.