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Many people say things like, “goal of marriage or purpose of marriage” if I asked you what is the purpose of marriage what would you say?
To have kids that will continue doing Hash-ms will.
popa_bar_abba
Member
BP totty: Do people really get married mainly to have kids? Don’t they get married to help themselves?
mw13: Do people get married in order to be a supportive spouse? Don’t more people get married to gain a supportive spouse? Do older singles “miss” the opportunity to be a supportive spouse
Yes, people really get married to have kids. It’s the fulfillment of the mitzvah d’oraysa of pru u’rvu, the primary function of marriage.
Yes, people get married in order to be a supportive spouse. Another mitzvah. And yes, one who never marries does “miss” that wonderful opportunity.
Myfriend, someone proved on a different thread that it couldn’t be the purpose of marriage because you could fulfill pru urivu through a pilegesh.
I got married to have a closer relationship with my husband. Children are the outpouring of our love.
You get married to give everything you have and to do the ultimate kindess. Because the more you give the more you will love that person. Either to your spouse or to your kids.
Consider this:
You’re dating and you ask her why she wants to get married. She answers,
“To have kids.”
“To support someone.”
“So I can give everything I have to someone.”
“To do the ultimate kindness.”
Do you even consider another date?
Popa – what would you like to hear?
popa: After verifying her sincerity?
ABSOLUTELY!
Sacrilege:
For starters, something a little bit more in touch with her human side.
Popa – Are you then planning on keeping that conversation Rated G?
Well doesn’t the torah state somewhere that the main purpose of marriage is to work on our Middos?
That’s what we learned in school years ago. Someone help me out here please?
popa_bar_abba:
Why, what’s wrong with those reasons?
btw, it’s getting a little ridiculous that you’re insisting that every reason given so far is not a good one, but you won’t say what you think a good answer is.
mw13: I don’t know the answer. If I did, I’d have stated it upfront.
smartcookie:
A. if the reason is to work on our middos, it does not follow that we should marry someone with good middos. If anything, someone with bad middos will annoy us more and give us opportunity to work on our middos.
B. That may be the reason G-d created marriage. I don’t think that is why people get married.
Sacrilege:
I think there could be motives which are selfish and are still G rated. If the conversation was not G rated, it would be a big problem as well.
yitayningwut:
Did you find those answers satisfying?
I’m going to apologize for being condescending from the get go.
Yea that seems like a good idea. Let me marry someone who annoys the heck outta me, who has horrid middos, so that I can improve my own. Sounds like a fantastic plan bound for many years of happy marriage.
If you marry someone with BETTER middos than yourself, you can still improve yours and have a harmonious marriage and a pleasant life.
popa-
Not really. I like to say meheicha teisi to everything.
Sacrilege:
If you marry someone with better middos than you, does that mean they are marrying someone with worse middos than them?
SJSinNYC;
“I got married to have a closer relationship with my husband. Children are the outpouring of our love”
???… that is bichlal not a toradik perspective, u got married to have a closer relationship?? that sounds like you had shaychis before this (besides for dating) because in the torah wold we date to get married to just for fun like the goyim
and your second point, okay, so your admitting you were not leshaim shamyaim, but you make it sound like thats the only reason for their existence.
please correct me if i am wrong being that i AM the matziv chapper
SJS:
I think your approach is the most reasonable so far.
The purpose of marriage is the same purpose why women were created, Lo Tov Heyos Ha’adam Levado. (You see from here what is wrong with the womens lib movement.)
I think it is to reunite the two halves of mankind that Hashem created at Briyas Haolam. I also believe that marriage is the ultimate chessed that Hashem does for us, and that husband and wife do for each other, with the purpose in mind of building a loving Torah-filled bayis ne’eman and hopefully bring continuity to klal Yisroel through having children, who in turn will do the same.
Popa – Well hopefully he would feel that he is getting a “good deal” out of the marruage as well. You should always feel like you married up.
World Saver – so what your saying is that there is no reason for me as woman to get married, rather its for my (future) husband. And the fact that I happen to be the one he gets married to well, thats collaterl damage. I disagree.
You see that one of the Mitzvos of a woman are Niddah, I highly doubt this special mitzvah would be given to woman if they were just the “victims” of men having to get married.
to ensure that one never has to fight with a stranger?
popa, how can u agree that SJS? thats so not the torahdike prespective, at least try for leshaim shomayiam, but to say its the most reasonable so far??
This is a super question for a Rav to ask a young couple before he agrees to marry them.
Exactly oomis this is hopefully why people get married.
like smartcookie said. the reason we are here in this world,the reason for being married and the reason for all mitzvos in the torah are one and the same. to perfect our character and gain merit in the world to come.(mesilas yeshorim) living with the same person 24/7 affords endless, limitless opportunities for constant work on ourselves. if your spouse turns out to have some negative qualities , that is what you need to work on most, apparently, since ones shidduch is decided in heaven. according to rabbi miller , even people who made a huge mistake in choosing a partner should make the best of the situation (unless its abusive etc)
Matziv, I am not required to get married. I am not obligated in pru urevu. Why should I get married?
I got married to my husband because I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him. I had no specific plans to get married otherwise. What for? I don’t need the institution of marriage just to be married.
Thanks Popa.
Matziv, I am not required to get married. I am not obligated in pru urevu. Why should I get married?
Not really true. There is a concept/mitzva of Sheves Yitzra, that all people should populate the world (see BB 13a (IIRC) by a half slave, and other gemaros as well).
I’m surprised that no one has said they feel incomplete without a partner in life.
GAW, I was always tauught its a wonderful mitzvah but not a requirement.
And the “incomplete” is sort of my answer. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband, otherwise he would be missing from it.
SJS: That is correct, IIRC. The svorah being the Torah can not require a woman to place herself into sakana by going through childbirth (although I don’t remember the source).
And the “incomplete” is sort of my answer. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband, otherwise he would be missing from it.
That exact concept is a large part of how I knew that I was going out with the right one (when I was dating Ittisa).
What you said more or less makes the most sense.”
What part was less? 🙂
I’m surprised that no one has said they feel incomplete without a partner in life. “
That is basically what my first sentence was saying. When Hashem separated Man and Woman from each other, initially He created them together zochor u’nekaiva in one. Marriage, both spiritually and phsyically is a reuniting, a completion of that which has become incomplete.
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