What is a Yeshiva Education Worth to You?

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  • #589517
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    This has been on my mind recently – we are having our second child and live in an area with very expensive Yeshiva tuition ($12-15,000 per child). We can afford one child and may be able to eek out a second, but even with general raise projections, we CANNOT afford a third. So, we will need a scholarship if we are blessed with more children.

    Should parents on scholarships be required to give up all luxuries to get the scholarship? Is it fair to put a stress on the school’s finances while you still have cleaning help ($5,000/year)? Or go out to eat once a month ($50/month) or buy a new outfit for yom tov thats not 100% needed ($150)? Or get rid of your gardener ($1500/year)? Should you forgo birthday presents, even cheap ones, for your kids($100/year)? Should you forgo inviting guests for Shabbos if you know they have other places to go? I dont know how to calculate the value, but my food bill goes up if we have company…Should you forgo a wedding for your kids (having immediate family at home with enough men) and pay the school instead?

    Some of you might think I’m a little crazy right now, but if you have a school of 1000 students paying $10,000 each and 30% are on scholarship – if those 300 students could each come up with an extra $1,000, thats quite a few teachers salaries!

    Do we really value a yeshiva education enough to give up every luxury we have?

    Perhaps its because the way the system is done. Maybe, instead of giving out scholarships, schools should give out loans. So, you pay what you can right now for your children, and then agree to finish paying of what you owe throughout the rest of your life. This would sort of ensure that money is constantly coming into an institution. I guess you would have to work around shmita, and I am not 100% sure how that works.

    Thoughts and opinions encouraged!

    #641953
    lovenlife
    Member

    My parents always say tuition goes first. My tuition was more that 15,000 and thank Gd, baruch Hashem my parents we able to afford it every year. Yeshiva ed. Is SO important!! It made me who I am. If u really can’t afford it the school WILL understand….

    #641954
    Joseph
    Participant

    Yes, its certainly worth giving up all luxuries for (in fact it may be an obligation.)

    #641955
    Jothar
    Member

    The Chazon Ish said, sell your last pillow to pay tuition.

    #641956
    anonymisss
    Participant

    Wow!!! SJS, you really have your priorities in order! This is the way it should be, yeshiva tuition first.

    lovenlife, welcome to the cr! Head over to the new members thread to get a proper welcome!!

    ~a~

    #641957
    oomis
    Participant

    Tuition was always hard for us. My husband is a teacher, and I was at home raising my children, and then got evening jobs when my husband was home with the kids, once they were a little older. It was never enough and we were on scholarship every year. BUT – I also volunteered a lot of my free time to the school,especially around the time of the annual dinner and when they held their annual bazaar. In fact, I volunteered the services of my husband and all the age appropriate children in our family, besides my own time. Ona weekly basis for many, many years, we also picked up the bread and cake left over by a local bakery, which was being donated to the Yeshivah for the bochurim’s breakfast. This was something they could not get many parents to commit to doing, because frankly, it was a pain in the neck to have that achrayus every Monday night, but we did it, because the school had been good to us.

    #641958
    anon for this
    Participant

    oomis, I really admire that.

    #641959
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Oomis, you really are an amazing person. The time you gave certainly was a major contribution towards tuition (IMHO). I don’t think most people would have done what you did.

    Anonymiss, I like to think I have my priorities in order, but its still theory to me. I really cannot imagine getting rid of my gardener – its one of my few luxuries. Also, my neighbors all keep their lawns pristine and I don’t want to go against the neighborhood. I’m not sure I can do as good a job as my gardener.

    Joseph and Jothar, while I understand both your points, once you are on scholarship and paid up in full (the scholarship amount), are you required to still give up everything to give as much as possible to the school? Thats sort of my question. I know a lot of scholarship kids whos families don’t sacrifice…I’m just wondering if people think its appropriate.

    #641960
    tzippi
    Member

    I hope that we will be able to repay the school, iy”H so we see it as a loan. Meanwhile, we give of our time to the school, and live modestly. The only outfits for myself that I ever paid $150 for were simcha outfits for immediate family. Shop at Marshalls or TJ Maxx and you’d have to work really hard to pay that much for an outfit.

    #641961
    Joseph
    Participant

    ames, gut gefregt!

    #641962
    Nobody
    Member

    Please remember that school/yeshiva fees may be drawn from Maaseh money.

    Whilst I would not comment on the personal circumstances of another person, I would say that solid chinuch is vital in a frum life. Most schools/yeshivas, if you are parepared to show them your incomings and outgoings, will make a reduction of some sort based on the person committing to the said agreement.

    Don’t assume they’ll say no. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

    #641963
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Ames, please realize that I am not against government programs to help people – I am against people not trying to do their best and accepting services that wouldnt be needed if they got a job. There is a MAJOR distinction.

    But, I agree. No one should be paying for anything of mine. If I am on scholarship, I don’t think I should have cleaning help (barring extreme circumstances). And, if I go on scholarship, I would get rid of my gardener (probably one of the hardest things for me). I would also get rid of my cable TV ($30/month) but would need to keep my internet (my husband works from home sometimes and I am required to have access to my work). But do we really need a home phone line? Weboth have cell phones (on a family plan with my family so it costs $20/month for two of us) but I’m not sure…thats another $30/month…

    Tzippi, I’m impressed you view it as a loan – most people I’ve spoken to don’t see it that way. I don’t know how many children you have, but would you see it differently if you had ten kids to put through school? If your school only charges $5,000, thats $50,000/year and then 12 years (at least) is $600,000 – is that something you could even think of repaying?? As for clothing, I agree – I think I spent $150 on clothing last year and that included new sneakers, and some work c lothes. I am not even sure I topped $100. BUt plenty of people spend that on one outfit.

    Nobody, if you can technically afford to pay the tuition, should you ask for a reduction? My question was a little tongue in cheek – I don’t think most people would sacrifice a yeshiva education for anything nowadays.

    #641964
    Joseph
    Participant

    ames, gut gefregt!

    #641965
    lesschumras
    Participant

    How many people who are in their own business prepared to be totally honest with the scholarship committee? For that matter, why does tuition cost SJSnyc $12-15000 per child when the COMBINED tuition for my two grandchildren in Staten Island is $15,000?

    One of the reasons that my daughter chose S.I. was because tution at Merkaz Hatorah was half the tuition of Yeshivas suburban areas.

    The suburban school district where I live educates 4900 students, maintains a high school, middle school, 5 elementary schools, an outdoor athletic complex ( football, soccer,baseball, tennis,track ) 25 varsity and 15 junior varsity teams, a band, and a full range of labs and academic courses. In addition, the district provides free bus transportation to any school age child to any school ( including yeshivas ) within 20 miles. They do all this at a cost of $14,900 per child. Why should a yeshiva that provides a fraction of these services charge the same or more? ( I know yeshivas carry a double schedule but they don’t provide anything near the teacher pay scale or benefits that the district does ).

    #641966
    cantoresq
    Member

    It should be ever apparent that the current model of funding yeshivot is no longer working. The chasm between the “haves” and the “have nots” is growing ever larger, the proportion of people who require tuition assistance is growing, and the wealthy of the community are as wealthy as they once were. At the same time, tuitions and other costs are RISING. Already we see attempts at finding other ways to provide Jewish education. The charter school in Florida and the Hebrew language track in the Englewood public schools are examples. The Jewish Week has run a number of stories about mainstream Orthodox families who are opting out of yeshiva for their children due to the huge cost. The problem will only grow worse. I for one, foresee a return to Orthodox children attending public schools are supplemental Talmud Torahs. While there will always be people who are totally committed to yeshivas education for their children, Orthodox will have to make room for children who parents either can’t afford such and education or are unwilling to sacrifice beyond a certain point to pay for it. For the sake of this discussion, I’ll posit a question I’ve been mulling in my head for a few years. Like many people, i can barely afford the tuition for my two children in school, When our youngest starts school, our oldest will be starting high school. I have no idea how I’ll pay for it. My wife and I don’t live high at all, and there is very little, if any fat, to trim from our lifestyle. There is no doubt that we need to increase our income. I am a trained chazzan. Would I be allowed to take a cantorial position in a Conservative congregation to pay tuition?

    #641967
    Joseph
    Participant

    cantor, it is assur to even enter a conservative church.

    #641968
    chofetzchaim
    Member

    Reading SJSinNYC’s opening post reminded me of this Jewish Economic Survey.

    #641969
    moish01
    Member

    not so pushut, joseph.

    i remember seeing a rav moshe somewhere on this. he was asked if it’s muttar to teach children in a conservative shul and he answered that it’s not assur, but if there’s another choice it’s better not because of “kedoshim tihyu.” he wouldn’t answer the question, though – he sent them to Philadelphia to ask the rabbonim there. (i think there was a second question too, like if the building had a separate entrance or something. can’t remember – look it up.)

    #641971
    yossiea
    Participant

    nobody,

    I don’t think you can use maaser money for school, even for a girl’s education. Artscroll has a book called “Laws of Tzedakkah and Maaser” and it discusses it. IIRC, R’ Moshe said that since school is now an obligation you can’t deduct tuition from maaser.

    (This is assuming you even hold maaser is applicable today. If it is, then you have to be 100% certain that your maaser funds are going to a maaser approved course.)

    #641972
    tzippi
    Member

    There’s a difference between teaching in a conservative building if given autonomy (and entering just the education wing for those who are machmir) and acting as chazzan. Re Cantoresque, no shame in asking for a tuition break under the circumstances.

    #641973
    moish01
    Member

    tzippi, that was just in response to joseph’s blanket statement.

    (ok, and to show off to joseph that i remember something else… ha jk!)

    #641974
    Jothar
    Member

    There are those who mattir teaching in a conservative synagogue, but it’s definitely something discouraged even by the mattirim. I assume nobody would tell you to get a job there to pay tuition.

    But yes, plenty of people to cheat the tuition committees, which is why they have become so mch more invasive now. One of my rabbeim mentioned that in a certain school, someone came in to the tuition meeting driving a jalopy and listing his address as a run-down building. turns out he owned the building in question, and borrowed the car from his janitor. When confronted, he paid the full tuition, and later gave the school a large donation.

    Yeshivas are a necessity. They definitely come before paying for kollel.

    #641975
    cantoresq
    Member

    Joseph, I expected as much from you. And I tend to agree with you that it would be wrong for me to become a cantor in a Conservative synagogue. But the issue here is not necesarily between choosing between wrong and right; it’s choosing the lesser of two evils. What is worse, becoming a cantor in such a synagogue, or my children not having a yeshiva education? The High Holidays in the overflow service in such a synagogue could cover about half my tuition needs. One might say that by doing so, I would, by example, subvert the values taught my children in yeshiva so what’s the point of the whole excercise. That’s the point I’m caught up in. But, conversly, why is ministering in a Conservative synagogue worse than those amongst us who cheat on their taxes or do other morally compromised things to afford the frum lifestyle? I envy you Joseph. You clearly are not financially challenged and don’t have to worry about such issues. It’s very easy for you to blithly dismiss the dilemmas of others.

    #641976
    cantoresq
    Member

    In respose to tzippi’s suggestion that I ask for a tuition break, I’m not eligible. My wife and I make a combined six figure income. But we bought our house at the top of the market, and have a big mortgage (not a big house, just a big mortgage). We can’t re-finance it as we’re upside down given the reverses in the market. Additionally, in times of less income, we did accumulate considerable debt, which we’re are paying off. But on paper, given our incomes, the yeshiva would not give us a break. There are others in worse shape than us seeking the breaks.

    #641977
    Joseph
    Participant

    cantoresq – your assumptions are completely misguided.

    ames – “gut gefregt” effectively means good question! (with the exclamation point.) 🙂

    #641978
    tzippi
    Member

    Six figures disqualifies you? Six figures, like 103,000 doesn’t go too far.

    #641979
    cantoresq
    Member

    Joseph, I don’t think my assumptions are misguided at all. It is only someone who does not at all share in the tough decisions most people have to make that can be so pugnaciously devoid of all empathy. Time and again you demonstrate on this blog that you don’t at all relate to the issues concerning others. Since I assume that in your “real life” you are no different than you appear here, I believe that you are not challenged in your frumkeit the way others here are. Your complete lack of empathy indicates it.

    #641980
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Ames, my husband and I both make professional salaries. Combined, we have a six figure salary. Much to Tzippis shock, it really doest go very far in the area I live in. Remember, 3 kids at $12,000 tuition is $36,000 after tax (Which is roughly $55,000 pre-tax). Then add in a mortgage (typically in my area its about $3000 between the mortgage and property taxes which are around $12,000/year) and thats another $36,000. You are already at $91,000, havent taken off maaser or bought food, clothing, commuting costs, medical/car/life insurance,utiliites…I completely understand Cantoresq’s dilemma because I know for me, its the debate to have more children or not.

    Also, Kollel is not a career- its a lifestyle choice, and a luxury. Its the same as being a stay at home mom. If you cannot afford the tuition, a stay at home mom should either go to work (assuming day care and commuting costs mean that she will earn something extra over the year – even if its just $1,000) or make a major time contribution like Oomis. Its unfortunate that others don’t seeit this way – if they did, tuition would likely come down because more people can pay full tuition. Tuition is constantly raised to cover the cost of other kids whos parents cannot afford it. Perhaps tuition boards should come up with a list of things you have to get rid of to qualify.

    Yossiea – my husband had asked and was told he could use a portion of maaser money, and I’m not the only person that I know of that was told this (granted, even using partial maaser doesnt even come close…). Just ask your LOR.

    #641982
    cantoresq
    Member

    SJSinNYC’s description of her life, is pretty close to mine. Part of why my wife and I decided to stop having children after three was the economics of it. There is no doubt in my mind that yeshiva education will become completely unaffordable to me, if costs all round keep rising. I expect that within two or three years, unless some relief comes my way, either my children will not be in yeshiva, or I will have recieved a heter to be the cantor of a non-Orthodox congregation. I can’t work more during the week, and the only other money making skill I have is my voice.

    #641983
    tzippi
    Member

    SJS, I am not shocked. That was my point exactly to the poster who seemed to imply that in that school, parents with a six figure income weren’t eligible for a scholarship.

    And BTW, what leads many people to leave or not start out with kollel is the preference for the mother to stay at home, or be there for an important chunk of time.

    #641984
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Ames, I didn’t say Kollel is “the easy way out of responsibility” just that it is a luxury. Learning Torah is not a luxury, but spending all day learning with someone else’s support IS a luxury (even if its your wife). I am not sure if you are offended for Kollel men or housewives though – in today’s day and age, being a housewife is a luxury.

    Is it fair for you to stay home with your kids and get a break on tuition, when I am out of the house 11 hours a day to pay my tuition bill? No, you should get a job or find some way to make a major contribution to the school. I would love to be a stay at home mom – but there is absolutely no way (if you include Yeshiva tuition) that I can afford it.

    I am not placing the blame of the cost of education on Kollel families in the slightest – the schools I am choosing between don’t really have many kollel families in it (and since they are likely YU Kollel families, chances are the women have good educations and can make good salaries) and the tuition is still astronomical. I personally think its people not giving up their luxuries to pay for school thats a problem.

    Cantoresq, I am sorry you are going through that. I am not quite up to that stage yet – we still only have one (a boy), with one of the way. But the economics make me wonder that if this is a girl, am I going to stop?

    #641985
    squeak
    Participant

    Of course it doesn’t cost 12-15K per child. Your tuition figure is a result of the yeshiva administration’s decision to make a “pay by income” system. Most yeshivos do this. If we assume that 50% of parents are going to ask for a tuition break, then we need to make up the money from the other parents. Raising the bar means that you are forced to pay for others unless you want to show your books. I think this above all else gets peoples’ ire up, especially since yeshivos are far from forthright about their own balance sheets.

    Do the math – even if yeshivos pay great wages and have medium sized classes, cost per child can be kept to $7K or less. But they don’t pay great, and classes are often oversized. So tuition could be even less. Don’t argue with me about this until you can prove otherwise with numbers. Do the math. Anything on top of the actual per child cost is forced subsidy of other children. This is unfortunate because 1) Parents should told that they are subsidizing because of EMES 2) Parents should be told that they are subsidizing so that they will be able to count the amount of the subsidy as tax deductible and 3) Parents are forced to open up their books to the yeshiva administration even if they are willing to pay what should be considered full tuition.

    In other words, since yennem is not paying tuition and you are forced to subsidize, you are forced to open your books even if you can pay what it costs for your child and no more.

    My suggestion about revamping the current administration system (which I have posted about twice here) should be taken seriously as a way to reduce costs and bring honesty and Rabbinic oversight to our yeshivos. This would help with keeping yeshiva affordable and sustainable.

    #641986
    Jothar
    Member

    In Joseph’s defense, he’s a yeshiva guy, and clearly a younger one at that. Every expense of his is paid for by Tattie. He was never challenged in his emunah and bitachon by a checkbook that doesn’t balance. His youth also prevents him from fully comprehending. I know- I used to be the same guy, both as a bachur and as a kollel guy, before I started working. It’s a lot easier to have bitachon when there is no yetzer hara not to. I grew up with my father in kollel, so I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle. And even so, it’s hard to make ends meet.

    #641987
    cantoresq
    Member

    It would be so nice if I could blame the high tutiion cost on Kollel families who get a reduction. But the truth is the school my children attend has no kollel families in it. (although it should now be obvious that a critical mass of kollel yngeleit is something the community can no longer afford to subsidize). Indeed the school does a remarkable job at fundraising and recently put up a 35,000 square foot building without implementing a building fund or any other surcharge. It doesn’t have a mandatory dinner, nor does is there a counterfeit money . . .er scrip obligation. I would be shocked to learn of any fiscal dishonesty on the part of the administration. The fact is that it costs money, a lot of money to educate children. The other fact, is I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to afford it. So something’s got to give.

    #641988
    Joseph
    Participant

    Jothar, Every single point and assumption you made is completely incorrect. Every one. Lock, stock, and barrel.

    #641989
    Joseph
    Participant

    squeak, how do the Chasidishe Yeshiva’s have (relatively speaking) dirt cheap tuition rates? Even Chaim Berlin’s (etc.) “rack rates” are below your assumptions.

    #641990
    Joseph
    Participant

    Birth control, for financial reasons, is assur.

    #641991
    cantoresq
    Member

    Joseph, certain yeshivot charge less because they offer less. I have a number of friends who send their children to a certain school in my area simply because it’s cheaper. These people know that the school offers a sub-stanfard secular education than other options, but feel they have no choice. I for one would not send my children to that school. My decision is not based on the sub-standard secular education, but rather my sense of integrity. The school in question has a television contract that all parents are required to sign. Many who sign it, maintain their televisions despite their commitment to not have one. Certain other families do that and also lie about their lifestyle. The wives have a sheitle to wear to school events, but otherwise go with their hair uncovered. I have two televisions in my home and do not hide it. My wife does not cover her hair, except in schul, and I make no pretense about it. I see no point in lying or pretneding to be something I am not in order to send my children to yeshiva. Should it come to it, I’d rather officiate in a Conservative synagogue, tell my children that I have no choice but to compromise my religious obervance in this way in order to send them to yeshiva, than lie; something that cannot be justified or explained to children so that it makes sense. My hope is that the honesty I display will carry the day. I hope you never have to make that choice. But I assure you if you do, I would never condemn you for your decision.

    #641992
    squeak
    Participant

    Joseph, I don’t understand your question that was directed to me. I said I can see how to make tuition cheaper.

    The self-appointed authority with which you make so many of your blanket statements (including the other two of your posts above) is why people aren’t able to take you seriously.

    #641993
    Joseph
    Participant

    cantor, yet these Yeshiva’s that you state are offering less produce Bnei Torah of a far higher caliber than the high-priced schools you feel offer more. You may dispute this, yet it is a truism that deep down we both know is the case.

    #641994
    Will Hill
    Participant

    I find it disgusting that some people can say they limit their child bearing based on tuition costs. I remind all, this is a Torah based site.

    #641995
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Joseph, I really disagree that schools that “are offering less produce Bnei Torah of a far higher caliber than the high-priced schools you feel offer more.” Many of the kids go from MO high schools to study in amazing schools in Israel, come back and lead lives of true Bnei Torah. They may differ in path (MO vs what you are), but it doesnt make them any less observant.

    To Will Hill or Joseph – are you willing to pay the tuition for my extra children? Or pay for their food and clothing and diapers? Or carry the pregnancies (I have very uncomfortable ones)? Or get up every two hours for months on end to feed/diaper the baby? Sometimes its so easy for men to talk – ** The remainder for this post has been deleted…..YW Moderator-39**

    #641996

    The topic here is money towards yeshivas. We are not here to discuss the struggles of raising children, nor what roles men and women have in their upbringing. If you are arguing you are not having children because of money, say so. There is no need to delve into the work entailed that comes with a newborn.

    If the responsibilities of the newborn is your reason, please save us the speech about taking from tzeddaka, as, admittedly, it is not your defense.

    #641997
    aaaa
    Participant

    SJSinNYC I have been following some discussions here without posting and I totally agree with you about tuition. BUT do not think that by deciding to have less children it will improve your financial situation. A person is judged on Rosh Hashana how rich or poor he will be that year irrelevant of how many children he has.

    Someone came to the Steipler Zt”l and said that he does not want anymore children, he has enough problems with the three kids he has. The Steipler answered him that a person gets a certain amount of tzoros in his lifetime so either you will have your alot tzoros from three kids or your tzoros can be spread out amongst five six or seven kids hence each problem is smaller and less painful since there are more of them. But a HKB”H does not decide how many tzoros a person will have by the number of children he has.

    Remember the words of Chazal “Bo tinoik le’oilam vekitzva beyadoi.

    #641998
    cantoresq
    Member

    Joseph, the point you raise is irrelevant to this conversation. While you happen to be wrong, I would be unwilling to resort to dishonesty to send my children to those schools even if you were right.

    #641999
    kiruvwife
    Member

    To answer the above thread topic-a yeshiva education is worth our heritage. In my profession, the MAIN distinction between those who have a solid link to their Jewish Heritage, and those that worry daily whether their kids will marry someone Jewish, is the education they received.

    The overwhelming majority of jewish children that receive a jewish education, and I would venture to say, 99.9% of those children that receive an authentic Torah education do not have to worry about the future lineage of their family.

    I don’t have enough room here to expound on the countless stories I have of families who lament over the fact that they didn’t send their children to a Jewish Torah day school. The regret is enormous, and the pain they live with is sometimes immeasurable.

    My humble suggestion to those out their who are eeking out the money to pay for tuition, and especially those that cut back on cleaning help and extras, the dividends for that are eternal. It’s worth every ounce of effort, and if we put forth the effort truly l’shem shomayim Hashem will make sure that we will give the guarantors of His Torah that which we promised thousands of years ago.

    #642001
    Jothar
    Member

    aaa, the exact words are ba zachar leolam upito beyado, as opposed to a girl. The mefarshim say this is because a boy can work the fields, earning his keep.

    #642002
    kiruvwife
    Member

    cantoresq-I see how important a Torah education is to you and your family. I don’t really know you or your total picture, but I would suggest strongly that you do not go to a Conservative synagogue as a cantor.

    Hashlech al Hashem ye’hvacha v’Hu ye’chalkelecha. Hashem can do anything-Surely Hashem sees your sincerity and I give you a brocha that you not have to compromise your religious standards.

    #642003
    JayMatt19
    Participant

    I have been trying my hardest to stay away from this topic of conversation. However, there is something I must say. This sounds like the same conversation people had 60 years ago just replace the topic of “yeshivos” with “keeping shabbos”. There were also ‘ehrlich’, ‘frum’ and ‘heimish’ people then who felt they couldn’t afford to keep Shabbos (and, unfortunately chose not to).

    I’d go on, but I am trying to avoid being drawn into this conversation

    #642004
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    From Coke Classic topic:

    gavra_at_work

    Member

    I don’t understand. Why does Kollel mean not paying full tuition?

    According to economic theory, the ones who need the product the most will pay the most for it (Demand curve). As such, since the kollel families are the ones who are least likely to send their children to public school, the yeshivas should charge them more and they will have to pay it, as opposed to the non-kollel families who have another choice (public school, breakaways (since they have capital to start up a new school) or homeschooling (as one parent may not work, or it may not be worthwhile due to tuition payments)?

    Just a pet peeve of mine, even though it will never happen.

    side point: we have no idea whos learing is more chashuv in the eyes of Hashem, and it would be terrible to tell anyone that they can’t sit and learn if they want to do so.

    Posted 5 days ago #

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