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The diabetes thread often has discussion about it being hard to date with diabetes.
So, lads and lasses who are dating or were recently. Would you date someone with diabetes? If not, why?
should not the question posed be whether one would knowingly marry (rather than date) someone with diabetes?
Your talking Type 1 here. Right Popa?
Type II- definitely no problem as long as they are managing it.
Type I- is a bit more serious, but I think if it’s being dealt with properly it should be fine. (However, I wonder now whether it affects childbearing.)
A23- It does not affect childbearing.
Why do you feel that type 2 is less of a problem?
Type 1 – A virus attacks the pancreas and destroys its ability to produce insulin. People with type 1 need to make up for their pancreas by injecting synthetic insulin. As long as they are in control of their diabetes and with hashem’s help they will not suffer any consequences later on in life. Type 1 diabetes is usually diagnosed in children or teenagers. It is not proven to be hereditary.
Type 2- Usually in people with genetic predispositions,overweight/obese. Body produces insulin but is either insufficient or the body does not respond to insulin properly. usually controlled with meds or diet. Usually diagnosed in adults (or extremely obese children nowadays.)
whats wrong with dating someone with diabetes?
fedup- Nothing! 🙂
A23 i think you have it mixed up!! type 1 has nothing to do with genetics and people with it (like myself) lead perfectly normal lives and could eat wtvr we want as much as we want and could do anything!! my pregnancies will prob be healthier than normal women’s!! type 2 in my opinion is a different story! do your research and you prob will agree!
fedup- i agree but for some reasons a lot of boys/their mothers are too scared of the word diabetes and dont even look into anything so they just say no deal to anyone who is not “perfect” even though we are all fabulous girls!
cofeefan- wat about girls dating boys withy diabetes?
fedup- same difference!
it bothers me that some ppl wont date someone because that persons parent or a sibling has diabetes
it bothers me too fedup11210!! its really not fair because in addition to having to deal with the diabetes we have to deal with people’s ignorance and fear of it!!! it makes me really sad sometimes!
I would have no problem dating someone with diabetes. Happens to be I know quite a bit about it and how to take care of someone who has it if chas v’shalom they would need it. I have heard that there is a connection between childbearing and diabetes in that one can develop diabetes during/after childbirth (one of my sisters did)
😀 Zuberman! 😀
yossi- thats a different type of diabetes called gestational diabetes. a lot of people develop it.
we should ttly make a shidduch with you and some of the girls in the diabetes support group thread if you say you have no prob with it! we’re all looking for boys that are normal thinkers like you lol!
i see no problem dating someone with diabetes. maybe its because i have a few close relatives with diabetes (types 1 and 2) that i realize that it is not a very disabling condition. people trying to lose weight can be on stricter diets than a person with diabetes!
That is probably one of the problems with shidduch dating. If two people meet on their own and like each other they usually don’t find these things out until they have already become friends and realize they want more than a friendship. By that time they know the whole person and don’t look at them as a disease. It just comes along with the territory.
On the other hand, with shidduch dating, you turn over every stone to get the scoop on the prospect and their family so if one toe is longer than the other you will know about it and nix the shidduch.
We are illogical when it comes to these things. Hashem can give us these nisyonos at any time. He can give it to anyone even to a perfect couple with no signs of illness before a wedding and poof someone gets sick after a wedding and has to deal with the same thing. We are truly blinded by perfection and do not have enough bitachon and emunah to know and understand that Hashem has our zivig picked out for us and some may come with bumps and bruises, not everyone is a perfect peach.
Like in most shidduch cases, a girl with diabetes is in a different boat than a boy with diabetes.
It is so hard for any girl to get dates nowadays, I can only imagine how much harder it is for girls with diabetes.
On the other hand, boys usually have lists as tall as them (actually probably taller, since I find that frum boys are usually pretty short!) A boy with diabtetes may just have a shorter list, but I am sure they still get dates.
don’t even get me started…its so dumb! and its so annoying! ppl with diabetes are totallly normal, can have healthy kids..and type 1 is for sure not hereditary! I wish ppl would start to understand that everyone has nisyanos, and the fact that you know the prospective shidduch’s nisayon right off the bat, shouldnt make you more nervous. if anything, it should alleviate your worries that they’re being open and telling you what they have…
If you are considering a shidduch with someone living with diabetes and want to learn more about diabetes, an excellent resource is Rabbi Meisels of “Friends With Diabetes” (google it).
Once you clear up all your ignorance surrounding diabetes, you can make intelligent inquiries.
aries2756:
You may not like shidduch dating. That’s fine. Please do realize that the divorce rate is much lower amoungst those who do shidduch dating. People meeting on their own may be more “open minded” about whom they date (and marry), but are much more closed minded about with whom they STAY married to.
Cofeefan: go ahead if you can! No joke especially if this means that they will be getting a shidduch and no I don’t mean it in the way of a sympathy date. I am serious that there is no good reason why I shouldn’t date/marry such a girl
😀 Zuberman! 😀
yossi i would ttly do it!! what you looking for? what do you do? how old are you? etc
TBT, did I say I don’t like shidduch dating? Where did I say that??????? Do you know the problem with assuming?
BTW, where do you get your statistics on divorce? You talk about it a lot. Please bring a source that shows that shidduch marriages last longer (just because you threw it out there).
Cofeefan: I’ll give you the “list” in a second but how would you pull off setting us up? I mean, I am not that hard to find …
These “lists” are not in any particular order
I am:
-19
-a handyman specializing in carpentry and design
-one who appreciates and enjoys learning
-family oriented
-open minded
*these next ones are from others’ descriptions*
-mature
-responsible
-capable
-personable
-fun/enjoyable
-caring
-helpful
-kind
What I am looking for:
-someone who my description would complement.
-someone my age though she can be older just not by too much
How was that?
I have a feeling that this conversation should be moved over to the what are you looking for thread …
😀 Zuberman! 😀
lol yossi i have no idea how to pull this off! but you sound like a nice guy! (though 19 is young! we’re all in our 20s…..) so what next?! lol this is sooo not my type!
As someone who married a diabetic, I guess I’d have some opinion…
The night he told me (on a date), a married sibling said they would say no without question. I called my rav and he said, “There are many diabetics and few bnei torah.”
I won’t lie and tell you it’s the easiest disease and well controlled. Sometimes it is and other times, it isn’t. There will be times (i.e. highs or lows) when they can’t function up to capacity. There are higher medical bills. Sometimes, you may be at a simcha or out or having fun where you will need to stop for supplies or mechanical failures of equipment or simple inability to concentrate.
But when asked would I do it again? Without a second thought.
Cofeefan: what’s not your type? To be setting people up and such? Maybe see if you can get the mods involved? Lol
😀 Zuberman! 😀
I would have no problem with type I, it isn’t genetic.
aries: You have to understand that some people are very insecure about their culture and will automatically launch into a defensive rant any time that somebody mentions an aspect of any one of their cultural practices that isn’t a bed of roses. Don’t take it personally.
Not taking it personally just making a point.
ye yossi i never usually would be so forward! heehee! lets see what happens i guess!
What you said on the support group thread is one way to do it. As I said, I am not that hard to find and if you have the person make the connection themselves (via you directing to this thread) then viola! We can meet!
Imagine if anything actually happens … Lol
Oh and my name really is yossi (last name zuber)
😀 Zuberman! 😀
if only yossi would be a little older….anyone older that thinks like him?!
I am married to a diabetic. If I knew what I know now before, I got married, I think things would be different. I would be absolutely terrified to marry a Diabetic. Diabetes is a horrible disease. My spouse has every single problem that can come from diabetes. You name, they have it. Heart problems, Diabetic ulcers, amputations, eye problems, Kidney problems…circulation problems, infertilty issues.
I am suffering big time, along with them. My spouse, probably had it since they were younger, because the damage was from years and years of being undiagonised. They watch themselves now, but too little to late. The damage is done and irreparable.
How do I go on, well, I realize Hashem is the one who gave me this test. Being healthy prior to marriage is no guarantee, that a person won’t get sick with some other illnesses after marriage. And, as much I can’t take it anymore, I feel that Ches Va’shalom someone gets sick, wouldn’t you want someone to be there to take care of you. I look at it, that it’s my opportunity to do chesed. Chesed does begin at home and taking care of an ill person is a big Chesed. Thinking this way is the only way I can handle the situation Hashem has placed me in. I sincerely pray, that all of you, should never know from what my spouse goes through constantly.
aries2756
TBT, did I say I don’t like shidduch dating? Where did I say that???????
What are you saying here?
That is probably one of the problems with shidduch dating. If two people meet on their own and like each other they usually don’t find these things out until they have already become friends and realize they want more than a friendship. By that time they know the whole person and don’t look at them as a disease. It just comes along with the territory.
On the other hand, with shidduch dating, you turn over every stone to get the scoop on the prospect and their family so if one toe is longer than the other you will know about it and nix the shidduch.
We are illogical when it comes to these things.
BTW, where do you get your statistics on divorce? You talk about it a lot. Please bring a source that shows that shidduch marriages last longer (just because you threw it out there).
Lets see. What is the divorce rate in Western society? 44-55%
Is that true about those who go through Shidduch dating?
mods, please delete mazal’s post. it is very disturbing, and there’s no reason for it to be here. i can not believe what she said here. Think before you speak!
There is nothing wrong with what she said. You can disagree, but I fail to see the need for censorship
aries2756
TBT, did I say I don’t like shidduch dating? Where did I say that???????
What are you saying here?
That is probably one of the problems with shidduch dating. If two people meet on their own….
On the other hand, with shidduch dating, you turn over every stone to get the scoop on the prospect and their family so if one toe is longer than the other you will know about it and nix the shidduch.
don’t set yossi up with a girl with diabetes just because he said he would go out with her. if you know someone who seems like a good match and they could support each other in their avodas Hashem, etc. Meaning if set him up, set him up because it’s a good idea for him, not just because it’s a good idea for her to date someone without a physical ailment.
I hate to burst your bubble rebetsin, coffeefan, allsgr8, but as a diabetic myself(type1) for 27 years, i can say, yes, we do leed normal lives, we are normal like any other people, but pregnancies are defenitely not the same! They are hard before and during! You have to be very very strict the whole 9 months, and start with an a1c of 6.5.(and that’s not easy)
And can you imagine taking care for 10+ kids AND managing your diabetes?!?
You’re right, marrying healthy is not a garanty for life, but to start with a diebetic female is not a kindershpiel!
mazal77, I guess you’re talking about type2, that’s a different story altogether.
binahyeseira- i know dont worry it was all meant in a joking manner!!
mazal-im gonna assume youtalking about type 2 so that doesnt apply to me.
tralala- i know its hard and i didnt think it would be a normal pregnancy but i don’t think diabetes will stop me from having children.and when i asked my doc about it she said i could have as many as i want but its gonna be a very controled pregnancy and i have to be careful and in perfect control before during and after but i am very very scared for the whole thing. so i guess i decided to live in a bubble until it gets closer.
i just hope the world knows that what mazal was referring to is TYPE 2 DIABETES! its a totally different situation than type 1 diabetes (which is juvenile diabetes). Assuming that the people you are dating are in their low 20’s..and are not obese, chances are they have type 1 diabetes.
For those of you here who jumped on the shidduchim bandwagon (thanks cofeefan for starting it lol), I started a thread on the topic of getting shidduchim started here within our own CR. Popa brought up a good point and I wanted to see what y’all (no I am not southern lol) have to say.
😀 Zuberman! 😀
My sister has joined the shidduch world as of last month and has been a type 1 diabetic since she was young- I have gotten to know as much as one can about it (I thought I might also get it- who knows). I think she is more worried about not finding a shidduch because of diabetes than the diabetes itself.
Some things to keep in mind:
1) Diabetes does NOT = serious medical issues. I know someone living with diabetes for over 50 years with no issues from diabetes. Negative effects of diabetes VASTLY differ from person to person for all sorts of reasons.
2) Genetics play a role- some people have diabetes and do not develop issues even if their blood sugars could be better because of good genes (though doctors still cant pin-point this gene, but all agree genes play a role).
3) Advances in technology have made taking care of diabetes much easier.
4) The publicity about diabetes and the complications that it causes are often exaggerated/misleading in order to increase funding.
I hope bumping this thread doesn’t hurt her shidduch chances, and it shouldn’t.
There you go!
@mazal77: After reading your post I got so worked up that you could post something like that after reading the other posts before yours. Then I thought about it and realized that painting the world of diabetes as simple and great is misleading. And I’m sorry you’re going through what you are going through.
However, you could have toned it down a bit. You could have mentioned the TYPE of diabetes and how long it took until it was actually diagnosed.
I have relatives with TYPE 1 diabetes and they live completely normal lives. They are all married, have children, and are functioning like everyone else does. Yes, they have to monitor what they eat and how much they eat. But don’t we all to some extent? Yes, they have to be extra careful during pregnancies, more so than the average woman.
Your post is understandable but comes on a bit strong. Although you are going through a hard time, please try to tone it down a bit so that you don’t scare others who are open to accept diabetics in their lives.
@binahyeseira: I hear what you are saying about not setting someone up with a diabetic just because they are accepting of diabetics.
However, I do disagree with you a bit in that if someone is open and accepting to a specific thing, yes, shidduchim should be suggested from that “pool”. If someone said (s)he was open to marrying a person of color, why wouldn’t you suggest someone of color? There are so many prejudice people out there who are ignorant/afraid of the possibility of dating someone who is not “perfect” (well who is perfect?!) and there are so few accepting, warm, and loving people out there who are willing to consider them. Why take away those few options from this wonderful group of people with diabetes or people of color?!
@Tralala: You’re right to a certain extent. However, I’m surprised that this would come from someone with diabetes. If you are living a “normal” life (who’s really to say what’s normal? But lets use this term for now) with diabetes. Why would you discourage others from giving someone else in your shoes a chance?! In fact, someone who knows how to control their diabetes all their life, may be in a better position to deal with the ups and downs of their diabetes than other women who develop issues during pregnancies and have to learn on the spot how to deal with it. And someone with diabetes who is having a hard time dealing with so many children, should speak to a rav. Just as any other woman without diabetes would!
@rebbitzen: It’s nice to see someone advocate for those being pushed down.
@newbee: love that you bumped this thread! I didn’t even realize how old this thread was until i read your post!
I think that Mazal is correct. Diabetes is a serious illness. Like lupus, severe food allergies, psychiatric illness, or deafness, it can be controlled or compensated for.
If you want people to date people with diabetes, you have to acknowledge that it is a serious issue that affects every day functioning in an all-encompassing way.
I would be more worried about my child dating someone with diabetes who had the attitude “It’s not a big deal, I more or less have it controlled, don’t worry about future issues.”
I would be less worried about my child dating someone with diabetes who said, “Look, I know diabetes is a serious disease. I live a life of self-discipline and have it well-controlled for many years. I hope this will minimize the long term effects and I check with a doctor every time I notice something minor. The rest is in Hashem’s hands.”
mazal77 – I hope you see this.
Although your last posted four years ago on this topic, I just happened to read it. I hope your situation is not worse than it was back then. Your post is on target. You deserve and will receive a lot for managing and caring and loving; not everyone is able to handle it.
Some spouses do not become involved and that can be tragic for the diabetic. The illness is the cause of severe depression and this escalates the diabetic’s condition.
Its irrational to say- “should I date this person or not because he or she is a diabetic.”.
Every person, diabetic or not, has to be viewed individually. Diabetes varies ENORMOUSLY between people. People tent not to differentiate though, and if they know of one person who suffers from complications from diabetes- thats all they will focus on.
“i love that you bumped this thread! I didn’t even realize how old this thread was until i read your post!”
To be honest I was kind of worried about bumping it. People are not going to be rational about this, and think all diabetics are the same, when every case can be totally different. People will just focus on the fear and not bother dating- when in reality it could have made a great shidduch.
Saying silly things like “The illness is the cause of severe depression and this escalates the diabetic’s condition.” like it applies to all diabetics (or any for that matter) is why I was afraid of bumping the thread- it might backfire.
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