Wedding Checklist

Abie Rotenberg has a song called “The Wedding Song”, with an in depth descriptive discussion of exactly what you need.

These are the lyrics:

<phone call>

“Katz’s wedding consultant Agency”

“Hello Katz, this is Hershkoivitz”

“Ya ya Hershkoivitz, Feivel”

“Feivel Hershkoivitz, how are you Feivel”

“Boruch Hashem, vismachester reb yid”

“I’m fine, what can I do for you”

“I tell you the truth, I called because I get a big mazel tov, my daughter chanie became a kallah

“Ah mazel tov, that’s wonderful news , what can I do to help you”

“Well I tell you the the truth, I never made a chasunah before, and I need some advice for what I should I do”

“You came to the right person, come here boys, Mr. Hershkoivitz wants to know how to make a chasunah. Hit it!”

Well the first thing I must say is you’re going on display

And what will people think if the wedding isn’t nice

None of the neighbors on your block have to know you’re in hock

So no matter what it costs it’s worth the price

It’s worth the price, it’s worth the price

Now the kallah’s wedding gown should be the talk of the town

Designed from top to bottom just for her

And although it will be June when the heat can make you swoon

Make sure you buy your wife a real nice fur

No your guests will not be bored when they see that smorgasbord,

With chopped liver piled up to the sky.

And the band that you bring in should have 16 violins,

Each one in a white tuxedo and black tie.

The wine I’m sure know it has to be French Bordeaux,

Brought in on a shining silver tray.

And the flowers don’t forget should be Holland’s very best,

Flown in on the Concorde that same day.

The main course I wont fib must be succulent prime rib

Thick and juicy filling up the plate

Never mind the calories bring on the table Viennese,

The next morning they can starve to watch their weight

The photographer should know how to shoot a video

Everyone invited gets their very own cassette

And no bentchers – that’s old hat you can do better than that

Why not give a brand new shas to every guest

<phone interruption>

You’re a mishiga Katz, that’s not what I had in mind”

“So what did you have in mind Mr. Hershkoivitz?”

“I wanted something a little little bit more modest”

“I can’t hear you”

“I said I wanted something a little bit more modest”

“Oh, you want modest? That’s ok, no problem.”

So on the invitation write, in a ways that’s real polite,

That the women should dress tznius, “if you pelase”,

Because we’re dealing with a crowd, that is also very proud,

Of how it keeps the laws of modesty.

<phone hangs up>

“So Hershkoivitz what do you say, we got a deal

sirvoddmort are u british?

sirvoddmort are u british?

Was there anything in this thread that made you think so, or is it a general observation?

There’s nothing brilliant in US? And how do you spell favour there?

For those who are wondering, I am sure sirvoddmort wrote explicitly that he is a Brit on his football rant against the American copy of the game. Can somebody verify that?

I generally refrain from referring to myself in my posts, but I shall break from tradition in this instance and admit that CIJ’s assumption is correct, and yekke2 is similarly right, I believe I have alluded to this in the past. I don’t know how to link, but I’m sure yekke2 will oblige if he could find the relevant thread. I’ll bump one of the relevant threads just in case. And to clarify, I didn’t make my nationality explicitly clear, merely alluded to it in ways that made it blindingly obvious as to where I come from.

Soccer role model

Well… Not exactly blindingly obvious, now that you come to look at it. Let’s have a look:

“ Everyone calls it that, and, seeing how it more accurately describes our game than yours, and that we got there first… We still invented it, developed it…”

Firstly, the sport Football was actually invented in China centuries before England started playing it. It was called “cuju”, or “Tsu-Chu”. I haven’t done much research on the topic. but a cursory glance at my references seem to show this much. Which would lead one to think your were Chinese. And, even predating the Chinese – I once chanced upon one of the Rishonim Al HaTorah in Parshas Shemos/Vaeyra who speaks about the Egyptians playing ball games by the River Bank, and I am quite sure I decided that football was the most accurately described sport. So you could actually be Egyptian, as far as that post is concerned. [I’ll try find the source for the Rishon!]

And then the matter of “[We]are, right now, by far the best at using it” – there may be a problem with my computers calendar, but I highly doubt this post was written in 1966.

And whilst we are on the topic anyways – “You still call a sport involving very little foot action ‘football’. And no-ones answered that one yet.”

I don’t like doing this to you, but actually, the term “football” was not coined because of the foot-to-ball relationship which it quite accurately connotes, but because it is a game played with a ball while on foot. It was coming ?????? horseback, which is what many sports were played on once upon a time. Football doesn’t reference the action of kicking the ball, but rather the playing of ball while standing.

yekke2:

As you should know, I welcome the opportunity to field opposing views, so your contrition is unnecessary. I believe I have made myself clear in what is currently the last post on that forum, but I will attempt to answer you as concisely as possible

Firstly, what we are arguing over here is the right to use the word Football in this international forum, and whether the right belongs to the Americans or to the Rest of The World. Amongst themselves they may use whichever term they wish. It is when I am being prevented from using the word I wish to use is what I am arguing against. So I don’t see how anything you have said undermines my central argument.

Which is, as is made clear in the post referenced earlier, that as the ones who coined the language and the ones who were calling the sport which has the official name of Association Football ‘Football’ earlier than the American abomination was ever invented, it is the height of audacity to expect us to vary our speech to accommodate our colonial commoner cousins (Oooh, alliteration).

In simple terms, we’ve been calling it football for longer, so we shouldn’t have to change now. This point does not include any claim to have invented all games that involve a foot and a ball.

And whilst there were other games involving people running with spherical objects, including some that involved kicking, these were distant cousins of the modern game of Association Football. Virtually every significant component of the sport was codified and originated in Britain in the mid nineteenth century. These include the handball, the foul, the offside, the goalkeeper, and the goalposts as we know them. So the British can claim to have invented the sport known as Football, if not the combination of running and balls.

A spinoff of this sport was invented in Rugby School, and was named after it, Rugby Football. A cruder, later American version of this began in the USA around the turn of the century. And as for your point about the ‘Football’ not meaning kicking but being on foot, this appears to be a matter of debate. Nobody is actually sure which it means, but most actually agree with my interpretation. And in the unlikely scenario that you’re right about this, it still doesn’t undermine my central point.

And you obviously did not fully understand my quote of “Being by far the best at it”. I was referring at that point to the English language, not the game of Football.

Anyway, I do feel a bit bad for violating our own dictum and dragging the thread a bit off track #KTCRIM.