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As a Bais Yaakov girl who used to struggle I always wondered why boys have so many options-in town, out of town, shtark, more focused on learning, slightly harryish and many other labels you can come up with. Then comes at risk. There’s many schools for boys who came from completely frum homes who are struggling but want to see that connection with hashem and come closer. Why is it that there are no options like that for girls? Yes, I can name a few kiruv establishments but no respectable yeshivish family would ever send there, and if you are sent to those establishments its like your on the last stop of the train. There is scant a place for a girl who wants that connection but struggles to go. Every once in a while, when someone does open something of the sort it quickly goes sour- either the wrong girls come or the right girls mothers won’t send them because of shidduchim. We don’t have equal opportunities but sadly its a pretty much equal struggle just girls are told off and would never open up about it. How can we make it easier for the average Bais Yaakov girl to feel comfortable needing help? Because if they don’t get it, ultimately it causes a spiral. I know this because it happened to me and baruch Hashem with a lot of help from the right people I can say i BH do not have to deal with these kinds of issues for myself any longer. I would like to go into kiruv one day because I know I felt there was no one there for me. Lets be real, if you went and told your mechaneches you had a hard time, they’re suggesting you find a new school pretty quickly. Yes I had a sour experience and I’m not actively trying to be negative about this. I would just liek to see how we can approach this and make the future brighter for all of klal yisrael no matter their background or stage in life. Not looking for mussar this is a genuine shailah that really is not a joke and hits deep for a lot of people. Please do not turn this into regular coffee room shtus hocking calling everyone a feminist because you don’t know how to answer appropriately. I would like insightful commentary on how to deal with this.
I wonder if girls are less likely than boys to go OTD or become at-risk.
m.o.m:
That might depend on the community. In general, many communities have community-type BY schools, where they have all types (within the school’s standards). Also, one would think that the larger Jewish communities would have more options. Finally, I am not familiar with the schools, myself, but I thought there is at least one school (in NJ, as it happens) that does have what you describe.MadeOf: Struggling doesn’t necessarily define one as OTD or, even, at-risk.
why are girls complaining ……you own a designed roll and it seems you forgot to list ima sister grandmother daughter aunt and friend…..shame on you……..look in the mirror, your roll is listed in front of you if you looked
Madeofmeaning:
I totally agree with the point you’re making. I don’t live in the tristate area, where I live there’s only one main girls high school, where all the girls go. The girls from more relaxed families who were more openly different, got attention from the machaneches (Though sometimes unwanted) But the girls from good families are just expected to be good and no one notices, or chooses not to notice, if they are struggling as I was when I was in school. It reached the point I wasn’t doing anything right besides for dressing right, and no one knew or if they noticed they didn’t say anything at all.
Where I live, there are many yeshiva’s, each on another level, each suited to a type of boy. But for girls there are 2 options: To be in a BY system or not to be.
I definitely think there should be more options for the girls who need it.Ujm:
“Struggling doesn’t necessarily define one as OTD or, even, at-risk.”
True and thats why I think there should be more options for girls who are struggling and don’t go with the flow as many BY girls seem to do without any thought. There are places for girls who are OTD, but there needs to be a place for those who are struggling yet want to grow.Try speaking to the Troller mosdos, they have such a program
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